Who We Were (13 page)

I used his shampoo to wash the chlorine out of my hair, and now realized I smelt like him. Studying the bottle,
eucalyptus shampoo
, and I realized I would need to buy it because it smelled amazing.

I finished up in the shower and towel dried off with his fluffy grey towel. I put on the shirt, and the fabric was so soft I was instantly exhausted. Feeling so comfortable, I was ready for bed.

When I came out, Nolan sat on the bed with the covers on. He was watching a movie and turned to look at me in his shirt.

“I’m so happy that I can finally tell you that you look so sexy in my clothes,” he confessed with a serious face. “I wanted to tell you before, but I couldn’t.”

I got it. We were just friends then.

“Well, thank you.”

I climbed into bed with him and laid my head on his chest, feeling it rise with every breath he took. He ran his fingers through my hair and whispered, “I’ve never wanted anything more in my life than I want this right here. Now go to sleep, and I’ll be here when you wake up. I love you.” He loved me too. I sighed heavily and fell into a deep, restful sleep.

Nineteen

The next morning came too soon, and I stretched lazily in an empty bed. Sitting up I looked around for Nolan, but he wasn’t in the room. I slid off the bed and heard voices
from outside, so I headed out quietly onto the balcony―below stood Nolan and his father. I held my breath and slid back into his room. I didn’t want his dad to see me in his son’s shirt with no pants. Even though nothing happened between us, he wouldn’t know that.

“Nolan,” his father said in a deep voice. “I want you to come home. You’ve been spending way too much time here.”

“What, dad? It’s not like you or mom even notice if I’m gone. What difference does it make that I’m here? I like it here. It makes me happy being alone.”

“Son, your place is at
home, not alone. And don’t be so melodramatic. You know your mom and I want you around. We’re just busy.”

I wasn’t the only one with family issues, I suppose. Every family had their problems, and this must be Nolan’s. I felt bad for eavesdropping, so I ducked into the bathroom to get dressed. I found my dress from last night hanging on the shower. I begrudgingly took off Nolan’s shirt and slipped my dress back on. I found a brush on the countertop and ran it through my hair. Luckily I was always, as my mom says, “Fresh faced.” It made not wearing make-up easier.

I heard the door to the bedroom open, and I stepped out of the bathroom. Nolan stood there looking around, and when his eyes settled on mine, he walked toward me, scooped me up, and kissed me. He didn’t even care about my morning breath either. Maybe this
was
love.

“You okay?” I asked him when he pulled away.

“You heard, huh?” I nodded. “Yeah, I guess I should go home. I’ve been here the whole summer.”

“Why are you hiding out?” I asked him, grasping for his hand as he backed away. He looked so sad all of a sudden. “Nolan, talk to me. I’m your …”
friend.

“You’re my what? Girlfriend?” He smiled widely now.

“Am I?”

I wasn’t anyone’s girlfriend before. I wasn’t sure what that felt like. Do you have to be officially asked before you refer to yourself as that?

“Yes. I mean, to me you’re more than just a girlfriend now. You’re a partner.” He pulled me close again.

“Okay, I’m your partner. Now tell me why you’re hiding out here.”

“Because,” he whispered, “I don’t belong there with them.”

This saddened me to hear. All this time I had no idea Nolan had felt this way about his family. I was too busy worrying about myself than to even ask him these important questions. Now that I was here and was able to help, I would. I looked at the clock and realized I needed to get home before my mom woke up and wondered where the hell I was.

“Come on, let’s go for a drive,” I said. “You talk and I’ll listen. No interruptions.”

I knew the drive to my house would give us plenty of time to talk. I even knew the long way there that would give us more time together and a beautiful view.

***

The drive was so serene. We took the mountain road down through the canyon and around the backside of
Laurel Lakes. While I drove his car, he talked about everything he could get off of his chest. How he hated football, something I already knew, and how his family pressured him about playing again even after the tumor. His dad was never home, and when he was, it was all about football and nothing else. His mom owned her own company that she called Personal Shopping, which was basically shopping for a living. Granted, it was for other people, but geez the woman got to shop, everyday!

“Don’t even get me started on Nash,” he went on. “It’s like we don’t even share the same DNA. We’re so different.”

This I knew first hand. Nolan was sweet and honest, and Nash, well, he just wasn’t. “He loves the game as much as Dad does. So Nash is Dad’s pride and joy while I’m just there, ‘ya know. Just there floating around the house, and no one sees me. Want to know how long I’ve been at the cottage until they came to get me?”

