Wagonmaster (17 page)

He lifted his head. Darkened blue eyes met her gaze. “Say yes, Addie.”

She stepped back, shaking her head. “I'm sorry, Dr. Fletcher. I can't marry you. I don't want to marry anyone right now. Please understand. It's not you.”

“I see.” Disappointment colored his features. “Perhaps you'll change your mind in a few months. You've lost your father and need time to adjust to your new life. I understand.”

Addie nodded and headed for the door. Pulling it open, she stepped through and looked over her shoulder. “Don't wait for me,” she warned. “I don't know if I'll ever
adjust
.”

She raced to the carriage and almost forgot to release the brake in her in rush to leave. By the time she reached the entrance to the ranch, tears stained the front of her coat. How could she live without Joshua? Why didn't he want her? She'd do anything for him, follow him anywhere. She'd…. Her breath caught.
That's it
. She'd go with him to San Francisco. She'd stay with him for as long as he'd let her. Maybe Mrs. Simmons was right. With more time, she might be able to convince him to let her stay with him.

* * * *

Ten days had passed. Ten long days. Josh set the tin plate down with a sigh.

“Yeah. I miss her too.”

He looked over at Jimmy. “What?”

“Your missus. Things just ain't the same without her 'round.”

“I didn't say I missed her.”

Jimmy shook his head. “Didn't need to. Everybody on this train knows you ain't thought 'bout nothin' but your lady since we left Baker City.”

He couldn't deny it. Thoughts of Addie always plagued him. Is she all right? What was she doing now? And who was she doing it with? Josh chose a different form of denial. “She ain't my lady.”

Jimmy's chuckle sent a fog into the cold air. “Whether you know it or not, that woman is yours heart and soul.”

“Nah. She's too good for the likes of me. I don't deserve her.”

“Well, that's true enough. But I ain't never met a man good enough for a woman like your Addie.”

“She deserves a man who can give her silks and pearls.”

“Addie don't need none of that. She's happy with just a fishin' pole. 'Sides, her pa left her all the money she could ever spend.”

Josh nodded. “Yeah, but she needs a doctor or lawyer, a man who's made somethin' of himself.”

Jimmy stood, his old knees popping in protest. “Ain't no man ever made more of himself than you, boss. You made yourself Addie's husband.”

Josh laughed. “Yeah, that's somethin'.”

“Sure is. Some men wouldn't know it, though. Too many of 'em are too stupid to realize how rare a woman she is. Fact is, a lot of men would only be interested in the money her pa left her. It's a good thing she's already married. Ain't no tellin' what kind of men would be after now if she weren't. Least you know she's safe from the wolves till you get back.” The old cook gathered up the plates and dumped them into a bucket. “Don't worry 'bout waitin' for me. After we deliver Cooper and Fleming tomorrow, I'm gonna rest a day or two. This is my last trip. I'm getting too old for the trail. Time to find a place to settle down. Baker City seems nice. You go on back without me. Bet you can be there in two or three days. Addie needs you.” He tipped his hat. “Night, boss.”

Josh nodded, watching while the cook climbed into the wagon. He'd known she'd have suitors, but he hadn't considered all the greedy, no-good dogs who'd be sniffing around Addie's skirts. Sure, the doctor had shown an interest right away. But what of the other men of Baker City? Could Foster protect her?

Maybe Jimmy was right. Maybe even the doctor wasn't good enough for Addie. And she could end up with a man who didn't love her. If nothing else, he could give her that. God, he loved that woman. It may have taken over a week without her before he'd admit it. But he loved her. Now there was only one question: did she still want a divorce?

Josh emerged from the hotel bathed and clean-shaven. The dust of the trail was washed away only to be replaced by a mixture of unfamiliar emotions. Doubt nudged the edges of his mind, but the prospect of seeing Addie held the gloom at bay. Would she be happy to see him? Or would she simply give him a quill to sign the divorce agreement?

“Reynolds, wait.”

