Valentine Present and Other Diabolical Liberties (27 page)

      ‘I don’t know what you’re up to,’ Hamilton had hissed over breakfast. ‘But you’d better be careful. If you put one foot wrong now I’m warning you, you’ll never work again. You’ll end up homeless.’

     
‘Why Ham, you say the nicest things,’ I had responded, only to receive a piercing glare from him. Melanie was bustling around giving the servants orders while Margarita took to her room for a nap. Fiona had gone riding with Sebastian and no one had batted an eyelid.

And then Alistair turns up.
He bursts into my room, eyes blazing and cheeks red.

     
‘Harriet, I g-g-g got an earlier flight. I thought I’d surprise Fiona.’

Oh
she’ll be surprised all right.

     
‘She thought you were coming this evening.’

     
‘W-w-w- …’

     
‘I said, she thought you were coming this evening.’

He takes a deep breath.

      ‘I’m not deaf,’ he says, dropping his suitcase onto the bed.

     
‘Shall I get Cedric to show you to her room?’ I say. I don’t want him making himself too comfortable in mine

     
‘W-w-w- …’

Oh he doesn’t give up does he?

      ‘She’s out riding,’ I say.

     
‘Nothing new then,’ he says dismissively, looking around my room. ‘W-w-what happened to your f-f-f-f- …’

     
‘Flat? I say helpfully, ‘I think it’s still there. I’ve been paying the rent. I don’t think Diamond wants to burn that down.’

     
‘F-f-f-f- …’

Yes fuck, I know exactly what he’s going through.

      ‘Foot,’ he blurts out.

     
‘Oh that,’ I smile. ‘I kind of fell out of a boat.’

He nods knowingly, like falling out of boats is what you do when you live this kind of life.

      ‘I say, this is grand isn’t it? I bet you’re enjoying being Hamilton’s b-b-b-b- …’

I shake my head.

      ‘Bitch?’ I say questioningly.

Well, let’s be hones
t that’s how Hamilton views me.

     
‘Bride to be,’ he finishes.

I pull a face. He has no idea. There is a knock at the door and before I can answer, Hamilton has strolled in. What a bloody cheek.

      ‘Do come in,’ I say sarcastically.

     
‘Hello darling. Alistair old man, how are you? The servants told me you were here.’

How bleeding pompous is that?

      ‘What, all of them at once?’ I say putting on a shocked expression. ‘Blimey that’s bleeding amazing.’

     
‘Watch your language Harriet,’ Hamilton barks.

I storm out of my room and leave them to it. At the top of the stairs I hear the sound of a woman’s voice.

      ‘Don’t be ridiculous Cedric. He can’t be upstairs with his fiancée. I am marrying Hamilton.’

Her voice is soft, cultured, and terribly posh. I feel my stomach churn. Who the bleeding hell is this? I turn back and hurry to my room. Hamilton and Alistair start at my entrance.

      ‘It is
my
room,’ I say irritably, ‘and by the way, there is a woman downstairs saying she is your fiancée.’

     
‘My fiancée?’ says Alistair knitting his brows together.

     
‘No not you Alistair, Hamilton’s fiancée.’

     
‘But you’re Hamilton’s fiancée.’

I roll my eyes.

      ‘Oh Good heavens, what is she doing here?’ says Hamilton looking anxiously around the room.

     
‘I don’t have a panic room if that’s what you’re looking for,’ I say sarcastically.

     
‘Christ, are you absolutely sure?’

     
‘Believe me if there was one I would have been in it days ago.’

     
‘Are you absolutely sure she is my fiancée?’ he asks crossly.

     
‘No I’m not sure. She’s bleeding sure though. Don’t you know if you have a fiancée?’ I snap.

     
‘Harriet language.’

     
‘Piss off Hamilton.’

     
‘C-c-c-can I do anything?’ stammers Alistair.

     
‘Like what exactly?’ I say.

He shrugs helplessly.

      ‘Oh God, why did Phoebe have to turn up now?’ groans Hamilton.

Phoebe? Who the hell is Phoebe? We all leave the bedroom together and I’m grateful no one is around to see that. It looks like I’ve just had a threesome. The fact that someone may think I’ve had a threesome
doesn’t bother me so much, but a threesome with Alistair and Hamilton would be dead embarrassing. I feel nauseous at the thought of it and push it from my mind. I reluctantly sit on the stairlift and begin my descent. What a ridiculous entrance this is. She looks up at me and I meet her eyes. She’s very beautiful, I mean, seriously beautiful in a celebrity kind of way, whereas I’m kind of pretty in a very non-celebrity kind of way, if you catch my drift. The way people are arriving at the moment I wouldn’t bat an eyelid if Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt turned up. She wears a green Armani suit which flatters her trim body perfectly. I know it’s Armani because I recognise it as one Marcus wanted to dress me in. Her make-up is immaculate and she is far more Hamilton’s type than I could ever be.
This is Phoebe, a friend of the family
, I hear myself introduce her to Caron and Gary. The thought of Caron and Gary, and my parents, makes me feel sick. What will this woman make of
Gary with his shaved head and neck tattoos, and Caron with her pineapple-style hair. Talk about opposite ends of the fashion spectrum. I don’t want my parents ridiculed and they really won’t fit in. I don’t bleeding fit in, so I know they won’t.

     
‘Hamilton honey, what the hell is going on?’ she says in a high-pitched voice that echoes in the hall. She turns her head to me and nods, ‘who is that?’

     
‘I sent you a text, several in fact. Why didn’t you respond?’ Hamilton hisses.

The
stairlift comes to a juddering halt and I slide off
and lean on my crutches for support.

