Until Alex (27 page)

So
why were his knuckles clenched and his jaw tight?

Minutes slipped by in deafening silence.

I wanted to scream for him to tell me already. Tell me the truth. Tell me what he was hiding. But I knew if I wanted answers, I couldn’t push him. I needed to be patient.

He finally looked back at me.

His eyes slid shut, and his head gave way to a slow painful nod.

Time stood still.

My stomach dropped to the deepest depths of hell.

I’d asked the question, but couldn’t have anticipated his response.

I had no time to brace my heart. My head. My emotions. I had no time to think about what the news meant for him.
For us.
How could this guy who saved me, who treated me like a precious gem, who kissed me and handled me so delicately, take someone’s life?

I didn’t believe it. There had to be more.

With his eyes still closed, Hayden’s head fell back against the sofa. “I was eighteen.” His voice came out low and raspy. “Remy and I had been working for Cooper for a while. Back then we were both hotheaded and angry and wanted to beat the hell out of anyone who crossed us. That’s why Cooper had no problem relying on two teenagers. We got the job done.”

His eyes opened, focusing solely on the ceiling, while his ashen knuckles grasped his knees. “We were beating up this guy. Kicking and punching him ‘til he was unconscious.” A solitary tear slipped down his cheek.

Even after what he’d admitted, it took everything in me not to move to him. But I needed to hear everything. I needed to understand. 

“We heard sirens. We knew we needed to get out of there. But we were in an alley. Surrounded by a wall. Only one of us was making it over. Remy didn’t blink an eye. He linked his fingers and boosted me to the top.” Hayden finally looked at me, staring me dead in the eyes. “He was the only one there when the cops showed and declared the guy dead.”

The weight of the secret he’d been concealing released from him and his tears fell freely. He made no attempt to hide them or wipe them away.

I couldn’t take anymore. I moved closer, latching onto his arm and holding on tightly. “It was an accident.”

They were my words, but I couldn’t be sure who I was trying to convince more. Him or me.

My emotions were in total disarray. This guy I needed with every fiber of my being had taken someone’s life. How could I ever look at him the same way again? How could I ever justify what he’d done? How could I ever be certain the rage he displayed that night never touched me?

Hayden shrugged. “Doesn’t matter. A man was taken from his family. And I did it.”

“You said Remy was—”

He shook his head before I could finish. “He stopped. I didn’t. He’s the one who pulled me off the guy. He’s the one who pled guilty to involuntary manslaughter and never once brought up my name. He’s the one who spent almost a year in juvie for something I did.” He finally swiped at his tears. “I live with the guilt every day. Every. Fucking. Day.”

“You owe him.” It wasn’t a question. It was the realization of why he put up with Remy. And why he jumped whenever Remy called. “But something happened to make you question that loyalty.”

Hayden’s glassy eyes met mine, startled by my assertion.

“You left him at the sheriff’s office. You didn’t fight to get him out.”

Hayden’s eyes drifted to the window, staring out at nothing but darkness. He’d unloaded so much more than I ever expected. So much more than I was equipped to deal with.

“What was his name?”

Hayden’s wide eyes shot my way. His tear-stained cheeks such a contradiction to his tough reputation. “What?”

“What was the man’s name? The one in the alley.”

He paused, like I’d asked a difficult question. The longer I watched him contemplate his response, the more I realized he’d never uttered the man’s name before. “Victor,” he whispered.

My heart lurched.

Was I heartbroken or relieved?

My mind flashed back to Victor’s grave. To Hayden standing
all alone in the darkness.

“I’m no better than my father.”

My head jerked back. Did he really believe that?

While I obviously struggled to make sense of the truth he’d unloaded on me, make sense of the fact that the guy I’d been falling for with each passing day had killed a man, I knew one thing for sure. Hayden wasn’t a cold-blooded murderer like his father.

I could see it in his eyes. Hear it in his voice. Feel it in his touch.

He lived with his guilt. He felt remorse. He wanted forgiveness. He needed absolution for his sins. Unfortunately, no matter how many times he visited Victor’s grave, it would never come.

But it didn’t stop him.

“Your father was a coward.” The anger in my voice surprised both of us. “He took the easy way out. Living with the guilt is the hard part.”

His eyes were too much for me to take. He was hurting. His candor had taken everything out of him. And while he may not have explained my questions about Remy, he’d been open. More open than he’d ever been. He deserved a reprieve—at least for the time being.

Pushing aside any doubts I had about him, any trepidations I had about his temper or his past, I leaned up and kissed his cheeks, eliminating the salty tears with my lips.

“You are not your father, Hayden.”

His eyes squeezed shut. The truth too much for him to take.

“You’re a good person who made a mistake. You didn’t set out to kill anyone. It’s terrible it happened. For you, for him, for his family. But it can’t be erased. You need to let go of the guilt.”

His eyes opened, dropping to his knees. “Remy’s the only one who knows the truth.”

I closed my eyes, letting the reality sink in
and
the fact that he trusted me with his deepest, darkest secret.

“I can’t even begin to imagine what you think of me.”

I took a deep breath, hoping the words that followed were the absolute truth. “I think you’re an amazing guy who survived more than one horrific event in your lifetime. You’ve been living this existence haunted and alone for too long. It’s time you let someone else in.” I cupped his cheeks, forcing him to look at me. “Let that someone be me.”

“Why?” he whispered.

“Because I love you, Hayden. There’s nothing you can tell me that will stop that.”

His breath caught in his throat and his eyes expanded. 

I pressed my lips to his salty lips and made him feel my words. He slipped his arms around me and collapsed onto the sofa with me clinging to his chest. He held me for silent hours, before we fell asleep in each other’s arms.

