Wagonmaster (18 page)

She stirred and lifted her face to his. “How long have I been asleep?”

“Not long.” He smiled.

She sat up, rubbed her eyes, and looked at the clock on the mantel. Gasping, Addie fixed him with an accusatory glare. “It's been two hours.”

“Didn't realize it had been that long,” he lied. “I reckon you needed a nap after all.”

Her eyes narrowed. “You planned this, didn't you?”

He chuckled. “I'd have to be loco to admit it.”

Addie smiled and shook her head. Already her pale complexion looked better. With regular meals and a few nights of sound sleep, she'd be the strong, healthy young woman he'd come to admire.

She stood and stretched. Joshua stood as well, resisting the need to pull her into his arms. “I supposed I should get back to those records. My father has a book of his breeding schedule for the horses. He was crossbreeding several different mares, but I've not been able to understand his reasoning. And I can't decide which stallion should be put to which mare. I've also found orders for two mares from France. They should arrive next spring. And—”

“There's somethin' I want to talk to you about first.”

Her dark blue eyes widened. “Is something wrong?”

“No.” He took a deep breath. How should he put this? Should he just tell her that he didn't want the divorce? Or would she rather hear a declaration of his feelings?

She tilted her head to one side. “What?”

“Well, I've been thinkin'. I—”

The rumble of approaching horses drew their attention.

Addie crossed to the window and pushed back the heavy velvet draperies to peek outside. “It's Uncle Rick. I wasn't expecting him.” She let the curtain fall. “Maybe he's received the approval for the divorce from the circuit judge.” A crooked smile graced her face. “You could be a free man tonight.”

His jaw clenched. “Addie—”

Boot heels clacked on the porch, followed by a knock. She hurried to open the door. “Hello, Uncle Rick. Oh, Dr. Fletcher. Let me take your hat.”

Josh stood in the doorway of the salon and shoved his hands into his pockets, watching the two men shed their hats, coats, and gloves. They acknowledged his presence with a short nod.

The older man clutched Addie's shoulders. “How are you?”

“I'm fine. To what do I owe the pleasure of your visit?”

Josh watched in fascination. Trepidation colored Foster's expression. Whatever the older man planned to say would not sit well with Addie. He sucked in a deep breath. “I've asked Dr. Fletcher here to examine you.”

For an instant, Addie's eyes widened. Her chin rose, and she folded her arms. “I'm fine, Uncle. I don't need a doctor's attention.” She turned her back on both of them, brushing past him into the salon.

Josh moved away from the door, careful to give Addie and her guests plenty of room. He could almost feel her anger in the air. The two men entered the salon, determination and concern written on their faces.

Fletcher spoke. “We're worried about you. You are thinner with each day that passes.”

Foster nodded his agreement. “And the bruises beneath your eyes get darker and darker.” He tilted his head. “Although I think your color is a bit better today. That's an improvement.”

“I'm fine.” Addie faced them, putting the chair between her and them. “My symptoms are not some kind of illness. Women, and men, too, often have a loss of appetite when mourning the loss of loved one.”

Fletcher grunted. “Agreed. But it's been more than two weeks. And it's more than just your appetite. You're obviously not sleeping either.”

The muscles in her jaw worked before she nodded. “True. I've been restless. Again, that is a result of my father's death. I've been uncertain. And my usually well-ordered life has become....” She shook her head. “I'm just not accustomed to feeling so overwhelmed.”

Foster stepped toward her, palms up. “Then what do you prescribe, Doctor? Clearly our patient needs help.”

She offered him a small smile. “Help has arrived.” Lifting her arm, she gestured toward Josh. “Mr. Reynolds has agreed to help me run the ranch. I will sleep much better now.”

The men pinned him with a skeptical glare. Fletcher spoke first. “How long?”

Josh looked at Addie. “For as long as she needs me.”

This time, her eyes held a smile. She pressed her palms against the back of the chair. “I suppose this is as good a time as any to let you all know. I've made a decision.”

Foster and the doctor exchanged a curious glance.

Addie continued. “I've decided to go to San Francisco.”

Josh couldn't contain his shock. He rested his hands on his hips to keep them still. “Why? What's in San Francisco?”

“I don't know. A new life, perhaps?”

Before he could ask the question foremost in his mind, Foster spoke the words. “What's wrong with the one you have? Your father built this ranch in hopes that you would one day live here, make your home here.”

Sadness spread across her face. “I know. But this doesn't
feel
like home. It's so big. And it's empty. I can't stay here alone.”

Fletcher moved toward her, stopping only a few feet away. Addie stiffened, and her hands tightened on the chair. Fletcher didn't seem to notice. “You wouldn't be alone if you'd marry me. We could fill this house with children.”

