With Me (20 page)

Taking in the time, I realize it’s already close to dawn as I finally crawl into bed. The exhaustion of working through the night finally takes over my body, reminding me why I was supposed to take things easy. The moment my head hits the pillow I close my eyes and fall asleep, my mind going into a dreamless slumber.

I AWAKE THE next morning still feeling exhausted, but the couple of hours of sleep I’ve managed to get helped clear my mind. That is until I hear a deep voice coming from the kitchen area. My mind already recognizing it the minute I hear it. It’s soon followed by Josephina’s soft giggle. Knowing Joseph is here, after I told him last night not to return, makes me irritated. My entire night of relieving stress is completely gone.

Josephina most likely let him in this morning.

Forcing my body to sit up, it immediately notifies me it’s upset with me for not resting last night. My body feels stiff and sore, just as badly as it did the first couple of days I was in the hospital. I can already tell from the extreme discomfort, I will be punished for not listening when I was told to rest. Managing to finally get my body to sit up, I swing my legs over the side of the bed, but that’s proving more difficult than I’d thought with the tenderness.

Taking in a deep breath as I try to stand up, a sharp pain travels through my body, with an ache in my chest where the stitches used to be. It’s the primary source of the pain. I let out an excruciating groan as I wince. My body just as quickly collapses back down on the bed, causing me to sit on the mattress in defeat. I’m forced to take deep breaths to push the throbbing away. I’m so lost in the pain I don’t notice Joseph has rushed to my side and is now kneeling in front of me, his face looking worried and torn. He frantically rakes his hands over my body, as if searching for something.

“What’s wrong? Where are you in pain?” he asks, his voice matching his worried eyes. His hands reach for the hem of my shirt to lift it up and I quickly push them away, refusing to allow him to lift it.

“I’m fine,” I snap at him, more from a reaction of the pain than anything else.

Our eyes lock as I take in his concerned expression. “I only want to check your wound and make sure it hasn’t opened up,” he calmly states, already reaching for the hem of my shirt again.

“My wound is fine. I’m just sore.”

His lips go flat as his eyes narrow at me, as if he’s debating whether to argue with me or not. He sighs as his hands rest on the sides of my hips, lightly gripping me, as if to keep me from moving. I learned my lesson from my earlier attempt, my pain still reminding me of the mistake.

With his eyes gazing at me, the pain has now disappeared. It’s now replaced with the heat traveling through my body from his touch. It’s making my body come alive with excitement. The butterflied feeling is floating in my stomach as I close my eyes to allow the sensation to flow throughout my body.

Joseph’s sobered voice makes me open my eyes back up. “Kasey, please tell me what’s wrong? I can see it in your face that something is wrong,” he mumbles, also sounding worried, making me feel guilt ridden for making him feel this way.

It’s heartbreaking to see him this way. I hate how he can easily make me feel torn between staying angry with him and wanting to reassure him that he has nothing to worry about. If only I could tell him it’s not the physical pain that’s making me look this way, but the pain from wanting him so badly; knowing I have no chance at all.

Remembering he’s not supposed to be here in the first place, overcomes my thoughts. “What are you doing here, Joseph? I told you last night not to come around until you had the results for the test and I meant it. I refuse for you to be playing mind games with Josephina,” I angrily relay to him.

His face turns regretful as he deeply sighs. “You’re right, Kasey. There doesn’t need to be a test to prove that Josephina is my daughter. I don’t want one now, or ever. It was a mistake to ask for one. I should have never doubted that Josephina is my daughter,” he soberly states as he lifts his hand to tuck my hair behind my ear, our eyes deeply locked onto each other. “You would have never lied to me about something like that and I should have listened to my gut when it told me so,” he says, his voice laced with the pain matching his pleading expression, begging me to forgive him.

Regardless of how much he regrets asking for the test, I simply can’t forgive him for asking in the first place. Not yet. “You think it’s that easy? You change your mind and everything will go back to the way things were before? I don’t think I’ll ever forgive you for asking in the first place, Joseph,” I say, my blood already boiling. I allow it to take over, needing the reminder of why I’m angry with him in the first place.

His shoulders slump forward. He turns his head to look at Josephina sitting at the table eating her breakfast, my eyes averting to the same direction. When she notices us both looking at her, she waves to us with a mouth full of food and a smile already forming on her little face.

My eyes find Joseph’s again and I see them filled with threatening tears. “Please, Kasey. I already regret asking. I know it was a mistake, but please don’t make me pay when it comes to Josephina. I’ll do anything you ask, but don’t keep her from me.”

His plea brings tears to my own eyes. My vision is now blurred as the tears begin to fall down my face. Speaking around the lump formed in my throat, I tell him, “You have every right to be in her life, Joseph, but it has to be
your
decision, not one that I forced on you.”

“I won’t ever feel forced to be her father, Kasey. That I promise you.”

