Victory Lane (Shady Falls #1) (17 page)

~oOo~

Our plane trip home was quiet and uneventful. Everyone seemed to be lost in themselves. Margie and Kyle sat together talking. Julius sat across from me all the way home, but he didn’t engage in any conversation. He sat quietly and read the book he had taken from me days ago when we were on our way to Florida. I didn’t know what he felt he was getting from it, but I didn’t bother to try to get it back from him again. A part of me liked that he was interested in something of mine. After I left his room early that morning, I worried he wouldn’t be so concerned anymore.

I paid little attention to what was on the screen of my e-reader. Instead, I focused on the man who sat across from me. I focused on his posture, the way he concentrated on my book, and the way he would look up at me from time to time. A few times we locked eyes before I quickly looked away, but most of the time I pretended I didn’t notice. I thought long and hard about his words and actions from the morning. Everything about him was terrifying as far as I was concerned. This man had a power I never gave anyone, even Todd. This man had the power to break me and he didn’t even know it.

Mia was waiting outside of the airport when we walked out of the terminal. She stood, leaning against her car with a smile. When I got to her, she engulfed me in a hug I didn’t even realize I was craving. The nightmare from last night and the revelations made on the way home had rubbed my emotions raw. Was I so damaged that I couldn’t feel things for men who were attainable? Was I only attracted to men who were emotionally and physically untouchable? And worst of all, after such a short period of time?

Next to us, Margie stood smiling. When Mia turned to her, she put out her hand. “I’m Margie. I’m guessing you’re Mia?”

Mia smiled and said, “Yep, that’s me.”

My two friends meeting should have made me happy, but something in their nonverbal exchange unnerved me. Then Margie spoke up, she turned to Kyle and Julius smiling. “I’m goin’ to dinner with the ladies here. We’ll see y’all later.” She kissed Kyle then hugged Julius.

“Where’re you ladies goin’?” Kyle asked. “Maybe we could join ya.”

Mia smiled and in her sweetest southern drawl said, “No offence big boy, but this is a ladies only thing. No guys allowed.”

Julius scowled, “Y’all know Margie’s pregnant. She can’t be goin’–”

“Stop right there, Jules. Toni knows and so does Mia now. We ain’t gonna drink. We’re gonna hang out, just us girls. Go get yourselves pizza and beer, go back to your house. We’ll see y’all later on.” She walked over to her brother and took his hand. Looking into his eyes she quietly told him, “This is different. No lies, no dodging, just honesty. We’re gonna go to dinner and maybe some shopping, that’s it.”

I had no idea what she was talking about, but her words seemed to calm him down. Who was he concerned about lying and dodging truths? Why would she feel the need to reassure him and not Kyle? There was so much I wanted to know, but knew I’d never be able to find out.

The three of us climbed into Mia’s car and we were off. It took all of five minutes to get out of the airport and six minutes for the second degree questioning to begin.

“So what happened with you and my brother last night?” Margie asked. She turned in the front seat to look at me. Her eyes sparkled as if she knew something; the thing was there was nothing to know.

Mia looked at me in the rearview and then at Margie. “What do you mean what happened with your brother? Who’s your brother? Did something happen?”

Just as I was ready to speak and tell her nothing happened, Margie spoke up instead. “Oh, I don’t know. Ky and I left my brother, Julius’ room around one in the morning, and Toni was still there. She was curled up on the couch next to Jules watching a movie and dozing. When I went to her room to get her this morning she wasn’t there.”

“Where was she?” Mia asked then looked at me in the mirror again, “Did you stay with him? Did you
sleep
with him?” 

“Nothing happened. I fell asleep on the couch, that’s where I woke up. On the couch.”

Margie gave me a mischievous grin. “With your head in his lap.”

I felt my face go red. It had been a long day and night and I was exhausted. I had one beer and felt like I was ready to pass out. I remembered sitting on the couch to watch a movie with everyone, but that’s about it. But I knew nothing happened beyond sleep.

“Your head was in his lap?” Mia shouted and turned toward me. She swerved into the next lane. Thank goodness there was no one there.

“Mia, watch the goddamn road before you kill us all,” I growled at her. “I must have slumped into him in my sleep. I woke up in the morning using him as a pillow. That. Is. All. You know me, Mia.”

It was quiet for a moment; they both knew my past. I knew Mia had been wishing for me to be able to move on, but I still had problems with trust. The thing I did notice, I wasn’t worried when I was with Julius. He was gentle and kind. I didn’t want to admit it, but it gave me hope.

