Victory Lane (Shady Falls #1) (9 page)

“You know Carla was talkin’ to me yesterday,” he said, trying to make me mad. Carla and I never got along. She was always jealous of my relationship with Jake and Cade. She blamed me for the fact neither of them would even give her a second glance. Carla was a pretty and petite girl. Tiny, not much more than five feet tall and a hundred pounds, with long blond hair. She loved to wear short jean skirts with cowboy boots and tight shirts. She was basically my total opposite.

“Yeah, she offered to take care of me. She said I obviously wasn’t bein’ taken care of. Maybe I should let her. She’s beautiful.” He snarled his words at me as if they were supposed to hurt me; I gave up caring a long time ago. I wanted to tell him to go to her, but making him mad would be what he wanted. He sought a reaction out of me. He wanted me to get upset or to tell him to go, just so he could have an excuse to hurt me again. “You know, maybe you’d be prettier if you weren’t so fat. You should go on a diet, maybe color your hair too. Although I don’t think it would matter. Can’t dress up a pig.” His heinous laugh sickened me. Tears burned in my eyes. He knew my insecurities and he used them. “Oh quit fuckin’ cryin’, bitch. You’re lucky you have me. No man wants such a fat, ugly cow like you.”

All the questions ran through my head like they always did. Why didn’t I fight back harder? Why didn’t I yell? Why did I let him hurt me? Why did I stay? Why did I date someone like Todd? Why did I get myself into that situation? Maybe I was a bad judge of character. Maybe I deserved what happened to me. Maybe I made him crazy. Maybe I was over exaggerating. Over reacting. Overly picky. Too weak. Too quiet. Too soft. Too hard to please. Maybe it was my fault.

I didn’t realize how much I still believed the things he said. It was something I’d been working on with my therapist but until I talked to Mia, until I got defensive, I didn’t think I understood how much his words still haunted me. The thoughts were always there, but actually to give them voice made me understand how much I’d allowed them to eat at me. Before I got too involved in my book, I picked up my phone and texted Mia. I knew she wouldn’t see it until later, but it was okay.

Me:
Thank you for … everything. Love you!

A few moments later, my phone dinged with an incoming message.

Mia:
@ light. Love you too, girl. Have fun and try to relax. And if y’all go swimming, I want pictures of Fuller!

Me:
LOL … I will. See you soon.

I set the phone down and waited to see if there would be any more from her. When it was silent, I turned off the ringer, set it to airplane mode, and slid the phone into my bag. Images of what Julius Fuller would look like with no shirt, water dripping down the ridges of his chest … Oh goodness, I couldn’t even continue with those thoughts. I had to stop before I embarrassed myself. Hoping for a distraction, I picked up my book and turned to where I’d left off. The heroine was on a quest to find a statue to stop a battle, while the hero and their friends set out to find a set of giant twins and an imprisoned friend. Book worlds have always helped me to get lost, which was exactly what I needed to get the thoughts of Fuller half naked out of my head and to get through this weekend. I loved reading about supernatural beings, gods, wizards, aliens. I loved them all.

“What’re ya reading?” a deep male voice startled me out of the solace of my book. Looking up I saw Kyle and Julius standing in front of me. Kyle had a huge smile on his face while Julius just looked curious.

“Um, a book about gods and demi-gods,” I said. I kept my gaze on Kyle, even though I knew Julius asked the question.

Kyle took the book from my hand and inspected the front. He sat down next to me and continued to study the cover while Julius hovered above us. His enormous stature and the fact he continued to stand, intimidated me. I looked at my book while Kyle read the back cover. I had to keep my eyes anywhere but on Julius. Mia talking about his half-naked body echoed through my mind as I tried desperately not to blush. I just needed to stop thinking. Ugh, what was I going to do if I couldn’t stop the images of him from flashing through my brain? I was going to kill Mia the next time I saw her. She planted these images, as if I wasn’t going to have a hard enough time working with this man. Now it might be impossible. Damn her.

I glanced up once only to avert my eyes once more. As soon as I’d looked up, he was staring back at me. The confident grin he gave made me think he could read my mind. Damn him, damn her, damn them all. Shit, what was I going to do? My heart was hammering just because he was standing there. Dammit. But then again, he was looking at me. As much as I wanted it to mean something, I knew it didn’t. He was probably just remembering how pissed off he got me a couple nights ago.

“How many times have you read this? It looks like hell,” Kyle said with a grin.

