With Me (8 page)

As I read every single word, I could feel the pain coming through what she wrote. Even as she claimed she was being strong, deep down inside, I know she was hurting as she wrote the letter. I know I would be.

My heart feels as if it’s dropped into the pit of my stomach. No matter how many times I think about it, the regret of never showing up will live with me forever. When she needed me the most I wasn’t there. The guilt will stay with me, every day of my life.

I may not have been there to save her the first time, but I wasn’t going to leave her behind. I was going to make it up to her, somehow, someway. This time I was coming back for her
and
Josephina.

CHECKING THE ADDRESS on my smart phone one final time, I make sure it’s the right house I should be pulling up to. Confirming that it is, I park on the street and put my SUV into park.

“That house is huge, right mommy?” Josephina exclaims from the backseat.

Unbuckling my seat belt, I respond, “Yes it is, sweetheart.”

I don’t want to be here, but I’m only doing it for Josephina. Joseph had called yesterday begging me to join him and his friends for dinner, but I had to decline the request due to a delivery I needed to make. It was to a local boutique that helps sell my soaps. Since those profits were the most important, when I wasn’t selling at the Farmers Market, I had to pass on the first request. The boutique’s sales are made year round. It was the monthly order that helped put food on my table. In my eyes, it was much more important than keeping dinner plans, even if they were with Joseph.

Of course he was disappointed, but he clearly understood when I explained. Although I managed to get out of dinner plans last night, I couldn’t escape them a second time, especially since Josephina overheard my conversation with Joseph. She was excited about the dinner. Actually, I think she’s more excited about seeing Joseph than anything else. That alone was the
only
reason why I’m here.

Taking a deep breath to calm my nerves, I open my car door to get out and I’m instantly frightened when I see a large man in front of me helping hold my door open. It takes a moment, but I finally recognize that it’s Joseph, and I am able to relax, but my heart still feels likes it’s racing from the sight of him. I don’t know if it’s from the fright or the fact that he’s smiling down at me.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you,” he apologetically says to me. “I saw you pulling up, so I thought I’d come help you with Josephina,” he says, looking at me with a smile as he shuts my car door. He quickly goes straight to Josephina’s to take her out.

Josephina’s face lights up at the sight of him as he opens her door to get her out. She’s already unbuckling herself, anxious to get out of her booster seat. “Hi Joseph, we’re here,” she excitedly shouts.

Chuckling at her response, he says, “Yes, I see. I’m so glad you are.” Allowing him to help take her down, I go to my passenger side door taking out the gift basket I had brought for Mark’s wife. I knew Joseph was a guest in the house and felt bad that they had to cook dinner for us as well. I decided to bring something for the host.

The idea of arriving empty handed, at a house where I was invited to dinner, didn’t sit well with me. Since Joseph had mentioned she was pregnant, I knew exactly what to bring. He mentioned during dinner with us the other night how close he was to Mark and Ashley, and I had felt happy for him that he had such a close relationship with both of them. If it wasn’t for them, he wouldn’t have been here and I would’ve probably never had seen him again.

I watch closely as Joseph walks with Josephina, hand in hand, up to the house. He’s clearly distracted by the non-stop chatter coming from Josephina. I don’t blame him if he’s already feeling overwhelmed. Taking in the sight of both of them melts my heart. I never thought I’d see the sight in front of me, them together.
Ever
.

Hesitantly I follow them into the house, immediately spotting Mark, Joseph’s friend, whom I met at the Farmers Market. At his side is a pregnant woman.

This must be Ashley.

She comes straight towards me with a smile. “Hi, I’m Ashley, Mark’s wife,” she says, with a beaming smile. “Mark said he’d already met you the other day,” holding out her hand for me to shake. I shake it, still feeling extremely nervous.

Standing with his face expressionless, Mark gives me a short nod. “Hello, Mark,” I nervously say, before he turns and disappears into the house following behind Joseph.

“This is for you,” I say, handing her the gift basket. “They’re some of the soaps I make. Joseph had mentioned you’re pregnant, so I’ve included most of my calming scents to help with any stress you might have. Some of them are in salts in case you like to take baths. I apologize if they’re not as well made, but I’m still in the testing phase with those,” I tell her apologetically.

She looks down at the basket wide-eyed, then back up at me. “That’s so sweet of you. You didn’t have to bring me anything, but thank you for the thought,” she expresses with a genuine smile on her face when she replies. Her smile is all I wanted in return. I love knowing something I’ve made makes someone happy.

“It’s my pleasure since you’re kind enough to invite Josephina and I to dinner,” I tell her, already searching past Ashley’s shoulder for my daughter. She has somehow managed to disappear with Joseph into the house, worrying me.

Smiling, Ashley leads us to a living space that is connected to the kitchen where I immediately spot them in front of the TV. Josephina is dancing along to a video game, laughing along with Joseph.

“Joseph insisted on buying it for her when he knew she was coming over. That way she wouldn’t grow bored,” Ashley tells me as I watch Josephina giggle to some dance move Mark is trying to mimic on the screen. The thought that they bought the game system for the sole purpose that Josephina was coming over, doesn’t sit well with me.

Storing the thought of speaking with Joseph about it later, I ask Ashley, “Can I help you with dinner?”

“Oh, I’m pretty much done. I just have to throw the salad together and we should be ready to eat.”

