Waiting for you (Part 1) (11 page)

“Nowhere, just driving.”

“I think we need to talk”

“You’ve been crying. Honey talk to me.”

Hayden was now half off of his seat, holding Cammy, breathing her in, as always.

“
I’m so sorry for last night. I was not me, I shouldn’t have taken the fucking shit, shouldn’t have given it to you, I was just curious why you liked it so much, I figured that if we took it together I’d find out, but you were there and I was there, and fuck whatever happens happens, I didn’t mean it, I, I….”

Holding a finger to her lips and holding her tighter, Hayden wiped the tears off of her face and put the loose tendrils of her thick hair behind her ears.

“Baby, shh, shh, listen, it’s ok, I am just as guilty, it’s my fault, all my fucking fault. My Dad even said I would run you through the ringer and now I have. I am such a fucker, I have the best thing in the whole world and I keep fucking it up”

“We both fucked up”

“No, I fucked up, I told you about the damn drugs, fucking California, and I put you in that situation, knowing what would happen”

“What situation, what do you mean. I gave you the shit, you took it,
and we did what we did”

Cammy stopped crying. She wanted to process everything that he was telling her. She would forgive him no matter what, she had already decided that in the car on the way to their lake.

“No baby, I wanted the drugs, I saw them, I wanted them, and I hoped you would want to take them. I knew when you did we should have went home, but I wanted you to be with Liam.”

“What?” Cammy was sitting straight up and pushed herself away from Hayden.

“He’s a famous singer, a rock star, whatever you call him, he wanted and still wants you. He can give you what I can’t he says and it’s probably true, look how I fucked up so far. I knew you would wind up with him, I knew that I would wind up with somebody else. I wanted you to experience the stuff I was in California”

“Shut up Hayden! Why would you do that? Am I not enough for you? Have I not accepted everything and anything you have ever done? I Love you, my heart has always belonged to you since the day we met. I meant every word I said when I committed myself to you, when I gave myself to you. This was just a mistake
!”

“Did you like being with him?”

“Did you like fucking those girls? Did you like setting your wife up to be with the so called rock star? You promised me the world, your world and that’s all I ever wanted, that’s all I want now. Hayden, talk to me.”

“I love you Cammy, I adore you,
and you are my world. I am sorry that I did that, I wanted you to have that chance people don’t get.”

“Chance for what? To be with Liam Griffin?”

“Yes. I felt incredible and I know you did too, I heard you, I saw you.”

“You were there? You asshole, I can’t believe you did this!” Cammy was screaming at Hayden and he was trying to calm her down.

“Cammy, I know it’s fucked up, I should have looked after you. I liked it. I like the fact that you got to be with him. I liked everything about last night. I am truly sorry. Forgive me baby. I would never do that to you again, I promise. I just wanted to do it this one time with you. Yea I liked it, didn’t you?”

“
You won’t do it again? You expect me to believe that? Get the fuck out of the car! I don’t know you right now Hayden Brock1 I thought I could forgive you again, but I don’t know now!”

“Cammy, I’m saying it all wrong.”

“Get out! Get out!” Cammy was screaming and starting the car, putting it into reverse while Hayden was trying to shut the door. She skidded the tires in the parking lot and spun the car, then straightened it up and drove away, drove for home.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” Cammy beat against the steering wheel while she sat in the car in her driveway.

The house was cold and quiet. Cams turned up the heater and called her father so he wouldn’t worry.

“Hi Dad. Sorry, coming down with something”

“Oh honey, need anything?”

“No thanks dad. Everything good there?”

“Of course it is. Just watching the sports channel. Got to get my hockey on. Have a couple of friends over.”

“Good for you Dad. Well, I’ll let you enjoy the games. Davey home?”

“No, I’m sure he’s with Liam. Ok Kitten, talk to you later, love you.”

“Love you too Dad, bye.”

Hanging up the phone, she cursed Hayden, she cursed Liam, and she cursed herself out loud.

“Davey?”

“Hey sis. How are you? What time did you leave last night?”

