Who We Were (15 page)

“Treatment for what, Nolan?”

I shoved his hands from my cheeks with force. He stared at me with a blank expression, his mouth opening and closing like a fish fighting for air.

“Nolan! What did he mean?” I knew without his answer, but I wanted it anyway.

Finally he pulled me from the hospital waiting room to the cold air outside. He turned me around and faced me, his face looking sad.

“They found something. Another tumor. I’ve been having treatments but … God, Sadie, I wanted to tell you, but I didn’t want to scare you.” He paused searching my face. Tears ran down it, and I couldn’t speak. “It wasn’t something to worry about, but now they think they should go in and remove it.”

My heart sank to the floor. I felt hollow. My beautiful boyfriend was sick again, and he didn’t want to tell me.

No, don’t make this about you
, I thought.

“What … what does that entail? Removing it?” My voice sounded far away, miles away from here.

He looked down, avoiding my eyes, and finally back to me. “It’s a procedure they’ve done countless times. The surgeon seems really hopeful that it will be okay. But the treatments they’re doing aren’t shrinking the tumor. They want to take this opportunity to remove it while they can.” He tried to make his voice sound positive, but his eyes showed the fear that he really felt.

“
While they can?”

“It’s not cancer, yet. And it’s in an area that they can go in, and it won’t affect brain function severely.”

All I heard was; Cancer, Tumor, Brain Function.

“When?”

“Next week I have one last treatment and then they’re thinking the following week.”

I couldn’t meet his eyes. I had to get myself together, but the fear of losing Nolan was too strong. I didn’t want to do anything but run away. I felt myself sway and all at once his arms steadied me.

“Sadie, it will be okay. I promise you,” he assured me.

“If you’re so certain then why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

He had no answer because he wasn’t sure that everything would work out fine. He knew just like I did that the risks were high.

Even though I wanted to run, I knew that staying with Nolan was the best idea. I wasn’t going to be a coward, he needed me. He needed support. I wrapped my arms around him and held him tight.

“We’ll get through this,” I told him, even though I had no idea if we would or not.

Spring

Twenty Two

The ride to the hospital was the longest ever. My mom not only drove like an old lady, but she cursed like a sailor at everyone who passed her. “Go on, pass me, jerk!”

I said nothing. I knew she was nervous, as nervous as I was. I let her drive and scream because it seemed to make her feel better. I just looked out the window and watched the birds fly around. They were so free. So happy that the weather was warming and the trees were thawing. I could relate. The winter was hard here and spring never lasted long enough. It seemed to fly by in a blink.

I would be graduating in two short months. Then it was off to State. I was ready, ready to leave this town behind and start a life as a college student. Kyleigh was staying in
Laurel Lakes to attend the community college, but we promised to stay in touch no matter what. We made that promise last summer, and we kept it. We talked regularly, and without her I don’t know how I would have gotten through the winter.

Mom pulled the car into the visitors’ parking section. I felt a chill run through me as I looked up at the hospital. The last time I was here was for Nolan’s surgery. It was the longest six hours of my entire life.

“Come on, Sadie,” she said breaking my trance. I followed her through the glass doors, and she spoke to the lady at the desk. She handed us visitors passes, and we walked to the elevators.

“You okay?” she asked me when the doors opened. I shook my head, but said nothing. I wasn’t okay, because I never would be okay standing in this hospital again. It brought back too many memories.

We took the elevator up to the sixth floor, and I followed my mom, who seemed to know exactly where to go. We rounded the corner and found room 623. “Go ahead,” my mom told me. “I’ll wait right here.”

I went into the room and found him standing by the windows looking out on the parking lot. He heard me and turned around, a smile on his face.

“Sadie, you made it,” my dad said. “You here to break me out?”

I nodded and felt the tears stinging my eyes. He’d had a heart attack while he was walking his dog, Butchie. He fell right into the street, and no one found him until thirty minutes later when a car came down the street. The lady almost hit him. Luckily she stopped and called an ambulance, and they rushed him here just in time.

He didn’t have anyone to give him a ride home today, and wasn’t cleared to drive just yet, so my mom volunteered. He would be staying with us until he was ready to take care of himself.

He grabbed his small plastic bag holding his belongings and pulled me into a hug.

