With Me (18 page)

Joseph breaks eye contact with me as he looks down at Josephina. “Yes princess, we’re going over there for dinner,” he says down to her, his gaze eventually meeting mine again.

“Yay.” Is the only thing I hear in the background as Joseph wearily smiles down at me, making me realize it’s happening again. He’s making me feel things I shouldn’t be feeling, but I can’t seem to control myself.

Pushing myself away from him, I quickly step my way around him, needing to put as much distance between us as I can. I need to stop letting myself have these feelings.

Even with protest, a couple of minutes later we’re all piling into the rental car my insurance company provided me with, and on our way to Ashley and Mark’s. Being that Joseph is driving, I’m able to stare out my window, refusing to look at him. My body is still humming from him holding me earlier, so I’m desperately trying to get it under control.

I couldn’t be more relieved when we arrive at Mark and Ashley’s, soon making our way up to the front door. I need other people to help provide a protective barrier between us. The minute we walk in, Josephina runs straight into the living room that is connected to the kitchen, looking for Mark. I shouldn’t expect anything different, she did spend more than a week here. It probably feels like her second home now.

I shyly make my way towards the kitchen with Joseph at my side as he guides me with his hand on the small of my back; another thing he’s been doing a lot of. He claims it’s in case I need him to help steady me.

When I reach the kitchen, Ashley spots me and rushes over to give me a tight hug. “How are you feeling?” she asks, her voice sounding concerned, even though I’ve reassured her plenty of times I’m feeling better.

“I’m fine, thank you. It’s good to see you,” I say, still embracing her.

“I’m happy to see you, too.”

I pull away to say, “Ashley, I want to thank you and Mark for everything you’ve done while I was in the hospital, l really appreciate it.”

Her face beams as she gives me a smile. “Kasey, I would do it again in a heartbeat. Josephina was very helpful. You did a really great job of raising her. Plus, it felt good to have someone around to have a conversation with.”

I can only chuckle at her response. Josephina
is
really good at holding conversations, I should know, she does with me all day long. It is helpful when I’m working sometimes.

With a nod, Ashley returns to what she was doing in the kitchen when we entered and it allows me to search for the subject of our conversation. I quickly find her sitting in between Joseph and Mark watching TV, her body leaning against Joseph as he embraces her. Those sights are what I’m going to miss most on Josephina’s behalf. Seeing her with her father is bittersweet. It’s hard to believe that he was simply a stranger to her weeks ago, but he will soon be gone again.

Turning my attention back to Ashley, I ask if I can help with anything. She dismisses my offer, making me take a seat in the chair at the kitchen island. Ten minutes later, we’re all enjoying dinner. Almost two hours later, dinner is done and everything is cleaned up, allowing Ashley and I to speak alone. It’s when the conversation of my business arises, that I don’t hesitate to tell her the dilemma I had with Joseph earlier in the afternoon

With a roll of her eyes, she simply responds, “That doesn’t surprise me about Joseph. If he’s anything like Mark, and I’m pretty sure he is, then he’s going to be overbearing. You just have to let him think he’s winning.”

Grumbling to myself I take in her words. I’ve already figured that part out. Even if I didn’t like the idea, she was right. “I don’t know how much longer I can go without working, though. My income depends on it. I have
some
money saved up, but it’s going to run out if I don’t get back to work. I’m going to end up losing the only customers I currently have and I can’t afford to do that. My future depends on them,” I mumble.

“Have you ever considered selling your products over the Internet?”

I take in her question and remember the one time I did. “I did, but it’s so expensive to hire a web designer and trying to build a website on my own sounds too difficult. I wouldn’t have a clue how to make my own webpage if I tried it myself. I might know how to use a computer, but designing a webpage is out of my league,” I admit, already sighing from the discouragement of knowing it’s not possible.

“I only ask because I gave my mom and sister each a soap from the basket you gave me. I hope you don’t mind,” she states before she continues on. “But, after I used one, I knew they would love it too. You’re really good at what you do, Kasey. I think you’d be a great success if you were to expand by selling over the Internet.”

Sighing to myself, I tell her, “I know, but I just don’t have the money to do it. Thanks for the idea, though.”

Her lips go into a triumphant smile. “Well, good thing I’m a web designer and I can do it myself,” she informs me, her eyes beaming with pride.

I’m left shocked. “But, I thought you were a housewife?” I say, feeling embarrassed by my own words.

I’m mortified by my assumption, and it must be showing on my face, because she chuckles at me. “I work from home. It’s convenient and I can run my own business how I choose. You know how convenient it can be to work at your own pace and when you want to. It will especially help when the baby comes,” she states, rubbing at her swollen belly.

“Ashley, there is no way I would be able to afford your services,” I sadly admit. “Thank you for the offer, but like I said, I really can’t afford to pay you what you probably charge. I barely have enough to keep afloat some months. That’s why I have to be really froogle with what I do earn,” the disappointment clear in my voice.

“I’ll make a deal with you. How about in exchange for me designing your webpage, I get a supply of soaps every month. With my help it will be fantastic. I’ll update it with new products and merchandise, when needed, so you don’t have to worry about it,” she offers, hesitantly waiting for a response.