“Your persistence is admirable, Dr. Fletcher.” Her head fell back, and she stared at the ceiling. “I can't. I'd make a terrible wife. I'm not like other women.” She looked first at Fletcher, then at Foster. Her gaze settled on Josh. “I'm far too stubborn.”

She paced toward the fire. “And I can't in good conscience vow to obey a man for the rest of my life. I'm too independent for that.” She paused, pointing at Foster. “You know full well how contrary I can be. You used to tell me I would argue with a fencepost. I'd make my husband miserable. And…and I'm not sure I like the idea of being a man's possession.”

Foster opened his mouth to argue, but Addie held up her hand without missing a step in her pacing. “Besides, now that I've had time to think about what I want to do with my life, the possibilities are almost endless. I could practice medicine. Granted, I'd have to find a place in desperate need of a doctor. Women doctors aren't usually welcomed.” She paused near the chair, cut a glance at Fletcher, and shrugged. Her pacing resumed. “Or perhaps I could open an orphanage. There are so many poor children without parents. I've plenty of money. I could give them a home and medical care.” She stopped again and stared into the fire. “And another thing, I find that I very much agree with the women's suffrage movement. I'm thinking perhaps I might find a way to join the women involved. There is an organization in New York. Or maybe—”

“All right.” Foster interrupted. “Clearly you are unsure as to what kind of life you prefer.” With quick steps, he crossed the room and grasped her hands in his. “But you've only been here a short time. Given a chance, you may find you like it here. I want you to be happy, but I'd rather you not go back East. Trouble is brewing. I know you must be aware of the unrest. There is talk of civil war.”

Dr. Fletcher agreed. “Yes. War seems almost inevitable. It's unlikely it will reach this far west. You don't want to go back to the States. The territories will be much safer.”

Addie's lips thinned. “Fine. I'll stay here in the West.” She stepped around Foster and moved to stand in front of Josh. “What do you think? Is San Francisco safe?”

By now Josh's mind was a jumble. Did Addie really not want to be married at all? Did she love him? And if she did, was it enough? Josh lifted his gaze, meeting the concerned stares of the other men. Foster gave him a slight shake of his head, a silent plea. He looked down at Addie who patiently awaited his response. “I think Foster is right. You haven't been here long enough to know if you can be happy here.”

She frowned. “I already know I can't run this ranch, and I'm not much better at managing the general store. I'm a doctor. Ranching and business are not my strengths.”

Josh crossed his arms, a smile tickling the corners of his mouth. “I never thought I'd hear you admit there was something you can't do.”

She laughed and bit her bottom lip. “All right, so I could learn to do it if I wanted. I just don't want to.”

“How do you know? You might like it.”

Her expression became serious again. “When are you leaving for San Francisco? I feel safe with you. I want you to take me.”

He searched her eyes. Did she simply want to be with him? Or was she truly against the idea of marriage? “I'll make you a deal. Stay here until spring. Learn to run the ranch and if you still want to go to San Francisco after the thaw, I'll take you.”

“And you'll stay here and teach me? You won't leave?”

He hid his smile behind his hand by stroking his chin, pretending to consider it. She
did
want to be with him. “I'll stay.”

Her smile lit the room. “Agreed.” She narrowed her eyes and pointed her finger at him. “But I'm going to hold you to it, Reynolds.”

The doctor and Mr. Foster stayed for supper, and afterward, Addie poured them all a glass of her father's favorite whiskey. Joshua waited while she bade them good-night.

She closed the door and turned to him. “Where are your things?”

“I brought a few clothes. They're at the hotel. Jimmy has the rest of them.” He moved toward the door. “I'd better be going too. I'll see you in the morning.”

Addie planted herself in front of him. “Oh, no you don't, mister. You said you'd stay here with me until spring. That means you'll stay
here,
not at the hotel.”

Josh chuckled. “All right. I reckon you've a spare room in this place somewhere.”

She nodded. “I've already asked Mrs. Simmons to ready the room across from mine for you. Go right at the top of the stairs. Yours is the first door on the left.”

Disappointment sliced through him. Despite his statement about the spare room, he'd hoped to share Addie's bed. “That'll be fine. I guess I can wait till mornin' to fetch my clothes. It's gettin' late. You should go to bed.”

She stepped close to him. “Thank you, Joshua.” Lifting to her toes, she brushed her lips across his. “For everything. Good-night.”

Josh sat on the sofa for an hour, not yet ready to go to bed. He sipped another glass of the whiskey, wishing he could taste it on Addie's lips again. Finally, he climbed the stairs and paused outside her door. Silence prevailed until the snap and crackle of the fire drifted to him. A log shifted, and another pop echoed behind the heavy oak panel. She must be sleeping. Good. She needed the rest. The dark circles beneath her eyes worried him.

Was she warm enough? He should check the fire to make certain she didn't get chilled. Josh crept into the room. His gaze landed on the empty bed.

