With Me (24 page)

“Apparently it’s a good thing I did. How long have you been sleeping with her?” she snarls, her chest puffing up from her anger.

Sighing, not wanting to deal with this conversation right now, especially while Josephina and Kasey are in the apartment I answer, only since I have to. “It only happened tonight,” I tell her, the guilt of knowing what I’ve done is morally wrong, even if I don’t regret it.

Angry. “I don’t believe you,” she declares. “She’s the reason you went back, isn’t it?” her voice dropping low as she asks, the realization in her tone making me sigh. Elizabeth was never stupid, I wouldn’t doubt if she suspected it from the beginning. Maybe it’s the reason she kept blasting my phone with her calls.

“Yes, but it isn’t what you’re thinking. Kasey was in an accident and I had to be there for Josephina,” I try explaining, but the skeptical look on her face clearly tells me she doesn’t believe me.

“That little girl might not even be your daughter!” she screams, still trying to prove her point. “Have you even done the paternity test?”

I stalk towards her, making sure I’m looking directly in her eyes. “Don’t even try to make me believe that shit anymore, Elizabeth. The little girl in that room is my daughter,” I say, now pointing my finger at my bedroom door, “And I don’t need a fucking paternity test to prove it,” I growl at her.

The anger in her eyes is replaced with fear. I’m grateful. I’m tired of her placing doubts about Josephina being my daughter in my head. “I’m sorry, Elizabeth, but I can’t marry you. Not anymore,” I somberly tell her.

Her face turns worried, her head slowly shaking back and forth as she stares down at the floor. “You can’t do this to me,” the words coming out in a strain.

I don’t know what else to tell her. What else can I tell her? Looking back at the closed door to my bedroom, I remember I
do
have a reason why I can’t marry her.

“Elizabeth, I don’t love you anymore. To tell you the truth, my heart belonged to someone else,” I declare. My eyes quickly glancing towards the bedroom door, before I look back to Elizabeth to finish telling her, “I jumped into our relationship and I’m sorry to tell you like this, but I never
did
love you. It took the person I
have always
loved coming back into my life to realize it.”

Saying the words, I feel as if the weight of a building has been lifted from my shoulders. Feeling obligated to give Elizabeth everything she wanted was that weight. I always tried my best to please her, to keep her happy, and proposing was one of those things, even if it didn’t feel right. I hate knowing I’m hurting her, but I don’t love her. I never did.

Elizabeth’s eyes are filled with tears, the heartbreak clear in her face, making me feel guilty over everything I’ve done. “I’m sorry,” is all I can say.

Still in shock, I watch the tears running down her face. Slowly she begins to back away, making her way to the door. When she reaches it she takes one last glance at me, her disappointment clear on her face as she turns around and walks out the door.

Standing there, staring at my front door, my body is unable to move. I don’t know how I long I stand there, but when I finally came back from my paralyzed state, I make my way to my bedroom, slowly opening the door to find a dark and quiet room. With the light of the kitchen beaming into the room I’m able to take in Kasey’s form on the bed next to Josephina. Her arms tightly embraced around her.

Leaving the door cracked to allow the light to glow into the room, I walk over to the bed to climb in behind Kasey. She lightly stirs as I spoon her body against mine. Feeling the warmth of her body soothes me, taking all the tension of the night completely away. Nuzzling her neck as I take in her scent, I close my eyes and pray when I wake up this will not be a dream, because the last thing I want is to know I’ve lost everything. Including Kasey.

THE SMELL OF bacon wafting through the air pulls me from my sleep, along with Josephina’s laughter. My eyes snap open as I remember what happened last night. Slowly sitting up, the blanket falls to my waist, reminding me I’m still naked. Pulling the blanket back up, I sit on the bed trying to fully comprehend last night’s events. The scene from last night repeatedly plays in my head, the guilt returning from what I did with Joseph. It shouldn’t have happened. I really need to speak to Joseph about it, but I refuse to do so in front of Josephina, fearing we might cause a scene like the one last night.

Although Josephina didn’t ask many questions when I brought her back to the room, it was only because I was able to comfort her back to sleep, falling asleep just as quickly with her. I’d forced myself to shut out the conversation continuing outside the door. I didn’t care what they were talking about, I already knew I was at fault; I was going to live with the guilt for the rest of my life.

Standing up from the bed, I wrap myself in the blanket to get up and out of bed, immediately noticing how sore I feel in between my legs… another reminder of what occurred last night. Ignoring my soreness as I walk, I make my way over to my luggage for clothes. After finding something to wear I head to the bathroom and quickly dress, hoping to speak to Joseph this morning.

Making my way towards the continued laughter, I stop at the doorframe to take in the scene before me. The sight of Joseph in only a pair of sweats and nothing more paralyzes me in place. My breath hitches as I take in his bare chest. The sight of him heats my body. A tingle soon travels down my body to the area where I’m most sore, leaving me craving to touch him all over again.

