What I've Done (23 page)

“I don’t know how uncommon it really is when you, Eli and my father all did it.”

“Do you love Eli?” Kalia only asks because she cares about me.

“Yes, I do. But then Gabe reappeared…I can’t seem to think straight when I’m with him. The line between what I feel in my heart and what is only Gabe’s influence keep getting blurred. Do you think Gabe would really hurt Eli?”

“Not physically, unless he has completely gone into the darkness, but in general angels can use mental influence to do whatever they want. You’ve probably realized by now that angels have a lot of power when it comes to that.”

I swipe my finger under my eye, hoping to catch a falling tear before Kalia sees it. I want to talk about something else. There never seems to be a happy ending in which Eli and I can be together, no matter what angle I take.

“So what’s your story?” I ask. “What kind of angel were you before you decided to fall for a human?”

“I was sent as a guardian to a human, just as Eli was for you.”

I knit my brows together in confusion. “I thought you were friends with Gabe.”

She rolls her eyes at this and sighs deeply. “It’s like I said, Lily. Angels from different sides aren’t natural enemies. Besides, I am a human now so none of that matters. Because I was an angel to begin with, I am able to detect other angels when they appear to me and I’m the one who approached Gabe in search of friendship. The ability to spot an angel is just something that never leaves you.”

I run my fingers through the blanket beside me, not sure how intimate my questions are becoming, but wondering more for my own benefit. “What will happen to you one day? I mean, what will happen when you die?”

She raises her eyebrows. “I hope to be reunited with my human.”

“Is he an angel now?”

It all seems awfully complicated to me. Maybe someone needs to create a set of rules for those of us not in the know.

She shakes her head. “I don’t know the answer to that. Not all humans become angels. But we will see each other in the afterlife.”

“Like my parents?” I ask hopefully.

“I like to think your parents have been reunited. But since I am no longer an angel, I don’t know whether they have been or not. Maybe Eli or Gabe would be able to answer that.”

I could continue on all afternoon with the pile of questions that seem to be mounting, and Kalia is so willingly answering all of them, but the pounding in my head is becoming too much to tolerate much longer.

I chew on my lip a minute and try to process everything. “How is it even possible for an angel to have a child?”

“Angels can’t physically produce children with humans unless they choose to fall, like your father did,” Kalia explains. “But since you’re half angel, you seem to be an important exception to the rule.”

Being an exception to such a rule doesn’t feel like a good thing. “So, say I do decide to have a child one day-“

“There is no question of that, Lily,” Kalia interrupts. “Both Eli and Gabe have seen in the future that you will have a child with an angel. It is unclear to everyone whose child it will be, however. That is why they are both trying to win you over.”

I shut my eyes, wishing I could forget about all this having a child business, if even for a minute. It is becoming overwhelmingly clear that my future has been set and an angel child will be a part of it. I shake the thought away.

“Lily,” Kalia urges, placing her hand on my arm. “You shouldn’t feel pressured to choose between them. Not right now, anyway. This whole having a child thing isn’t necessarily going to happen tomorrow. One of the drawbacks of angels being able to see into the future is that everything isn’t neatly spelled out for them. It could be ten years from now before you have this prophesized child.”

I hold my head in both my hands. “So what is it I am supposed to do in the mean time? My little sister and I are in a foster home. The only money we have is the little amount I earned in the few days I actually worked for you. I am worried about giving birth to a child that may change the hierarchy of all angels but I haven’t even finished high school!”

Kalia pulls my arms down away from my head and smirks. “You have two angels vying for your affection and ultimate love, silly girl. Don’t you think you will be well taken care of?”

I sigh, mostly in relief, knowing she is right. There is no way either one of them will let me and Rose starve or live in some alley at this point.

I look to my radiant friend and give her a crooked smile. “Why are you all dressed up, anyway?” I ask.

She runs her hand along her skirt. “You don’t like it?”

