Victory Lane (Shady Falls #1) (22 page)

“I never forget how beautiful she is.” That was the truth. Dirt on her face and hands, work uniform, fire suit, tight jeans, or an elegant dress, I always noticed her. I liked that she was able to wear just about anything. She didn’t have to be provocative or wear things to draw people’s attention. It was her charming personality that made people notice her. She was shy, quiet, confident, outgoing, bashful, and bold all at the same time. She was a plethora of contradictions. A wonderful mechanic, a beautiful woman, modest but arrogant, she was all of it and it all drew people in, especially me.

The blush that crossed her cheeks made her entire face glow. I liked that my words affected her.

“So what are your plans?” Margie asked.

“We’re goin’ to dinner. Then we’ll probably come back so we can pack. We do have an early flight,” I said. The truth was I had plans to spend more time with her than just dinner—but I didn’t want her to freak out. We were going to dinner as friends, and my plans were verging on being a real date.

After a little more conversation, I pulled Toni out of the house. I kept her hand in mine as we walked toward the garage where I parked the SUV that I rented. I loved how perfectly her hand fit in mine, so I did everything I could to keep holding it. We walked around to the garage in silence, but I wasn’t worried, as far as I was concerned this would be the only silence we experienced this evening. I would let her get her thoughts together and hopefully she would be ready to relax and just be with me.

“So is this place as great as Margie and Kyle said?” her sweet voice seeped into my ears and made me smile. I loved the sound of her voice.

“Actually, it is. I haven’t been here in years, but the food is amazin’. They have the most mouthwaterin’ steaks that I’ve ever tasted. It’s almost worth the flight from home just to have one of their filet mignons.”

She giggled. I think it was the first time that I ever heard her giggle. Small snickers, big smiles, but never a girly giggle. And that was exactly what it was, a girly giggle.

“Must be interesting bein’ you,” she said through her giggling. “To actually consider flyin’ somewhere just for dinner? That’s insane.”

I smiled to myself. She was teasing and talking to me so easily, it was a sign that she was relaxing. Finally, I could see a glimmer of the real Toni, out of the garage, just being her. I liked what I was seeing. “Hey, it’s exceedingly interesting being me! And aren’t you lucky, you get several years of being subjected to my insanity.”

She looked over at me and seemed to stare for a long moment. “What?” I asked, taking my eyes from the street for a moment. We turned the bend, the interstate only a mile ahead when she finally answered.

“Why? I won’t always be workin’ so closely with Kyle. At some point I’ll just be behind the scenes like the rest of the guys.” she said.

“You didn’t read the contract, did ya?” I asked. She seemed to think she was going to be shoved to the background; didn’t she understand how much she was needed on the frontlines? Maybe we didn’t make it clear enough for her. “You’ll be workin’ alongside Ky and Kev for the duration of your contract, which is a five year contract by the way. So we’ll be spendin’ a lot of time together.”

She was quiet again and I was hoping the idea of spending time around me wasn’t freaking her out too much or making her rethink working with us. Truth be told, I knew I was attracted to her. And I was pretty positive she was harboring some attraction for me too, but until she showed it, there was always a possibility that I could be wrong.

“I actually get to be a part of the team?” she asked quietly.

This confused me. I didn’t know what she was thinking was going to happen, but apparently she was looking at all of this like it was a fleeting moment in time for her, when as far as I was concerned, as long as I was driving, she was with me. “What did you think was gonna happen? Did you think we were gonna shove you in some office or make you work in some other obscure part of the shop?”

Her silence said it all. We pulled in front of the restaurant. As soon as the valet came, I waved him off, gesturing for him to wait a moment. “Toni, look at me,” I said as firmly but as gently as I could. I always felt so on edge when I talked to her. I didn’t know how bad her experiences were so I didn’t know if words or tones could scare her. When she didn’t look over at me, I gently used my fingers to guide her face to meet mine. “You’re a part of this team. An important part. You’ve proven yourself to everyone, including Axel and believe me when I tell you, he wasn’t happy about bringin’ in a woman. You had a bigger fight for your spot than you realize. You belong with me … us.”