I nodded. “Three weeks, Sadie. They didn’t even show up to my doctor’s visit to get the final results.” That made me so sad to hear. How could they do that? He made a fist and hit the dashboard, not hard, but enough to make himself feel better.

I placed my hand on his and squeezed, letting him know I was here and I wasn’t going anywhere.

“Do you ever feel invisible?” He asked looking out the window.

I laughed. Did I ever. My mom worked so much I hardly ever saw her, and my dad wasn’t home anymore. Cara was off to college, and she just thought of me as the silly kid sister. No one at Ridgeline knew I existed, even though I passed them in the halls every day. But instead of giving him that answer, I gave him the one I really felt was true. The one that I felt right then in that moment.

“Not anymore.” I turned to look at him, and he met my eyes at the same time.

***

Fall

Summer gave way to autumn and I welcomed it with open arms. The summer heat was still in the air, but the trees were starting to turn the rich colors I adored about fall. I watched the trees shed their leaves as Nolan drove me to school. Today was our first day of senior year, and he insisted on driving me to school and picking me up. He said that it was essential that he saw me in the morning. Our class started at the same time at the college, so it just made sense to drive together.

“What are you thinking about?” he asked, breaking my concentration on the leaves.

“I’m actually not thinking, for once.”

“So, you’re not at all thinking about Lily?” Nolan knew me too well. He knew that I was scared about seeing her today. Lily and Oliver were still together. They had made it past the
summer phase
part of their relationship. While I had hoped she would see the light and end it, she decided to stick with the jerk. I could only hope that she was still safe. We still never talked, even after the end of the summer party.

Kyleigh said that Lily will see him for what he is once it’s right in front of her. I hoped so.

“Yes,” I answered Nolan. “But I’m also excited for our class.”

I reached across the seats and wrapped my hand in his. He squeezed it hard and caressed my finger with his thumb.

His day was equally as stressful. He quit the football team and would be telling his coach today. He was nervous because football is huge in Laurel Lakes, not a pastime, a tradition. And he’s giving it up. He knew he had made the right choice, but no one else understood, least of all, Nash. He took it the hardest.

We pulled into my school, and Nolan passed the U-shaped drop-off zone and pulled the car into the senior parking area. I didn’t ask how he knew where to pull; I just grabbed my bag from the backseat. When I sat up, everyone had stopped walking and watched me get out of Nolan’s BMW. Ridgeline had their rich kids, but not like this. Not Nolan freakin’ Rylan.

I didn’t realize how important the Rylan’s were to the teen social scene until I told Kyleigh that we were officially a couple. She screamed and danced first thing because she was happy for us. A while later she told me how they were like gods in Laurel Lakes, and that every girl wanted to date a Rylan. “They prefer Nash, but they’ll try for Nolan too,” she began. “They’re like royalty here. The princes of Laurel Lakes, if you will. Kind of like William and Harry.”

”So
if they couldn’t get Nash, why didn’t they try for Nolan?” I was confused.

“Because
Nolan doesn’t date, Sadie! Ever. I told you this. Don’t you remember?”

I remembered a little from the party, but not much. I shook my head.

“You really can’t handle alcohol. No one has been good enough for him to settle down with. They go for Nash because he’ll date anything.”

If they were like the British princes then Nolan was my William. He was a genuinely good person and would do anything for you. He was nerdy, yes, but he made nerdy look hot. Nash was the rowdy Prince Harry. Totally out of control.

I looked out at the crowd of girls drooling over Nolan and said quietly, “Not today, bitches. This prince is mine.”

“What?” Nolan asked with a smile, totally clueless that all these girls were chomping at the bit to get a chance with him.

“Nothing. Have a good day, but not too good.”

I leaned over and kissed him gently. “I’ll miss you,” I confessed. Nerves rumbled in my belly. I had spent the summer with him by his side, and now we would be separated.

“I’ll see you in a short three hours, that’s all. I’ll pick you up right here,” he said kissing me on the forehead.

I opened the door and got out reluctantly. Not wanting to see him driving away and leaving me for Alcott, I didn’t turn back and watch him go. Instead I looked forward and followed the crowd of people in the doors.

After I entered the school, everyone stopped staring and started moving to first period. I tried to shrug off the annoyance of the whispers around me, but it was hard. “What did she do to land a Rylan?” “She must have slept with him. It won’t last.” “Who is that girl? Is she new?”