Looking over his shoulder, Josh groaned as he saw Dr. Fletcher. It was hard to be civil to the man. Just the thought of Addie in Fletcher's arms made him want to shoot someone. He slowed his pace and waited for the doctor to catch up to him.

“I need a word with you.” Fletcher made no attempt to greet Josh with the usual handshake. It was just as well.

“What is it, Doctor?”

“I asked Adelaide to marry me.”

The words twisted Josh's gut and pierced his heart. He was too late. He'd known this would happen. Fletcher was the kind of man Addie deserved. “Congratulations.”

The doctor scowled, shaking his head. “No need for that. She turned me down. Said it wouldn't be fair to me.”

Relief washed over him first, followed quickly by surprise and confusion. “She said no? Why?”

The man's jaw clenched. “Damn it, Reynolds. You know why.”

“Not sure what you mean.” Josh's throat tightened. “I only returned this mornin'. Has the circuit judge sent the approval?” Lord, he hoped not. He needed a little more time. Time to change her mind.

“A divorce won't set her free, and you know it, Reynolds. Do the right thing. Let her go.”

Josh stared at Fletcher. What the hell was the man talking about?

“You need to be honest with her. Tell her you don't want her. Tell her you don't love her, damn it.”

Josh frowned. Could he lie to her like that? “Why?”

He threw his arms in the air. “She won't marry me until she accepts the fact that the two of you have no future together.”

“The two of us?” Hope filled him, but he wouldn't let Fletcher know it. “I'm afraid you've got it all wrong. If she doesn't want to marry you, it's got nothin' to do with me. She wants a divorce.”

Fletcher's eyes widened, disbelief etched in his features. “Good God. You're an imbecile, Reynolds. A complete and utter idiot.”

Josh wanted to smash his fist into the good doctor's nose, but that would probably only get him a night in jail.

Fletcher wiped his hand across his face. “Look, whether you know it or not, Adelaide is in love with you.”

Josh struggled to hide his surprise. Joy threatened to lift the corners of his mouth. He cleared his throat. “I believe you're mistaken. Addie is not in love with me. I understand why you might be jealous, but—”

Fletcher shook his head. “Believe that if it eases your conscience, Reynolds. But Adelaide says she can't marry me. And it's because she loves you.” He stepped forward, pointing at his own chest. “
I
care about her, Reynolds. I could easily love that woman, and I want her for my wife. I'll be good to her. I'll take care of her. And I sure as hell won't throw her away like you have.”

“Now wait just a minute, Fletcher.”

“No. You listen to me. Divorce papers aren't going to be enough. You've got to tell her you don't love her, Reynolds. It'll break her heart, but she'll recover. I'll make sure of that.” He shook his head once more and spun on his heel.

Josh watched him walk away, unsure if he should believe the man. Did Addie love him? There had been so many times when he'd thought he'd seen that emotion in her beautiful eyes. Maybe she did love him. The memory of their parting kiss assaulted him. She'd kissed him as if nothing else in the world mattered. There had been love in that kiss. He could still taste it.

Josh wasn't good enough for her, but hell, neither was Fletcher. Not really. Addie was more than
any
man deserved.

He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Striding toward his horse, he pondered how he could convince the woman to remain married. By the time he mounted, icy snow fell, and a cold wind stung his face. Neither bothered Josh at all. No matter the weather, a ray of sun had broken through to warm his heart and plant the seed of hope.

Addie loved him.

* * * *

Josh tied his horse to the post and climbed the steps. The big porch spanning the front of the house lay quiet, the rocking chairs bare and still. He drew a deep breath. Odd that he could feel so unsettled. Now that he'd decided he didn't want a divorce, doubts about whether Addie would agree nagged him. Had he only imagined she had feelings for him? Could Jimmy be wrong? Was Fletcher wrong? Maybe he should test the waters. She might need time to adjust to the idea of remaining married to him. She'd insisted several times they'd be divorced as quickly as Foster could manage it. But did she truly want to be rid of him? Or was she only giving him what she thought he wanted?

He shook his head and knocked on the door. There were too many questions. And only one way to get the answers.

