Vindicated (26 page)

When I finished, she stared at me with sympathy in her eyes, but there was something else there that I couldn't place.

"I know what he did, honey," she said, placing a hand on my shoulder.
 
"We all know what he did.
 
Never before has one made a plea like that and be allowed to return.
 
What he did for you was incredible.
 
But..." she trailed off.

"But what?" I said, slightly too demanding sounding.
 
I felt the panic surge in my blood again, everything inside of me feeling so completely wrong.

"But things are changing around here.
 
The council.
 
Things must change to remain fair.
 
Some of us have talked.
 
We know your Alex doesn't have long left up there.
 
He is a good man.
 
Good men like that don't come along very often."

She paused for a long moment, staring back into my eyes.
 
I tried yet again to swallow that hard lump.

"What are you saying?" my voice came out as barely more than a whisper.
 
"That... that you want him... as a council member?"

"That's exactly what I am saying," she said, looking around to check that no eyes were watching us.

"But..." I stumbled over my words.
 
"But he has to stay with me.
 
He can't leave me."

"But when it’s time for someone to go, it is their time."

"No!" I practically shouted, taking a quick step away from the woman.
 
"No, that's the point.
 
It wasn't his time.
 
The leader of the condemned, he killed Alex!
 
It wasn't Alex's time to go.
 
It wasn't fair."

"Nothing in life is really fair," Rose said, her eyes sympathetic again.
 
"I had just given birth to my third child, a little girl, when I found out I had breast cancer.
 
I only had eight months to be her mother.
 
Only eight months to fit in a lifetime of mothering to my children."

I stared back at this woman, my mouth hanging open, knowing there was more I needed to say but unable to make my brain work to recognize what it needed to do.

"If you ask me to not accept him, I will do it, for what you did for me," Rose said quietly, again glancing around to make certain no one was listening.
 
"But it is a wonderful thing, what we want for him.
 
He would be an incredible leader."

"Thank you," I managed to whisper, my entire body starting to vibrate with the pain that was growing in my body.

Just then those with the black eyes sprang from their seats and leapt at the newly branded woman.
 
I glanced back at Rose, trying to manage an appreciative smile.
 

And in the midst of the chaos, I leapt into the depths below.

A gasp ripped from my throat as I sat straight up in the pillowey white bed.
 
Alex jumped in surprise, his form barely visible through the nearly non-existent light.

Air continued to come in and out in gasps.
 
My lungs felt like they weren't there.
 
It felt like my stomach wasn't there.
 
It felt like my heart had filled my entire chest cavity, pulsing, throbbing, pounding painful blood through my shifting system.

"Jessica?" Alex said through the dark.
 
A moment later the light flipped on.
 
Spots formed on the edges of my vision as I met Alex's terrified, wide eyes.
 
"Jessica!"

I barely felt it as Alex placed his hands on the sides of my face.
 
Forcing my eyes to focus on his, I tried to even my breathing.
 
But it felt like I couldn't find my lungs.

"Jessica?
 
What happened?
 
What's wrong?"
 
The fear and panic were so obvious in his eyes.

I continued to gasp, clutching my chest.
 
No longer able to keep myself sitting up, I collapsed back onto the bed.

"Jessica!" Alex screamed, panicked.
 
"What do I do?!"

I reached a hand out, frantically searching for his.
 
Finding his forearm, I clung to it like my life depended on it.
 
Alex leaned over me, gripping my other forearm, and looked into my eyes.

"Focus on me," he said, trying with everything he had to calm his voice.
 
"Focus on me, Jessica.
 
You will stay with me.
 
You will not be pulled back into that place.
 
You don’t belong there.
 
You will stay with me.
 
You are my
wife
and I will
not
let them take you from me."

"You're..." I gasped again, feeling something inside of me starting to solidify again.
 
But every part of me wanted to go back.
 
"You're wife."

"Yes," he said, his eyes burning as he looked into mine.
 
With every passing moment, my breaths came easier and smoother.
 
"You are my wife, and you promised to stay with me.
 
Just like I promised you."

I nodded, letting go of one of his arms, and rubbed at my chest, never breaking eye contact with him.
 

It was then that I noticed the small black vein that bulged around Alex’s left eye.
 
Lifting my free hand, I touched it lightly.

Alex placed his hand over mine, holding my palm against his cheek.
 
I saw his lower lip quiver, saw the pain in his eyes.
 
Had he been capable, there would have been tears.

"Is this going to happen every time you go back?" he asked in a quivering whisper.