“I’m happy to see you,” he said, his voice cracking. I fell into my dad’s arms, and even though they were weaker and frailer, I felt secure.

“Me too, Dad.”

***

That night I drove to the Rylan’s to visit. Mrs. Rylan, or Becky as she insisted I called her, opened the door for me.

“Sadie, sweetie. We’re so happy to see you’re here. How is your dad?” I filled her in on his progress, and that he would need time to get better.

“Well, your momma will take good care of him. I am sure of it.”

I nodded, and she ushered me into the kitchen where Nash was cooking something that smelled delicious. He smiled at me, waving his spatula. “Nash, you’re gettin’ food all over my floor, honey.”

I just laughed. Becky went to work cleaning up the floor, and Nash went back to stirring dinner.

Behind me I heard a familiar slow shuffle of Nolan’s feet; I had become used to the sound over the past few weeks. I turned around and saw his bright and cheerful face, despite everything, he remained happy. I wanted to run to him, but the doctors and physical therapists told us to let him come to us. They urged us to let him gain his strength and not baby him like we all wanted too. So instead of running to meet him halfway, I stood there waiting for him.

The surgeons had taken out the remaining tumor in Nolan’s brain, but
they had no idea just how big the tumor was until they took it out. They assured Nolan’s family that he would be okay now, but he was still on the road to recovery.

His speech was fine, but his motor abilities were slow in the beginning. He could walk without help now and was gaining more strength every day. I know his family thought they’d lose him; I saw it on their faces every time we spoke about the surgery. The fear controlled my own thoughts day and night, so I could relate.

Once he had his surgery, the doctors told us things could only get better from here. Hearing that made the fear I held subside a little. I don’t think it will ever go away fully. Nolan was strong, and he would fight until he was back at one-hundred percent.

“Hey,” he said once he reached me. “How’s your dad?”

“He’s better. I dropped him off with my mom, and she got him settled in Cara’s old room.” Nolan ran his finger down my arm, giving me chills. “Are we eating here?”

He shook his head. “Nope. I have a surprise for you,” he answered, clasping his hands in mine. “Mom, Dad, we’ll be out there.”

“Have fun you two,” Mr. Rylan called.

I was confused. I had come for dinner and had no idea what little surprises Nolan had in mind. He took me through the woods on the path that led to the dock. The sun was just going down, and it actually looked like it was sizzling into the lake from where we stood.

We reached the dock and I noticed it was covered in something. I wrapped my sweater tighter around my shoulders and leaned in to get a better look at what it was. Nolan stopped and told me to turn around.

“Come on! I want to see,” I whined.

“Nope. Turn.”

I did as he instructed and listened intently on what he was doing behind me. Finally he said, “Okay.”

I turned and walked closer. The dock was littered in red rose petals. At the end was a picnic basket and him holding a bouquet of the same colored roses.

I smiled and walked slowly to meet him. Once I reached him, he handed me the flowers, and I took them, smelling their sweet scent. The whole dock was heavy with it.

But I was confused. What was the reason for all of this? Finally after I sat with him on the small blanket he laid out, he filled me in.

“I brought you out here to ask you officially to go to prom with me. I know that you have your own prom, but I’d like to go to my prom, together. If you want to go to yours too, we can.” I put my fingers on his lips to stop his mumbling.

“I only want to go to your prom. I won’t feel right going to mine.”

I didn’t feel like a student at Ridgeline anymore. Not because of what happened with Lily, but more so because I am only there for a half day. People hardly ever see me. I couldn’t really place the exact reason, but maybe it was because I left my heart at Alcott. I had felt more secure there. Even after I had made fun of all of the Alcott kids all of my life, I fit in better there than I ever did at Ridgeline.

There was something true to the feeling of being at home when you were standing somewhere surrounded by people who cared about you. At Alcott, I felt that way especially with Nolan and Kyleigh with me.

Nolan was not really at school much lately. He had his good days and his bad, but mostly he did his work from home. Our college class was now my class alone. He absolutely had to give that up, but it didn’t stop him from getting accepted to State. We had our lives planned out carefully. The tumor had only been a small bump that we went over, and we were staring at the road in front of us once again.