“Joshua?”

Drawn by the soft sound of her voice, he moved toward the fire. He found her in an oversized chair. A thick quilt covered everything below her chin. “You are supposed to be in bed. Asleep.”

Her shoulders lifted in a shrug beneath the colorful quilt. “I sleep better here. It's warmer. And I don't toss and turn as much.”

He shook his head. “Still haven't learned to sleep without me?”

The corner of her mouth raised in a half grin. She stood, the quilt falling to the floor at her feet. “I suppose not. Have you come to help me sleep?”

The firelight shone against her pink silk wrapper. He wanted to reach out and untie the belt, push the soft fabric off her shoulders to reveal the real silk beneath it. “I just came to stoke the fire. I didn't want you to get chilled.”

Stepping over the quilt, she floated toward him, an angel ringed by a halo of golden light. He closed his eyes against the vision before him. Even behind his lids the outline of her body framed by light of the fire burned into his mind. His jaw clenched when her fingertips met his shirt.

“You could keep me warm.”

He bit back a groan. “Addie, I….” He cleared his throat. “I can't stay. I'll never be able to lie next to you without touchin' you.”

“I'm glad.” Her hands rose to his neck and higher to tangle her fingers in his hair and pull his head down. Warm breath spilled against his lips with her whisper. “Kiss me, Joshua.”

He rested his forehead against hers. “Damn it, woman. What if you conceive? You said today you don't want be married. I told you. If there's a child, there won't be a divorce. You'd be married to me for good.” He held his breath. God, how he wanted to hear her admit she loved him. She did love him, didn't she?

“At least I'd sleep at night.”

Lifting his head, he searched her eyes. She smiled and moved toward the bed, untying her sash. “When my father left Boston seven years ago, I lived with my Aunt Louise, father's older sister. She died shortly after I started medical school.” She stopped and faced him. The wrapper slid off her shoulders. “She and I were so different. She never planned anything. Everything I did, every decision I made was for tomorrow. I had my goals. All I could think about was the future.”

Josh clenched and unclenched his fists. His body betrayed him. No matter how he fought it, desire controlled him. He stepped toward her, already hard with need.

“I didn't understand her then. Her philosophy was to live for today. She said, ‘Tomorrow will come soon enough.'” Her hands grabbed the sides of her nightgown, and she pulled it over her head.

He stopped a few feet away from her. Her bare breasts called to him, the nipples already tightening. If he touched her, there would be no stopping. “You're the sensible one, Addie. You know the danger of ignoring the consequences.”

“Yes, but after the cholera, after coming so close to losing all my tomorrows, I understand Aunt Louise a little better.” Dainty fingers tugged on the ties of her silk pantaloons. “Her favorite saying was, ‘We'll cross that bridge when we come to it.' She never let fear of consequences stop her from enjoying life.” Her last garment fell from her slender hips to join the nightgown on the floor.

He didn't dare move. He'd have her beneath him in an instant. Consequences be damned. She could become pregnant. And if she didn't love him, if he'd only imagined the love he thought he saw in her eyes and felt in her touch, she'd hate him forever. “But if there's a child….”

She closed the small distance between them and reached for the buttons of his shirt. “We've made love several times without conceiving a child. There's no way to know for certain if I will get pregnant. But if I do…if there is a baby…well….” She tugged his shirt free of his pants.

The idea of being married must not be as unpleasant as she claimed. His hands moved to her hips. “We'll cross that bridge when we get to it?”

She nodded, a smile lifting her lips and lighting her eyes. “Do you want me, Joshua?”

“You know I do.”

His shirt landed on the floor, and her hands snaked beneath his undershirt. Soft fingers on his bare skin ignited a fire in his blood. “Show me.”

A chuckle rumbled through him. “A man doesn't like to have his own words used against him.”

“They were
my
words first. Remember? You stole them.” She pressed her hips to his.

He knew she could feel the evidence of his lust, just as she had the first time they'd made love. Yes, the fearless, innocent woman had challenged him to show her how much he wanted her. He hadn't been able to resist then any more than he could now. “They were damned fine words.”

Lowering his lips, he took possession of her mouth. She'd won. Or maybe
he
had.

* * * *

Addie's heart leapt. Not only had Joshua promised to stay until spring, but he would also share her bed tonight. His tongue skimmed over her bottom lip and across the seam requesting entrance. She parted her lips, and all thoughts of spring, tomorrow, and any other nights disappeared. All that mattered was
now
.

Rough palms skimmed her bare back down to her buttocks. They settled there and pulled her hips against a solid ridge, proof that he did indeed want her. Addie moaned into his mouth and melted against him. His kiss heated her blood but sent shivers down her spine. Damp heat pooled between her thighs, and she returned his kiss. Sexual hunger grew to unbearable proportions. She yanked on his undershirt, and he helped her pull it over his head. It joined the pile of clothes at their feet.

