Winning Back Ryan (28 page)

He came in with me, and I was not sure what to do next. Should I invite him in?

             
It was an awkward moment before he said, “You know where everything is. I’ll be outside waiting.”

             
“Wait!” I called out. He turned, looking at me. “Do you have something that you need to do?” I asked. Brian shook his head. “So, why don’t you sit on the toilet while I shower? You know, tell me about your day and stuff.”

             
“You do realize that even though the glass is frosted, I still might see something.”

I cringed at his words. I was trying to get past my body issues not be reminded of them.

              “You’re not going to stare at me.”

             
His eyes glinted. “Maybe a little.”

I blushed fiercely, even though I knew that I needed to get over my hang ups. But, him sitting there watching me?
Awkward.

I stripped out of my clothes, and tried not to think about the fact that I was naked in front of him. I needed to get over these mental issues. Brian sat down on the covered toilet.

              “I talked to Amanda today,” he said, his eyes on mine. “She told me about the large bouquet you sent.”

             
“Oh, yeah?” I asked, stepping into the shower. “I’m waiting for her to call me.”

             
“Annie…” He sighed. “She plans on going after Ryan.”

I paused for a moment, with body soap in hand.

              “She can do whatever she wants. I don’t care. We’re not together anymore.”

             
“I told her it would be a bad idea. It would ruin your friendship permanently.”

             
“She’s always been attracted to the drama. It doesn’t matter, Brian. I don’t care,” I said, lifting my arms to lather.

The door opened, a naked Brian standing there. I whirled around, to find him smirking.

              “You look like you needed some help.”

             
“Do you walk in on every girl who showers in your apartment?” I asked, feigning annoyance. My heart was racing so fast that I was worried it might leap out of my chest.

             
“Generally,” he said, nodding. I laughed, handing him the soap. “Can’t get my hair wet.”

             
“Why did you straighten your hair?” he asked, as he poured soap out into the palm of his hand.

             
“Why? You don’t like it?” I asked.

             
“No, it looks very nice, it’s just…you can’t twirl your finger around your curls anymore when you’re thinking about something intently.”

I froze for a moment, looking up at him. He met my gaze.

              “Well, it’s not permanent,” I offered. “The curls will come back eventually.”

             
“That’s good to hear,” his words came out nearly a whisper in my ear as his hand began running down my arm with the soap. I closed my eyes with my back against the tiled wall at his mercy. The truth was that I just wanted him to touch me. “Pick your arms up,” he said.

             
His hands ran down my arms, across my shoulders, gently massaging. I gasped as his fingers ran over my breasts, his thumbs flicking my nipples then cupping them before moving on, his hands exploring down my sides to my hips. I was breathing loudly now, licking my lips, my eyes closed. His one hand rested on my hip, the other moved down until I felt his fingertips brush against my sex. I whimpered loudly and he pulled his hand back.

             
“Now how could you think that I’m not attracted to you?” he whispered.

I lacked the mental capacity to even answer that question, my brain was completely mush.  I felt his desire pressing against my outer thigh, and on instinct, I dropped my hand down to touch him.

              “No, put your hand back up,” he murmured in my ear. I did what he commanded. “Good girl,” he whispered as his hand went back down, stroking me. I spread my legs out, giving him better access. My lower half arched into his hand.

             
“Open your eyes, love.”

I looked at him, finding him staring at me. He held my eyes as his finger dipped into my body. I whimpered loudly, my breathing erratic. While his finger was inside me, stroking my core, his thumb massaged my clit.

My mind was only able to think of one sentence.

             
“Please don’t stop.”

             
“I don’t plan to,” he said, his voice low and seductive.

My body began grinding against his hand as his finger touched a place inside me that made my stomach quiver.

              “So, this is what you like,” he murmured, rubbing the spot more intensely.

             
It was unnerving to stare at him while he worked my body into a frenzied state, and I wondered if I should feel embarrassed. Normally, when I had sex with Ryan, I closed my eyes or we were in positions where I couldn’t look at him. This felt so…intimate. Wordless emotions ran through me as I stood there, and it was a lot to take in at once. The term ‘being laid bare’ didn’t even cover how I felt. I was vulnerable, and as though somehow it wasn’t only his fingers that I allowed to penetrate me.  His eyes held mine, and it felt as though he tried to dip into my head and pull out every little secret that it held.

             
I pressed my lips to his and he kissed me back. Whether he could sense that he was pushing me too far outside my comfort zone, or he just wanted more of me like I wanted more of him, I didn’t know. What I did know was when he slipped a second finger into me, I moaned into his mouth with pleasure as he applied more pressure with his thumb. Both his fingers now stroked against the spot, and my stomach clenched tightly. The whole room felt hotter somehow, and I gasped into his mouth as he worked my tongue. My fingertips dug into his shoulder blades as my eyes closed, my head resting against the shower tile. I silently begged for him to continue, and wanted him to stop at the same time.

             
“Brian, I’m gonna…” I barely got the words out as he began stroking me faster, harder. At that rate, I wouldn’t last much longer. It ended embarrassingly quickly as I screamed to the heavens with my eyes rolling back inside my head.