The sunlight from the kitchen window is reflecting off his body, making his toned skin glisten from the ray of light. He’s breathtaking. I still can’t breathe as I continue taking him in.

I’m left weak from staring at him, needing to lean on the doorframe for support as I take in the show. He’s tossing pancakes into the air, catching them in a pan as they descend. His dramatic gasp for effect makes Josephina laugh. I can’t help but smile seeing the little things he does to keep her smiling. It’s clear how much he loves her.

His eyes find mine, giving me a heartwarming smile, his eyes lighting up. If I thought I was weak before, I’m completely and utterly lost at this point. Finding the strength inside of me, I somehow make my way over to the table, trying to disguise the powerlessness I’m feeling as he keeps his eyes on me. Reaching Josephina, I lean down to give her a kiss on the top of her head as she places a forkful of pancakes into her mouth with a smile. Pancakes are her favorite, but I was never able to give her a show like Joseph’s when I was making them. Even I’m impressed.

Continuing on to the kitchen area, aiming straight for Joseph, I return his smile, mine making me shy. “We really need to talk about last night,” I quietly tell him, looking back at Josephina to make sure she didn’t hear me. The cheerful smile tells me she didn’t, allowing me to turn back to Joseph, and I’m caught by surprise when he wraps his arm around my waist, pulling me towards him. He leans down to give me a kiss on the mouth, his lips lingering on mine, making me weak as I slump against his body.

He pulls back, compassion overflowing as he looks down at me. “Later,” he states with his eyes gazing down at me. “First we eat. Then I have a surprise for both of you,” he says, pulling his face from mine, leaving me breathless on the spot.

I’m left standing there with my mouth gaping open, trying to catch my breath, still flush to his body. I don’t know what to say, or how to react, as I’m still shocked from his kiss.

“Do you want orange juice or coffee?” Joseph asks, unwrapping his arm from my waist to grab for the plate full of pancakes on the counter, taking them straight to the table

“Orange juice will be fine, thank you,” I say, watching him return to grab an orange juice carton off the counter. “Will you grab another set of forks, please?” he says, nodding his chin at the drawer next to me.

His request forces me to move as I open up the drawer, grabbing two forks from the utensil tray before joining them at the table. Even as I attempt to eat, my mind keeps going back to the kiss. It may have been simple to him, but being I’m still confused by last night, his kiss this morning isn’t helping solve any questions; it only left me with more. We
are
going to have that talk, today, whether he likes it or not. I need answers, especially after a kiss like that one.

JOSEPH DIDN’T TELL us what his surprise for us was until we arrived at our destination. I was just as anxious as Josephina to know where we were headed, but Joseph wouldn’t tell us. The only clue escaping his lips was telling us to put on our bathing suits and grab some towels. At first I’d thought we were simply going to the pool in his apartment complex, but instead he lead us to his truck.

As he drove away from his apartment, my eagerness to know where we were heading was matching Josephina’s. It wasn’t until we can clearly see the ocean within our view that I realized where we were headed, bringing a smile to my face. I was just as excited to see the beach as Josephina, if not more.

With the day being as sunny as it was, there was no better day than today to be at the beach. Climbing out of his truck, Joseph goes straight to removing Josephina from her booster seat, and the moment her feet hit the ground, she’s anxiously tugging at his hand to lead him to the beach. Finding a spot, we lay out the towels, and within seconds, Joseph is picking Josephina up, rushing her towards the water.

With Josephina’s laughter fading as they get closer, my heart stops. “Joseph, please be careful with her. Don’t let her out of your sight!” I shout to him, the worry already taking over as he turns his body to smile back at me. The chuckle he returns reminds me how paranoid I can be when it comes to Josephina.

Preferring to stay behind to sunbathe instead of following them to the water, I settle in and get comfortable. Even from where I’m sitting I can hear Josephina’s squeals of laughter as I watch them from a distance. I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of seeing them together. Knowing I have to return to Wisconsin soon tugs at my heart. I already dread having to separate them again; another subject I needed to speak to Joseph about. I already know he was going to protest me leaving, but I
was
going to return to Wisconsin, whether he liked it or not. Every passing day I remained in San Diego was another day I fell behind on my inventory. I have never taken a vacation from my work in my life, and although I wanted Josephina to have these memories, I also had an obligation to provide for the both of us.

The future was still unclear how Joseph and I were going to raise Josephina together, but I wasn’t going to hold my breath expecting anything more than a friendship from him, simply for Josephina’s sake.

Hoping to take advantage of the sun, I lie on my back and attempt to get a tan, something I haven’t been able to do since before Josephina was born. Closing my eyes, my body begins to relax as I slowly begin to drift off into a relaxed state. It isn’t long before I feel the sun above me disappear, a darkened shadow standing to my side. When I open my eyes to a slit I see Joseph’s shadowed silhouette staring down at me with a smile on his face. With his hands resting on his hips, his body still wet with droplets of water running down his body, he looks as if he could pull off an ad for a swimsuit company with his swim trunks resting low on his hips.