“I don’t know, a few times I guess. The last one in the series is coming out soon, I wanted to reread the series before it comes out,” I explained, realizing how nerdy it probably made me sound, but I didn’t care. Neither of them commented or even made a face. I relaxed a little; I was used to the younger guys in my classes teasing me about reading all the time, Julius and Kyle didn’t comment at all.

“So tell me Toni, what else should I know about you? You’re a damn good mechanic, you obviously like to read … and apparently like to write too. So what else is there?” Kyle asked, thumbing through the book. I hated when people messed with my books.

Julius moved and sat on the other side of Kyle and took the book from his hand. Kyle taking my book bothered me, but Julius having it annoyed the hell out of me. I tended to write things in the margins of my books as I was reading. I highlighted the passages which spoke to me and I sometimes even wrote my own poems or poems I loved in the margins. Ideas, poems, and healing thoughts just popped into my head as I read. I never wanted to forget those feelings and thoughts, so I wrote them all down, no matter their meaning. Having people look at these things made me feel exposed. I felt like Julius was going to be able to see into my mind or soul by reading the words held within. Writing was a part of me I didn’t share with others, not even Mia, Jake, or Cade knew that part of me. But Julius was there, book tilted sideways, reading something I’d written inside. Would he see? Would he figure out just how damaged I was? What if he didn’t want a mechanic who was such a freaking wreck?

“I don’t know. What do you want to know?” I asked my eyes still on the object in Julius’ hand. He turned the page, flipping the book upside down and seemingly devouring whatever I had written.

“Who are the Hanson twins to you?” he asked. “I’ve heard a rumor they moved here to be closer to you.”

I sucked in a deep breath. To others, their moving to Mooresville sounded like something lovers would do, but it was a bad time in my life and I was floundering horribly. I was terrified all the time, I was sick and constantly afraid Todd would come find me. I’d even grown afraid of guys built like Todd, which was a huge problem since most of my classmates were smaller guys with stocky builds. Jake and Cade were worried. If my dad could have picked up and come, he would have too. Dad did the next best thing; he made sure I had my Uncle Bobby close to watch over me.

“Cade and Jake are my best friends. They’re actually more like my brothers.”

“So they moved to Mooresville? Are you sure there ain’t more than friendship? Guys don’t usually pick up and move if they ain’t gettin’ somethin’ for it,” said Kyle, his tone crisp and confident. I hated when people assumed there was something more between us, it just wasn’t true. It also pissed me off that he just assumed he had any right to know such private things about me. The whole time I sat there thinking about how to answer, I watched Julius thumb through the pages. He stopped from time to time, turning the book while his eyes scanned the pages, he also seemed to be listening to our conversation. Now I felt especially uncomfortable with him having my book.

“Cade and Jake are my family, I love them dearly. But there’s nothin’ more, not that it’s your business.” I wanted to smack my hand over my mouth. He was my boss; he held my future in racing in his hands. I didn’t want to piss him off.

“Well, if neither of them are your boyfriend, then who is?” Kyle asked. I relaxed, thankful he didn’t get pissed.

Shaking my head and snickering a little, I said, “I don’t have a boyfriend.”

“A pretty girl like you don’t have a boyfriend?” he asked.

A flight attendant opened the doors to where we would board the plane. I was happy for the distraction and hoped his questioning would stop because of the distraction. Her gaze traveled over the empty seating area and I finally acknowledged there was no one else around but the three of us. “Mr. Fuller, Mr. Redding, the plane is ready.”

“What’s goin on here?” I asked, confused.

“It’s time to go,” Kyle said with a smile. He stood and took my hand; Kyle pulled me up with him. He grabbed my bag and threw it over his shoulder with his own. I looked over at Julius who still had my book in his hand. Julius followed as Kyle pulled me along with him toward the doors. “Come on.”

Looking around the inside of the plane, I was shocked by what I saw. It was a private jet with all of the large, plush, and comfortable seating areas you see on television. I didn’t know planes like this actually existed. “What are we doin’ here?” I asked.

“Flyin’ to Florida. This is the company plane. We rarely fly commercial anymore.”

“But where’s everyone else?” I asked still confused. I mean it made sense that Julius flew like this. And it made sense Kyle flew with him, they were best friends after all. But why was I there when the rest of the guys weren’t?

“They fly commercial, Toni.”

“But shouldn’t I be with the rest of the guys?” I asked.

