Winning Back Ryan (25 page)

I wiped the last tears away, taking a deep breath.

              “Let me start from June twentieth.”

             
So, I told Max everything, leaving nothing out. When I was finally done, he pursed his lips, squinting his eyes, staring at nothing.

             
Finally, he said, “So, it’s obvious what you need.”

             
“What do I need?” I asked, sipping on a caramel mocha iced coffee. During the story, we crossed the street to a café. I only slept for four hours last night and was exhausted.  Now we sat on a mint green couch, facing each other.

             
“You need a new hairdo, some new clothes, and a little lip service,” he answered.

             
“Huh?” I stared in disbelief.

             
“You need a new hairdo. At the end of every breakup, you need a brand new style. You know to signify the transition in your life. You need lingerie for Brian, and lip service, well…” he winked at me.

             
“So, you’re suggesting that I show up at Brian’s apartment, wearing lingerie, and as soon as the door is closed, go down on him.”

             
“Mm hmm,” Max said, sipping his chai vanilla iced latte.

             
“That will actually work?” I asked.

             
“It’s a good apology,” he offered, “I wouldn’t mind getting one like that.”

I frowned at his suggestion, and was a little shocked hearing my quiet, reserved Max talk like that.

              “That didn’t work so well last time.”

             
He rolled his eyes dramatically at me. “Give the guy a break. He’s wanted you for like five years. Do you have any idea what kind of pressure that is? That’s a lot of fantasies. My head would explode trying to figure out which one I’d want to do first.”

             
“Huh,” I said, taking another sip.  When he put it
that
way, I was at a loss for words. “Is it weird of me to say I don’t want him to feel pressured? I just want to be with him with no expectations of how it will end?”

             
“Why are you telling me this? You should be telling him this.” I sighed. My foggy brain did somersaults that I was cheating and having more caffeine than Brian recommended.

             
“You might have a hard time convincing him of this, because you made a big deal about him not being able to perform last night. Plus, I'm sure it didn't boost his confidence when you helped Ryan home.”

             
“You know I had to.” I took another sip.

             
“I understand that you felt guilty. You blamed yourself for Ryan’s state.” I nodded my head. “But, that’s not very reassuring to Brian.” My brow raised. “Annie, why do you still feel the need for revenge? If you’ve moved on and want to be with Brian, then let go of Ryan completely.” I nodded, knowing that Max was right. I needed to move on.

             
“That’s why you tell him all of this after you’ve given him a blowjob. He’ll be much more receptive to listening after he’s blown his load,” he explained. I nodded, taking another sip. “Until then, we need to get your hair done. How do you deal with those curls?” I shrugged as Max took out his cell phone, dialing a number. “Roberto, we have an emergency.”

              I learned quite a bit about gay men that day and about how friendship with them is very different than friendship with straight men. First, I learned that Max always had two hair stylists in his cell phone. One as his regular, the other as backup.  Second, when I suggested we walk to Roberto’s salon fifteen blocks away because I felt guilty about missing my work out that morning, he whined before finally conceding, telling me that his ass had been looking saggy lately anyway. I couldn’t even imagine any circumstance in the world where Brian would say that to me. I smiled at this because oddly I didn’t want anything about my friendship with Max to feel anything like my friendship with Brian. I wanted them to feel different, because Brian’s and my friendship wasn’t replaceable.

             
At the salon, while I went through a chemical relaxing- it wasn’t a relaxing process at all- a cut, and some subtle caramel highlights, I learned all about Max’s real gay life, and his quest to find ‘the One,’ and his serious crush on his married boss.

             
Hours of chatting later, Max and I were two blocks away at a lingerie shop. I asked him if I could just wear something I had just purchased, and he shook his head. He said it had to be something new.  When I complained that the bustier Max held up looked too uncomfortable, he shoved the piece in my face.

             
“No pain no gain. Do you want Brian or not?” I was sold on his logic.

             
We chatted about everything- why I had behaved decently towards Ryan the night before- that my guilt was eating me that Ryan was right. I had wanted Brian for a little too long. I couldn’t pinpoint down exactly when it happened- I tried to all day at work- but it made me wonder why it happened. Was it saying that subconsciously I thought something was missing from Ryan’s and my relationship? Or was it because I simply thought Brian was a better fit? I still felt crappy about it, and I worried if Brian would wonder if we started a relationship that I’d fall for one of my other male friends. And what exactly were we? How does one transition from platonic friends to more? Are there rules or guidelines to this? Do’s and don’ts?