I bit my lower lip for a moment, to stop my own trembling.
 
Slowly I nodded.
 
"I think so."

Alex squeezed his eyes closed, the pain and fear rolling off of him.
 
His entire frame trembled slightly.

"I won't let them take you," I breathed, my whole body shaking as well.

Alex took a sniffling breath, and then let it out in an unsteady whoosh.
 
"I'm so scared, Jessica."

Wrapping my arms around Alex shoulders, I pulled him into me.
 
I wanted to tell him not to be scared.
 
But I knew he had every reason to be.
 
So I just held him instead until the sun came up in the east.

X

The next four days came and went in waves of panic, urgency, pain, and despair.

I continued to return to the world of the dead.
 
I went in every chance I could force my body to sleep, sometimes multiple times a day, with a list of names.
 
I no longer hid in the corner, fearing being caught.
 
I ran.
 
I sprinted through the concourses of angels, searching frantically for the faces I somehow always knew.
 
And I explained in desperation what I needed from them.
 
What I wanted and tried to demand from them.

But I continued to get the same answers.
 
The exalted wanted Alex as one of their new leaders.
 
The condemned simply wanted to punish him out of jealousy for being allowed more time to return.
 
Our plan was backfiring.
 
In a major way.

I sat up from the bed with a gasp, clutching my chest in pain.
 
My lungs were like soggy sponges.
 
My vision blurred as I tried to focus on Alex's face before me, tried to find the details in his features.
 
And slowly they did.
 
Each new black vein around his eyes.

"Jessica," I faintly heard Alex say through the painful haze that was my entire existence.
 
"Jessica."

Slowly my lungs became detectable and my body stopped pulsing and shifting.
 
My eyes met a bed with a handful of feathers atop it.

"Alex," I breathed, picking up one of the perfectly white feathers.
 
My eyes started filling with moisture as I met his.
 
That was when I noticed his hands shaking.

"It's coming, Jessica," he said in an unsteady voice.
 
"I..." he faltered.
 
"I don't think I can fight this much longer."

I shifted on the bed, kneeling in front of him.
 
I took his forearms in my hands, placing my face just an inch from his.
 
"You can do it, just for a little bit longer.
 
We just need a little more time."

Alex met my eyes, something all too close to despair radiating in his own.
 
"Just a little more time," he repeated.

But I think we both knew that was a lie.

It was going to take more than time to save Alex.

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

I watched the water drip from the faucet in the bathroom.
 
It circled around, gathered heavy and weak against the pull of gravity at the mouth of it.
 
Slowly, it stretched, trying to cling desperately to the stainless steel, before it couldn’t fight anymore.
 
It fell into the abyss of the drain at the bottom of the sink.

My eyes rose to meet my reflection.
 
Odd perfection stared back at me.
 
Perfect skin, perfect eyes, perfect lines and surfaces, given to me, unwanted and now hated.

Again I felt that rocket, that bomb ticking inside of my head.
 
We had slipped past double digits into single.
 
No matter how hard I was trying to find more numbers to put back on the clock, they just kept falling and slipping away.

Turning the water on full blast, I pooled it in my hands and pressed my face into its cool surface.
 
Everything about my being now felt strange.
 
I didn’t even feel like a human anymore, but didn’t quite know how to feel like an angel either.

I’d managed to track down seven of the people I had stood trial for last night.
 
And couldn’t breathe for several minutes after I woke up.

Pain.
 
That was all life felt like these days.

A ringing in the bedroom caught my attention.
 
The high pitched ring-tone told me it was my phone and not Alex’s.

Wiping my face dry with a hand towel, I made my way into the bedroom, spotting two feathers resting so innocent looking on the floor at the foot of the bed.
 
Trying my best to ignore them, I reached for my phone on the dresser.

Emily.

A rock formed in my stomach.

“Hello?” I answered.

I heard a sniffle on the other end and it was a second before Emily’s voice came through on the other end.
 
“Jessica?”

“Hey,” I said.
 
“What’s wrong?”

“Oh, Jessica,” Emily sobbed again.
 
A round of tears cut her voice off.

“Emily,” I practically shrieked.
 
“What’s the matter?”

“It’s Sal,” she half whispered, her voice cracking.
 
“She’s gone.”

The rock in my stomach grew heavier.
 
“Did she wander out of the house?
 
How long has she been missing?”

There was silence for a moment as Emily gathered herself.
 
“No Jessica,” she said, her voice becoming a little more solid.
 
“I mean she’s gone.
 
Sal died two hours ago.”