Until Alex (7 page)

CHAPTER SIX

ALEX

Back at the University of Texas, I loved the first day of a new year. Seeing everyone after a long summer apart. The new off-campus house. The new couples. The new classes. But as I pulled into the crowded parking lot of Southern State College, I could hardly swallow down the gigantic knot in my throat.

I wanted to stay at UT. But being alone in that huge empty house, waiting for the semester to begin, wasn’t healthy. My stint in the hospital could attest to that. So when my aunt enrolled me at SSC, I didn’t have a choice. 

I’d heard about small colleges. The gossip. The drama. The cliques. I just hoped I could avoid all the nonsense and graduate on time.

I circled the parking lot in my dad’s BMW. If the campus wasn’t ten miles away, I would’ve walked. I had no desire to give off a false first impression that I was some rich snob.

But I hadn’t been given much of a choice. A month ago, when I received the news that devastated my world,
I totaled my Jeep with me in it. Preston thought it was a brilliant idea to break the news to me
while
I was behind the wheel. I guess I couldn’t fault him. He’d just learned he’d been dealt the same unfair hand by fate.

Unfortunately,
he hadn’t called to comfort me. He called because he needed someone to blame. Someone to hate.  After two years of dating, I never expected his parting words to be, “This is all your fault.” Yet they were. And I still hadn’t heard from him.

Tears welled in my eyes as I located a spot at the far end of the lot. Before I could even consider stepping outside, I rummaged through my handbag and found a crumpled tissue at the bottom. I dabbed below my eyes as people passed by, shooting quick glances my way.

I took deep breaths, filling my lungs before exhaling. Anything to ward off the tears.

Once I pulled it together, I stepped outside. The sweltering heat was such a bitter contrast to my air-conditioned car. I tossed my bag over my shoulder, smoothed my pink peasant top, and straightened my faded jeans.
Here goes nothing.

I freed the trapped pieces of hair from my bag’s strap as I walked
to the path that led to the small quad. My head whipped around, taking in the four brick buildings surrounding the grassy area. From the looks of their modern décor, they couldn’t have been more than a decade old.

Having no idea where I needed to go, I pulled up the campus map on my phone. Ten minutes and two wrong turns later, I sat in the back of Lit 350. No one even noticed me tucked in the back corner as the professor ran through her class syllabus.

Calculus followed and was definitely not my strong suit. It’s why I’d put off taking it. The teacher spoke a mile a minute and his syllabus looked like a different language. Again, I sat in the back remaining unnoticed, until the girl beside me with the retro glasses and severe black bangs shared a smile.

I had an hour before Adolescent Psychology, so I located the Social Sciences building on the opposite side of campus, then stopped for an iced latte at a coffee shop I’d noticed on my walk in. After grabbing my drink, I stepped back into the bright sunlight, searching my bag for my sunglasses.

“Nice legs, babe,” a guy called out.

My head flew up. Three guys occupied a patio table calling out to the girls passing by. With their devilish good looks and tattoos peeking from the sleeves of their fitted T-shirts, two of them clearly had no trouble getting girls.

My head withdrew. 

The third
sent a shiver up my spine. He was the guy from Jake’s. The one with the piercings and tattoos who stared at Hayden and me then left. With his major drug-induced glare, he was downright creepy and likely struggled with the girls.

Giving up on my sunglasses, I took another step, but my body stilled.

Leaned up against the wall, behind the cat-calling trio, stood the last person I expected to find on campus. A guy with his hands buried in the pockets of his khaki cargo shorts. A guy who disappeared from the face of the earth three days ago. A guy whose crystal blue eyes were locked on mine.

Unexpected relief flooded my body. The tension I’d been feeling released in one fell swoop. I couldn’t hide my smile at the sight of a familiar face. I practically floated over to him.

Brushing by the trio, I planted myself at Hayden’s feet. It was ridiculous how quickly his presence comforted me. And though I had a strong desire to, I refrained from throwing my arms around him again. “Hey.”

Given his deer in headlights expression, he was equally surprised to see me.

“What happened?” I lifted my hand, indicating the black and yellow bruise under his left eye.

