Vindicated (22 page)

Everything inside of me froze and black spots formed on the edges of my vision.

“Sweetie,” Mom said as she cautiously stepped out of my room.
 
“Is everything okay?”

And right at that moment the front door opened and in walked Alex, wearing a pair of basketball shorts and a t-shirt, looking worn out and tired.

I rushed across the room, a bit faster than I should have, and squeezed him so tight I would have broken his ribs if he’d been normal.
 
“Yeah,” I answered.
 
“Everything’s perfect.”

“What’s wrong?” he asked.
 
“Did I miss something while I was out on my run?”

Emily and I both chuckled with relieved sighs.
 
I didn’t even care about how he wouldn’t have looked worn out from a run.
 
But he would have looked worn out from fighting the call of the dead.

“No, you didn’t miss anything,” I said quietly, squeezing him again.

“Just Jessica panicking when she realized she’s overslept by about an hour and a half,” Emily chimed in.
 
“Speaking of which,” she grabbed my arm and started dragging me back to my room, “we need to be getting her ready or she’ll be late for her own wedding.”

I blew Alex a kiss before I was shoved into the room.

“Shower, now,” Emily said as she pushed me toward the bedroom.
 
“Quickly.”

“Yes ma’am,” I saluted as I closed the bathroom door behind me.

I barely even got all the shampoo out of my hair and my legs shaved before Emily was yelling outside the door to hurry up.
 
As soon as I stepped out I was ambushed into lacy white panties and a strapless push-up bra I certainly hadn’t picked out.

“Trust me,” Emily said as she rolled her eyes at my embarrassment, partially at how I looked and partially at having all three of them seeing me in so little, “Alex is going to like it.”

Throwing on an old button-up shirt of Alex’s I wore to bed sometimes, I was sat in a chair and was subjected to having my hair pulled, twisted, curled, and pinned.
 
The three of them argued over the exact amount of make-up that needed to be applied to my apparently already perfect face.
 
And then the rest of my entire body was lotioned down and buffed and shined.
 

I looked absolutely unearthly by the time they were done.

“You look…” Amber breathed as they stepped back and observed their work.
 
I squirmed under their scrutiny.

“Like an angel,” Mom said as she gave me a cautious, tight-lipped smile and hugged me.

Nice word-choice, Mom,
I thought to myself, rolling my eyes as I hugged her back.

“Alright people,” Emily said a bit too loudly.
 
“Let’s move.
 
We need to be there in less than a half hour!”

In a whirl-wind, I was forced into clothes that I would change out of when we got there, my dress was grabbed, the girls loaded their dresses into my mom’s rental car.
 
Emily dashed over to collect Sal, and with Rod and my Dad behind us, we headed to the facility.
 
Alex had already left to go pick up Caroline from the hospital.

I sat with my forehead leaned against the glass, looking out at the partially cloudy October day.
 
I felt oddly still inside.
 
Perhaps a little too still.
 
I wasn’t feeling excited, I wasn’t feeling nervous.
 
I wasn’t feeling much of anything.

I just felt there.

We pulled into the parking lot and I stepped out into the warm air.
 
Alex parked next to us, flashing me a brilliant smile before walking around the truck and opening the door for Caroline. Dad and Rod pulled in next to him.

I simply went through the motions of grabbing my dress, of following Mom, Amber,
 
Emily, and Caroline up the gardened path toward the front door.
 
The smallest of movements caught my attention from the corner of my eye.

There was Jeremiah, standing at the edge of a garden, hands tucked into the pockets of his tuxedo.

A small smile spread on his lips as he stared at me with his black eyes.

I finally felt something.

Panic.

Turning my gaze away from him, I hurried inside with all the girls and we were directed to the dressing rooms.

I think everyone was trying to talk to me as they undressed me, pulling me into my dress.
 
But I wasn’t hearing anything.
 
I had a million thoughts rushing through me, a million feelings.
 
Everything that had happened in the last nine months was coursing through my head, all the choices I’d made, all the lies I’d told, all the secrets I’d kept.

And the things that Jeremiah had said to Alex.

Before I knew it, I registered my mom say that it was finally time.
 
We were shuffled to another small building situated at one end of the garden we had chosen to be married in.
 
Music started playing softly, bouquets were handed around, one was pressed into my clammy hands, and the girls started filling out the ornate doors that swung closed behind each of them.

Something within me told me I needed to open those doors and walk down the aisle of flowers that would lead me to Alex and the rest of my life.
 
This was what I wanted, what I had been fighting to have for so long.

But I couldn’t move.

You’ve given up so much for this woman, and yet there is so much she hasn’t told you.
 
Consider your sacrifice carefully.

I didn’t deserve to have Alex.
 
He had given
everything
for me.
 
And I’d lied to him, about so much.

I didn’t deserve him.
 