             
If nothing else that we had done yet officially ended our friendship, I felt pretty sure that had. The strange thing was that I felt pleasantly numb inside. The aching feeling that was with me all day since I walked in on Ryan with his bombshell was gone; that gaping wound where my heart was located didn’t cause me pain.  I felt perfectly blissful as though everything was right in the world. Brian finally took his fingers out from within me, still watching me, as he licked his finger. He smirked, placing both hands on either side of my head. I was still unable to catch my breath, my heart feeling as though it was about to pound right out of my chest, as he rubbed the tip of his nose against mine. He changed the angle, kissing my lips chastely.

I could feel his smile against my face as his nose skimmed my cheek.

              “Well, did you enjoy that?”

I searched for the right words, but I came up with nothing appropriate.

              So, I settled for, “It was incredible.”

I was concerned with why the pain was gone, why I felt so whole again, and when it would come back to the way it was before. And as all these thoughts flew around inside my head, I wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him for dear life.

              After a few moments, I heard him ask, “Are you okay?”

I didn’t have an answer for him that he’d understand.

              After not answering, he pulled back, looking at me concerned, “Annie, are you alright?”

             
“I’m sorry,” I admitted, “That was a bit overwhelming. You’re an incredible man.” I pressed my lips to his cheek before snuggling against the crook of his neck.

             
“You’re a beautiful woman, Annie. You’ll see it one way or another,” he said before pulling away. “Finish up in here, and then we have some shows to watch.”

             
“Wait,” I said, my hand out to touch him. “What about you?”

             
He shook his head. “Not tonight,” he replied before leaving the shower. I stood there stunned, staring at the place he had just been standing. His sudden absence from the bathroom was the loudest sound in the room. As I caught my breath, I stared at the fogged shower glass door. Frowning, I traced with my index finger a heart.

I finished up and walked outside with a towel wrapped around me. Opening the door, I found Brian relaxing comfortably on his bed.

              “What just happened?” I asked.

             
“Well…” He eyed me nervously, “we made out a bit.”

             
“Why did you just practically run out of the bathroom?” I asked.

             
He wet his lips nervously. “You just looked really uncomfortable, and I thought maybe I had pushed you too much. I was pretty sure you wouldn’t tell me to get out even if you wanted me to, so I left.”

I softened at his words, climbing onto the bed.

              Kneeling before him, I said, “Brian, it’s not because of you.” I wrung my hands in nervousness. “The truth is that when you say that I’m beautiful and special, I just don’t see it. I know that I need to work on being comfortable with my body, but it’s going to take time. I need your help, though if I’m going to work through it. I need you to stay no matter how uncomfortable I look, because I
always
want you to be there.”

He sat up, kissing my lips.

              “I’m sorry. I didn’t know. I was just trying to do what I thought was best.”

             
“I know,” I murmured against his lips. “but, now you know.”

He kissed me again before tugging on my shoulders. Realizing what he wanted, I laid down with my head on his chest.

              “Why don’t you want me to touch you?” I asked.

             
“My head is killing me,” he replied, “I don’t think it would go well.” His fingers ran through my hair.

I frowned, feeling sympathetic that he was in pain. “Would you like me to rub your temples?”

I glanced up to see him shaking his head.

             
“It won’t work. My medicine was just changed last week. The headaches just started happening. I called my doctor today and he called in some new prescription for me.”

             
“Why the headaches?”

             
“Every medication has side effects. For many, they never experience them. For some reason, I am,” he explained nonchalantly.

             
“Okay, so it’s good the doctor called in new medicine,” I replied, looking for confirmation and he nodded again.

             
“Why don’t we cuddle and watch an episode of your brother’s show before the commercial comes on?” Brian suggested.

I nodded,
then kissed his chest, the area right over his heart before settling my head back down. Even though my body had just been revved up moments before, now lying on Brian, I was calm as could be- just like always when I was around him.

**

              “I can’t look. I just can’t.” I said, pressing my face into Brian’s shoulder.

             
“He’ll be fine. I already fast forwarded to check,” Brian assured me.

I watched my brother wrangle a King Cobra snake on his television show
Jordan’s Adventures.

             
“The average cobra is between three to four meters. We’ve measured this one at four, so he’s a big boy. Go big or go home as we say back where I’m from.”  My brother flashed that grin that I knew so well and I couldn’t help but smile at the T.V.  I watched hesitantly as my brother and some man named Naiid captured the snake, placing him in a crate.

             
In the next segment, my brother ate the devenomed and defanged cobra in a soup. The segment showed the process that was used on how to do such a thing. I tried not to gag. He spent the rest of the segment talking about how in many cultures this was considered to be a detoxifying treatment. Suddenly, Brian’s green shakes seemed far more appetizing.

             
In the next segment, he stood in Burma, watching a snake charmer. She was a beautiful woman wearing intricate paint work. I was mesmerized by the performance as I watched her work the snake.

             
“Now that’s a woman!” Jordan said to the camera. I knew that excited look in his eyes. It was the same way he gazed at our next door neighbor, Kelly, when he was a teenager.

             
“Just make sure she doesn’t bring the snake into the bedroom,” I muttered to the television.