“No, you shouldn’t.” Julius’ tone left nothing for argument. He was adamant and this was apparently not up for debate at all. They wanted me on this plane, but I didn’t understand why I was being treated different from the others.

“But I’d rather be with the team,” I pushed.

Kyle looked between Julius and me. He looked curious and a little confused, but he quickly masked any questions forming in his mind. “I fly with Jules,” Kyle said. “You are my apprentice so you fly with me.” I was with Kyle and he was with Julius, and there wasn’t a damn thing I could say about it.

Kyle led me toward a window seat and sat next to me. Julius sat right across from me where he would constantly be in my line of sight through this two-hour flight. He still had my book in his hand, thumbing through the pages; I wanted it back. I needed my book, it was like my security blanket shielding me from a world I wasn’t comfortable in and didn’t completely trust.

“Can I have my book back please?” I asked, trying not to make eye contact with him.

“No, I think I wanna read this,” Julius said distractedly.

“Why would you wanna read the third book in the series? If you’re gonna to read it, you should start from the beginning.”

“Nope, this is good. I’ll read this one.”

“But …” I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t want to make a big deal, but I needed my book. I needed the security and the distraction, from him. Sighing in resignation, I pulled my bag from under my seat and fished out my e-reader. I’d just trade him. “How ‘bout I give you my e-reader,” I said. “Then you can start from the beginning and I can have my book back.”

“Nope, I don’t think so,” he said stubbornly. “I like this one. The notes are interesting.”

“Ya might as well give it up, Toni,” Kyle smirked. “When he makes up his mind, he don’t relent.”

“Fine,” I grumbled. I wasn’t happy, but it wasn’t worth making a big deal out of it either. I opened my e-reader to where I left off and tried desperately to distract myself from the man sitting right in my line of vision, but it was impossible. Just sitting there, he drew my attention. I couldn’t stop myself from glancing toward him, frequently. I’d never had this kind of reaction to anyone I’d ever encountered before. It terrified me.

Chapter Six

Julius

The look on her face when I wouldn’t give the book up was priceless. But the fuckin’ thing was like a window into who she was. The notes she wrote in it were more revealing about who she was than they were about whatever the fuck the story was about. I could give two shits less about the yarn being told. Her notes, the doodles, and the highlighted passages are what interested me. These were things that touched her in some way, at least enough for her to want to remember them.

I liked learning there was nothing between her and the Hanson twins. I liked those guys and didn’t want to have to dissolve my partnership with them because one of them was banging her. I just wasn’t sure why I was having such a serious reaction to the idea of her being with someone. I had no right to those feelings and I wasn’t even sure what I thought I wanted from her.

I turned the page in the book and there was a passage highlighted in bright green, ‘… he knew that the most important thing was that they were together.’ The passage talked about the hero and heroine being separated and then finally being together again. Then on the side of the same page in the margin was what seemed to be part of a poem written …

In every life, there is a fear

Of everything dying.

In every life, there is a hope

That will make the fear go flying.

In every love, there is a dream

Of it always staying strong.

In every love, there is a worry

That everything will go wrong.

Those words spoke volumes about the girl—but what it was specifically, I wasn’t completely sure. It was obvious by the words she longed for love, but apparently, she hadn’t found what she was looking for. It also appeared she was afraid of something or someone. What holds such a beautiful girl back from finding love? I was sure the guys in her classes had to have noticed her. She would be impossible not to notice. Beautiful face, beautiful figure, insanely talented; there was no way they didn’t notice her. There was no way they all just accepted whatever role she allowed them to play in her life. They may not have pushed it, but they must have thought it. How could they not?

“So Toni, back to my earlier question. A pretty girl like you doesn’t have a boyfriend— why?” Kyle asked, almost as if he could read my thoughts. I kept my eyes on the pages in front of me, on what I figured was her writing and quite possibly an original poem, but my ears stayed on their conversation.

“I just don’t. I don’t think about it much. Besides, in my experience, boys are a problem I don’t need in my life.”

“Maybe
boys
are your problem,” I mumble without thinking. I didn’t want to be part of this conversation, but the words spilled out of me before I could stop them.
Boys
probably were her problem.
Boys
are arrogant, pigheaded, and stupid.
Boys
have no regard for anyone but themselves and getting what they want.
Men
at least have a little more going for them. I looked up and loved what I saw, the fervor from the other night was flashing in her gorgeous eyes.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” she asked, a fire in her eyes.