Needless to say, my head was a mess.

              When I kissed Robert, my new stylist, goodbye, I boarded a train back home. Several blocks later, I was at home relieved to find it empty as I changed into the outfit, put high black leather heels on, and took my coat out. Applying make-up, I smiled in the mirror. My hair really looks outrageously good.  It should for what I paid for it.  I wore the bustier Max picked out in a store underneath my trench coat, thigh-high stockings with pink lace boy shorts, garter belt, and heels.  Locking up the apartment, I headed towards Brian’s.

**

              I stood in Brian’s hallway for a solid five minutes, trying to gather courage.  Finally, I rang his doorbell, trying to keep my hands from shaking. Should I put them in my pockets? Clasped them behind my back? As I tried to decide, the door opened. Brian stood there in basketball shorts and a white undershirt staring at me. He looked so hurt and angry. I felt like even more of a jerk, and this whole idea seemed so stupid now. I wanted to turn and run, but I realized that would be worse. Wasn’t that why he was mad at me in the first place? Making the same mistake twice wouldn’t do me any favors. I sighed, steeling my nerves. Only one absurd plan left. This was either going to work out well, or be disastrous. Go big or go home, right?

             
“Hey. Can we talk?” I asked.

             
He avoided my gaze. “Now’s not a good time. I’m really tired. I have work early tomorrow.”

             
“I know you’re angry. You have every right to be. Please let me explain,” I said.

             
“How was your date with Max?” he asked.

             
“It was not what I expected to say the least. There’s going to be some gossip going around that we’re in a relationship. I want to tell you that it’s not true, but I’d appreciate if you went along with the lie for a little bit.” He looked at me strangely. “It just turned out to be a mutually beneficial situation to spread that lie.”

             
“I already heard it,” he said.

             
“Really? Wow. Well, now you know the truth,” I said stepping into the apartment.

             
“Why are you wearing a coat, and why is your hair straight?” he asked, looking me over.

             
“Max and I got our hair done today,” I said and his eyebrow quirked. “Nevermind.”  Here goes nothing. “I want to tell you how sorry I am for what I did.” As I began talking, I unbuttoned my coat. “I want to explain why I did it, and where I’d like us to go from here.” I yanked the coat open, his eyes going wide. I took the jacket off, tossing it onto his kitchen counter.  I walked over to him, my hand sliding down his pants. “But, I want to start off by saying that I’ve been thinking about you all day. I’ve really missed you.”

             
His mouth hung open in shock as I began massaging the tip of his penis with my fingertips. His eyes jumped around, looking at my hair, my eyes, my lips, my breasts, my outfit, and my hands. They didn’t seem to know where to settle. I yanked his pants down, and I knelt down, taking him into me.
              “Annie, we can’t be doing this right now.”

             
“Give me one good reason,” I said before taking him fully into my mouth.

             
“Oh fuck,” he shouted, his hands twining through my hair.

I slid him out of my mouth, flicking my tongue against his tip before sliding him back in.

              “Annie, we really can’t do this right now,” he gasped. He was hardening in my hand so beautifully that I couldn’t stop. What an ego boost.

I wrapped my hand around the base of his penis stroking while still sucking.
              “Holy Shit!” His scream was deafening. “Annie, we have to-” When I looked up, I found his eyes on mine; I smiled, knowing that he had been watching me. I flicked my tongue against his tip again to watch his reaction.

             
“Brian, are we going to watch the movie now or not?” I heard a feminine voice ask from behind me.

I turned around with Brian’s now erect penis in hand, staring at an open mouthed Amanda Giles. 
              “Amanda, how are you?”

I released Brian, standing up in front of him as he pulled his shorts up.

              “Not as good as you,” she replied, giggling. I knew I could either run, or just shamelessly own the situation. I decided the latter. I
was
the whore of the month, after all.

             
“Yeah, it was pretty hot out. So, I decided to wear a little less,” I replied casually, smoothing out my hair.

             
“I see.” She held back a laugh.

             
“What are you doing here?  I remember the way you used to look at Brian during our classes.”   The ugly jealousy sprayed out of my mouth without thought.

             
“Annie,” Brian said, his arm moving to my shoulder.