“I do know you better than that, Toni. But I also know this is a big deal. You never let your guard down, never. He must be one hell of a guy for you to let yourself be vulnerable. I mean, you still flinch when someone moves too fast or even looks at you the wrong way. You lettin’ someone get close to you when you were sleepin’
is
a big freakin’ deal.”

“It doesn’t matter. I had a pretty bad nightmare last night. He woke me up from it.”

“What kind?” Mia asked simply. She learned quickly about my nightmares. The second night after she moved in with me, I had a horrible one of the last time I saw Todd. I woke her and my uncle up with my screams.

“It doesn’t matter, Mia. He heard me begging Todd to stop hurting me in my sleep. I said his name and everything. He asked me who Todd was.”

We sat there in silence. I knew better than anyone that exposing myself to others was a big deal. I just didn’t want to tell them what I was feeling. If I gave it a voice, it would make it too real. There wasn’t a future for me with this man. He said himself he didn’t want a relationship with anyone. He doesn’t do anything more than one night. I could never be that girl. I didn’t ever
want
to be that girl. So there would never be anything between Julius Fuller and me.

“What’re you thinkin’ about, Toni?” Margie asked after a few moments.

I thought long and hard about what to say. He’s her brother. I didn’t know what she knew of his lifestyle, but I didn’t want to destroy her vision of this perfect man she had built up in her head. “Nothing. It’s just even if I did like Julius, nothing could ever come of it. I heard him tell Audrey he didn’t do more than one night with a girl. I’m just not that kind of girl.”

Margie turned around completely in her seat to look at me. I thought she was going to be upset or at least scowl at me, but she didn’t. She smiled a sad kind of smile. “Jules does more than one night, Toni. He just hasn’t for a long time. I know my brother and I know what he does. But I think it’s time for him to stop living in the past and move on. Just as you need to stop living in the past and look at what’s in front of you. You’re proof that people can move on from tragedy and get stronger, you just have to let other people in to help you.”

I didn’t know what to say. There wasn’t anything more to say. I sat in silence in the back seat, my thoughts flying a thousand miles per hour as I listened to my friends talk. The conversation wasn’t so heavy anymore, but I felt the weight in my heart.

Chapter Eleven

Julius

“What do you think that’s all about?” Ky asked as we watched the women drive away. I had hoped, after last night and this morning, I would be able to spend a little more time with Toni. I wanted to try to get her to open up to me. To talk to me. Through her whimpering and sobbing during her nightmare, I found she must have survived one hell of an ordeal. She had begged this man to stop hurting her. I wanted to know more about what happened to her and I wanted to help her see not every man tried to hurt women. I could’ve tried to talk to her on the plane. I tried once or twice, but I couldn’t bring myself to talk to her about what I heard in front of Ky and Marg. It seemed too much like an invasion of privacy. Instead, I’d spent my time on the plane reading and rereading what she wrote on the pages in her book. For some reason I connected with what she wrote, I connected with her. It was like a glimpse into her mind, into her soul. She insisted none of it meant anything, but to me, the words meant everything. They told me about her, more than conversation or verbalized words ever could.

“I don’t know, I guess it’s just what they said. They’re goin’ to dinner.” I paused and thought for a moment. Marg said to go get beer and pizza and
they
would see us later. Did that mean she would be bringing Toni with her? Maybe I was too worried about what Toni was doing. She hasn’t shown any real interest beyond looking at me from time to time. That didn’t mean anything. But I did want to spend more time with her today.

Dammit. Sometimes I swear I was turning into a fucking chick. Beer. Pizza. Sports. I repeated the words in my head like a mantra. I wasn’t supposed to be feeling what I was feeling. Since Anna completely fucked me over, I haven’t let one single woman into my world or my life. The first one to infiltrate it and I’m all ready to lose my fucking man card.

“Let’s go grab a bite,” I told Ky. “Then we can go back to my place or whatever.”

“Sounds good to me.”

We grabbed a case of beer and ordered a couple pizzas. When we pulled in front of my house, it was dark. My house was always dark. I bought this place after Anna died because I didn’t ever want to return to the house we shared. I found out shortly after her death that she’d been lying to me for a long time. No one was willing to tell me what the hell was going on when I was traveling back then, but they sure as shit told me after she died. I got all kinds of sordid details about what people saw and heard her doing. Apparently, she enjoyed the little bit of popularity and notoriety she received by being my girlfriend.

