What I've Done (19 page)

I grumble to myself. “Who said I will do anything reckless?”

“Just promise me that no matter what, you won’t do anything that would put your life in danger.”

My lips pull into a full pout. “But aren’t you changing my future by warning me not to do something reckless?”

He shakes his head slowly back and forth. “Altering it isn’t necessarily the same as changing it. The final outcome will still be the same.”

“So every time someone unsuccessfully kills themselves there is a big debate over whether they will become good or evil?”

“Not usually. You are different than most people.” His words hang in the air while I consider them for a moment.

“Different, as in…” I wait for him to finish.

“Your father was once an angel.”

I guess I hadn’t stopped to think how that would affect me personally. My breath becomes slow and shallow when it dawns on me what he is saying. “That makes me half angel.”

Maybe there are some things that are still hard to digest, after all.

CHAPTER 9

Eli takes my hand again and looks down at me with those divine eyes of his. “There aren’t many of your kind in this world, Lily. Someone like you can eventually become extremely powerful.”

My kind
. His poorly chosen words make me feel as if I am part alien. But then again, I suppose angels are a kind of alien by definition, although Eli certainly doesn’t look any bit alien. It is still shocking to learn he isn’t a normal human.

I stand and walk past him onto the beach, welcoming the texture of the sand between my toes. It brings me back to reality if only for a moment. I hold onto my stomach when I am sure I will lose the contents of it.

Eli calls after me and his voice is the only real thing I am able to focus on. I turn to him with my mouth agape, unable to verbalize anything I am thinking. He walks toward me and wraps his arms around me, holding his head tightly against mine.

“It’s going to be okay, Lily.”

“Am I going to grow wings?” I whisper.

The vision of becoming totally disfigured terrifies me but Eli laughs, the deep musical sound and the vibration of his chest becoming yet another comfort to me.

“Have you seen any wings on me? We don’t have wings. Humans have always just assumed we have them because of the unnaturally fast speed we can travel.”

I remember how he had appeared so suddenly in my path after Johnny confronted me in the park. It seemed impossible at the time that he could move at such a fast rate of speed. I could definitely see how easily people would make a connection between the two.

“Well maybe my angel speed isn’t working. I totally sucked when it came time to run the mile in gym class,” I mutter into his chest.

He laughs again. “Your abilities don’t come into play until after you become an adult.”

“So that’s why you wanted to wait until I turn eighteen. You’re saying in just a matter of an hour I will have these angel abilities?”

“Yes, but since you are half human I really don’t know what things you will be capable of. No one seems to know. It’s not something I have been able to see in your future.”

The calming warmth radiating from him is almost as enduring as an aphrodisiac. I wrap my arms around him tighter, enjoying the buzzing our bodies create together. “I would die happy if you would just let me stay forever in your arms, you know.”

He squeezes his arms around me lightly. “That electricity you feel between us is an angel thing. It’s kind of our way of making people feel comforted. But when two angels touch each other…”

He pulls his head away and reaches down to run his finger against my skin with an exaggerated leisure. The warmness his touch creates brings a small moan from my throat.

I eagerly reach up to press my lips against his, wanting to devour him whole. He first responds to my kiss with the same passion. His hands run up and down my back as I tangle my fingers inside his locks of hair, getting lost in his mesmerizing smell and caressing touch of his perfectly warm lips. After what feels like mere seconds have passed, he pushes me away.

He laughs nervously and curls his fingers with mine, kissing my forehead. “We can’t do this, Lily. Not now, anyway.”

I push my lip out in a pout. “Why not?”

“There are more things I need to tell you before we can be together in that way.”

“Hmmm…there’s more?” I ask with heavy sarcasm. “Okay, let’s run this down. You’re my guardian angel, I’m some half-breed with these abilities about to kick in any minute and there is pretty much no way that we can really be together. Did I forget anything?”

His slow smile returns to his face and he seems amused by my attempted humor. “Maybe that’s enough for one night.”

“Well if you aren’t going to let me kiss you anymore I think it is time for me to go to bed. My brain is full for the night and I need to let it rest.” I playfully push him away and giggle but he pulls me back into him for another delectable and long kiss.

* * *

I wake the morning of my eighteenth birthday still feeling all tingly from my evening with Eli. I consider that it had possibly all been a dream—finding out about angels and the totally delightful kisses we had shared. But I remember the feel of his lips against mine and the wonderful way he had smelled when he held me close. I have never experienced a dream quite that detailed so it must be real.

I look down at my hands, wiggling them to see if they feel any different. There aren’t any sparks that shoot out from my fingers and they feel the same as they always have. I decide my new “powers” aren’t anything that will come naturally to me.

My father’s guitar is propped against the bed—another reminder that the night had really happened. I pull the instrument up next to me with great care and brush my fingers across the strings, not even caring that I don’t know how to play any real notes. The fact I am holding the same guitar my father had so lovingly played brings a fresh set of tears to my eyes.

Eli will never know how much his gift means to me, although I am baffled that he was even able to find it in the first place. For the first time since his death, I have something other than a torn and faded photograph to remember my father by.

Once I am dressed for the day I find Svetlana preparing waffles in the kitchen. Rose is sitting at the island and the two of them are singing loudly along with the radio. I laugh when Svetlana begins swishing her curvaceous butt to the beat of the pop song and Rose waves her hands around in the air as she wiggles along.

Svetlana is not aware it is my birthday since knowing that would put us in danger of our real identities being discovered. But it is the best present I could ever have to be in this wonderful home and see my little sister so happy. Once again it seems Rose would be better off being raised by Svetlana and Markus, especially now that I have all these crazy angel-related things to deal with. I wonder how it could change things for us and if there will ever come a day when I can tell Rose my new secret.

