Wished Away: A Broken Fairy Tale (29 page)

“Why didn’t you tell me all of this before?”

I can see by the look on his face I’m not going to like what he’s about to say. I reach out for him again, but he just holds up his hand. “Every time I tried to talk to you about it, you shut me out, Jess. You fucking stone walled me. I called, I emailed, and not once did you answer.” He runs his hand through his hair, his eyes burning with frustration. “No one has ever made me feel that way before, Jessica. No one. I knew you were sabotaging our relationship, and it was tearing me apart because you of all people should know better.” He reaches out and grabs my waist, pulling me up onto his lap, moving his hands up my back to cradle my head in his hands. “We know what it is to lose everything, and you walked away from me when I knew you loved me, and didn’t look back. Why?”

I swallow hard trying not to cry. “At first, I felt too guilty to admit my feelings for you, because I thought if I fell in love with you that meant that I didn’t love Dave as much as I thought I had. And in the moments when I felt like I loved you in a much different way than I’ve ever loved anyone, the guilt I felt was crippling.” I look away for a moment and take a deep breath, feeling suddenly lighter for having admitted it. “I was scared, and when I heard about the opportunity you had, and everyone kept saying how it would be a dream come true for you, I panicked. I pulled away because I was too stupid and too weak to just ask you to give it all up for me. I knew it was selfish of me to ask you to stay here. I knew that if I gave Charlotte the opportunity, she would have gladly followed you there with me. But it was too soon to ask that of you. So I acted the fool and shut you out.” I pull myself up against his body, and brush my lips across his. “I’ll regret it for the rest of my life if you don’t take me back.”

“I never let you go.” His lips are on mine, his tongue sliding across them, before moving in skillful precision in my mouth. The way he’s kissing me, I believe I
am
his air. When he pulls back, I realize he is my air too, and wrap my arms around his neck again. “I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone, Jess.
Anyone.
But I also won’t be treated that way again. I can’t. If you’re mine, it’s forever. I don’t care how long or how short of a time we’ve been together. No amount of time will change that I want only you. You can’t let my job, my friends, or even Dave and Cassie ever make you doubt it again.”

Dave’s letter comes to mind and I have to know the whole truth. “Tell me about Dave and Cassie, Gage. What was that letter really about?”

He doesn’t hesitate. “You were Dave’s world, Jessica. He made no secret to anyone at college that he was taken, and there was no changing his mind about it, and trust me, some tried hard. Cassie wasn’t one of them though. The short of it is that they were close, they were both attractive and had a lot in common. One night right before graduation, Cass and I were fighting, we were all drinking at a bar. I saw Cass out in the parking lot crying in Dave’s arms. He kissed her cheek and I tried to kick his ass.”

My eyes shoot open. “How come you never told me all this?”

He runs his hand down my face, biting on his bottom lip contemplatively. “It wasn’t important. You see, I was the asshole. That night was nothing more than a friend being there for support. Cass was killed only a year after I moved here, and for a while, seeing Dave only reminded me of Cass, so I did as much as I could to keep my distance from him because for too long, my thoughts were haunted with flashbacks of her accident.”

“Do you think they’ve found each other up there?” I say without thinking.

Gage looks at the pictures on the mantle for a moment and smiles. “I’d like to think so.”

“What do you think she’d say about us?”

Gage smiles brightly. “She always admired you, Jess. I think she’s happy it’s you.” He nuzzles into me. “What about Dave?”

I smile at the thought. “He’d be happy it is you too. He’d tell me to live.” I grip Gage’s shirt in my hands. “He’d tell me to love.”

His lips crash against mine and I am whole again. I am living. I am loving.

Dave

T
he warm brown walls covered in framed newspaper articles and America’s Most Wanted signs held an eerie comfort for me that many people found odd, everyone but Cassie. No one got me like she did. I never had a friend like her and sometimes it left me feeling guilty even though I hadn’t done anything wrong. The thought didn’t ever even cross my mind…usually. When she walked into the dull room wearing a tight white t-shirt and green shorts, the dull room brightened and I had to look away. I hated this feeling. I mean I was human. I obviously can notice when a woman is good looking, but I hated the guilt I felt when I wondered what those long legs would feel like.

She slipped into the seat next to me and tossed a newspaper article on my lap. “I saw this and thought you’d be interested.”

I looked down to see an advertisement for a huge jewelry sale in the city this weekend. I’d been telling Cassie how I wanted to propose to Jess after her graduation next year, and had started trying to find the perfect ring that would be in my budget. As I looked at the ad, I noticed today was the last day of the sale. “Shit,” I said under my breath remembering that Holden borrowed my car. “How am I supposed to get to the city now?”

“You are so predictable, Dave. I already told Gage I was going into the city after class today, so I’ll drive you. It will give me a chance to check out the perfect ring for Gage to buy me too. Just promise to drop him the hint when we get back…Deal?”

I turned and high fived her. “Deal. Thanks, Cass.”

“Can I ask you something, Dave?” Cassie sounded almost shy, she was never shy around me.