I found out she enjoyed bringing different men into the home we shared. She took them to our bed and did things only we should’ve been doing there. I also found out that based on how far along she was, it was unlikely for the baby she was carrying to be mine. It was off-season and I had been traveling for work and visiting with my mother while she had surgery. When I found out, I lost it. Her betrayal was far worse than I ever anticipated and because of it, I spiraled out of control. I drank until I couldn’t see every night, I bedded every woman who crossed my path, and my driving suffered because of it. It went on for months until Axel and Ky made me pull my head out of my ass. Instead of being addicted to alcohol and women, I became addicted to success. I pushed my crew, my trucks, and myself harder and harder every season. I managed to win two titles in the following years, becoming more popular than many other truck series drivers. After all the success, Axel finally offered me my own Sprint Cup car and Fuller Enterprises was born.

The best thing that ever happened to me was Ky’s and Axel’s intervention. But they, my family, and my team were all I had left. It was a lonely life, but I never noticed how lonely I was until I fell asleep with Toni on that couch. It was purely innocent, but it opened my eyes to what I didn’t have and what I still wanted. It was bizarre, having those feelings just after a few days. I wasn’t the guy who went looking for a relationship or even felt the need to be in one. But with her, there could be more. I could just feel it. What was going to happen the more I spent time with her? And spending time with her was inevitable. She would be by Kyle’s side during speed week. We would be attending all of the driver meetings, dinners, and other activities together. She would be around in the shop working on the car. We would be together all of the time. Time spent with that beautiful woman would be inevitable. And once the other drivers and crews got a look at her, she would never be left alone.

“Hey fucker. Where’d you go? You’ve been quiet for five minutes,” Ky said, jarring me out of my thoughts of Anna and Toni.

“Nothin’. Just eat the damn pizza.” Kyle smirked at me. His condescending smile made me want to punch him in the face. “Why the fuck are you lookin’ at me like that?”

“What happened with Toni? She stayed in your room last night and now you’re bein’ pissy. Did you put the moves on her and she shot you down? Does someone have blue-balls?”

“Fuck you, Ky,” I growled. “Nothin’ happened. She fell asleep watchin’ the movie. We slept on the couch. That’s it.”

“You both fell asleep on the couch? Why didn’t you leave her there and go to bed?” he asked. “So then what the fuck’s your problem?” He looked at me and I turned away. He could read me better than anyone, and I didn’t want him getting into my head. He sat quietly for a few moments then his eyes widened. “Ho-ly fuck. Dude; don’t fuck this up with her. I want her on the team. She’s a great asset. You can’t just fuck her. I don’t want her fuckin’ quittin’ because of you.”

“She ain’t gonna quit because of me. Nothin’ happened. Nothin’s gonna happen either. But that goes for everyone. Our team, other teams, other drivers. You make sure everyone knows she’s off limits. Understand?”

His smirk came back bigger and more annoying than before. “There a reason you don’t want anyone lookin’ at her? She’s fuckin’ beautiful and just about perfect. Someone’s gonna see it.”

“No,” the sound of my own voice betrayed me. Of course, I didn’t want anyone else looking at her and of course, there was a reason. I just wasn’t saying it aloud. “Just make it happen.”

“I gotcha! She’s hands off. But you know, you can’t tell her she can’t start seein’ someone. She’s only gonna wait so long before she finds someone. You know she’s special, right?”

Fuck yeah. I know she’s special. Anyone can see she’s fucking special. And it’s got nothing to do with her beauty, her ability to work on cars, or her body. Something about the girl, I can’t get her out of my head. I wanted her more than any other woman, ever. But I couldn’t just have her for one night and I wasn’t sure I was capable of the other anymore. After Anna’s betrayal, how could I ever trust another woman? And I didn’t trust myself to be the man she needed.

We sat in silence eating our pizza and drinking our beer. When it was clear the girls weren’t coming to my place, Ky left and I went to bed. The house was huge and tomb-like. I hated it. Just like every other night over the past five and a half years, except one, I went to bed alone. But this was the first time I didn’t want to be alone.

~oOo~

During the weeks leading up to Speed Week, I spent my free time at the gym. I told everyone it was so I could work on my stamina and strength for the upcoming season. But I saw Toni there almost every night with the twins. She seemed so comfortable in that environment and around them, it pissed me off more than I ever realized. I found it difficult to believe there was nothing between them beyond friendship. Their personal relationship was one I only ever had with Margie and Anna, and Margie’s came from being siblings. I would see her from time to time as she worked out and hung out with her friends. Cade, Jake, and Mia were her constant companions but I did see Margie several times. I was surprised by how quickly Margie befriended her.

On Wednesday night, Cade walked into the private area of the gym where I always worked out. His welcoming but take-no-shit demeanor always made me a little leery. Jake was the relaxed and laid-back brother, Cade was the more serious and protective one. I hadn’t seen either brother over the past couple weeks since our return, so seeing Cade was surprising.