“Davey, I need to talk to you, it’s between us ok?”

“Ok, what Cams?”

“Don’t judge me.”

“Cammy you never judge me, why would I judge you?”

“I’m just going to say it. Me and Hayden did that fucking
drug shit last night and well we wound up in Liam’s room”

“You did? Damn, don’t start on that shit. You don’t even drink Cams. So what happened?”

“Hayden wound up with some girls and I wound up with Liam” She started to cry in the phone.

“Cammy, I know, Liam told me. I just wanted to see if you wanted to tell me or not. He feels bad, he really does. It happens, when you take that shit you feel so good, you don’t always end up with who you came with. Where’s Hayden?”

“We got into a fight. He told me that he wanted me to be with Liam, like it was an opportunity of a lifetime because of who he is. I’m married to the man I want to be with forever. I don’t know if he wants that after last night. Davey, I feel like I’m dying here.”

“Sweetheart, calm down. Do you want me to come over?”

“No, I will be ok, I think. I just don’t know what to do. I should never have done that. Why do you?”

“It fills a void. I’m not doing it anymore, last night was a bad trip. Liam is going on tour in a couple of days and that’s the only person who can get it anyway
, well he doesn’t do it, he just knows a guy, Liam’s like a health nut kind of guy”

“What do I do about Hayden?”

“I’ll call him.”

“NO! Don’t tell him I told you. Just help me Davey.”

“Well Cams, take a few days and get in touch with how you really feel about last night and Hayden and even Liam.”

“Liam?”

“Sis, if the attraction wasn’t there, you wouldn’t have done it, same with Hayden. You guys can work through this. Hayden’s point of view is twisted, but he loves you.”

“You are right as always. I should have you as my personal therapist.”

“Anytime Cams. Hey, we all fuck up, even if it’s big, if the love is strong enough you will get through it. Me and Jalen, me and Aspen, it just wasn’t enough for us. Stay home this week, I got it. I’ll tell dad you have the flu so he will stay away.”

“No Davey.”

“Yes Cammy, listen to me, do what I tell you.”

“I love you brother.”

“Call me whenever you want Cams. I’m always here for you, no matter what. Love you too.”

Davey hung up and Cammy wasn’t sure what to do next. She decided to go on the computer and take her mind off of everything for a little while, then soak in a tub and listen to herself, just as Davey instructed.

Bumping into the desk on her way to turn on the computer a journal fell to the floor. Cammy rubbed her hip where the corner hit and picked the journal up. Flipping through the pages, she discovered it was Hayden’s. He was writing down his thoughts and projections for the future.

He wants her, and who wouldn’t want him? He is rich, talented, good looking and worshipped by women and men everywhere. He wants my Cammy Sage. I think that if the time ever comes and she can be with him, I should let her have that much. I will never be rich, I am not talented, I am worshipped by no one, I am not the greatest looking guy, though I try. I love her with every molecule in my being, I will never
have everything, experience everything and be able to give her anything she wants, but he can. I wish I had never put her through the things I have. I wish I could tell her everything, I’m trying so hard to get off of this shit.

Slamming the book and throwing it across the room Cammy sat and cried again.
Why did he feel like that? What hadn’t she done to make him see that he was all of the things to her that he envied in Liam Griffin? Skipping the bath, kicking her boots off and heading straight for her bed, she wrapped herself in their blankets, breathing in Hayden’s scent on the sheets, the pillows, on her skin. She sobbed, low, aching sobs until finally falling asleep, awaking the next morning to find that Hayden had never come home. Her phone was buzzing, she scrambled to answer.

“Hello. Where are you baby?”

“Cammy, I went up north to Dad’s cabin last night.”

“Why? Come home.”

“I talked to Davey already, I told him everything. I’m not a good husband to you right now Cammy. I need to leave you alone, get my head straight and come back to you a good man, the man you deserve”

“You are good, you are mine. Please come home to me.”

“Cammy, I need time. Davey will take care of you for me until I come back. You do whatever you need to do.”

