Waiting for Perfect (20 page)

I let out the
breath I was holding and try to say something quickly, so I don’t look too
disappointed.
 
“So… are you going
to write something?”

He flashes his
dimple and says, “No.
 
I don’t
think so.”

“No fair!” I
say.
 
“I wrote one.
 
Now it’s your turn.”
 
I give him a smile for encouragement.

He drops his eyes
to the ground and shakes his head.
 
“I already got my wish for today.”
 
He brings his gaze back up to meet mine.
 
He looks a little nervous now, something I’ve never seen
from him.
 
It completely disarms
me.
 
“I just wanted some alone time
with you.
 
I got it.
 
Wish granted.”

His words surprise
me.
 
It takes all my restraint to
keep from throwing myself on him and planting a kiss on those luscious lips of
his.
 
I can feel a blush washing
over my face, and I look to the ground to hide it from him, not wanting him to
see the way he affects me.
 
I know
he’s a player and probably says stuff like that to all the girls.

“Come on, angel,”
he says, turning to walk back up the trail.
 
“School’s over.
 
I should get you back.”

No!
 
I don’t
want to go back!
 
I could stay
right here with you and your sexy dimple forever.
 

I stop him.
 
“Before we go, let’s take a picture.”

“Okay.
 
Do you want me to take it?”
 
He pulls out his phone.
 
“I’ll text it to you.”
 
We stand with the massive bridge and
the ravine behind us.
 
We get close
to each other and put our faces together, so we both fit in the picture.
 
He holds his hand out in front of us and
snaps a couple of photos.

Then, he scrolls
through them and laughs.
 
“They’re
good.
 
You look really good.”

I smile, reveling
in his words.
 
I look at them too,
admiring that dimple.
 
God, we look
good together.

“They are good,” I
say.
 
“Will you text them to me?”

“Absolutely.
 
Now, we should get going.”

Reluctantly, I
follow him back out the trail.
 
We walk
back slowly until we’re at street level again and heading back to school.
 
He’s quiet on the journey back.
 
I wonder if I did something to piss him
off.

When we’re rounding
the corner and headed to the school parking lot, he says out of the blue,
“You’re pretty close, you know.”

I glance over at
him,
 
“What do you mean?”
 
Why do I always feel confused and off
balance when I’m around Sebastian?

He grabs my hand
and squeezes it.
 
“Close to
perfect,” he says seriously.
 
“Your
wish at the Wishing Wall.
 
You
, my dear Kendra, are something
pretty close to perfect.”
 
He lets
out a quick breath of air and smiles.
 
If I didn’t know any better, he looks surprised at himself.
 
Again, I figure this is just one of his
lines, but eyeing his odd behavior, I’m not so sure.

He walks me to my
car and offers me my backpack.
 
I
take it from him and open the door, tossing my bag into the passenger
seat.
 
Leaning back against my Benz,
I take in the sight of Sebastian in front of me.
 
Neither of us is in much of a hurry to part ways.

“Thanks for today,
Sebastian.
 
You saved me once
again.
 
I’m going to have to start
keeping track so I can pay you back sometime.”

“Well... I can
think of a few ways you can pay me back.”
 
His voice comes through a wicked grin and is saturated with sexual
innuendo.

I giggle.
 
“You’ve got quite a repertoire of
pick-up lines, Mr. Veneto.”

His smile instantly
disappears, and it looks as though I’ve offended him.
 
I don’t know how.
 
I’m just stating the obvious.
 
Sebastian does not hide the fact he’s addicted to women.
 
Geez, he’s acting weird today.

He comes up closer
to me and takes both my hands in his.
 
“I had a lot of fun with you today, Kendra.”
 
Raising both of my hands to his lips, he kisses each of them
and then drops them, so they’re hanging between us.
 
I would never be able to get my fill of Sebastian.
 
Just holding his hands sends shivers up
both my arms and makes my heart beat faster.

He lets go of me
and takes a few steps backward.
 
“I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Okay,” I say
reluctantly.
 
I’m
so
not ready to leave him.
 
What the hell has gotten into me?
 
I shouldn’t be interested in a guy like
Sebastian.
 
He’s a player.
 
I know full well that girls like me get
hurt all the time by players like him.
 
There’s something about him, though, that makes me feel alive.
 
Where Nick has saved me physically, I
think Sebastian is saving me emotionally.
 
He makes my day brighter whenever I spend time with him.
 