I had to remind myself of why I was with Nolan―because he loved me and I loved him. It wasn’t the best start to a relationship, but we had one advantage; we were friends first. None of these people knew the Rylan’s like I did. They thought they were royalt
y, but in reality they were just like everyone else. They had their share of problems just like normal teens. They were rich as sin, but that didn’t make them better than anyone here.

The bell rang overhead, and I hurried to my first period class muttering to myself, “Three hours. Three hours. Three hours.”

I found my seat in my history class and watched the students file in. They were dressed in their finest clothes and their skin tan from days spent at the lake. I missed summer so badly at that moment. Soon it would be cold, and I would be shopping for a new coat. I did look forward to winter with Nolan though. Nights spent on his couch sipping hot cocoa sounded really nice.

“Hey, you’re Sadie, right?”

I broke my glance from the doorway and found Mike Sturbridge staring at me from the next seat over. I smiled and nodded.

“I’m Mike.”

I knew very well who he was. I had spent all of freshman year crushing on him, watching football practice after school in hopes he would notice me in the bleachers. Not that he would have any reason to notice me, I was a wallflower to guys like him.

“Hi, I know who you are. And yes, I’m Sadie.” I pulled my notebook out of my bag, and he leaned over and swiped it from me. “Hey, I need that.”

“I just need one page,” he said as he ripped a clean sheet out. He wrote something on it then handed me back the book and the paper that had his phone number scrawled on it.

“That’s just in case you want to go out sometime,” he said nonchalantly.

Me? Go out with Mike Sturbridge? He was Ridgeline royalty, and he was asking me out. I smiled, but inside felt shocked. Where was he junior year?

“Well, Mike … I have a boyfriend,” I said proudly. “But thanks.”

He tossed his curly hair back and looked at me with the most smoldering eyes ever and said, “People break up all the time. So save that just in case. You don’t want to miss out on this.” He winked at me, actually winked, then went to the seat at the back.

The first thought that came to mind was:
Gross!

I took the number and folded it up neatly. I knew exactly what to do with it.

Twenty

Finally lunch time and that meant I could see Nolan again. I practically ran from my Spanish class to my locker, I was so excited to be getting out of school early. But before I left the school, I had one thing to do. I pulled out my books, slammed the locker shut, and came face to face with Hailee Spencer. She looked pissed.

“Hailee, what’s up?” I didn’t have time for her bullshit. She was the creator of drama at our school and was notorious for starting fights for no reason.

“What’s up? Are you kidding me?” She placed her hands on her thin hips and jutted out her chest. She looked like an angry baboon.

“No. I’m not kidding,” I said trying to get around her.

“I heard you were talking to Mike.
My
Mike.”

I seriously hated Mike now for this crap. “I just want to let you know that he doesn’t want anything to do with you.” If she only knew. “And I’ll be keeping my eye on you.”

I laughed incredulously. “Yeah, okay, you do that. Look, I’m dating Nolan Rylan, so I’m not into Mike. He’s all yours.” I moved swiftly around her and her gaping mouth and pulled Mike’s number from my pocket. I turned the corner away from the lockers and into the girl’s bathroom. I pulled my pen out and wrote,
call for a good time
, on the sheet and placed it on the sink.

Mike would be getting some phone calls today, that was for sure. It would be interesting to see Hailee’s face tomorrow.

Nolan was waiting for me right where he said he would. He was leaning on the passenger side door with his arms folded and glasses on. He looked like he stepped right out of an 80’s movie. I ran and jumped into his arms, covering him with kisses. His glasses nearly fell off.

“Whoa, this is just a guess, but I’m going to venture to say that you missed me?” he said fixing his glasses.

“You are right, Mr. Rylan.”

*
**

By mid-fall Nolan and I had gotten back into the routine of school and were enjoying our college class together. The work load was a bit more than I was used to, but it helped that Nolan and I could study together. We’d share notes, and if I missed something during lectures, he usually got it or vice versa. We were looking at colleges and both really liked the state college. If everything went as planned, we would be going together. I wasn’t one to look to the future, but with Nolan that was easy to do. It wasn’t hard to imagine our future together. We were one together and I loved that we could be that way.

I was getting dressed for Nolan’s parents annual Autumn Party. It was at his house, which I still hadn’t seen. We spent most of our days at the mountain house because it was there that we fell in love and saw each other for who we really were.

My mom stood by and helped me pick out the right outfit. So far, half of my closet lay on the floor. I stood in front of the mirror wearing a navy blue dress and black leggings.

