Where Words Fail (21 page)

After a few more minutes spent crying over the loss of our baby, wrapped in Jameson’s arms, I straightened up and wiped my nose using the back of my hand. I know, real lady like... Pushing off his chest, I forced him to drop his arms from around me and took a few steps back. Being this close to Jameson was not good for my brain. I could feel the fog rolling in. Not only did I need distance to keep myself from needing him right now, but I felt like running away. My arms instantly wrapped around my stomach protectively. The sight of tears streaming down his strong face crushed me.

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner, Abby?” His voice caught, and it took everything in me not to bolt back upstairs and lock myself in my bedroom.

“Wh-what was I supposed to say? Hey Jameson, congrats you were going to be a dad but I fucked up and ended up killing our baby? I see that as pleasant dinner conversation, don’t you?”

“Abby, sit the fuck down and listen to me...” His hands gripped my shoulders roughly pushing me towards the kitchen chair and my instinct was to fight back, so that’s what I did. I threw my arms up over his and gripped his fingers and began bending backwards until he released me completely. Once I was finally free I ran to the opposite side of the island to put some space between us. Memories of Matt flashed in my mind, and I started to panic. The look on Jameson’s face showed me he was confused.

“Don’t you dare! Don’t ever touch me like that you mother fucker!” God, screaming makes my face really hurt and my hand automatically flew to cover my cheek trying to relieve some pressure.

“What the hell are you-” Realization finally dawned on him, and he began backtracking. His hands flew up in front of him like he was trying to reason with a wild animal. “Oh, Abby. Oh my God. I’m so sorry. I never. Christ! What is wrong with me? I would never hurt you like that. Abby, please believe that I would never hurt you like he did.”

My chin trembled while I tried to keep myself from crying. “Yeah, I’ve heard that line before. I don’t know which is worse. Having my body broken, or having my heart shattered. I do however know which one takes longer to heal. So, so... You might as well just go pack up and leave so I can start over... Again.” The words came out in a jumbled mess, parts of it so low that I wasn’t sure he had heard but based on the anger and hurt flashing over his face, I know he heard the most important parts.

His eyes narrowed as he spoke. “How many times do I have to tell...”

“Tell me what?” I hissed. “That you aren’t leaving? Yeah... You’ve said that a lot but I can tell you’re battling it in your head. You’re trying to figure out how to tell me you’re leaving... Well, let’s just make it easy. Just go. I don’t want someone here who doesn’t know if they want to be here.”

“You know for a smart girl, you’re pretty dumb.”

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me. You seem to think you know what’s going on in my head but you are so far from being right that it’s kinda funny. I’m not trying to figure out how to say goodbye. Because Abby, I don’t plan on leaving you, ever, unless forcefully removed from your life. What I’m trying to figure out is whether I should tell you the loss of our baby wasn’t your fault and then kiss you, or if I should kiss you and then tell you the loss of our baby wasn’t your fault.”

I didn’t notice as he inched his way closer. That seems to be happening a lot lately... I’ve gotta work on that. Letting my guard down isn’t like me but this makes twice this month that someone’s gotten close without me noticing before it’s too late.

Before I knew it, he was standing close enough to touch me. The blue in his eyes was sparkling from unshed tears as he stared at me. It was like they were pleading with me to believe him. I knew he wouldn’t physically hurt me, but it wasn’t my body I was worried about with Jameson. He slowly pulled my hand away from my face and rested it on his chest over his heart but didn’t let go. The warmth of his fingers crept into the skin on my wrist. I could feel his heartbeat under my fingers, and it calmed me. It told me I could believe him. I could trust him. I just needed to let go.

“Listen to me Abby. Are you listening?” He ducked his head so he was eye level. I nodded, at this point I wasn’t sure if I could talk or not. “First losing that baby... It wasn’t your fault. I will spend forever reminding you of that if you let me stick around. I hate that I wasn’t around to help you through that. I hate myself for leaving you. Second, I know you think the shit with Matt was your fault too. But it’s not. Matt’s an asshole and there’s something wrong with his head. There’s nothing else to it. You’ve got to realize that. It wasn’t you, nothing was on you. Do you understand me?”