Eagerly wanting to help, I try once more. “Please, why don’t you take a seat and I can do that,” I insist. “You’ve already done enough tonight by cooking dinner for us,” I inform her, already walking into the kitchen area without asking, going straight to the salad items on the island.

Her face lights up as she takes her seat in a chair, thanking me for the offer. While she instructs me where everything is located, I begin making the salad. Before long it’s done and we’re all seated at the table ready to eat.

As we’re about to start eating, Josephina screeches, “Wait, you can’t eat until you say grace!” as she stretches her arms out to catch everyone’s attention.

My eyes go wide from her rudeness, but everyone else looks shocked with their eyes just as wide as mine. I don’t know if it’s from what she’s said or the fact that they weren’t expecting to say grace. Being that she’s sitting on the other side of Joseph, I can’t pinch her, which is something I would normally have done. However, she’s won her way when everyone puts their forks down and bows their heads, preparing to say grace. Josephina quickly takes over and does the honor, leaving me to sit there mortified by her behavior.

When she’s done, Joseph leans towards me. “You didn’t make me say grace the night you made me dinner,” I hear Joseph whisper into my ear, making me blush.

“You were already eating when I was going to begin. So I said it silently in my head. I prayed that you’d live through boot camp,” I tell him, earning me a smile from his lips that makes my insides melt.

Focusing once again on dinner, we eat. Dinner goes quickly with the normal light conversation, although most of the questions were focused on me. Before long, I realize what they’re trying to do. I didn’t mind too much, but it did feel as if someone’s parents were scrutinizing me. Their questions were never once rude, or made me feel uncomfortable, so I had to be grateful for that.

It wasn’t until we’re all eating dessert that Ashley starts asking Josephina questions and the conversation grew agonizing.

“So Josephina, what do you like to do for fun?”

“I like to read books,” she answers, before eating a spoonful of ice cream.

It obviously isn’t the answer everyone expected as I see their eyebrows go up in amazement from her answer.

“Oh really?” Mark says to her, looking skeptical. “What kind of books do you like to read?”

“I like books with lots of words,” she tells him, before adding, “Did you know babies really like it when you read to them? It makes them move a lot when they hear voices,” she states looking over to Ashley.

“How would you know that?” Ashley curiously asks her.

“Mrs. Anderson, the lady at the market, has me read to her stomach sometimes. The baby always moves when it hears my voice. I think it likes me,” she says, before taking another spoonful of ice cream into her mouth.

“How old are you?” Mark asks her, clearly confused.

“I’m four, but I’ll be five in March,” she states, puffing her chest up to him, trying to make herself look bigger than she is.

“I’ve been teaching her to read since she was three, but she has been reading on her own for the last few months,” I clarify, feeling proud of Josephina. “She goes through books so fast now, the librarians already know to reserve books for her before her next trip in.”

“Mrs. Anderson says it’s all the organic vegetables mommy was eating when I was baking in her tummy. They made me smarter,” she proudly claims. “Maybe you should eat organic vegetables so your baby will be smart, too,” she suggest with a smile, making us all laugh.

Ashley turns, narrowing her eyes at Mark. “See, there’s proof of why it’s good to eat organic,” she says to him, waving her hand at Josephina.

Mark, rolling his eyes at her, turns back to me. “Is there anything else you’d like to tell my wife that she can use against me?” he questions, sounding more like a scorn than a joke.

With the look he’s giving me, I know he’s upset, “I apologize for my daughter’s remark,” I apologetically say, feeling remorseful for Josephina’s comment.

From the corner of my eye I see Josephina grow confused. “What did I say wrong?” she asks, making me look at her, smiling to reassure she hasn’t done anything wrong. She goes back to eating her ice cream, content with my answer.

Ashley looks over at me. “Kasey, don’t listen to him. He’s just being a grouch because he says I make too many demands now that I’m pregnant,” Ashley says, glaring back at Mark demanding he stay silent.

“I think I would’ve taken full advantage of it as well if I had the chance,” I mumble.

Joseph reaches for my hand under the table, squeezing it gently. “I’m sorry, Kasey,” he quietly says to me, regret clear in his eyes.

The expression on his face when he said it makes me realize how misguided and rude my comments must have sounded to them.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything. It was very rude of me,” I guiltily say as I hang my head in shame. I really should think before I speak.

I’m instantly distracted from my thought when I hear Josephina ask, “Mommy, may I go play the video game again for a little bit before we go home, please?” Her sweet little voice breaks the awkward silence drifting through the room.

“Yes, you may,” I reply.

She gets up from the table, excited, and heads to the living room area to continue playing the video game. As much as I want to leave already, to avoid any further embarrassment, I don’t want to deny her request.

Mark quickly gets up to follow close behind her, with Ashley starting to remove the remaining dishes from the table, leaving Joseph and I alone. I can already feel the awkwardness between us as he continues to hold my hand with his. He’s staring directly at me now, with the same smile from earlier. The one that makes me ignite with excitement all over when he looks at me that way. Just as I’m about to say something, I hear singing coming from his back pocket, clearly obvious his cell phone is ringing.

He gently lets go of my hand, reaching for his phone with a scowl forming on his face. “Sorry, I have to take this. Will you excuse me, please?” he says, already standing up from the table as he walks away without waiting for my response.