Svetlana sees me standing in the adjoining living room and waves the spatula at me. “Tasha! You come! Dance!”

The bright smile on her face could light up a million homes. When the three of us shake around in the kitchen, laughing when we bump into each other, I decide this is the kind of life I had been dreaming about ever since my father had died.

This
is what I want for Rose.

* * *

Later in the afternoon I sit on the beach soaking in the sun while waiting for Eli to arrive. He promised me a morning full of fun before I have to report to work. There is a bright light that appears not too far off in the distance and I cover my eyes for a moment.

Suddenly, it dawns on me what is happening.

“Happy birthday,” he says with his bright smile. “I don’t think I officially told you that yet.”

All at once I remember how Shorty and Johnny had each shielded their eyes just moments before Eli had appeared. Something in my mind slowly clicks into place.

“The light that I just saw…that’s an angel thing, isn’t it?” I ask when he sits down in the sand next to me. Eli nods. “But why have I only seen the light a few times, like just now?”

He smirks and I wonder just how idiotic my questions sound to him. “It depends on where I’m coming from.”

We sit in silence for a moment when another thought occurs to me, making me almost sick. I can’t believe it took me this long to figure it out. This must be one of the things Eli wanted to wait to tell me.

“But Eli, I saw a similar light with
Gabe
.”

I remember more than one time when I had to shield my own eyes from an intense light before he appeared to me as well.

My mouth drops when I realize what this means.

“
Gabe’s
an angel?” I ask in a very small, very hushed voice.

Eli’s doesn’t seem surprised that I now know, but his eyes seem to darken when I turn to him. “Gabriel is a much different kind of angel.”

There is an unmistakable, bitter tone to his words and he appears to be irritated just at the mention of Gabe’s name. So Eli does know Gabe—apparently even better than I do. Maybe Gabe’s strange behavior and absence over the last few weeks has something to do with this whole angel thing. Does Gabe also watch over me the way Eli does? If so, he would have seen me spending all this time with Eli. It would certainly explain a lot of things.

My stomach tightens with the possibilities. “What kind of angel would that be, exactly?”

“There are different kinds of angels. Just as there are guardian angels, there are also angels of darkness.”

I understand what this means, without him having to continue. It explains why Gabe had wanted so badly to be with me from the start. He is hoping I will choose to be on his side. “Gabe’s one of these angels of darkness.”

Eli dips his head in affirmation. “Since you are part angel, taking your own life should have made you an angel of darkness. But since I intervened, everything changed. You need to know that Gabriel wants you to choose to be with him and he will use whatever abilities he can to help you decide.”

Eli clenches his jaw and a fresh set of shivers run through me when I try to envision what kind of abilities those could be. I am too afraid to ask. At first Gabe had seemed so gentle and giving, but his demeanor had flipped in a short time. Pretty much everything he had told me about himself had been a lie. Anything he had said was most likely in the hopes that I would choose to be an angel of darkness, like him.

“Now you understand why I would like nothing more than to become mortal so I can be with you forever, but if I choose to fall then I won’t be able to protect you from Gabe or anything else. If I were to fall, Gabriel would know. He can’t actually kill me, but he can influence things to go his way in the same way he influences you to want to be with him.”

“He’s been influencing me?” I ask with a start. It would certainly explain the overwhelming pull I felt toward him from the very first time we met. But another thought occurs to me and my eyes pop open wider. “Hold on. Have you been influencing me all this time, too?”

The feelings I have for Eli have become so overwhelmingly strong. It would infuriate me to discover they aren’t even real and that they were only a suggestion given to me by him.

He laughs and leans in to kiss my forehead. “I think it’s more like you influencing me. Ever since the first time I met you I have been so intoxicated by your presence I can hardly think straight. But to answer your question, no, I have never used any of my influence to make you love me. I have, however, comforted you a time or two since we met.”

“Will Gabe try to hurt me?” My voice sounds small and far away with the realization.

“That wouldn’t do him any good. He will do whatever else it takes for you to choose to be on his side, though. He isn’t concerned with your free will and what you actually want.”

 “So why didn’t you warn me about Gabe sooner?” It would have been nice to get a heads up that he was an angel of darkness. The relationship we had was all a lie and had been for nothing.

“If I tell you everything then it would be influencing you to feel about things a certain way. That would kind of defeat the whole purpose of you having free will. Besides, that’s one of the things as an angel I am strictly forbidden from doing. That’s why it was dangerous for me to step in the night you tried to take your life.”

I think about that for a minute, crossing my arms in front of my chest. “Why is it okay for Gabe to influence me, then?”

Eli laughs deeply at my mood swing and grabs hold of my arms. “He’s an angel of darkness, Lily. He doesn’t care about the nature of things and he doesn’t follow the rules that are given to us when we become angels. He does not care about people or the outcome of their souls. His only goal is to tip the scales so he is on the winning side, even if it means breaking the rules.”

“What happens when there’s a winner?” I ask. It is hard not to picture hellfire on earth if the darkness wins over the good. I wonder what such a thing would mean for humans.

Eli runs his hands through his sandy hair and exhales, looking away from me. “That depends on who is on the winning side. If the guardian angels are in control, life pretty much goes on the same as it has for centuries. There wouldn’t be a big change. But if the dark side wins over, there are no longer any rules. Angels like Gabe could simply do what they want, to whomever they choose.”

A cold wind passes through us and I shiver. Eli pulls me up close to him and I begin to warm a little. I still can’t help but marvel at the perfection of his features when he looks back at me. I wish he had just been an ordinary teen guy without all these rules and consequences. But nothing in my life has ever been that simple.

“Well I refuse to let Gabe influence me any longer,” I say, the anger for the situation resonating from me. “Can’t I just choose to be good? That would solve the problem, right? Then you could choose to be mortal so we can live a nice, long happy life together.”