Did I? Did I really believe that my baby didn’t die because of something I did? Everyone has told me over and over that it wasn’t my fault for that or for Matt beating me or coming back. So why does it feel different now that it’s coming from Jameson? It felt like the broken pieces of my heart were starting to shift back into place. I think I might believe him. I might even believe that he isn’t planning on leaving. Maybe I just need to suck it up and go for it like Alex says.

I nodded.

“Words, Abby, I need words for this. I don’t care if you scream at me but two weeks of not hearing your voice or seeing the spark in your eyes has killed me.”

“Um... Yes I understand you.” My voice might not have been the strongest, but I was getting distracted watching him. His eyes kept switching from watching my eyes to watching my lips, and his hand was now cupping my good cheek. His thumb rubbing back and forth. The warmth of his skin on my was amazing, so I leaned into it and closed my eyes.

“Good... Now tell me if you believe this.” His thumb stopped moving so I opened my eyes to see him staring down at me. “I love you Abby Irons. I don’t ever want to hurt you or feel the way I have for the past nine years. Do you believe that?”

I could feel the corners of my lips twitch. It was the first time since he was back that he had told me he loved me without me telling him I loved him first. I wanted to smile. That was a feeling I hadn’t felt in weeks. I was done feeling sorry for myself. Done thinking everything was my fault. I was going to live in the moment even if it killed me.

“I love you too, Jameson.”

“I’m going to kiss you now. If you plan on throwing any punches please tell me now so I can stop myself.” I was graced by a full megawatt smile as he joked.

“No punches, no more fighting it.” I promised.

Jameson pushed his hand further back, tangling his fingers through my hair. His thumb rested under my jaw, pushing up, raising my chin up for him. I could feel his breath against my lips. It was hot against my skin and smelled of spice and mint. I closed my eyes knowing if I kept watching what was about to happen, I would try to talk myself out of it.

Just be here, Abby, just live. I told myself.

“I’ve waited nine years to do this again.”

I licked my lips in anticipation, knowing that at any second, I would feel Jameson’s lips on mine. Not being one to disappoint, he did just that. It was so soft at first I barely felt it. Like a whisper or a light breeze. He was hesitant, thinking I would push him away at any second, but I wasn’t going to anymore. Instead, I pulled him to me. Wrapping the hand he placed on his chest into his shirt, I tugged him to me and slid the other up and threaded it into his hair. Standing on my toes to get closer, I brought my lips to his.

It was like no time at all had passed since the last time we had kissed. We remembered what each other liked, and how we moved. It was tentative at first. Slow, as his lips claimed mine. His tongue slowly caressing mine while his free hand pulled my hips to his. I could feel his hardness against my stomach. He tightened his grip in my hair as his tongue urged against mine harder, nipping my bottom lip. I moaned.

His hands dropped to my waist, and he hoisted me onto the counter. The coldness of the marble seeped through my jeans. His lips never left mine as he tugged against my legs. I opened them, allowing him to step between my thighs. I laced my fingers behind his head, tugging at his hair. He growled into my mouth, which made me smile. I hadn’t been able to do that when we were younger because he had his head shaved. I loved the reaction I got, so I did it again.

Suddenly, Jameson let go. He pulled back, both of us panting, trying hard to catch our breath. His eyes had darkened and I could see how much he wanted me, but he stepped back. I whimpered from the loss of contact. He scrubbed his hands over his face.

“Holy hell,” he panted. “Dinner.”

“What?”

“Dinner. I have dinner and a surprise for you. If we keep doing that.” He pointed towards my lips. “I’m going to forget about them both.”

I touched my lips. They were swollen and hot and I loved that feeling. With a cocky smile I leaned forward, forgetting everything that it took tonight to get us to this point. “I’m not hungry. Why don’t you come back over here?”