“No, I do!” I laugh, grinning. “You look amazing! I just mean…isn’t that an awful lot of clothing for you?”

She winks at me with heavy exaggeration. “I have a court hearing this afternoon.”

“You’re coming to my hearing?” I gasp.

“Of course I am. I can vouch for your situation if the Judge has any questions.”

I shut my eyes for a second and smile. “Thank you.”

Her face falls into a teasing frown and she tugs on a lock of my hair. “Now that we’re having all these honest heart-to-hearts together, it is time to tell you something needs to be done about this cheap dye job and botched haircut of yours.”

I laugh along with Kalia, but hold my head in regret when the panging starts back up.

There is certainly a lot more information I need before I can sort through my feelings for Eli and Gabe, but it is clear I have made a solid friend who knows a thing or two about angels and is willing to help me along my journey.

CHAPTER 11

The professionals that surround me do nothing to intimidate me. I have been to enough court hearings over the years that I know exactly what to expect, even though these people and the courtroom are totally different from those back home. The courtroom we wait in is large and quite plain but feels a bit too sterile and clean for my comfort. It seems better suited for some kind of surgical procedure. Since this is a juvenile hearing we are the only ones in the spacious room and our voices seem to bounce around in the open space.

Our court appointed advocate is a plain, mousey haired woman wearing a black tailored pants suit and round glasses. Rose and I spoke with her once before at Svetlana and Markus’s home—she is soft spoken but incredibly kind. She sits beside me now and tells us she will make sure the Judge hears our side of everything.

We have just met our attorney for the first time. He is a tall, middle aged man with dark black greasy hair, a long face and long nose. He wears a faded blue suit and readjusts his faded red tie while sitting at the table with us, waiting for the Judge. He doesn’t have much to say, so I consider myself lucky that I know how these court hearings usually work.

Melissa, our social worker, looks very different from the day she came to visit me at the shop and more like she had the day we met. She sits at a table across from us wearing a suit jacket with a skirt and heels. Her hair is pulled back into a tight bun, making her seem way too official, although she had greeted us warmly when we first arrived. An older balding man in a cheaper looking suit is standing beside her and rifling through a giant stack of files, grumbling to himself.

Svetlana and Markus sit directly behind us with Kalia in the first row of gray folding chairs. Whenever I glance at Svetlana, she gives me a nervous smile that looks foreign to her face. However, her appearance is a pleasant change from the others in the room with her fluttering white dress decorated in bright red flowers and a matching red flower stuck inside her exquisite up-do. I happen to notice her hands are clutched over Markus’s so tightly that her knuckles are turning white.

Rose has not been to very many court hearings before now. In Minnesota the Judge usually made her wait in the hallway with a court clerk, saying she was too young to participate, and our first hearing in California happened in such as flash that it could hardly be considered a hearing at all. Today she wears the pretty dress she picked out for her first day of school and her curly hair has been pinned on top of her head by Svetlana. Rose’s big, angelic eyes take me in while she sits quietly next to me.

I know I am not going to let her down this time.

“All rise,” a man barks.

Everyone stands at once. The man announces the arrival of the Honorable Carolyn Ritus. I know from the name that this will not be the same male Judge who had placed us with our foster parents. A slender woman with coarse, Einstein-like white hair and wearing a black robe enters the courtroom from a door behind the bench. She pauses before sitting to glance over at us with square glasses perched on the end of her nose. She tells us we can all be seated and the hearing that may change everything begins.

She calls the case, using the names “Jane Doe” and “Mary Doe” when referring to Rose and me. Since they had no way to verify the fake names I had given them, we remain nameless in their system.

“What are the prosecutor’s recommendations for these children?” she asks. Her voice is sharp and abrupt—she seems in a hurry to be somewhere else. She looks from the thin file in her hands to the attorney beside Melissa.

The man stands with a bead of perspiration forming above his lips. “Yes, your honor. Since we are unable to locate any parents, the state recommends at this time that the older child go into the Harris detention center and the younger child be placed up for adoption.”