The door opened. The housekeeper's eyes widened. “Oh, Mr. Reynolds. Thank goodness you're back.” She grabbed his arm and ushered him inside.

“Is something wrong?” He removed his hat, his stomach twisting with worry.

“Everything is wrong. The poor dear is working herself into an early grave. She won't eat. She doesn't sleep.” She wrung her hands. “You've got to do somethin'.”

“Where is she?”

“In the study, first door down the hall.”

“Has she eaten lunch?”

The little woman frowned and shook her head. “She won't eat breakfast. And when I asked what I should make for lunch and supper, she told me not to cook.”

Josh bit his tongue to keep from swearing. “Will you fix us somethin' for lunch, Mrs. Simmons? Anything will be fine. Dr. Jennings will eat if I have to feed her myself.”

She smiled. “I knew you'd take care of things.”

He hung his hat on a peg and shrugged out of his coat. The coat joined the hat, and he wasted no time getting to the study. Addie sat at the desk, her head in her hands. She looked up as he stepped inside.

A look of surprise flitted across her face, and a smile lifted her lips. “Joshua.” She stood, moving around the desk.

Anger tore at him. The beautiful woman he'd left less than two weeks ago was all but a memory. Translucent skin stretched across the fine bones of her face, gaunt and colorless other than the dark shadows beneath her eyes. Her dress hung loosely against a skeletal frame. In some ways she looked worse than she had when she'd been sick with cholera.

He stepped toward her. “Damn it, Addie. I should turn you over my knee.”

Her brows drew together. “What?”

Grabbing her shoulders, he gave her a shake. He wanted to shake her until her teeth rattled, but he stopped himself. The feel of her thin shoulders beneath his hands frightened him. “I told you take care of yourself. Look at you. Have you eaten at all since I left?”

He didn't give her time to answer. Lowering his head, he crushed his lips to hers. Rage battled to overcome the worry tearing at his gut. Her lips softened almost instantly, and she melted against him. The fury died away. Her immediate surrender stole his need to punish her. The sweetness that always tempted him beyond reason spilled over him. His groan echoed in his ears, and he gathered her in his arms to deepen the kiss. God, she was perfect. How could he have ever considered giving her up?

His tongue delved deeply into her mouth, exploring and tasting, finding the honeyed flavor he'd come to need. Her hands tangled in his hair, and she returned his kiss.

The truth filled his senses. He found it in her kiss. It had been there all along. She was his. This woman belonged to him. He was part of her; she was a part of him. But did she know it? Would she fight him for the independence she'd struggled to achieve? Would her stubborn pride keep them apart?

Josh broke the kiss but did not release her. He rested his cheek against her hair and breathed deeply of her feminine scent. He couldn't let her go. The only question now was how long it would take him to make her realize it.

She sighed, a soft contented sound. “I missed you.”

He leaned back to look at her face. Her cheeks held a touch of color now, but her drastic weight loss still disturbed him.

“What's wrong, Addie? Why have done this to yourself?”

“I just…. It's all too much. I don't know how to run a ranch. I'm a doctor, not a rancher. The hands have tried to help, but my father didn't have a foreman. Uncle Rick says that even when he took to his sick bed, Papa managed the books and gave direction. Then there's the store.” Tears filled her eyes. “I don't know what I'm going to do.”

Slipping his arm around her shoulders, he guided her toward the door. “First, you're going to eat.” She looked up at him and frowned. “Don't even think about trying to argue with me, Addie. I'll help you with all that later.”

She sniffed. “You don't mind?”

“Don't you know I'd do anything for you, darlin'?”

Relief spread across her face. Gratitude sparkled through the sheen of tears. “Thank you, Joshua.”

They entered the dining room. Mrs. Simmons brought in a plate of ham and biscuits from the kitchen. “I'll be right back with some tea.”

“Tea?” Joshua asked when she'd left.

Addie shrugged. “I prefer tea with honey, but I'll ask her to bring you some coffee.”