I leaned into him and kissed him. “This was the most romantic invitation to prom. I absolutely will go with you.” He kissed me back tenderly.

“I can’t wait to see you in your dress,” he half joked.

“Oh, I bet.”

I smacked him, and we tumbled onto the dock. It felt amazing to be free with him and feel like I wasn’t going to hurt him. The last few weeks had been hard, but he showed me I couldn’t break him. I watched him wrestle with Nash outside several times, and each time he went down, I cringed. Finally after one football game between his friends at his house, I couldn’t take the fear any longer.

I walked over to him and said, “I’m scared you’re going to get hurt, Nolan.” He looked at me and pulled me into his arms.

“Sadie, I’m not fragile. I’m strong. I can wrestle with Nash, and I can play ball with the guys. I’m not a glass figurine that belongs on a shelf. Can a figurine do this?” He lifted me in the air with his arms and swung me around the yard until we were both so dizzy we almost threw up. I just giggled and let him do his thing. All the while I saw that he was right; he wasn’t broken.

He scooped me up and pulled me into his lap. His kisses covered my neck down to my chest, and we forgot all about the food.

Twenty Three

I held up the blue dress with sequins high in the air so Kyleigh would notice it. The noise in the dress shop was astounding. She shut off her hearing aids because it was all a little too much for her. Every Alcott and Ridgeline girl was here today, of course. I wished silently that I would have waited until Monday afternoon to do this. Even going alone and telling Kyleigh what I got later was fine with me, but she insisted on being a part of this. So that was why we were there on a Saturday with every other girl.

“This one?” I shouted at Kyleigh. She took notice and shook her head. “Ugh.”

I was so frustrated. There wasn’t one dress I liked, or Kyleigh liked for that matter. The one I had my eye on online was sold out. At this rate I would be going to prom in shorts and a tank top.

“I’ve always thought you looked good in orange or pink.”

I turned around and was surprised to see Lily holding up a dress in each color she suggested. I had not talked to her since the hospital incident. She had come back to school, but with my schedule I never ran into her. I had given up on ever reconciling with her because once she threw that cup at me; it was pretty final. I heard from Nolan that Oliver was arrested and charged. He lost his license and had to pay a heavy fine. But to me that wasn’t enough. He wouldn’t change his ways unless it was a heavier punishment. If he kept getting away with things, he would continue to abuse people and abuse his so-called power.

“I like the orange one,” Kyleigh suggested, standing with me now. I hadn’t realized that I was staring a Lily with a blank face until then. I smiled, half-assed, and reached out for it.

“Thanks. I’ll try it.” It was hard to not grit my teeth or even take a defensive stance. At any moment she could strike, but instead of throwing things, she handed me the dresses.

“Can I see it … once you’ve tried it on?” she asked hesitantly.

It was weird for her to be talking to me and even weirder to want to be a part of anything that had to do with my life. Hadn’t she been the one to remark on how
perfect
my life was? Boy was she wrong.

“Umm, sure.”

I bit my lip and shrugged my shoulders staying cool and aloof as I stepped into the dressing room―I was lucky enough to snag one when I first got here. Other girls were trying dresses on anywhere they could find space.

I took a look at the orange dress and the pink one. I had to admit they were both pretty amazing, but I wasn’t going to tell Lily that. The orange chiffon go
wn had one shoulder that was encrusted with jewels. I tried that one on first. It fit me perfectly; leave it up to Lily to remember my size and the style I liked. That didn’t mean anything.

I walked out of the room and both girls looked up at me. Kyleigh wore a frown and so did Lily, I guess that meant orange was a no then. I stepped back into the room and shimmied it off.

What are they talking about? Are they even talking at all?
I wondered.

I would probably take a guess that they were not talking, since Kyleigh didn’t have her hearing aids in, but I could have been wrong.

I slipped into the short, light pink dress and zipped it up on the side. I stood staring at myself in it for a bit; it was perfect. How I had not seen this style before?

It was strapless and the neckline dipped down just enough. The skirt was short in the front and fell in layers to the back. I sighed and stepped out, awaiting their reaction. As soon as I did, both of their eyes lit up. I smiled and walked to the big mirrors where Kyleigh
followed. She stuck close to my side, and her smile said more than I needed in words.