She didn’t respond. She just sat there in silence and stared out the window for a moment. I worried that my slip up was going to freak her out. But I meant everything I said. I sincerely believed she belonged on the team. She was already an important part. She was the missing piece we’ve needed to bring out the full potential of the entire team. The guys respected her, the people in charge thought she’s wonderful, Ky basically told Axel that he didn’t want to move forward without her working with him, and I was definitely feeling things for her I didn’t think I was capable of anymore.

Chapter Sixteen

Toni

‘You belong with me …’
Those words echoed over and over in my head all through dinner. I desperately wanted to ask him what he meant. Was his saying
‘us’
immediately after meant as just a cover, or when he said ‘
me’
did he mean me as in his team? The questions bogged me down and made me question every one of his words.

Through dinner, we talked a lot about the team, the potential for a winning season with the new points system that NASCAR was implementing, and about the car we would be racing next week. We also talked about the food, the restaurant, and going back home tomorrow. Our conversation flowed easily, but we didn’t talk about anything real. Most of it was generic, but it was easy. And I did like him, that realization hit me hard today when he wrecked. There was no doubt in my mind anymore. I may have had fears but the fact was that I was falling for him. Everything about him made me want to get closer. Now, knowing I was a part of the team? I didn’t know what I was going to do.

After dinner, I thought we were returning to the house, but then we arrived at the beach. I wasn’t sure about the situation that I was getting into with him, but Julius never once gave me any reason to be afraid of him. I wanted to open up to someone, deep down I felt like it was time and I knew I wanted it to be him. No more holding back. No more hiding …
Easier said than done.

“What are we doing here?” I asked when he parked the car at the dark and secluded beach. He turned off the engine and looked over at me.

“I thought it was a nice night for a stroll on the beach.” His sideways grin graced his face.
I love that smile
.

He got out of the car and was quickly over on my side, opening the door for me. I’ve never had anyone open doors for me constantly the way Julius did. “Stand here for a second,” he said. He opened the back door and pulled out a blanket and a basket.

“What’s all this?” I asked. He said this was a friend thing, but this was turning into a lot more than just dinner with a friend. Friends don’t typically do the picnic thing on the beach, do they?
I’m so pathetic. If I keep reading into everything, I’m going to scare him the hell away.

“Just some wine and strawberries. I thought it would be a nice little desert after dinner.”

He placed the basket and blanket in one hand and he took my hand in his other. He was starting to hold my hand a lot lately. It was definitely something I wasn’t used to, but I liked it. There was a comfort and contentment in holding his hand. I didn’t know if it was a means to keep me going where he was going or if it meant something else. I always felt so inept around him. I never was sure about what his actions meant and how to read him.

We reached the edge of the sand and I realized walking through sand in heels wasn’t going to work. “Hold on,” I told him. “I need to take off my shoes.” Before I could reach for my shoes, Julius was crouching down and taking my foot in his hand. He cradled my calf in his hand while the other slid my shoe from my foot. Gently, he placed my foot down on the ground then he did the same with the other, sliding his fingers across the smooth skin of my calf, before placing my foot down. I looked down at him while he knelt there for a moment before standing.
That was the most romantic thing to happen to me ever.
My heart was hammering and my nerves were going haywire.

He just smiled once he was back to his full height. “Ready to go?” he asked, beaming. I couldn’t verbalize anything, so I nodded my head and grinned. I took a step into the cool sand and shivered a little. The cool sand covering my bare feet and the crisp Florida evening sent a chill through me. Without a word, he slid his jacket off and draped it over my shoulders. His warmth washed over me from the jacket and his kindness made my heart swell. I thought he looked incredible in his custom-made black suit, but with just his grey shirt unbuttoned at the collar and black and grey silk tie loosened and hanging, he looked unbelievable. I had the sudden urge to take his tie in my hand and pull him down to meet my lips, of course I would never be that bold. I wished he could be the guy who wanted a real relationship. I wished he could be the guy who could be with me because without even realizing it, he was healing me. The broken pieces were fusing back together with every kind gesture and every smile he directed at me. The problem I had was he made it perfectly clear to that Audrey woman that he wasn’t the relationship guy. He wasn’t the type to settle down and want the house and the white picket fence crap. Although I’d probably never admit it, that’s exactly what I wanted. Maybe not in the traditional sense, but I wanted stability, love, and comfort.