“What’s this?” Creepy
guy pushed his wrought iron chair noisily back and stood. His dark sunken eyes crept over my body, putting me on edge. “Oh, I guess you didn’t get the memo. Our boy Hayden never calls. One night’s all you’re ever gonna get. Hope it was memorable.”

He
and the other two burst into laughter. Hayden didn’t. It was like he couldn’t fathom why I stood before him. Like he didn’t know I’d be there. Like he didn’t know me at all. 

I glared into his distant eyes, mine narrowing in frustration. “Are you gonna speak?”

The muscles in Hayden’s jaw clenched. His eyes grew darker, colder. “Sorry, darlin’.” The deep voice that came out of his mouth didn’t even sound like his. He averted his gaze, his eyes scanning the flow of human traffic behind me. “I think you’re confusing me with someone else.”

I stared up at him, my eyes flaring. Was he freaking serious?

I spun around, hoping his comment was directed at someone behind me. But the only people there were girls who’d slowed to witness the bizarre scene unfolding between us.

I shook my head, both in bewilderment and total disgust. Screw this. I took off without turning back, walking away with as much of my pride as I could muster. I didn’t need that from him. I didn’t need it from anyone. He knew who I was. He was the one who neglected to mention
he
was still in college. The same college I’d be attending where I didn’t know a single soul.

I’d been honest when I told him I didn’t believe our first meeting had been a mere coincidence. That he’d been placed in my life for a reason. But as I raced away from the humiliating scene, with shaking hands and heated cheeks, I realized I’d never been so wrong about anything in my entire life.

* * *

I entered the sunlit dining hall, needing to grab something to eat before my
fourth and final class of the day. Its floor to ceiling windows provided a beautiful panoramic view of the campus. But the view inside is what stopped me in my tracks. Until that moment, I had no idea what being in a room full of strangers felt like. Sure I attended UT with fifty thousand other students. But never once did I feel alone when I had my girls and Preston there.

But now, with only three thousand students, I felt daunted by the unfamiliar faces. The tables already occupied. The friendships previously established.

My head whipped around, trying to locate a vacant table in the corner. A leggy blonde in a pink top and short jean skirt stopped in front of me. “I’ve been dying to meet you all day.”

“Me?” My skeptical eyes widened as she linked her arm with mine and tugged me to a table in the front of the room.

“Yeah, you.” She flashed a huge smile accentuating her perfect white teeth. “You’re all anyone can talk about.”

“What? Why?” Leaving me no other option, I sat down on the seat beside her.

“Well, honey, first off, you’re hot. Second, you drive an amazing car. And third, that scene with Hayden. Did you get him confused with someone else?”

I thought back to our encounter. The distance in his eyes. The hasty way he dismissed me. The way he allowed
his friend to talk to me. “Yeah. I definitely thought he was someone else.”

CHAPTER SEVEN

ALEX

The only thing I wanted to do after my exhausting day was curl up in bed and forget it. Hence my spot under my paisley purple comforter. The one that matched my purple walls still smelling of fresh paint. I knew my aunt wanted to make me feel at home. And I appreciated it.

What I didn’t appreciate was feeling like a rag doll pulled in a million different directions. From the people who wanted to show me to my history class to the questions about UT and why I transferred, I felt suffocated.

I knew I didn’t have to hide my past. But if people knew the truth—knew the real reason I’d come to town with nothing more than my dad’s car and a suitcase—I’d be forced to deal with the pity in their eyes and their empty sympathies when they had no clue how it felt to be me.

A knock on the living room door pulled me from my thoughts. I threw the comforter off my head and listened for my aunt’s footsteps. The infinite silence indicated I was alone.

Ironic
.

I dropped my bare feet to the hardwood floor and waited, hoping they’d give up and go away. But the knocking continued. 

I glanced down at my wrinkled clothes, the ones I didn’t bother to change out of before jumping into bed.
Ah well.
I marched into the living room and peeked out the peephole, expecting to find a tenant with a leaky faucet.

But it wasn’t a tenant with a leak.

Not even close. 

Anger bubbled in the pit of my stomach. 