“How did you know that Jess was the one?” She asked quietly trying to pretend we were talking about our class project rather than relationships.

“I’ve always known.” I laughed and she rolled her eyes at me as if I was full of it. But I wasn’t. I smiled confidently back. “The second I saw Jess with her long, wild hair blowing behind her, riding her pink and white Huffy towards Joey and me when we were six years old, I knew there’d never be another girl who would rock my world that way again.”

“You are such a pussy, Bosi,” she said with a laugh, but then her expression turned forlorn. “I knew I loved Gage from the beginning too. He is honestly not only the most kind and generous partner a girl could ever have, but he is also the best looking man I’ve ever seen.”

“Easy there Cass, you’re in the presence of greatness. I must say though, I never took you for the superficial type.” I couldn’t help but tease her.

She just smiled and nodded. “Do you want to know the truth? He intimidates me sometimes. I mean, how many kids like him do you know, whose parents have the kind of money they do, who could have skipped college altogether and be a partner in one of the biggest hotel chains in the world, someone who could not lift a finger for the rest of their life, how does someone like that give all of it up and decide to become a doctor? And how does someone like that choose a small town country girl here on a scholarship, whose parents can’t even afford to visit, to spend the rest of his life with? It doesn’t happen.” Her eyes lit up with her smile. “But I have no doubt I will spend the rest of my life with him.”

I agreed. Gage was solid. He’s loyal, smart, and I couldn’t think of another person as worthy of someone like Cassie than him. “He’s a lucky man.”

“Jess is a lucky girl.” Cassie smiled brightly and pointed down at one of the rings she had circled. “So let’s go get your happily ever after.”

Charlotte comes running down the hall, and for a moment I think it’s Jess. She seems much older again with her hair longer now than I remember. Or has it always been that way? There’s a lightness in the air that I haven’t felt since I’ve been here, where ever here is. My attention falls on Jess and if my heart was still beating, it surely would’ve stopped at the sight of her. Her hair is longer now too, almost down the entire length of her back, hanging in loose, wild curls instead of tied carelessly back in a ponytail like how I’ve come accustomed to seeing. She’s wearing a deep pink formal dress that shows off her perfectly tanned and toned legs making me pause to remember how they feel. Both of my girls are dressed up looking more beautiful than ever and I’m beginning to feel more and more at peace with every moment that passes.

“Are you ready Mommy? Wait, you need lipstick. Where’s your bracelet? Do you have your camera?” Charlotte’s running around like a lunatic looking more than ever like Jess, and it makes my soul sing.

Jess’s face lights up and I swear it’s as if I have been stuck in darkness until now, and I hadn’t realized it. Her happiness is electrifying and I feel more at peace than ever. Watching the two people I love more than anything in the world, I
feel
their happiness and it’s like nothing I’ve ever experienced. Flashes of my past shoot through my consciousness like a slideshow of my life as I watch my girls, together, happy, and living.

This is it, the moment I have often wondered about. The moment I wondered if would ever come. The moment I go home. For the first time, I feel a sense of concern, wondering what if they need me? What if…

“You’ll know when they need you, and you’ll be there,” a familiar voice comes from nowhere.

It’s a voice I know. A voice that calms me again. A voice I can trust.

“It’s your time if you’re ready.” I can’t see Cassie, but know it’s her.

I look back at my sweet Charlotte fixing her hair in the mirror dancing around to some song Jess has blaring like she always used to love to do when she was getting ready. She’s so perfect. So…happy. I had feared that this part of Jess, one the best parts, had died with me. I focus in on my girls and nothing else, memorizing their every feature and whisper. “I’m ready.” I feel nothing but happiness and peace.

Jess

I’
ve spent day and night for the past week getting ready for the 3
rd
annual charity event for GoodFellas that is tomorrow night, and tonight, I’m ready to spend some time with my little girl and my man. Just thinking of Gage makes my body ignite with desire. I’ve been so busy with the planning for the event, and Gage has been wrapped up with the opening of the B and B coming up in a few weeks, that we haven’t seen each other in three very long days, and I wish more than anything that we’d be staying in and fill that burning need that’s surging inside me. Tonight’s sure to play a close second though because it will be the first time we get to see the B and B completed. Gage and his dad are hosting a tasting event, and we are going to be able to taste every single dish they are planning to serve at the restaurant. I haven’t been over to the cul de sac where the estates for the B and B are sitting because Gage has wanted everything to be a surprise. I’ve actually surprised myself and kept to my word without peeking even once.

The truth is, I want to be surprised. I’ve come to realize that the little things are the ones I need to cherish more. The hugs from my daughter that she gives me every time we are close. The way Gage watches me whenever he is near. The nightly conversations with Cam. I think it’s the most important thing that losing Dave has taught me. One of the last things he told Joey he wanted me to know before he died was for me to live. For so long, I couldn’t, I didn’t see how it could even be possible to ever feel alive again without him. I felt like I couldn’t be happy without him--that I
shouldn’t
be happy without him. I wasn’t living then.