“I like that one,” my mom said with a smile. She was brutally honest about every other outfit so far, so I would wear this one. I was a ball of nerves. I had introduced Nolan to my mom at the end of summer. She really liked him, saying, “I can tell he has good intentions when it comes to you. I can see it in his eyes.”

Whatever she could see, I was happy she could. I was most happy that she approved and loosened the reigns with me. I was able to go out with Nolan as long as he had me home before
eleven o’clock on a school night and midnight on the weekends. She had her rules, and I had to follow them.

My dad was not so keen about Nolan and me. He was still coming around. I guess it’s hard for dads to see their daughters dating.

I pulled my hair up into a bun and secured it with pins. I took one final look in the mirror and grabbed my bag.

“Okay,” my mom said. “Be home by twelve, Sadie.”

“Yes, mom. I know. I love you.” I kissed her and ran out the door.

*
**

Nolan was waiting in his driveway for me, a worried expression on his face. My stomach clenched. I looked up at the house itself, and my mouth dropped. It was bigger than the cottage house, which was enormous itself. The brick mansion that sat before me was the most elegant house on the block. It was dressed up and ready for fall with mums lining the gravel driveway and barrels of hay intricately placed alongside a few pumpkins.

“What’s wrong?” I whispered as I walked up to meet him, trying hard not to stare at his house.

“I’m just nervous. Sorry.” He leaned down and kissed me so softly on the mouth. “You look so beautiful, Sadie.”

I blushed. “You look pretty good, too.”

He was wearing a button down shirt and slacks. Nolan never dressed down for school or social events, only if we were hanging out alone. But even so, I was always in awe of how adorable he was. Clothes really mattered to him. I, on the other hand, didn’t care what he wore. He could have worn a ragged, holey t-shirt and hot pink pants and would still be the most beautiful guy in all of the world.

“Everyone is waiting,” he told me sarcastically as he pulled me into the house.

“Oh, don’t make
me
nervous or anything,” I teased. Honestly, I was a mess. His nervousness didn’t help me at all.

“No reason to be anxious, Sadie. It’s just my family.” Oh, just his family. No big deal, just little Sadie Peter’s meeting the infamous Rylan’s. I checked the pins in my bun and entered the house with Nolan’s hand in mine. I gripped it tighter, and he squeezed back.

The house was full of people holding drinks and food. Waiters walked around serving them and taking coats.

“Come on,” Nolan said pulling me through the crowd. We walked out to the backyard that was bigger than a football field and full of people. Tents were set up through the grounds and housed tables and chairs and food.

We walked into one and I noticed Nash right away standing with the smug faced Oliver.

“Oh, hey,” Nash greeted me. “How are you, Sadie?” He actually was being the same polite Nash.

“Hi. I’m fine, thanks.” It was awkward, and I wondered if he felt the same.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Amelie walk in, and immediately cling to Nash like he was her lifeline. She noticed me, and a smile grew wide over her beautiful face. “Sadie, I didn’t know you were comin’. What a pleasure to see you again, honey.”

She pulled me into an awkward hug, and I fell into her arms, hesitantly patting her on the back. It was weird, but the girl was so damn nice. How could I not hug her back? She broke the hug and gushed about how this party was so much fun.

Nash squirmed a little in his seat and afterward pulled Amelie down with him. “Sit, Ame. You’re going all crazy again.” She laughed, but I almost felt bad for her. She still didn’t know about Nash and me.

Nolan pulled out a chair for me. I sat, and he squeezed in next to me, grasping my hand and squeezing it like I had just done in the house. “I’m right here,” I whispered.

“Good, because I can’t stand these things. I couldn’t do it without you.”

I didn’t understand why it was so hard for him to be at parties. He was so relaxed everywhere else we went.

Oliver came back from the food table with a plate full of food and sat across from me. He smiled at me and took a bite of his sandwich. “So,” he said with a mouth full of food. “You and Nolan, huh? The big, hot couple?”

I squinted my eyes at him. I had a sudden urge to pick up his plate and smash it in his face.

“Is there a problem, Oliver?” I asked, even though I knew better than to even encourage him.

“No, just wondering how you move from brother to brother so fast.” His eyes locked on mine and seemed to dare me to speak. Amelie looked from Nash to Nolan confused.

“Knock it off, Oliver.” Nolan said with clenched teeth.

“No. It’s okay,” I told Nolan. “I don’t let little weasels like Oliver get to me.”

Oliver laughed out loud mocking me.