Josh held the chair for her and seated himself next to her. He offered the platter to Addie. She took a biscuit and slice of ham. Josh retrieved his fork to put another piece of ham on her plate.

Her lips thinned, and she shot him an irritated look but didn't complain. “So tell me about the train. Were there any problems?”

Josh shook his head. “Cooper broke an axle and almost turned his wagon over, but no one was hurt.” He buttered a biscuit. “Good thing since our doctor wasn't with us.”

Addie offered a weak smile and took a bite of her biscuit. “Anything else?”

“No. The icy weather didn't help, but we managed.” Pointing his fork toward her plate, he issued an order. “Eat. We'll talk later.”

She sighed but obeyed. Stilted, stiff motions made it clear she didn't enjoy the food, and he wondered if she even tasted it. After eating all the ham and most of her biscuit, she sat back in her chair.

He nodded toward the plate. “You should finish your lunch.”

“I can't eat another bite, Joshua.”

He took one last sip of his coffee and stood. “All right.” He held out his hand. She stood and laid her palm in his. “Now you're going to take a nap.”

Her eyes widened. “No. I'm fine.”

Wrapping his arm around her waist, he steered her toward the door. “You don't look fine, Addie. Anyone can see you haven't been sleeping. You need to rest.”

She shook her head and turned away from him. “No. I can't. I….” Her voice cracked with emotion. “Every time I go to bed I just lie there. I think about Papa, the ranch, and….” She wrung her hands. “I can't,” she finished weakly.

Josh moved behind her. He wrapped his arms around her and bent to rest his chin on her shoulder. “You need to rest, darlin'.”

Addie stiffened, and her stubborn streak appeared. She'd been compliant until now, obeying with little more than a token resistance. “I'm not going to bed, Joshua. I am not a child and I won't be treated like one.”

Despite the irritation caused by her refusal, Josh smiled and nuzzled her hair. He'd come to love her stubborn determination to do things her own way. “All right. You win. Can we go sit on the sofa and talk for a while before we start work?”

Moments later, they seated themselves on the plump cushions of the couch next to a warm fire. Addie rubbed her arms, apparently still chilled in spite of the fire.

“Sit closer, darlin'. I'll keep you warm.”

She gave him a grateful smile and scooted closer, her thigh just touching his. He settled his arm around her shoulders and pulled her to him. Addie laid her head against his shoulder and sighed. The contented sound washed over him. For the first time in years, he felt as if he'd come home. It was odd that he could think in those terms here in a house built by a man he'd never even met. But it wasn't the house. It was Addie.

“So did the Coopers get their wagon repaired?” She snuggled closer, rested her hand on his chest, and turned her body toward him. Her chin lifted, and her midnight blue eyes gazed up at him.

“I always have an extra axle on the wagon Jimmy drives. We were able to repair Cooper's wagon fairly quickly, and we were back on the trail within an hour or so.”

“Where's Jimmy?”

“As soon as we delivered Cooper and Fleming to The Dalles, I headed back. Jimmy will rest a while and sell the wagon. Says he's ready to settle down somewhere. He thinks Baker City looks like a nice little town.”

She smiled. “Good. I hope he'll be happy here. So tell me everything I missed. I thought about you and the others every day.”

“Well, the travel was a mite slower without you there to lead the train. You always set a quick pace for us. I can't blame it all on Evans, though. He had the lead, but the weather got plumb nasty 'bout the third day.” Addie's eyes closed, and she relaxed against him. Josh continued talking softly about the sleet and freezing rain. He started to tell her about the two days of warm sunshine they had had, but he looked down at her and discovered her sound asleep.

Josh watched her sleep, contemplating the best way to convince her to cancel the divorce.

Mrs. Simmons entered. “Do you—?”

He placed a finger over his lips.

The woman smiled and whispered, “I'll be back to check on you in a bit.”

Nodding, he thanked her. Josh refused to move. Resting his head on the back of the sofa, he allowed himself to doze. His back began to ache from sitting in the same position, but he remained still to keep from disturbing her. She needed sleep, and he'd make damned sure she got it.