The truth of his statement is clear in his eyes as he holds his gaze on me, making me smile. When he returns the smile, the fluttering resumes, making me hate how easily my body surrenders to the simplest things he does. I’m jealous of his fiancée, knowing she’ll be able to feel this way everyday.

“I’m fine now. Please let me up,” I firmly tell him, dislodging his hands from my waist. My mind knows I need to put as much space between us, before I give into my temptation of doing something I’ll regret.

Allowing me access, he pushes his body away, helping me to stand with him. I purposely keep my eyes averted from his, already knowing if I don’t, I will succumb to my weakness.

Both standing now, his face grows serious. “Kasey, I see what you did last night,” he says, breaking the silence between us as he points his chin at my workstation. “You’re supposed to be getting your rest and obviously you’re not listening,” he scolds me as if I’m a child, his voice growing deeper with disappointment as he reprimands me. He’s shown me exactly how Josephina feels now.

“I couldn’t sleep. To tell you the truth, there is no one to blame for that but you,” I throw at him, feeling the need to defend myself. “So I figured I’d get caught up on work.”

I hear a low growl come from deep within his chest. “You’re right. It is my fault,” he mumbles.

Hearing him admit I’m right should make me feel overjoyed, but I don’t, it only saddens me to remember why I’m upset in the first place. Yet, he finishes by saying, “You’re not resuming your work until you’re completely healed up, or until I say you can.”

My mind is racing with ways to argue with him. I’m about to protest when he places his finger on my lips, preventing me from speaking. “Anyway, you can’t work if you’re not here,” he says with a mischievous smile.

Now I’m confused. Where the hell would I be if we're not here? “You’re both coming back to San Diego with me. I thought about it and you’re right, I need to keep my word to Josephina and show her the beach,” his confidence in my accepting his decision clear as he shrugs his shoulders. “Whether you want to come or not is up to you, but I’m keeping my promise to my daughter,” he declares without a challenge.

My eyes again go wide in shock. “You can’t do that,” I practically shout at him.

“I already purchased both your tickets last night. You have until tomorrow to decide if
you
want to come with us,” he declares with a smile before turning to leave me gaping at him.

I open my mouth to dispute his decision, but I see Josephina already running towards him. He catches her as she launches herself up at him, her eyes beaming from excitement.

“Is it true? Are we really going back to California with you, daddy?” the question filled with an animated squeal.

Joseph chuckles at her, his eyes looking just as excited. “Yup,” he says to her before looking back to me. “That’s if your mommy says it’s okay.”

They’re both looking at me with pleading eyes, waiting for an answer. Why is he doing this? He knows if I say no, her disappointment would be aimed at me. I don’t want to see her disappointment return if he leaves without us. I’d barely been able to endure her sorrow the last time he left. My heart wouldn’t be able to handle it again.

“Yes, we’re going to California,” I say to her, the words practically burning my mouth as I say them.

Joseph’s eyes beam back at me as his lips go into the widest smile I’ve seen him give me. Josephina wraps her tiny arms around his neck, happily squeezing him. With his eyes still locked onto mine, he silently mouths, “
Thank you.”
Making me weak all over again, this time for another reason completely.

I SWEAR, THIS morning I feel as if Kasey is testing my patience. It’s the day we’re scheduled to fly to San Diego, but the trials these two girls put me through are going to break me. They’re lucky they aren’t one of my Marines, or else I would’ve had them crying mercy from the punishment I’d be putting them through.

At least her clients wouldn’t be missing anything. Kasey had me running around like a damn errand boy yesterday, making sure everyone got their deliveries. Kasey insisted everyone have their orders before she left.

I’d lost count of how many times I had to lecture them this morning, reminding them we needed to be at the airport early. But Kasey would simply ignore my demands, pushing my limits.

Another thing Kasey kept doing was double checking to make sure she had everything she and Josephina would need for the trip. I lost all patience with her, finally scolding her. I told her whatever she was missing I would buy it for them in San Diego. I just wanted to leave already, earning me the silent treatment from her. Regardless if she was quiet or not, she was still cute when she was mad.

I caught her sticking her tongue out at me when she thought I wasn’t looking. It happened more when I continued to lecture her to bring only what she absolutely needed as she was packing yesterday. What she didn’t know were all the times she made me smile when she was doing it. I couldn’t resist keeping my eyes on her, though. My eyes were always drawn to her like a magnet, wanting to watch her. She still had the same pull on me she had when we were growing up.

Now at the airport, with the rental car now dropped off, I’m finally able to relax a little. Although we made it to the airport on time, it’s only because I’d practically rushed Kasey and Josephina out the door this morning, fearing we would miss our flight. These darn girls would never make it in the military with the way they drag their heels. They had no concern for being on time. I wanted a quick direct flight back to San Diego, needing to get them there as soon as possible. So I’d made sure to book our flights out of Milwaukee, not wanting them to deal with any layovers along the way. It was the reason why we needed to be out of her door on time.