Standing in the hall with his head hanging low was the cause of my latest grief. At least he had the good sense to feign remorse.

But d
id he honestly expect to blow me off then show up at my door like nothing happened?

My head twisted, my eyes sweeping over my aunt’s empty living room. I needed time to think. Time to rein in my anger. Time to consider my options.

I had two.

Open the door and let him explain why he turned into a prick over the weekend. Or take a page from his handbook and blow him off like he was nothing more than a passing distraction. 

I inhaled a deep cleansing breath, feeling stronger than I had in days. Then, secure in my decision, I turned on my heels and headed back to my room eager to bury myself under a heap of blankets.

Screw him.

Hayden’s deep voice trailed in from the hallway stopping me mid-stride. “I could see your shadow.”

HAYDEN

I slammed my door, rattling the entire wall.

I hoped Alex heard. She needed to know I was pissed. At her. At me. At Remy for showing up at school. At the world.

I dropped down onto my sofa, letting my head fall back and my eyes squeeze shut. She didn’t even give me a chance to explain. She made up her mind about what happened on her own.

I heaved a sigh.

Who could blame her? I was a total dick. 

And any notion of us hanging out at school got shot to hell the second Remy showed up on campus.

He’d dropped out of high school, so college wasn’t even an option for him. But it didn’t stop him from tracking me down and showing up whenever he damn well pleased. I wouldn’t be surprised if he had a tracker on my phone. He always found me. Whether I wanted to be found or not.

And while he might’ve been my friend, he was still a tornado dragging me into all sorts of shit, not caring where it all ended up.

That’s why Alex needed to stay out of my world. She couldn’t know the other side of my life. The side I wished I didn’t have to live
when Remy and I took our weekend trips or rolled up outside suburban homes late at night. And no way in hell could she find out about what happened three years ago. No one knew the truth about that.

No one except Remy.

I knew she couldn’t see me tucked away in the corner of the dining hall at lunch, but I saw her. She seemed happy with Taylor and her crew. The way she’d been when she left the stage at Jake’s. Before I fucked everything up.

Being at school put everything into perspective. Alex needed to be
with people who’d take her to football games and frat parties. Shopping and out to eat. Clubs and formals. She’d get the true college experience with them. She’d never fit in my world, with my crowd. We didn’t play sports, we didn’t join frats, and we didn’t give a damn what anyone thought of us.

If it wasn’t for my mother, I would
’ve never even been enrolled at SSC. As it was, I wasn’t even full-time. More like on the eight-year plan, getting credits here and there with no real direction. 

Being around Alex made me forget who I was and what I was. I started believing things I had no business believing.

My phone vibrated in my pocket, yanking me out of my head. 

Before I could say a word, Remy’s voice burst through the phone. “Baxter’s at nine.”

A night at Baxter’s was exactly what I needed to get my head screwed back on straight. Everything that went down with Alex had me feeling all messed up. Like I wasn’t myself. Like I’d grown a vagina. I needed a major dose of reality.
My
reality. “I’ll be there.”

I tossed my phone onto the countertop and grabbed a bottle of Jack from my kitchen cabinet. Forgoing the glass, I leaned against my counter and took a nice long swig, letting the whiskey burn down my throat and take me to another place. A place I didn’t need to think. A place I didn’t need to justify my behavior. A place where Alex couldn’t turn me into a full-fledged bitch.

At nine-thirty, I pulled into Baxter’s parking lot already feeling good. Harleys and trucks filled the lot, which meant a rowdy, shit-faced crowd playing pool and darts awaited me inside.

I strolled through the door, scanning the room for Remy. The
Monday night football game flashed on the flat screens around the room, making it jammed for a weeknight.

Girls scoped me out from every corner. Their none-too-subtle gaping and lip-licking told me one thing. I had my pick. Sorority girl or bored housewife, I didn’t discriminate.

Alex was shocked by the waitress at Jake’s. That was nothing. She would’ve been stunned by the methods girls used to get my attention.

I hated to sound conceited because I wasn’t. I was a piece of trash with an attractive face and body. The face was all genetics. My mom had been gorgeous. But the body, I worked for. Lifting at the gym kept my pent-up aggression in check. And no, I didn’t grunt and groan at myself in the mirror.