He makes me feel free.

“Bye, Kendra.”
 
He turns and starts trekking to his red
Mustang in the corner of the lot.

I look after him,
watching his perfect form stroll away from me.
 
I whisper to myself, “Bye, Sebastian.”
 
I will have to settle on being friends
with him.
 
I can’t risk my heart
getting broken.
 
He hasn’t tried to
make a move on me yet, so I don’t think he’s even interested in me like that
anyway.
 
Friends.
 
I can handle being friends.

When I get home, I
finally look at my cell phone, which has been on vibrate in my backpack all
day.
 
There are four text messages
– two from Lexi, one from Candace, and one from Nick.

Lexi
:
Did you go off campus with
Sebastian today? Hillary said she saw you leave with him at lunch. WTF?
Details?!

Lexi
:
Ok, Nick said you weren’t in
physics. Did you ditch with S? OMG! Call me!

Candace
:
Sebastian wasn’t
in Anatomy. Nick said you weren’t in physics.
 
I guess Mr. Hottie’s not gay after all?
 

Nicolás
:
Do you want to
meet after school tomorrow to study physics? You’ll need the extra help after
missing class today. Text me.

And the rumor mill
begins.
 
Geesh!
 
I need to text my friends to set the
record straight before my innocent rendezvous with Sebastian turns into wicked
hot sex under Suicide Bridge.

To Lexi
:
Yes, I ditched
with Sebastian.
 
He’s amazing.
 
Nothing happened though, so don’t start
freaking out.
 
We’re friends.

To Candace
:
He’s so totally
not gay.
 
We just hung out.
 
No big deal.

To Nicolás
:
Tomorrow is
perfect.
 
Let’s meet in the library
at 2?
 
See u in Calculus.

I change my clothes
quickly to get ready for work.
 
My
whole shift is spent recalling specific details about my time this afternoon
with Sebastian – his sporty, masculine scent, his penetrating eyes, every
time he touched me and held my hand, sitting next to him at Starbucks on
our
couch.
 
Ugh!
 
I’m
pathetic!
 
He’d probably laugh if
he knew what I was thinking.
 
I’m
sure he has this effect on all girls.

I wonder how he
always seems to be in the right place whenever I’m about to lose it.
 
He was there to help me through my
first panic attack.
 
He was there
today when those assholes were coming on to me at lunch and cracking all those
jokes about me being easy.
 
He was
even there that night at Jeff’s when Ryan assaulted me.

The more time I
spend with Sebastian, the more I want to forget what happened that night and
move on with my life.
 
He makes me
feel better, feel alive, feel everything.

I just don’t want
to get hurt.
 
I trusted Ryan, and
he hurt me.
 
If I throw my heart
into Sebastian, there’s no doubt I’ll be hurt.
 
Sebastian has no intention on being a one-woman man, and I
have no intention on being one of his many playthings.
 
But it doesn’t have to be all or
nothing, does it?
 
We can just be
friends.
 
That’s all I want from
him anyway.
 
Just friends.
 
Friends are safe.

NICK

I’m already in
class when Kendra comes into Calculus.
 
My day is better just from seeing her.
 
She walks to my desk, and I sit up a little straighter.
 

“Hi, Kendra,” I
say.

She takes the empty
seat next to mine while kids are shuffling in before the bell rings.
 
“Hey, Nicolás!
 
Did you get my text?
 
Is two o’clock in the library okay?”

I brush back the
hair from my eyes.
 
“Can we make it
2:45?
 
I have a sixth period,
remember?”

“Oh yeah.
 
2:45 it is.”
 
She starts getting up.

I want her to stay
longer.
 
God, I love seeing this
girl.
 
She’s so freaking beautiful
that it makes my heart hurt.

“Kendra,” I say
before she can step away from my desk.
 
“What happened to Physics yesterday?”

“Actually,” she
starts slowly, “I was with your cousin.
 
We went for coffee.”

My face falls.
 
A stab through the heart with a dull,
splintered stick couldn’t hurt more.
 
She was with my cousin.
 
Dammit,
Sebastian.
 
The one girl that I
have ever cared for, and he has to get his hands on her.
 
I’m going to kill him.

“Oh,” is all I’m
capable of saying.

I wonder if she can
tell by the look on my face how I feel about her hanging out with my
cousin.
 
He’s going to hurt
her.
 
I know it.
 
And this beautiful girl has been hurt
enough.
 