We walked until we reached the water’s edge, just out of reach of the tide rolling in. He stopped walking, looked down at me, and smiled as he spread the blanket for us to sit on. While he worked, I looked out at the mass of dark water, trying to grasp the enormity of what was before me. The ocean never ceased to amaze me. Its vast open waters, full of creatures that have never seen the light of day, reflected the full moon and the billions of stars that hung above. In the dark, it was almost impossible to tell where the sky ended and the world began. It made my problems, my troubles, and my life seem so insignificant.

“Are you gonna sit with me?” Julius asked from the blanket. He leaned back on his elbows looking up at me curiously. His sleeves were unbuttoned and folded midway up his forearms, his biceps bulged under the strain of holding him up. He looked relaxed leaning back, smiling at me.

“Yeah.” I slid onto the blanket next to him, trying hard not to get sand all over the place. We sat side by side, not touching, silently looking out over the water. The darkness and the sound of the waves lapping on the beach were calming, lulling me to relax. It was almost freeing to stop thinking about every issue plaguing my daily thoughts. I never realized how bogged down I was by my incessant worrying. 

“It kinda makes you feel small, don’t it?” he asked. “Like whatever problems you have are nothin’ compared to how big the ocean and sky are.” It was as if he was reading my mind. It unnerved me a bit; he seemed to know what I was thinking so often.

“Yeah, that’s exactly what I was just thinking,” I said. We sat quietly for a few moments before I decided to speak. Up until this point, it was always Julius initiating the conversation. He asked me questions, asked me to tell him about myself, but never once did I try to get him to tell me about him. But more and more, my curiosity was getting the better of me. But I had no idea how to start the conversation. He leaned back on his forearms and stared toward the black ocean.

“I was curious,” he said before I could initiate my questions, “you said you don’t have a boyfriend. Why does such a beautiful and talented woman not have a man to be with?”

And there it was—the question of questions. There was always the why. Why was I alone? Why didn’t I give anyone a chance? But I never seemed to want to tell anyone about my past. For the first time, I wanted talk to him. I didn’t know if it was he or this place, but I wanted to leave my problems to the void of darkness that surrounded us. Almost as if the vast ocean could take my past and wash away all of the bad. It was also him; there was something about him, making me want to open myself; to bare my soul. Could I do it? I didn’t want him to pity me. I didn’t want him to look at me as if I was damaged. I wanted him to see me for me. But a part of me I still just wasn’t ready to share. I followed his example and leaned back on the blanket, gazing toward the dark waters.

“I don’t know. I guess I just haven’t met anyone I wanted to give that title in a long time,” I lied. Instead of letting him into my little world or telling him anything too personal, I focused on him. This was the opening that I wanted. “What about you? A rich successful racecar driver like you and you don’t have a girlfriend? Seems odd.”

He sat up next to me and gathered things from the basket. Two wine glasses, a bottle of wine, cheese and crackers, and chocolate covered strawberries. He quietly poured two glasses of wine and spread the food out between us. His silence stretched as he swallowed his entire glass of wine before setting it down. He laid down on his back and stared into the immensity of the starry night sky. I watched him out of the corner of my eye as I sipped my wine and nibbled on a strawberry. I worried I was too forward or that I assumed too much. I didn’t want to ruin the night, but it appeared I had.