“No!” I cry out, standing.

My attorney, who smells horribly rancid like stale cigarettes, holds his finger out and tells me to sit, like I’m some kind of dog.

“Is there a problem, Miss?” the Judge asks.

“Yes, ma’am,” I say.

“Sit down,” my attorney says more forcefully.

His eyes dart between me and the Judge, as if he is afraid of what she will say.

“Mr. Rogan, I would like to hear what the young lady has to say.” The Judge’s hard expression reserved for my attorney warms when she smiles at me. “Go ahead, sweetie.”

“Thank you,” I say.

I turn around to face Kalia and my foster parents. They all nod with great enthusiasm, but my eyes drift behind them to where Eli is standing. He leans against the back wall of the courtroom with his arms crossed, taking everything in. He is dressed in long khaki pants and a long-sleeved white dress shirt with a simple black tie. A slow smile forms on his lips when our eyes meet and he winks. I turn back to face the Judge, taking a minute to collect my courage.

 “Ma’am,” I begin, pausing to lick my lips, “my little sister and I have never had much of a chance of being happy in our lives. My father died when I was a little girl and my mother didn’t deal well with his death. She started drinking and doing drugs, leaving me to raise my baby sister all by myself for the most part while still going to school. Just before my mother died, she brought us from Minnesota out to this beautiful state of yours. We have only been here for a few months, but our lives are totally different now. Our foster parents are wonderful and caring people. I have a good job and my sister and I are going to school. I will graduate next month if I am allowed to stay.

In the short time we have been here I have made some of the most meaningful relationships I’ve ever had. I love this city and don’t want to have to move back to Minnesota where our lives were so sad. I turned eighteen yesterday and I will be able to care for my little sister one day, once I can afford a place for us to live. Our foster parents may be the best thing that has ever happened to my little sister. If nothing else I ask that you at least allow her to stay with them so she has a chance for a happy life. I am begging you ma’am, to please let us stay in California and give us this chance. Please don’t punish us for the mistakes our mother made.”

I hold my breath and continue to stand. The Judge sits perfectly still on the bench and stares at me with narrowed eyes behind the small glasses for what feels like an eternity. If there is any part of me that is able to influence people now, I hope that it is doing its magic.

The Judge finally speaks. “Are you ready to tell the court your real names?”

My body is trembling after having just told our story to a room full of people. “I am Lily Rossow and this is my little sister, Rose. I’m sorry I wouldn’t give our real names to everyone earlier, but I knew our social worker in Minnesota was probably looking for us. All I am asking is that you give us a chance to make it out here.”

The Judge leans back in her chair and seems to think for a minute. “Well, young lady, that is quite a story.” She looks around the room to each of the professionals, her eyes settling on Svetlana and Markus. “Are you their foster parents?”

“Yes!” Svetlana says enthusiastically. I turn to see she has jumped up from the bench and stands in anticipation of what will come next. “We are foster parents!”

“Are you willing to take these children on until Miss Rossow is able to provide for herself and her little sister?” The Judge’s face remains grave but her voice is light and hopeful.

“Yes! We take girls for long time!” Svetlana beams. “All are happy in our home! My husband is happy and I am happy! We will have girls happy!”

The Judge seems to chuckle a little bit at the sound of Svetlana’s broken English before looking back down to the file and pausing to read something. “Are there any objections to the children remaining with the current foster parents?”

The attorneys and our advocate answer in a round of “no objections.” Melissa is smiling brightly at me like she knows what is about to happen.

“Then this court is going to order that Lily Rossow is to remain in the foster home until her nineteenth birthday. Rose Rossow is to remain with the foster parents until there is a petition for guardianship or adoption filed. We are adjourned.”

She stands to leave the courtroom but watches for a moment as I give celebratory hugs to my sister, our foster parents, Kalia and Melissa.

The Judge takes her glasses off and smiles warmly at us. “I wish you the best of luck, and hope you get that chance you never had.”