“You know what does get to me?” I locked eyes with Oliver. “Guys who hit girls. Now
that
I can’t stand. I think guys who put their hands on girls are actually weak and have a need to feel bigger and better than they actually are. So they hit defenseless women.”

The whole table grew quiet. Nolan stared at me.

Oliver stopped laughing and grew quiet instead.

“What, Oliver? No quick retort?” I asked, feeling brave.

He still said nothing.

“Well,” Nolan said grabbing my hand. “I think we need some food and a drink.” He pulled me to stand and toward the table.

He handed me a cup, and I realized that my hands were shaking. I’d gotten so worked up that adrenaline was coursing through me.

“Sadie, you shouldn’t have said all that.” He handed me a plate.

I took it and stared at him. “Why not? Because of what everyone else thinks?”

Nolan looked around and set down the plate of food he had dished out. He grabbed my hand and pulled me out of the tent, through the crowd of people, up the stairs, and into a room that was bigger than any I’d ever seen. He closed the door behind me, and I crossed my arms.

“So what, now you’re hiding me in your room? Are you embarrassed that I stood up for Lily? Or shit, even Gwynnie?”

Nolan looked down at the floor then back at my face. “No. I’m not sticking up for that asshole. I’m not embarrassed either. I’m actually happy someone told him that to his face.”

“So, why are we hiding here?”

“Because I want you to know that I hate these fucking parties,” he screamed. “I hate being here. I hate that I have to eat next to those fake ass people. I just want to be with you at the lake or at the cottage. But we’re here, and I have to try.”

Before I knew it tears were running down my face. “Try to what?”

“Try to feel like part of the family again. I owe it to my parents and Nash to do that at least.” He pulled me on his bed and sat across from me. “Last year I grew so distant that I became like an island. I didn’t let anyone in. I thought I was going to die, so in my head I felt like it was best to shut them out. I thought it would hurt them less, and I thought it would hurt me less too.”

He pulled me closer and looked into my eyes. “I was an island until I found you. You’re the only person I’ve let in my life since I got sick. I never wanted to be part of anything until I met you.”

“Nolan,” I whispered. There were no words.

“I love you, Sadie. And if Oliver said anything to you down there …” he pointed toward the yard. “I would have killed him. That’s why I stopped you. I don’t trust that I could stand by and let my brother’s friend insult you.”

Before I knew it, we became a tangled mess of hands, hair and lips, my body crashing into his and my hands running through his hair. We had not had sex yet; we were waiting until the right moment, trying to be smart about it. But in that moment, we were taking things to a whole new level of intimacy. Just as his hands were slipping my shirt off, someone rapped on the bedroom door bringing us back to the here and now.

I regretfully pulled away from him, fixing my shirt, as he answered the door.

“Nolan, why did you take off?” It was Nash.

“Just couldn’t breathe down there,” Nolan expressed. “I can’t believe you invited him here.”

“I didn’t. He just showed up. Listen, you’re my brother, and I respect you. But Sadie really started something down there…”

“Oh, and your boy Oli didn’t? With his comment about her picking brothers?”

Nash had a point. I didn’t start it, but I could have waited until we weren’t at Nolan’s house, at a party. Ugh.
Bad choices, Sadie.

I walked to the door and pulled it open further. Nash’s eyes grew wide, as if he didn’t expect me to be here.
What? Like Nolan would make me leave.

“Look, Nash,” I began. “I didn’t mean to start a scene, I just don’t like Oliver. At all. And you don’t really know the half of it. You sit back and listen to his bullshit. I know what he did to Gwynnie, and I hate him for turning Lily against me.”

Nash nodded like he actually understood.

“I won’t sit there and say nothing. That’s not who I am.”

Nolan took my hand in his and squeezed.

“I am not asking you to do that. He left, okay? Can you guys come back downstairs?” Nash was actually trying to get his brother back into his life. I could see it in his eyes, like my mom had said she saw in Nolan’s. I could see the desperation and loneliness he felt while his twin was with me. I pulled free of Nolan’s hand and walked past Nash. I turned, faced the boys, and said, “Come on.”

The party started out pretty crappy, but by the time we ate and relaxed, it was more easy going. I still had yet to meet his parents, and I won’t lie, I was okay with that. But Nolan was perturbed.

“They knew I was bringing you.”

I turned to him. “Nolan, they’re hosting this huge party. They’ll make it over when they get a chance.”

The party was full of people I knew from town and even some teachers from school. Amelie explained that this was the
go-to
event of the fall. Everyone who was anyone came to this party. I felt a pang of regret for not inviting my mom. She would have had fun here.