“About five years after I started racin’ trucks, I bought an engagement ring for my girlfriend. We had been datin’ since we graduated high school and when I was offered the position in the truck series, she came with me to Mooresville. She said she wanted to be with me. We lived together. We did everything together at first. She was beautiful and sweet, the stereotypical country girl with big blond hair and sweet as hell attitude.” I sat quietly and listened. But the moment he described the woman he wanted to marry, I hated her. I hated that he talked of her in the past tense. I hated that he loved someone so much that he wanted to marry her. I hated the way his voice sounded when he described her. But I didn’t say a word, I just continued to sip my wine and listen.

“After some time she started makin’ friends and I couldn’t have been happier. I was constantly busy and was travelin’ every week for races; I hated leavin’ her behind all alone. Over time, the schedule I kept, the travelin’, and everything else made her mad. I couldn’t do anythin’ to make her happy. She complained about everything I did, no matter how hard I tried to make her feel special; nothin’ seemed to make her happy. I bought her things, took her to nice places, none of it seemed to matter. None of it made her happy.”

Tears stung my eyes for him. I could hear the betrayal in his voice and could feel his sadness. I wanted to comfort him. I wanted to make him feel special because he was definitely special. How could she not see how special he was? How could she not appreciate him?

“One night before I had to leave for a Bristol race, I decided it was time. I was gonna ask her to marry me. I made plans with her, made reservations, and everything. That day, I called her at work to tell her when I’d pick her up, but she said she had plans with her friends. She said she couldn’t just drop her plans for me. Thinkin’ back, I shoulda known, but I didn’t. I didn’t want to see it …” he paused and closed his eyes. “We argued, but it was decided that she was goin’ with her friends and nothin’ I said was gonna change her mind. So I called Ky to go get a beer. We pulled up at a local place and out in the parkin’ lot there was a couple basically fuckin’ on the hood of a car.” He paused and my heart just broke for him. I could sense what he would say next. I felt horrible for him. “It took a moment, but I knew almost instantly it was her. Ky tried to stop me, but I went and confronted her and the asshole she was tryin’ to screw on the hood of the car
I
bought for her. The fuckin’ coward ran, she tried lyin’ and beggin’ me to forgive her but she had basically ripped my heart out and shoved the fucker down my throat with her betrayal. I showed her the ring just before throwin’ it into traffic, never to be seen again. I will never get the look she had in her eyes out of my head. She was upset, but there was still such a cruelness in her eyes. Without a word, I turned my back on her and went to get into my car. She got into her car and spun tire outta the parkin’ lot. She hit an eighteen-wheeler head-on. She died at the hospital.”

He stopped talking and I could tell that he blamed himself for her death. It was no wonder he didn’t let anyone close to him, he had been betrayed by someone who was supposed to love him. In a way, it was worse than what I dealt with. I always knew Todd held no real love for me and I didn’t love him. The physical part of my experience was horrific, but the emotional part of his experience was crippling. I had no idea what to say, so I didn’t say a word. I slid my hand into his and held on to him, just so he knew I was there. We sat in silence for a long time, and I was surprised when he started talking again.

“I didn’t think I could ever have feelings like that again without bein’ worried I’d be betrayed. For the longest time, I didn’t let anyone get close to me because of Anna. I guarded my heart from every woman I encountered. Until now.”

His words flew through the night; they surrounded me, seeped into me, and burrowed into my heart. His words were quiet and honest, full of hope and promise. I could hear the sincerity in his voice. I could feel his words wash over me. But I still couldn’t decipher their true meaning. He could be talking about any woman. I was sure he wasn’t lacking for willing candidates in his life. I could just be a friend that he felt comfortable sharing with.

He sat up and looked at me. His eyes burned into me and his grip on my hand tightened. I felt like he could see into my soul, into my mind and into my heart. I felt like he already knew me, what lay within my heart, the demons in my head, he knew them all. He could see them all, and he wasn’t afraid. But there was no way he could imagine the demons that haunted my nightmares. A man like him could never fully grasp the horrific way Todd treated me because he would never treat a woman with anything other than respect, of that I was sure. Even after betrayal he didn’t react in any aggressive manner, he walked away. He may have yelled, he may have stormed, cursed, and even growled, but he probably never even considered hurting her.