She looks as if she’s holding her breath as she waits for my answer, and I feel the same way as I consider her offer. “Oh come on, Kasey. What would you have to lose? Try it for the next couple of months,” she enforces, to try and convince me. “You can still do the Farmer’s Market thing for the rest of the summer. If you’re not happy with the profits from the website sales we can always take it down. It’s worth taking the chance on, isn’t it?” she states, looking like she isn’t going to take no for an answer.

Considering her offer, knowing I should take the chance, I smile with a nod. “Okay, we have a deal.”

She squeals with excitement, embracing me to give me a hug, reminding me that I’m still sore, making me flinch. “Oh, I’m so sorry. I forgot,” she says as she releases me.

Still excited, she’s claps her hands and starts rapidly making plans for the website. I’m still in a daze at how lucky I am that’s she’s willing to do it.

Joseph and Mark come over to inquire what the excitement is all about and Ashley quickly tells them of our plan. Joseph looks skeptical at first. “I don’t know. It sounds like it would make her busier and the plan was for her to relax more, not put more pressure on herself,” he says, his eyes scolding me.

“Oh come on, Joseph,” I hear Ashley say to him. “Lighten up a bit. If she does well from the Internet sales, which I’m sure she will because I’ll be designing her website, then she’d probably be able to stop having to sell at the Market,” she informs him with a mocking grin.

I’m about to correct her, stating that I would never stop selling at the Market but Joseph speaks up, stopping me from responding. “Okay, that’s sounds like a plan,” he says before looking sternly at me. “As long as you don’t overdo yourself,” he finishes stating, wrapping his arm around my body as he gives me a kiss on my temple.

All coherent thoughts have disappeared with his simple gesture, leaving me speechless and wondering why he did it in the first place.

I need to speak to him about his actions, like the one he just did, but I wasn’t going to discuss it in front of everybody. No, it was something we were going to have to discuss just between us.

Until then, I’m left more confused than before. I hate this feeling.

I DON’T KNOW what the hell happened at Mark and Ashley’s, but Kasey has been quiet ever since the conversation about her business… too quiet. She has barely spoken a word now that we’re driving back to her place. It's beginning to worry me.

Forcing myself to push the worry to the back of my mind, I focus on the real problem in front of me, needing to go back to San Diego. I didn’t like the idea of leaving Kasey so soon, but Elizabeth was growing more demanding since I wasn’t giving her much information as to the real reason why I was here. The only response she kept getting was, “For Josephina.” Nothing more, which only upset her.

She was demanding I get back to help with the wedding plans, especially since she knew I was currently on vacation. She wanted to take advantage of my time off. I was starting to dread answering her calls because she’d bombard me with wedding details.

It didn’t help with every phone call she’d remind me about the damn paternity test, another thought sitting in the back of my mind.

This last week has been an eye-opener for me when it came to Josephina. With every added day I spent with her, I realized how much more I love her, but I was growing scared. With Elizabeth reminding me of the paternity test, I was left wondering what would happen if she wasn’t really my daughter. Was I going to be able to walk away from her without looking back?

At first, I had never doubted Kasey’s word about Josephina being my daughter. It wasn’t a concern until Elizabeth had inserted the thought into my mind. Since then, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I knew there was only one way to get it out of my head. I needed to have a talk with Kasey, if only to extinguish my doubt. I hadn’t wanted to do it while she was in the hospital, but now that she was home, it was getting harder for me to approach the subject. I didn’t want to hurt Kasey’s feeling by asking, but I knew deep down inside I would never be able to live with myself if I didn’t at least ask.

I needed to make sure, at least for my own sanity.

Still driving back to Kasey’s place, I’m a nervous wreck, more so than I was when I first showed up. As I pull into her driveway I’m practically sweating bullets. I’ve got more nerves this week than when I had to enter a dangerous bomb laden building. I didn’t know how Kasey was going to react when I asked her for a paternity test. For all I know, she will explode with emotions. She can even go as far as refusing to allow me to keep seeing Josephina. Or worse, admit Josephina wasn’t really mine, which was my biggest fear of all.

Making our way into the building with a sleeping Josephina, I tuck her into bed before giving her a kiss goodnight. When done, I look over to see Kasey watching me with a smile on her face. I dread asking her the next question. “Can I talk to you?”

Her brow furrows, clear with worry. She nods her head and turns to make her way over to the couch. I follow her, taking a seat next to her. Her eyes are intensely staring back at me, her expression blank, but still worrying me with every second that ticks by.

“Joseph, is something wrong? You’ve been acting strange since we left Mark and Ashley’s house and it’s starting to worry me,” she calmly conveys. “If it’s about my business, then there isn’t anything else to discuss. It’s my business and I’m the one who is going to make the decisions I feel are best when it comes to it,” she sternly states.

I smile as I watch her facial expression change from being worried to now looking infuriated, making me smile at how strong she is. This is a side of Kasey I’m still learning to adjust to. This is nothing like the Kasey I grew up with. That Kasey was sweet and innocent. A girl that wouldn’t fight back, but she clearly isn’t that girl anymore.

It made me proud of her.

Shaking my head to answer her earlier question, I start to explain as best as I can. “Kasey, there’s something that’s been on my mind for a while,” I say to her, trying to calm my nerves that are returning. “I was wondering if you’d consider allowing me to do a paternity test on Josephina, to confirm she’s really mine?”