Her fingers found the buttons of his pants. Within seconds they were undone, allowing her access to that part of him she craved. She dipped her hand beneath his underwear and wrapped her fingers around the solid length of him. He jerked at her touch and groaned against her lips.

He picked her up. Her lips found his bare chest, and she ran her tongue across his skin to taste him. Settling her on the bed, he straightened and removed the rest of his clothes. Addie smiled and held her arms out in invitation.

The mattress sank beneath his weight, and he held himself above her. His gaze traveled the length of her, scorching her skin. “God, I've missed you, darlin'.”

“No more than I've missed you.”

He lowered his head and spread a trail of moist, hot kisses down her throat to her chest. His tongue flicked the hardened tip of a nipple to send a lightning bolt of need to her core.

She dug her fingers into his hair. “Hurry, Joshua. I need you.” The breathless, husky tone in her voice no longer surprised her. The wagonmaster's kisses always stole her breath and left her unable to speak.

“Mmm,” he hummed against her breast. The sound reverberated through her entire body. He moved to her other nipple with a maddening, languid slowness. Her hips lifted of their own accord, pressing themselves against his erection. His pelvis thrust forward.

Addie's nails scraped the skin of his back. “Please.”

He ignored her and sent his lips lower to her belly as he inched his body down the bed. Strong fingers found her nipples, squeezing them while his tongue traced the line of her navel and drifted lower.

She squirmed beneath his sensual assault. A breathless plea fell from her lips. “Joshua.”

His palms flattened along her inner thighs. A gentle push encouraged her to spread her legs. Addie looked down to find him watching her, his eyes dark with passion. His gaze lowered to the patch of curls, and he placed a shocking kiss on her most secret place. His tongue slipped between the folds, grazing the sensitive bud stiff with need. She bucked against him, but strong hands held her still, her thighs spread to ensure easy access.

Her breath caught. “Joshua, I—”

That wicked tongue laved her, stroking and circling her before dipping to tease her opening.

“Stop.” She panted and clutched the blanket beneath her. “I can't bear it.”

Joshua showed no mercy. He drove higher and higher until she screamed his name and fell over the edge into a realm of shooting stars and fireworks. His sinful mouth covered hers, lips and tongue offering a taste of her own essence, and he entered her quaking sheath. Spasms met his pulsing shaft. Addie failed to catch her breath before he buried himself to the hilt. She clutched his shoulders and wrapped her legs around his hips.

He growled against her lips and withdrew only to return with stroke after stroke, setting a rhythm certain to drive her mad. Her orgasm had not fully calmed, but already the tension built again.

Wet, hot kisses covered her throat to the tender skin below her ear. He murmured something. She wasn't certain, but it sounded like, “Mine.”

Her heart slammed against her breast.
Yes.
She was his, whether he wanted to keep her or not. She'd always be his. Addie whispered his name and surrendered to a torrent of sensation and emotion drawing her up and away. Another wave of ecstasy washed over her.

Joshua's raspy groan echoed her release. His head rested on her shoulder until his breathing slowed. Rolling to one side, he brought her with him so their positions reversed. He reached over her to grab the blanket and cover them.

Addie snuggled next him, one leg and arm draped across him, her head now on his shoulder. She let out a contented sigh. Sleep tugged at her, the strong heartbeat below her ear a treasured lullaby. A rumble of sound added to the soft music.

“Addie?”

Drawn from the edge of dreamland, she murmured, “Hmm?”

“Did you hear me?”

Struggling to make sense of his words, she found her eyelids too heavy to lift. “What?”

A chuckle shook the warm, solid body beneath her. “Never mind. We'll talk about it tomorrow. Sweet dreams, darlin'.”

Addie woke in a cocoon of warmth with muted sunlight streaming through the windows. Even a cloudy day wouldn't dampen her mood. Smiling, she lifted her chin to look at Joshua.

Already awake, he grinned at her. “Mornin'.”

“Good morning.” A mouthwatering aroma tickled her nose. “Do you smell that?”

“The bacon? Yes. Are you hungry?”

“Starving. I hope Mrs. Simmons is cooking flapjacks too. Mmm. With maple syrup.” Addie stretched and flipped the covers away. The chill in the air brought forth a squeak. She hurried to the dresser and poured water from the pitcher into the washbowl. The cold water chased away any remnants of drowsiness. After wetting a cloth and washing quickly, she pulled clean undergarments from the bureau.

She pulled on her pantaloons and looked at the man watching her from the bed with his arms folded behind his head. “Aren't you hungry?”

“Mmm hmm. I worked up quite an appetite last night.” He waggled his brows.

A flush warmed her cheeks. “Yes, and you gave me one too. You should hurry. There may not be much breakfast left for you if I get there first.”