Before I even spotted Remy, two bottle blondes in tight shirts, painted-on jeans, and hooker heels made their way over to me, latching on to both my arms.

“Hey, Hayden,” one purred.

“Hey.” I glanced between the two, only seeing the orange lines around their necks where they didn’t blend in their makeup all the way. They must’ve had some hefty imperfections to cake on so much shit. Alex barely wore any. Her perfect face didn’t need it.

Fu
uuuck
.

I shook off the thought. Alex was not going to screw this up for me
.
By the time I got one or both of the girls home, makeup would be the last thing on my mind.

“We were hoping you’d be here tonight,”
one of them admitted, running her finger down my chest.

I hated being touched. Not just because of my own fucked up reaction to it, but also the reminder of the cause of the reaction.

But if the touching meant the girl would go home with me, I let it slide—gritting my teeth and bearing it. Besides, I was well on my way to utter oblivion. When that happened, the touching didn’t bother me as much.

I flashed a lazy smile, the one that made my dimples dig in. “Oh, yeah?”

Both girls nodded, using their come-hither gazes. I’d give them a C for effort.

I spotted Remy by the bar, chatting up some of our boys. I headed over to him with the blondes on
my tail.

“What’s up?” I greeted them.

Remy swiveled on his stool, eying the blondes then me. “No puppy tonight?”

My brows pinched together. What the hell was he talking about?

“The brunette. She was different. Not your usual type.”

I didn’t lie to Remy. We both knew it. “No clue what you’re talking about.”

Remy’s crooked smirk told me he didn’t buy it. “Then I guess you won’t care if I have a go at her.” Remy watched me for a reaction. I kept my face composed, giving nothing away. He finally nodded, telling me he’d drop it. At least for the time being.

But the fact that he had Alex on his radar made me anxious. I needed
him to forget she existed.
I
needed to forget she existed.

We spent the night playing pool and getting wasted while the blondes looked on, getting us drinks when our bottles ran dry.
This
was my life. Partying and getting hammered with no questions asked. Taking girls home and doing whatever the hell I wanted. No stressing over some chick I’d never be with.

Remy left with one of the blondes just before one. I walked the other to my truck. I hated bringing girls home in my truck. Since I had no intention of carting their asses home at three in the morning, I got stuck footing the bill for a taxi. I knew I didn’t need to. But I wasn’t a complete asshole.

My engine roared to life and music blared from the speakers. Maggie, or maybe it was Maddie, lifted herself up into the passenger seat, instantly reaching for the radio.

Oh, no way in hell.

I grabbed her hand and held on to it. Her heavy-lidded eyes told me she totally misread my intentions. But I went with it. Whatever worked.

“It’s really loud,” she whined, pulling the passenger door closed.

I smiled over at her, nodding my head to the beat, pretending to be into the song. I couldn’t help thinking Alex would’ve never touched my radio.

I pushed the senseless thought aside.

The
chick pointed her long red fingernail to her ear. “Don’t you want to talk or something?”

Something
.

I sent her a wink. That would keep her quiet. I guess I did that a lot. Ignored the annoying habits and inadequacies of the girls I brought home. So long as they came home with me and gave it up, what did I care?

By the time we made it to the second floor, it was after one. Since most of the residents called it a night by eight, the hallway sat disconcertingly quiet.

“Shit!” she cried out, tripping on her hooker heels and nearly face planting on the hallway rug.

I caught her arm, steadying her back to her feet. Unfortunately, she found her little mishap amusing because an obnoxious snort spewed from her nose.

Attractive.

Worried she’d topple over again, I pushed her toward my apartment with my hand on her back. I glanced to Alex’s door for a brief moment.
Big mistake
. A shadow lingered underneath.

Fuck
.

We may not have been on speaking terms, but I didn’t want her to see me with another girl. I didn’t know why. I just knew I wanted her to see me differently than other people did. And she had, up until I blew it that morning.

Since there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it, I unlocked my door and shoved the girl inside, holding out hope it had been my landlord and not Alex at the door.