I couldn’t marry a man that I didn’t deserve.

My legs sank me onto a white wicker chair, my elbows resting on my knees, my beautiful flowers resting loosely in my hands.

Everything inside of me felt dead again.

Just like the most of me was.

I barely registered the music stopping, heard the voices murmuring outside.

The door opened quietly and glancing up, my eyes already filling with tears, I saw Alex step inside.

He looked perfect.
 
There was no other way to describe him.
 
Everything about him was seamless from his face, to his hair, to the black tuxedo he wore.
 
He was glorious.

He crossed the small space and without saying a word, he crouched down in front of me.
 
Taking the bouquet from my hands and setting it on the floor next to him, he took my hands in his.
 
A single tear escaped onto my cheek as his eyes met mine.

“I can’t keep lying to you,” I half whispered.
 
“I can’t marry you like this.”

Alex’s face didn’t even falter, his eyes never wavered as he kept looking into mine.

“I can’t die, Alex,” I said, sniffing and wiping the tear from my face.
 
“And I mean literally can’t die.
 
That was what Cole and I talked about when we were in England.
 
I haven’t changed at all since you died.
 
I’m not even aging.
 
I’m stuck.
 
I can’t progress, I can’t move forward.
 
Cole told me that while you’re dead and while I have what was your life, I can’t die.
 
Too much of me had already died.
 
So I’m stuck.

“I should have died, so many times since you did.
 
But I didn’t,” my voice cracked slightly.
 
“The car accident, in a fire, Cole throwing a knife into my chest to test this theory, so many times.
 
You’re going to be pulled back soon, and I can never go with you.
 
Ever.”

Alex continued to look into my eyes, his face unchanging.
 
But I could see the wheels turning in his head.

“The angel who’s been following me has been trying to figure out what is wrong with me.
 
He thinks that if he can find a way to drag me back he can become the next Cole.
 
And…” I hesitated, my eyes dropping away from Alex’s for a moment as I gathered the courage to tell Alex the worst part.
 
“I’ve talked to Cole recently.
 
A few times.”

“Since Cole went back?” Alex asked, his voice shaky.

I met his eyes again, and nodded slowly.

“You’ve been back to the afterlife?”
 
Now the fear showed in his eyes.

“Kind of,” I scrambled as I gathered my thoughts, sorted everything out in my head.
 
“One of those times I should have died that other angel was there, I grabbed him and somehow he pulled me back.”

Alex’s grip on my hands tightened slightly.

“He wanted to keep me there.
 
Cole got me out.
 
But I begged for his help.
 
He told me to come see him when I slept.”

“You went back again,” he half stated, half asked.

“Three times,” I breathed.
 
“Alex, I watched them argue over when to take you back.
 
That day you collapsed to the floor, when you found me next to you when you came to.
 
I went back to the afterlife and Cole convinced them to let you have a few more weeks, enough time to make it just past the wedding.

“The other time he told me what it was the man who’s been following me wanted.
 
And then the last time he told me that he didn’t know how to save you, just that I had to figure it out faster.
 
That’s how I knew about Caroline, where she was and that she was nearly dead.
 
Cole told me.”

I took a gasping breath, pulling one of my hands out of Alex’s to cover my mouth as ragged breath’s came in and out.

“Is there anything else?” Alex asked quietly.

I let my breath out with a whoosh, meeting his eyes again.
 
I felt something inside of me harden.
 
“Even if you don’t want to marry me anymore for lying to you, I will still do anything,
anything
I have to to keep them from taking you.”

He didn’t say anything for a minute, just held my hand and looked at me.
 
I could see thoughts flashing across his eyes.
 
I wasn’t sure if I wanted him to ever say anything or not.

“I wish you had told me sooner,” he started.
 
“I could have helped you bare all of this, helped you figure this out.
 

“But I am so proud of you I can’t even put it into words.
 
You’re the bravest person I know.
 
And that you’re willing to take on the entire afterlife for me,” his own voice cracked.

“I want to marry you,” he said after taking a moment to gather himself.
 
“I
need
to marry you, Jessica Bailey.
 
You are
air
to me, you are
life
.
 
And I promise that I will do everything,
everything
to stay here with you.
 
I can’t,” he faltered again, his eyes dropping to the ground as he tried to compose himself.
 
Another tear rolled down my cheek.
 
“I can’t leave you.”

Just as if a thousand pound weight had been lifted from my shoulders, I felt a release wash over me.
 
I felt like I could breathe again.
 
A few more tears rolled down my cheek, this time out of relief.

And suddenly everything was okay.
 
In that moment I knew that everything had to be okay.

“Then let’s go get married, Alex Wright,” I said quietly, placing my hand on his flawless cheek.

His eyes rose to meet mine again, hope, fear, relief, and one hundred other emotions flooding them.
 
“Let’s go get married,” he whispered.