     
‘What texts darling? You know I’ve been in New York. I don’t use my Blackberry when I’m there. I flew straight here and that stupid butler tells me you have a fiancée. You really should get better staff.’

     
‘Cedric is excellent,’ I say, trying to hide my London accent. She gives me a scathing look and eyes me up and down in a disdainful manner. I don’t know why she’s giving me such a snotty stare, I’m wearing leggings and the baggy woollen jumper that Marcus had found for me,
it’s designer. Don’t ask me which designer mind you.

     
‘Christ Phoebe, I’d wish you’d seen the bloody texts,’ snaps Hamilton.

     
‘Who are you?’ she asks pointedly.

     
‘Hello, I’m Harriet,’ I say, extending a hand and ignoring Hamilton’s filthy look.

     
‘Who’s arrived?’ calls Margarita from the library. ‘Is that Harriet’s sister?’

She wheels herself into the long hall and stops abruptly on seeing Phoebe. She is wearing a glorious multi-coloured silk robe which hangs to her perfectly manicured bare feet.

      ‘Hamilton, explain yourself,’ she barks.

     
‘Phoebe is here for the party Grandma. She came to wish us well, isn’t that right Phoebe? Let me show you to your room.’

     
‘Hello Mrs Lancaster, how are you?’ asks Phoebe.

     
‘I’ve been better,’ she says sharply.

     
‘What do you mean
my room
, I’ll be with you Hamilton,’ Phoebe says looking flustered.

     
‘Let me get some tea,’ he says, hastily dragging her away.

     
‘And who are you young man?’ demands Margarita of Alistair.

     
‘Oh, I’m F-F-F- …’

She continues to stare at him.

      ‘F-Fiona’s boyfriend, I g-g-g-got an earlier f-f-f-flight.’

     
‘Do you have a stutter?’

Good God, what an obvious question to ask.

      ‘Yes, I have actually.’

     
‘Yes I noticed. Can’t you get that fixed?’

     
‘Well, n-n-n- …’

     
‘Are you trying to say
No
?’

     
‘N-not really.’

     
‘So you can get it fixed?’

     
‘No, not really. I mean, not really I can’t get it f-f-f-fixed.’

She shakes her head.

      ‘Good Lord boy, how can anyone ever understand you?’

     
‘Are your parents here yet Harriet?’ she says, turning to me and not waiting for Alistair’s reply.

No, thank God. I watch as Phoebe’s green Armani suit disappears into the kitchen.

      ‘They’re arriving tomorrow.’

     
‘Well, I certainly hope they make more sense than this lot,’ she says, wheeling herself to the library.

     
‘I thought she w-w-was supposed to b-b-be on her deathbed,’ says Alistair, staring wide-eyed.

     
‘Yep, she’s amazing isn’t she?’

The house is alive with activity. Cedric is on a stepladder hanging fairy lights from the ceiling with Emily’s help, and there is a crashing of pots and pans from the kitchen. Party preparations are in full swing it would seem. The
ballroom has been decorated with glittering hearts, and balloons hang from the antlers of the stags’ heads. It would all be wonderfully romantic if it was true and I was getting engaged, but the decorations make me feel a cheat and a liar. In the middle of the room is a statue of cupid. He certainly shot the wrong arrow this time.

     
‘Hello you must be Fiona’s Alistair,’ Melanie calls as she breezes into the hall. ‘Someone mentioned you had arrived. I’m Lady Melanie Lancaster, Hamilton’s mother. Have you been shown to your room?’

     
‘I presume I’m with F-F-Fi,’ he replies.

     
‘Margarita doesn’t approve of …’ she breaks off with a blush. ‘But your room is very close to Fiona’s, let me show you.’

I hobble to the kitchen where Phoebe and Hamilton are having a heated argument.

      ‘Don’t mind me,’ I say with a smirk. ‘Do carry on. I’ve just come for some water.’

     
‘I hope Hamilton has made it very clear that this is a business arrangement,’ she snaps. ‘I happen to find the whole thing distasteful. How you can even lower yourself to such degradation is beyond me but I guess women like you don’t know any better and will do anything for money.’

Her hair has come loose from her bun and her face is flushed. I almost feel sorry for her.

      ‘I’ve been called worse by better people than you,’ I retort, pouring water into a glass. I fight the urge to throw it over her, after all, she needs cooling down.

She shakes with rage and if Ce
dric had not walked in at that moment I wouldn’t like to think what Phoebe would have done next.

     
‘Miss Harriet, there is a phone call for you. Would you like to take it in the drawing room?’

I turn angrily.

      ‘If you want to stop our little arrangement Hamilton, just let me know,’ I snap. ‘I’d be happy to tell Margarita for you.’

     
‘Phoebe’s upset. You won’t be telling Grandma anything, will you Harriet?’

     
‘You’ll have to wait and see, won’t you Hamilton?’ I say threateningly as I make my exit from the kitchen.

I wonder who the hell would be phoning me at Glenwood, unless of course it is Jack Diamond. I tremble at the thought and by the time I pick up the phone my hands are shaking. I hadn’t expected him to phone this soon.

      ‘Hello,’ I say timidly.

     
‘Harry, it’s me Julian.’

I grasp the back of an armchair and slowly lower myself into it. Jeez Louise, whatever next?

      ‘Harry are you still there? I have tried your mobile but it always goes to Fiona’s voicemail. I didn’t want to leave a message on her phone.’

     
‘How did you get this number?’

     
‘Easily. Hamilton Lancaster is all over the Internet. It wasn’t hard to find his summer retreat.’

     
‘Spring,’ I correct.