“Boys are immature and usually insecure. Men are more established and confident. Men cherish and protect women, boys are just looking for a quick bang,” I said quietly. I wasn’t trying to argue, but more than likely boys were her problem. “How old are you, Toni?” I asked, getting ready to prove my point.

“I’m twenty-three, why?” she asked. There was an intensity in her eyes. She was pissed. I liked feeling her passion, even if it was in the form of rage directed toward me.

“Well, a guy at twenty-three, more than likely, just wants to get his dick wet any way he can. They’re arrogant and pigheaded. Whereas a man that’s older tends to realize women ain’t playthings and they treat women with more respect.” After I said all of this, I looked at Ky and he smirked at me. I couldn’t hide anything from Kyle, I never could. I didn’t know why I cared and I didn’t know what my intentions were, but my mind was flying with possibilities and they all involved Toni.

“Whatever,” she murmured. “I guess that’s why you’re seen with a different woman every time you step out.” She immediately smacked her hand over her mouth and looked horrified.
Well, I guess someone was checking up on my life and me.

“Just because I’m with different women, doesn’t mean I don’t respect them. I don’t lie, cheat, or disrespect them. I’m upfront and honest. Just because you read some bullshit online doesn’t mean you know me,” I growled.

“I’m so sorry, Mr. Fuller. I didn’t mean …”

“Julius, Toni. My name is Julius.” I looked back down at the book. “What do these words mean?” I asked.

“What words?” she asked, gesturing toward the book in my hands.

“There was a part of a poem written on this page. What does it mean?” I asked.

“Nothing. Can I have my book back now?”

“No,” I said, pulling the brim of my baseball hat down so my eyes were hidden. I fixed my gaze on the book and refused to look up again. It was obvious this girl had been hurt, but she seemed to have hope the hurt would someday go away. At least that’s what I was reading into her words, but I wanted to know what made her so guarded. She obviously wanted something but wasn’t allowing herself to find it for some reason.

“Oookay …” Kyle drug out. “Anyway Toni. Tell me, when’s the last time you had a boyfriend?” Why the fuck was he pushing this conversation with her? Now I was getting pissed off. Wasn’t it obvious to him, she didn’t want to share? Or maybe it was only me she didn’t want to talk to.

“Kyle, I don’t mean to be disrespectful, but this isn’t somethin’ I wanna talk about.”

“Why not?” he pushed. I glanced up and could see her frustration and sadness.

She sighed as if she realized she would have to give him something to stop his questioning. I still wanted to know what his angle was. Why he was so insistent on this line of questioning, I didn’t know. She squared her shoulders and turned to Kyle. “Because it was a long time ago. My past is in the past and I’d like to leave it there.”

Kyle didn’t push anymore, and neither did I. Then words written on another page caught my eyes …

This impractical isolation,

Making me insane.

Hoping I will escape

My self-induced solitude.

To finally be free …

Some experience or some person affected this woman drastically. I understood pain. The soul devouring pain, eating at you every day of your life. There wasn’t a single day over the past five years that I didn’t think about the baby that may or may not have been mine. Or the life I could have had with Anna. I felt like her death was my fault. But then I was also angry because she took everything from me that day. All I ever wanted was a family, but Anna saw fit to take it all from me. Thinking about my own pain, made me curious about Toni. What happened to force her to build walls and isolate her heart from ever feeling pain again? The thought of some asshole hurting Toni caused a reaction I wasn’t quite expecting, but it was there. Fury … Blind fury built in my gut as all of the possibilities burned through my brain. I pushed them down though. I couldn’t let her see me react to what my gut was telling me. She didn’t need to see my anger; she might misread it for instability.

~oOo~

Once the plane was in the air for about half an hour, it was clear Toni had fallen asleep. She seemed exhausted.

“Did I just completely fuck up or what?” Kyle asked after a while.

“No, man. You didn’t fuck up. They were honest questions. She has issues that apparently run deeper than you coulda known.” I turned the book in my hands toward him and gestured to the last words she had written. I never turned the page, only focused on the words—what they could mean. She had clearly built walls to protect herself, but she was obviously not happy about her solitude. She wanted to feel and be part of the world again, but maybe she didn’t know how. Maybe I could help her.
What the fuck am I thinking?

It doesn't hurt anymore, that's just how it goes

I can cope; survive as long as the world never knows

Keep my cards to my chest and my true feelings very near

But you are getting more powerful, your greatest weapon; my fear

“What the hell does it even mean?” Kyle asked.