             
“Where do you get off snapping at me?” she shouted. “You’re in a relationship with Max. Now you show up for Brian, and I’m the one who’s done something wrong?”

This reminded me of the night with Ryan far too much, and now I was out for blood.

              “This is none of your damn business.”

             
She scoffed. “I was here when we saw Max’s Facebook status changed to in a relationship with Anne Watson. Then he wrote a post about how crazy he was about you and how wonderful your date was with him. Brian was heartbroken.” I couldn’t help but smile momentarily that Max said we had a great date, until the rest of her words broke through my mind. I turned towards Brian, who was frowning, looking down.  My hand moved to his jaw, forcing him to meet my gaze.

             
“You should know better,” I whispered. His brows knitted together.  I could see he didn’t understand, so I placed his hand on my chest, feeling my ragged heartbeat. “After what I just went through with Ryan, how could you think I could do that to you?”

             
“You left,” he whispered.

             
“So, you move on to her?” I asked, still angry. He shook his head, and I scoffed. “She came out of your bedroom, Brian.”

             
“She went to the bathroom,” he explained with sad eyes.

             
“You were about to watch a movie. That’s code for making out. Remember
our
first date?”

             
“So what if we made out? I would have made him forget all about
you
,” Amanda yelled. It was the wrong thing to say to me at that moment.

I turned towards Brian, blatantly ignoring Amanda.

              “I need to leave, or I’m going to kill her.”

I walked over, grabbing my coat.

              “Wait!” Brian called out. “Amanda, thanks for coming by, but I need to speak with Annie.”

             
She scoffed at Brian. “You’re going to pick her over me?” He nodded. “Fine!” she shouted, picking up her purse, storming out of the room.  “Whore!” She charged past me.

             
“You have a little powder on your nose, cokehead,” I snapped back.  She stared at me indignantly before storming out.  During our sophomore year she had a real problem with the drug. She swore up and down that she was clean now, though. There was nothing like rubbing that weakness in your opponent’s face, though, right? I did not feel an ounce of mercy for my friend at that moment.

Brian closed the door, turning around, staring at me.

              “You have some explaining to do.”

             
“So do you,” I snapped. “I thought you were better than Ryan. You’re just the same.”

He charged towards me, furious.

              “How can you compare me to him?”

             
“Because it felt the same inside when I saw her come out of your room,” I told him.

I kicked my heels off, placed my jacket down, and walked to the center of the living room.

              “Let’s go. Me and you. We’ll settle this now.”

He walked over, nodding. Our eyes watched each other, our knees bent, as we circled each other.

              “Have you slept with her?” I asked.

             
“Yes.”

             
“When?”  I knew in my heart that if he told me today or yesterday I would have walked out that door and never came back.

             
“Third year,” he said, “A few months after you started dating Ryan.”

             
“And since then?” I asked. He shook his head, never leaving my eyes.

             
“That’s disgusting, and you’re disgusting for doing that with that druggie. Did you plan on sleeping with her tonight?” I asked. I was not sure why I was doing this to myself. No good could come from this.

             
“Annie, she’s been clean for years,” he said.

             
“That’s what she tells you!” I shouted. “How do we know?”  He frowned, deciding to take another route. It was clear he really didn’t care to talk about Amanda.

             
“Why is Max telling people that you’re with him, yet you’re saying you’re not?” he asked, ignoring my question completely.

             
“I’m telling you that I didn’t actually have sex with him. I want everyone else to believe that we did, though. I’m doing him a favor. He’s trying to make an ex jealous. He
was
supposed to call you and tell you that it wasn’t true.” My explanation was a lie, but I didn’t want to betray Max, yet I didn’t want to hurt Brian. Besides, the actual truth was far more innocent than the lie that I was telling.

             
“You didn’t kiss, didn’t do anything?” he asked me.

             
“How could we when I talked about
you
all night?” I asked.

             
“What were you talking about?” We continued circling each other.

             
“What’s happening between us, how I feel about you, stuff that was going through my mind.”

He paused for a moment, contemplating my words and I used the opportunity to run into him. I was like a linebacker in pink lingerie taking him down.

              “You left!” he shouted as his back hit the ground.

             
“I was embarrassed. I thought we weren’t able to…you know, because of me. I thought I was the reason. I was too ashamed to face you the next day. So, I split for some time to get my head together.”

             
“How could you think that?” he shouted, blocking a punch, grabbing my hand in his.