“What do you mean? Why are you talking like this?”

“I mean, if you need to see Liam to get me out of your system or into your system, you should do it. I am such a fuck Cammy. I am embarrassed for what I have done, for what I did to you.”

“This hurts so bad Hayden, please don’t walk away from me, from us. Come home”

Cammy’s chest hurt so bad to hear these words from his lips. Her heart literally felt like it was breaking.

“Cammy Sage Brock, I love you. Just give me time to figure this out. I’m sorry but I have to run away for a little while. I’ll come back soon, I promise.
I’ll come back.”

“I want you back now. Don’t leave me by myself Hayden. We can work through this together. I’ll do anything to make you come home and stay with me forever. Hayden, please.”

“I have to go. My heart belongs to you.”

That was all he said. Hayden sounded like he was crying too. Cammy was crushed and fell to the floor.
When she was out of tears from crying, she picked herself up and used the bathroom, gulped down a glass of water and ran to her bed and crawled in. She slept and woke up several times, listening for Hayden’s key in the door or the garage to open. No sounds, just the beating of her own breaking heart.

             
                            Stay

It had been almost a week since Hayden had left. He didn’t call, didn’t text. Cammy was hurting so badly inside. She saw his face everywhere, heard his voice behind her and turned to find no one there. She had cried and cried and when she could cry no more, picked herself up, and decided that all she could do was wait for him to come home to her
, where she would be waiting.

“I need to eat” muttering to herself and going through the pantry to finally make herself a decent meal and not throw this one up.

Davey had come by every day to check on her and play along with the flu illness they had told their Dad she had. When Dean asked where Hayden was, Davey always said he was working at home, which was believable.

“Thanks for coming bye Davey. I love you so much.”

“You bet Cams” Throwing his arms around her as he walked in the door.

“I brought you some food, eat it. I can’t stay, the store is pretty busy today. Cams, I hate to bring it up, but I said I would.”

“What now?”

“Nothing’s wrong. Liam is leaving for his tour tomorrow and wanted me to ask if you would please call him.”

“I don’t know. Have you talked to Hayden?”

“He sent me a couple of texts asking how you are.”

“He hasn’t called me Davey, not once.”

“He’s fucked up Cammy. Let him work it out. He pushed you into this mess, now he needs to figure out how to make it right.”

“I guess, He could call me though.”

“I know.
I agree. He knows I will take care of you.”

Hugging Cammy again and giving her the deli take out, Davey was on his way out just as fast as he came in. .

“Gotta go sweetie. Call Liam k?”

“Davey.”

Davey turned around and looking just as handsome as ever in his black coat and jeans, with his blue eyes looking at his twins blue eyes, he smiled and got into his car and pulled away.

Cammy shut the door and thought about Liam wanting her to call. He was supposed to have left already but must have gotten held up a few days. She had been replaying the night in her mind and tried to grasp what it all meant to her. Cammy was getting in touch with her feelings like Davey said, no phone, no radio, no television, just her own thoughts. It was working. Her phone lit up while she was in contemplation of calling or not. Without checking the caller id, she answered.

“Hi”

“Enthusiastic huh?”

“Liam?”

“Hi Cammy?”

“What do you want Griffin?”

“You never called me back?”

“To say what?”

“I don’t know. Look, I am leaving tomorrow for a tour. I will be gone for months. Can I see you?”

“Hayden wouldn’t like that Liam.”

“Hayden is gone Cammy. I know all about that.”

“Davey told you?”

“No, he did.”

“What?”

“Come and see me please Cammy, we will talk. I promise nothing more. Can I send a car?”

She didn’t know what to do. Why would Hayden have called him?

“Yes send a car Liam. Talk and nothing else.”

“I know Cammy. You don’t have to tell me. Thirty minutes.”

“I am a wreck. I have hardly slept all week. I need more time.”

“You are beautiful no matter what, besides, it’s just talk. See you then.”