He laughed and gave me a quick kiss before pulling me off the counter and pushing me towards the table. “I’m calling bullshit. You haven’t eaten much in the past few weeks and I can hear your stomach rumbling from here. And if you don’t eat, you don’t get your surprise.”

I pouted as I sat down. Damn man always did know I loved surprises.

He laughed and kissed my bottom lip before turning to grab two plates.

Jameson

Fucking finally! I’ve wanted to kiss this woman again for the past nine years. Shit’s changed. Life’s thrown curve balls. I didn’t know the fight I knew was going to happen would end up like this. But I’m damn sure glad it did. Tasting her again was like a high. I just wanted to do it over and over again. Might make me an addict but I didn’t care.

I almost lost it when Abby pulled my hair. Christ that’s one of my weaknesses, and I’m only just learning about it. I’ve always kept my hair short. I did, at least until I got out of the military two years ago. Now it’s longer on top and short on the sides. My brother makes fun of it, and I had been thinking about shaving it off again, but hell not any more. If she’s going to keep lacing those tiny fingers through it and pulling on it, I’ll keep it long.

Setting her plate in front of her, I took my seat beside her. I could have sat on the other side of the table, but I didn’t want to be that far away from her. The scent of whatever Tuesday had cooked assaulted my nose. It smelled amazing.

“You cooked?”

“Uh...” I looked sheepishly at her. “Tuesday... I can’t really cook much. Everyone helped out a bit tonight.”

“I thought it was Tuesday’s cooking I smelled. Wait, what do you mean everyone helped a bit tonight?”

“Well, Tuesday cooked. Alex took Izzy out in case you decided to beat me up and Jason and AJ helped me get your surprise ready.”

“You’re awfully confident in yourself Jameson. How did you know it would go like this?”

“I totally didn’t. But I knew if I didn’t and it went this way then I would be screwed. But if you told me to go fuck myself, then it would just go to waste. I knew I had to try.”

She slid her hand onto my thigh and sighed. The warmth of her hand on me seeped into my skin. “Sorry, I have to touch you. I can’t believe I’ve been so stupid.”

“Never apologize for wanting to touch me. Do you know how hard it’s been these past few months to keep my hands to myself? I thought I was going to go crazy. Like lock me up fucking crazy. In fact…” I pushed my chair back and patted my lap. “Come here. I want to feel more than just your hand against me. She blushed but stood up and moved over onto my lap. I nuzzled my face into her neck, inhaling the smell of her skin. “And don’t call yourself stupid. You were being smart by protecting yourself... But don’t ever push us all away like that again. It scared the hell out of me.”

She nodded and rested her hand against my face. “I’m sorry, Jameson.”

“I know babe... Me too. More than you’ll ever know. Now eat. I want to show you your surprise.” The gleam in her eyes was back. That right there, that look was exactly what I was looking for. The lost piece of Abby was finally back.

Finishing dinner in record time, Abby bounced in my lap with excitement. Her bouncing on my lap was probably not the best way to make me keep my hands off her. It’s impossible not to get excited when I have this absofuckinglutely beautiful five foot two redhead that I’m absolutely in love with rubbing her ass all over my lap.

“Babe...”

“Yeah?” She said excitedly.

I growled. “If you don’t stop rubbing that perfect ass over my cock... You’re going to get a surprise, but not one I had originally planned.” I loved watching her as she settled down and stopped moving. Her eyes bulged a little bit, and her face and chest turned red. She teased her bottom lip between her teeth.

Reaching up I pulled her lip from between her teeth and sucked it into my mouth. The noise she made caused my blood to boil. Pushing my chair back and causing it to screech against the floor, I gathered her into my arms and without breaking our kiss, I made my way outside.

Reluctantly, I set her down on the edge of the four wheeler and told her to get on. Once she was finally settled I slid the blindfold out of my back pocket and handed it to her. Her eyebrow cocked and her eyes full of humor and something else. Desire? Hell yes!

“Get your mind out of the gutter gorgeous. It’s a surprise.”