What the hell is he
thinking?

She moves away,
saying, “I’ll see you in Physics.
 
And then the library?
 
2:45?”

I nod, but I’m not
even looking at her.
 
I am focused
on the wall behind her and probably look like a zombie.

She takes her seat
next to Lexi in the back of the room.
 
I hear Lexi exclaim, “Oh my God!
 
What happened yesterday with Sebastian?
 
Tell me everything!”

My body is
numb.
 
I can’t believe this is
happening.
 
My cousin, who already
has everything handed to him on a silver platter, now has my girl too.

The whole period is
a waste.
 
I can’t concentrate.
 
All I’m thinking about is Kendra and
Sebastian.
 
I imagine what they did
together yesterday besides get coffee.
 
My thoughts have them in all sorts of predicaments and scenarios, each
one ending with them making out, Kendra falling in love with him, and my cousin
breaking her heart.

When the bell
rings, I can’t get out of the classroom fast enough.
 
I don’t even say goodbye to her.
 
I can’t even look at her.
 
I’m seething, and I don’t want any of that wrath coming out
toward her, when it’s all meant for Sebastian.

At lunchtime, I
walk straight to the music room to meet Raj.
 
I need to hear his melancholy cello today to fit this mood
I’m in.
 
When I get there, I’m glad
to see he’s already practicing.

After I enter the
room, I slam the door behind me and kick over a music stand.
 
Raj snaps his head in my
direction.
 
“What the hell, dude?”
he says, irritated.

Both my hands come
flying up to my head, and I grip my hair in both hands and groan.
 
“Don’t stop playing, Raj!
 
I need it.
 
I need to feel it.
 
Please, Raj!”
 
I’m begging
now, and I must look like a freak, but Raj is my best friend, and I know he
doesn’t care.

Without hesitation,
he dips his head and places the bow to the strings again, creating an
agonizing, sorrowful sound that bleeds into my skull.
 
I lie on the carpet with my backpack under my head and stare
straight up to the ceiling, internalizing every note Raj’s instrument produces.

It seems like only
seconds pass before whatever song he’s playing ends.
 
The silence is excruciating.
 
If I weren’t so pissed off at my cousin, I could cry right
now.

Raj appears above
me, looking down at my lifeless form.
 
“Let me guess.
 
This has something to do with Kendra Voss.”

I rub my face in
both hands, trying to circulate my cold, stale blood.
 
“Raj!
 
Why did I
ever get involved with this girl?”
 
I let out a moan.

He offers his hand
to me.
 
“Get up,” he commands.
 
“You’re acting like a drama queen.
 
It’s really annoying.”

I sigh and take his
hand, letting him help me to my feet.
 
He says nothing, but raises an eyebrow as he waits for me to explain
myself.

“She likes Sebastian,”
I finally admit, my heart exploding as I bring myself to say the words out
loud.

The look that comes
over Raj’s face tells me I don’t need to say anything else.
 
He understands the kind of person my
cousin is.
 
He knows what kind of
effect Sebastian has on the opposite sex.

Raj, because he’s
my best friend and loves me like a brother, sucker-punches me
hard
in the stomach, making me double
over in pain.

“What the hell!” I
yell.
 
My arms cross my stomach,
and I’m winded from the hard blow to my abdomen.
 
“Christ, Raj!”

In a firm voice,
the most assertive I’ve ever heard him, he says, “Get your shit together,
Nick!
 
Look at yourself!
 
Look what this girl has done to you!”

When I straighten
up again, I wince in pain.
 
Raj is
stronger than he looks.
 
The knock
to my stomach has the desired effect, and I’m momentarily distracted from the
obsessive thoughts about Kendra.
 
I
glance at Raj, who appears furious.
 
His arms are crossed over his chest, and his eyes are narrowed on me.

He continues his
tirade.
 
“You’ve been reduced to a
fraction of yourself because of this girl!
 
I bet you’ve never even told her how you feel about
her!
 
How can you expect her to be
into you, if you never even tell her how you feel?
 
Sebastian is good at this.
 
He knows how to attract women.
 
He gets what he wants.
 
He’s aggressive.”

“Okay, okay!” I
interrupt.
 
“Shut up, Raj!
 
Enough about Sebastian!
 
I’m not like him.”

He puts both hands
on my shoulders and shakes me.
 
“Wake up, friend!
 
If you
want this girl, you better start acting more like him – or she’ll be his
before homecoming.”