Rushing up the stairs, throwing on a pair of jeans that were loose from not eating all week and an oversized blue sweatshirt and tan boots,
Cammy put her long brunette locks into a ponytail. The car was there early so she put on mascara, gloss and a little concealer over her circles under her heartbroken eyes in the car.

Shuffling through the traffic, the black suv that she had ridden in before pulled up to the Tuscany once more. Looking up to the fifteenth floor, a man was standing in the windows peering down. It was Liam, he was waiting for her. The chauffer opened the car door and she went in and rode the elevator to the top. The doors were opened and there he was once again standing in his foyer staring through her with those beautiful eyes.

“Cammy, so glad you are here.”

They hugged and flashes of his naked body flew through her mind. She pulled away and walked next to him to the couches of his great room to sit.

“Tell me what Hayden said Liam, please tell me.” Cammy was desperate to hear what he had to say.

“He told me that he knew what we had done, and that he was glad because he wanted to you to be with me, decide for yourself what world you wanted to live in. Mine or his.”

“What does that mean?”

“I told him I could give you
everything that I wanted to. He wants you just as much as I do, but doesn’t have what I have. He wants you to decide. He is serious. I commend him for being a man like that. He’s a good guy Cammy. Nobody else would do that for his wife.”

“When did I ever say that I was even fathoming the idea of
being with you at all Liam?”

“You’re attracted to me Cammy. Admit it.”

He was right, she was attracted to him, but in an entirely different way than Hayden.

“I admit it Liam, but I don’t love you.”

“I know, but if you give me the chance, maybe you could love me one day. I fell in love with you the moment I saw you at your store that night. I haven’t been able to get you out of my mind since then. Look, I still have your picture.”

Running down the hallway and into his office he produced a picture of Cammy that had been taken the first time he was at the store for their first signing and had his photographer snap a shot of her.

“Liam. You don’t know me”

Cammy stared at the picture remembering when it was taken. She had changed so much since then.

“I can get to know you if you give me the chance. I don’t have to know you to be in love with you. I haven’t been able to be with anyone since I saw you, and when we were together that night, drugs or not, you filled me up inside like no one or nothing ever has.”

“Liam. I don’t know what to say. I had never been with anyone except Hayden until I was with you. I am attracted to you, who wouldn’t be
? You beg for my attention, you are sexy, you are a star, and you live in a world so different from mine.”

“Stay with me tonight. Feel me sober. Be with me, then decide. I know you want too or you wouldn’t be here right now. You need to know for yourself if this is what you want or not.”

“Liam, stop please.”

“Tell me I am full of shit and I will shut up. Tell me Cammy.”

Saying nothing, she knew it was true. She wanted to touch him, feel him, see if it was true. Was one night going to change how she felt about Hayden?

“I am leaving tomorrow as I said. Just one night Cammy. If you don’t want me after that, I promise I will leave you alone forever.”

“No promises Liam. They don’t wind up being kept.”

“I tried to forget you, but there’s no one like you”

As much as she kept telling herself to leave, she knew that she wanted to stay. Her body was overruling her mind. She was sad and broken inside. Hayden had left and had not spoken to her. He said he liked it, and that he wanted her to do it. She felt pushed into Liam’s arms by Hayden. Out of fear, sadness, desperation, and of course, curiosity she made her decision.

“Liam. I’ll stay.”

Looking into her were his hazel eyes, glowing in the lights of his penthouse, his smile plastered across his face.

“One night Cammy, no promises, no regrets”

“No promises Liam”

“Have you eaten?
Can I get you something to drink?”

“I am hungry, anything is good and vodka and cranberry juice if you have it”

“You don’t drink.”

“Sometimes, that’s all I can tolerate
, and spare me the age shit Liam, you are ten years older than me and I am sure you had plenty to drink at my age.”

“I’ll order Chinese.”
Winking at her he got up for the kitchen.

Liam disappeared and ordered the food. Cammy walked around his place,
she was nervous and needing that drink. Coming around the hallway with her drink in his hand Liam handed it to her trembling hand.

“The food will be here soon. Want a tour while we wait?”