“I’ve read this poem before. I don’t remember who wrote it, but it was something Margie read and connected with when she went through all that shit in college. An abused woman wrote it, I think. It talks about how women hide the abuse because they’re ashamed or think they’ll be blamed but it just makes the abuser more powerful when they keep things quiet.”

Kyle seemed to take this all in. He sighed and then looked me in the eyes, “Did I fuck up by bringin’ her on? Maybe she’s not right, maybe …”

“No, she can handle the job,” I said cutting him off. “She’s a mechanic who you say can bring nothin’ but good things to our team. So let her. Nothin’ but the job matters.” But was it true? I didn’t feel the words I said. But I wasn’t supposed to care about anything but the job. Her personal life should have nothing to do with what went on in the garage. As long as she could make my car run the way it was supposed to, we shouldn’t care about anything else. But something about her drew me in and made me care. I wanted to know what the hell some asshat did to fuck her up so bad.

“So what do you think about the cars?” I asked trying to change the subject. Ky was my best friend. We’d been through more shit together than I’d ever want to admit. He was around when my world came crashing down around me. He helped me pick up the pieces and find my way again. I knew he worried this girl could trigger something in me, but I didn’t care. I needed to keep her around. There was just something about her …

“You sure ya want to know?” he asked with a smirk. When I just nodded his smile widened. “Put it to you this way. I have the contract in my bag. Accordin’ to Tom, the car is runnin’ like a beast. He drove it on our track back home and said he was ready to come in his shorts at the sheer power he felt in this thing. You’re gonna be drivin’ her car in two weeks, I’m sure of it.”

I snickered at his remark about Tom. “Tom does get off on power, doesn’t he?”

Ky laughed, “Yeah, he does. The prick loves gettin’ off on it. No wonder he’s never been married.”

We both laughed but said nothing more. It was obvious we both had a lot on our minds. This race, this season was going to be full of changes and obstacles, I wasn’t sure either of us were quite prepared. We both knew Toni was more than just a good mechanic brought in to help us out in the garage, she was going to bring us a shit ton of attention as well. I knew the attention could be spun in a good way, but it could also turn dreadful. One bad race, one issue in the pits and the media would be all over her.

“What are we gonna do if the damn media attacks her?” Ky said after a few moments of silence. “We both know this could be a huge problem.”

“Yeah, I know,” I sighed. “We’ll deal as best as we can. We need to prepare her for what can come. For the shit-storm that’s bound to happen when they learn about her. They’re gonna be relentless and they’re gonna be out for a story, no matter how much we try to shield her from it. You know the first fuck-up and they’ll be ready to fuckin’ hang her out to dry. We gotta make sure we’re on the same page with this shit so she don’t get blamed for anything.”

“Yeah, I know. I just wish we could fuckin’ shield her from this shit like we can with most of the other guys. But she’s gonna be the story of the year. The first female workin’ in the capacity of a crew chief is gonna be as big as the first female driver was a few years ago. Look what they did to her; she couldn’t do anything right as far as the fuckin’ media was concerned.”

“Well, we’ll keep her from it for as long as we can. But it probably won’t be long. I figure by Daytona there won’t be any hidin’ her.”

“Shit,” Ky grumbled. “This is the part of the job I hate. It fuckin’ sucks monkey balls.”

“No shit, man.” I shook my head and tried to clear away the thoughts of the media and their relentlessness.

The next twenty minutes were relatively quiet. After a while, Ky’s deep breathing became a slight snore and I knew he was sleeping. I enjoyed the quiet time. I used it to observe the sleeping girl in my plane. She was the first woman ever to fly in my plane with me. But she wasn’t
with
me. For some reason though, I kind of liked the idea of her being here. In my little interaction with her, I’ve come to find she was opinionated, confident, and strong. But I’d also found her to be timid, vulnerable, and she worried about everything. I’ve similarly noticed she tended to shy away from contact with people and she flinched if someone moved too fast around her. I worried about what that meant.

I sat there for a long time, just enjoying the quiet, thinking about my life. I weighed every event, each fucked up part and every blessing, no matter how small. I loved my life and my career, but I longed for the life I wanted years ago. I yearned for a life full of love and family and friends. I was tired of the one-night stands and the quick fucks in random hotel rooms in whatever city we were racing. I was tired of the women who only wanted to be with me because of who I am. I was weary of how fake they could be. None of them ever actually wanted to know me; they just wanted the famous driver.