“Hey, Jules. How was Daytona?”

“Fine, good. The car’s ready to go.” It was my normal response to people asking me how I felt about a race or my car. But I knew he wasn’t asking about my car, I could tell by his posture and his tone. He wasn’t here as a friend or a fan, he was here as a big brother, checking up on the guy his sister spent the night with. Even though nothing happened that night, I knew it was a big deal for Toni to let her guard down.

“I hear Toni spent the night in your room.” No pulling punches, no beating around the bush. Straight to the point and looking me directly in the eyes, he challenged me to lie to him.

“Nothing happened, Cade. She just fell asleep on the couch.”

“And you did too?” He paused and when I was about to speak, he stopped me. “Look, I know you’re a good guy Jules. I know you wouldn’t set out to hurt anyone. I also know women flock to you and you can bed whomever you want. But she’s not like that, she’s a good girl.” He stood and took in the room and then turned his attention to me.

“I’m not out to hurt her, Cade. I wouldn’t let anything happen to her. I know she’s a good girl. I knew it the moment that I met her.”

“Look, just don’t fuck with her mind or her spirit. We’re just getting’ her back. She’s finally bein’ herself again. Part of me thinks it has somethin’ to do with you, so don’t fuck it up.”

“What happened to her?” Before I could stop myself, the question was out of my mouth. So instead of trying to smooth things over, I pushed a little more. “She had a nightmare. It seemed like it was pretty bad too. She was sobbin’ and beggin’ someone named Todd to stop. She was so shaken up when she woke up, she couldn’t stop cryin’. What the hell happened to her and where the fuck is this Todd?” Maybe I could finally get some answers from someone about this. This past week, Toni had been avoiding me. I couldn’t get her alone, no matter what I did. She left when the others left, and she arrived when they arrived. As much as I wanted to talk to her alone, she wasn’t allowing it at all.

Cade looked at me and seemed to size me up. He came to some kind of decision; I could see it in his eyes when it happened.

“Look man, I’m not tryin’ to be a dick or anything, but it’s her story to tell. But I’ll tell you this much, whatever you think happened to her is nothing compared to what she went through. No one should ever have to endure what that prick put her through. I didn’t see it then. I didn’t watch her as I should’ve. I won’t make the same mistake again. I like you, Jules. But I won’t let you fuck with her.”

This wasn’t a scorned lover warning off a new suitor, this was the act of a brother trying to take care of his sister. He’d failed her once—he wasn’t doing it again. I would have done the same thing.

“I have no intention on fuckin’ with her in any way or tryin’ to do anything with her, it’s not like that with her, and nothing happened in Florida. We fell asleep, that’s it.”

He smiled slightly. “All right. Good,” he said. “Just be careful with her.”

“I will,” I confirmed. We talked for a few more minutes then he left to meet a client.

Throughout my workout, Toni’s nightmare and Cade’s words filled my head. I didn’t know specific details, but I knew her past was worse than I’d ever imagined. Part of me wanted to run for the hills and stay as far away from her as I could. She might not be the right person for me. One doomed relationship was more than enough. The other part, the risk-taker/gambling man part, wanted nothing more than to be the man that helped her to heal.

Just as I was finishing up, Jake walked into the room. He had an easygoing smile, but I could see there was something else behind it. I realized as soon as he approached that this was going to be another talk like the one with Cade.

“Hey man,” I said before he had a chance. “How’s it going?”

“Hey Jules, it’s good. Look, I’m not gonna beat about the bush. I know you already talked to Cade, but I think you need to hear somethin’, so I’m just gonna be blunt here. See, she was in a really fucked up relationship. Beaten, raped, mentally and verbally abused. He put a fear in her that it took years and a therapist for her to start to overcome and finally start healing. I know Cade said it’s her business to tell but any of this can be found through public court records.  I also think you should know Mia thinks Toni has feelings for you. So all I’m gonna say is, don’t fuck with her. If you feel nothing for her, that’s fine. Then don’t lead her on. If you do, my advice is to tread lightly and get her to trust you.”

“I …” I stopped because I didn’t know what to say. I was overwhelmed with anger, sadness, and worry.

Jake seemed to get that and smiled. “You don’t need to say nothin’, Jules. Just remember, you fuck with her and you’ll have to deal with Cade, Mia, and me. And I’d be more afraid of Mia than either Cade or me. You’ll also have to deal with her father and uncle. They, like Cade and me, blame themselves for what happened before. None of us is gonna let it happen again.”

I nodded. The problem was, instead of being warned away and wanting to stay as far away from the girl as I could, I felt the overwhelming urge to protect her.