“Sure”

They walked the penthouse.
She was mesmerized by the way he lived. Marble floors, fine art, numerous framed albums, pictures of himself and his band and many famous musicians adorned the walls. Cammy didn’t grow up poor by any means and never wanted for anything, but Liam’s world was something she had never been in, a whole different realm. He had been to the finest hotels, all of the places you see in magazines, played with the best. Cammy was just a normal woman, living a normal life, excited by the simplest things  and the small surprises and gifts that Hayden gave to her. She ran her hands along the hallway walls, touching the pictures, feeling the soft linens that adorned the couches in the great room, and admired the view of Detroit from those floor length windows. Cammy felt different, on a cloud, floating through all of the luxuries that this man had before her.

“Do you like my sanctuary?”

“Sanctuary? That’s what you call this?”

“I do. I am a private man, I’ve seen a lot, been through a lot and can have anything I want, people jump when I tell them too Cammy
. This is my own piece of the world.”

“I get it Liam, you are an egomaniac, kind of a prick too, and yes, you can have anything you want. Is that why you want me? Am I something you get to have, then toss?”

Liam turned her around from the window to face him. His brow furrowed.

“No Cammy, I am not all of those things. I mean I get what I want because I can and I love that. I love money,
and I love what it gives me, what I can do with it. I am a prick, but I take care of what I love. I would never have you then let you go.”

Putting a hand upon her chest, so gently, he kissed her lips. She didn’t resist. He felt warm and smelled so good, an unfamiliar scent, a new scent.

“Liam”

A knock at the foyer door was heard and the attendant on the other side in the elevator had the food. Liam answered and Cammy followed. They sat on the kitchen island and ate.

“Do you ever sit in your chairs in this kitchen?”

“No, not really, I like being up here on this piece of stone. Do you want to sit at the table?”

“No, I like this.”

They sat and had their food. Cammy finished her drink and felt light and a little happier than when she first got there, a combination of
Chinese and alcohol, she hadn’t eaten much in the past week. They sat and talked, Cammy letting down her guard. Liam was so interesting, telling her of his travels, Africa, dining in the jungle, Costa Rica, hiking up active volcanos, backpacking through Europe, and on and on. He was so traveled and wise. He was going on this last tour and was going to hang it up before he got too old, out of date, out of touch.

“You are on top now, why would you stop now?”

“I’m not doing it for myself anymore, I’m not into it.”

“Makes sense. Then what?”

“Settle down with someone I love, travel, whatever we want. I have been smart, I won’t have to work or worry about money for the rest of my life. I am fortunate.”

“You are.”

The thought of doing whatever you wanted and not having a schedule or anyone to answer to was so appealing to Cammy. He was so lucky. She would work at the store forever, even though she loved her job, who wouldn’t want to wake up every morning somewhere new or just wake up and plan your day from there?

Talking for hours, Liam asked her to come to his room
and listen to him play her song acoustically for her. She obliged. It was just Liam, Cammy and his guitar in his room. He played beautifully, sang beautifully to her, strumming the strings of his guitar, his mouth moving with the words, his black hair swaying in the air.

Propped up on pillows in his bed, Cammy watched him with a fire inside, not knowing if it was the second drink they shared or if she really did have feelings for him. Why did Hayden do this to her? Then again, she was there on her own free will. She had tonight and then he
would be gone.

“Did you like it Cammy?”

“It was wonderful, thank you. I like the acoustic version a lot better.”

“Can I sit with you?”

“This is your bed!” Patting the pillows on his soft, thick bed, Liam got up, put his guitar down and sat next to Cammy.

“This room is so cool Liam”

“Cool?”

“You know what I mean!”

The bedroom was plush, a big, tall bed you had to leap into with a fat white comforter on top of it, two knights in the corners of the room, his guitars were all fastened to the walls, rich wood furniture and a blue ottoman the size of a table was at the foot of the bed with new candles on a silver tray.  She didn’t get to see it like this when she was there because the drug had already taken effect before she got in the room, confusing her sense of anything.