There’s truth to
what he says.
 
How can I expect
Kendra to feel anything for me?
 
I’ve given her no signs that I’m interested in her.
 
I sketch her portrait over and over in
darkness and solitude like a freak, while my asshole cousin is asking her to
get coffee with him.
 
I have to
step up my game.

What the hell am I
thinking?
 
I have no game.

“Raj,” I say
quietly.
 
“I don’t know how to do
this.
 
I don’t know how to tell her
how I feel without sounding like an idiot.”

He chuckles.
 
I’m immediately embarrassed and wait in
anticipation for a lashing out from him.
 
Unexpectedly, he replies, “Dude, we’re going to get you a date with
Kendra Voss.”

“How?” I ask.
 
“People like her don’t go out with
people like me.
 
She’s Kendra
Voss!
 
She’s one of the most
popular girls in school.
 
I’m a
nobody, a loner.
 
I draw and listen
to sad cello music and avoid parties and football games.
 
How the hell do I even have a
chance?”
 
God, I hate the sound of
my voice right now, coming out like a little girl whining about her lost
balloon.
 
I really am pathetic.

Raj puts his hands
out in front of him to calm me down.
 
“Chill out.
 
First of all,
you are an interesting person.
 
You’re not a blockhead jock like your cousin.
 
Plus, you are borderline genius.
 
What’s your GPA anyway, like a 4.3?
 
And you are an amazing artist!
 
Look at your notebook.
 
You can have your own art exhibit.
 
Give yourself some credit.”

I shake my head,
thinking about the legal shit I’m in right now in addition to girl trouble.
 
“Raj, I haven’t told you
everything.”
 
I don’t know why I’ve
kept this from him.
 
He’s my best
friend, even though we haven’t been hanging too much lately.

“What?
 
What is it?”

“My obsession with
Kendra isn’t the only thing consuming me lately.
 
Ryan Morgan is suing me for his medical bills plus pain and
suffering.”

His eyes get big.
 
“What?”

I nod.
 
“Yeah.
 
I got the notice a week and a half ago.
 
Last week, when I finally told you
about what really happened that night at the party, I didn’t tell you this part
of it.”

He shakes his
head.
 
“I don’t know why you think
you have to keep things from me.
 
How
much is he suing you for?”

“Three hundred
thousand dollars.”
 
Every time I
say it, I still can’t believe it.
 
That amount of money seems so absurd to me, like a theoretical number
floating in space, not an actual amount of money to be paid to someone.
 
“I’m screwed.”

“Holy shit!
 
What are you going to do?
 
Have you and your mom gone to a lawyer
yet?”

I shake my
head.
 
“I haven’t told my mom.”

“What the hell,
Nick?
 
Why not?
 
You can’t keep all this to yourself.”

“I have no
idea.
 
Sebastian said he’d take me
to a free consultation lawyer, but I don’t want to ask him for any favors right
now.
 
I keep thinking if Kendra
would press charges against Ryan, she could say what I did was in her defense,
and they’d drop the lawsuit.
 
But I
don’t think she wants to press charges.
 
Oh, and Tatiana called my mom asking for money again, so I totally can’t
ask for money right now.”

Raj slaps my
shoulder.
 
“Shit.
 
Sorry, man.”
 
He takes a seat in one of the orchestra chairs.
 
“Okay, so let’s focus on what you
should do first.
 
The only thing
you can control is getting your ass to an attorney to see what to do about this
lawsuit.
 
And you can get Kendra to
want you more than she wants your cousin.”

I snort a
laugh.
 
Like that would ever
happen.

Raj continues, “Other
than that, you can’t control anything, so don’t bother trying.”
 
I lean back on the wall, listening to
my friend, the psychiatrist.
 
He continues,
“Kendra has been hurt, right?
 
Morgan hurt her.
 
The last
thing she needs is to be hurt by your cousin.”

“Agreed,” I say.

“So convince her
that your feelings for her are real.
 
Convince her that you are the better choice.
 
Convince her that you won’t hurt her.”

I stare at the
carpet wondering how in the world I will do that.
 
I can’t come right out and tell her how I feel.
 
She’ll probably laugh in my face like
she did in seventh grade.
 
I don’t
think I could handle her rejection a second time.

The warning bell
signals that lunch is almost over.
 
I thank Raj for his help and leave, mentally preparing myself to see
Kendra in Physics.