“It’s perfect,” she said a little too loudly. I mouthed a thank you and turned to look at Lily. She beamed at me and clapped her hands together―that was a signature Lily thing. Whenever she got excited, she would clap her hands and squeal.

“Thanks for finding this. I actually love it,” I said surprised still.

“You’re welcome. I … I better go. My boss doesn’t like me to sit around.” I was confused.

“Your
boss
? Wait … do you work here?”

She nodded. So she was just doing her job then, not helping me because she wanted to. I nodded harshly.

“Well, tell your boss you did a good job finding the dress for this customer,” I spat and walked back into the dressing room. I hastily took off the dress and fumbled putting it back on the hanger. I once again was stupid in thinking she wanted to be friends again. Why was I constantly thinking things would get better with us?

I took a deep breath and left the dressing room with the dress in
hand. I didn’t care. I wasn’t too proud. I was buying this damned dress even if she was the one to pick it out for me.

*
**

Nolan and I were sharing a Limo with Nash and Amelie for the night―It only made sense to go together. Why spend the money on two?―The Limo would be here in five minutes, and I was still just in my underwear. Cara sprayed my hair one last time with
AquaNet
and I hacked up a lung. That stuff will kill you if you’re not careful.

“Okay, done,” she announced. I looked in the mirror and nodde
d. The hair was perfect, the make-up pristine, now for the dress.

My mom held it up and helped me in it. I wobbled in my high heels, that I wasn’t used to wearing, as I stepped in the dress. She pulled it up and zipped it for me. I adjusted my boobs and smoothed it out. I suddenly worried Nolan wouldn’t like my dress.

“Sadie,” my mom said. “He’s gonna love it. He doesn’t care what you wear, sweetie. He loves you anyway.” Moms always know what you’re thinking.

I sighed. “Yeah, but I want him to look at me and remember this night forever.” Sure it was foolish to want that, but this was a big night for us.

“It’s not your damn wedding, Sadie. It’s just prom,” Cara remarked.

I scowled at her negativity, and she flipped me off. Just because she thought prom sucked didn’t mean I would. I was going to an Alcott prom. They held theirs at the Laurel Resort, not in the gym like Ridgeline did. I had been going to the LR a lot more lately since being with Nolan. At one time I harshly judged it as a snobby retreat for the rich, but it was actually beautiful.

“Don’t be jealous that my prom will be better,” I snarled.

I heard the beep of a horn outside and peered out of my window. Nolan was getting out and adjusting his all white tuxedo. I blushed and couldn’t resist the smile on my face. He looked so gorgeous.

“Good lordy,” my sister remarked. “He looks amazing in a tux.”

“Hey, hands off!” I warned her. I knew she was teasing, but he was mine.

My mom was already opening the door and snapping pictures of Nolan. I came up the hall and watched him. He posed and smiled for all of her shots; he was such a good sport. When I came into the room, it was literally like time stopped. His eyes found mine and everything else fell away. He walked toward me with a certain swagger. His limp was gone; he was all back to normal, healthy Nolan, not that it mattered to me. I could see his confidence had returned. It showed in every step he took toward me.

My heart beat widely and a laugh escaped my lips as he got closer. I was giddy with excitement.

“You look … there are no words,” he breathed. He leaned in and kissed me, and in that kiss I knew he really liked my dress.

We somehow managed to get out of the house unscathed. Between my mom and his parents, who showed up to take pictures too, we were swarmed. I knew what it was like to be attacked by paparazzi now.

The LR was elegantly decorated for the prom. I sat at our table for a minute, just staring at my surroundings. I was so excited not only to be there, but to be there with Nolan. The time we’d had together had been so meaningful and special that it all seemed to come together on that one night. I knew it was just prom, but to me it was more than that. We had grown so much over the year, and it was soon coming to an end. Our high school careers were almost over and prom was really the last hurrah. Before long it was graduation and summer again.

“A dance miss?” he joked.

He held out his hand, and I took it, standing. He pulled me out on the dance floor where we swayed to the slow song roaring through the speakers. “I’ll never forget this night.”

I smiled because I felt the same way. I melted away in his arms, dancing slowly with him even through the fast songs.

Love is funny that way. You don’t seem to notice when life speeds up around you.