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

ALEX

I hadn’t spent the night at Hayden’s. I’d woken up—if that’s what you’d call what I’d done after he dropped the bombshell—and snuck out. I needed time to think. And I couldn’t do it with Hayden near me. I needed distance to put everything into perspective.

I’d spent most of the time trying to grasp the fact that he’d actually done it. He’d actually taken someone’s life. It was incomprehensible. And not the news I expected to hear, nor wanted to hear. It had the power to change everything.

But it was an accident. Not pre-meditated.

There was a huge difference.

And what I’d come up with—what I kept reminding myself—was if you cared about someone, then you took the good with the bad. You overlooked their
unalterable pasts. You loved them unconditionally. You helped them when they needed help. You were strong when they needed your strength.

Wasn’t that what Hayden had done for me?

Knock. Knock.

I skirted around my overnight bag beside the front door and pulled on the doorknob.

Hayden stood there, pivoting so I could see the backpack on his back. “Ready?”

I lifted my brows. “You don’t even know where we’re going.”

He shrugged his broad shoulders. “It involves you, me, and a packed bag. I’m game.”

It was strange to see him so carefree after he’d bared his soul to me the previous night. I wondered if he donned the mask he’d become so accustomed to wearing. Or if the truth had lifted some of the guilt he’d been carrying.

He moved closer toward me and slanted his head, kissing me gently. If my aunt wasn’t in the other room, I would’ve let the kiss last much longer than it did.

I reached for my bag, but Hayden playfully bumped me with his hip and grabbed the bag first. “Lead the way.”

* * *

As the local landscapes became a blur in the bright afternoon sun, signs for the airport appeared. Hayden’s head whipped to me, his eyebrows lifted in question.

I only smirked, neither confirming nor denying his suspicions.

Ten minutes later I pulled up to a private airport hangar. Hayden’s eyes were about to burst from their sockets as he examined the private jet parked inside. “Are we going somewhere in that?”

Feeling more unsure than I had when I made the arrangements on a whim, I nodded. “It’s only a half an hour flight, but I need to do this. I haven’t been on one since—”

Hayden reached over and took my hand, rubbing small circles over my knuckles
with his thumb. “I’m glad you want me with you.”

He didn’t add
after everything I told you
, but I got it.

And I did want him with me. He wouldn’t lie and tell me it would be easy because he thought it’s what I wanted him to say. He’d just be there. He’d be my safety net. 

The pilot greeted us before we settled into the soft ivory seats. Hayden dove into the wood-faced compartment below the circular window concealing the stocked mini bar while I buckled my seatbelt, needing a moment to focus on what I was about to do.

When the engines whirred to life and the jet started to vibrate, I gripped the armrests for dear life. With a little work, Hayden loosed my rigid fingers and slipped his hand underneath m
ine, pulling it into his lap. “You can do this.”

I met his steely gaze and nodded as the plane taxied onto the runway.

“You know. We could just make out the entire way. Then you wouldn’t even have to think about it.”

With an appreciative smile, I leaned over and kissed the cocky grin right off his face. He wasn’t kidding. He unleashed his willing lips and tongue on mine, luring me into a long, delicious, rum-laced kiss. Maybe the mini bar wasn’t such a bad idea. But given the forceful pressure of Hayden’s lips and the plunging of his tongue, he had no intention of letting go of me.

And I could live with that.

We spent the thirty-minute flight talking and laughing, making out, and playing cards. Hayden proved to be a good teacher, insisting on teaching me Blackjack since I only knew drinking games.

“We’ll be beginning our descent,” the pilot announced from the cockpit. “Be sure your seatbelts are fastened.”

My stomach dipped and I immediately began gathering the cards and shoving them back into the box. Many of them slipped into my lap. Hayden noticed my struggle and reached over, withdrawing the box and cards from my shaky hands while his distracting lips traveled up my neck.

My eyes squeezed tightly while I attempted to push my fears aside and lose myself in the sensation of Hayden’s lips on my skin. “Oh, you’re good,” I murmured.

His smile pressed against my neck. “Just good?”

I chuckled as he continued attacking my neck, earlobe, and lips.

When the wheels touched down on the runway and the plane bounced as if made of mere plastic, I felt at ease and even more in love with Hayden than I thought possible.

My parents’ driver met us on the tarmac and led us to a black town car. He had a new job, but dropped everything to be there for me. “Welcome home, Ms. Montgomery.” He held the back door open so Hayden and I could slide into the backseat.

“Morning, Max. Thanks for the pickup.”

From the curious way Hayden eyed six-foot Max, clad in a dark suit and sunglasses, this was something totally new for him. I guess, outside my old life, most people didn’t have drivers and housekeepers and planes and vineyards.

As soon as we settled into the black leather seat, I snuggled into Hayden’s side needing a long nap. It wasn’t the short flight that knocked me out. More like the knowledge the plane could’ve gone down at any time and my life would’ve been over.

Hayden pressed his lips to the top of my head. “You do know most people skip school and go to the beach, right?”

I nodded. “We’re not most people.”

He smiled into my hair. “That we’re not. So…this is Austin?”

I nodded.

“What do we have planned?”

I shrugged. What I needed to do could be taken care of at any time. My first hurdle was the plane.

“Can I meet your parents?”

I jerked away so quickly
, I deserved Hayden’s startled look.

He inched closer and cupped my cheeks between his hands. He leaned in so our noses touched. “I want you to take me to where they’re buried. They are buried, aren’t they?”

God
. I hadn’t even considered stopping by the cemetery. That seemed like a massive step for my first trip back. A step I wasn’t ready for.

“I think I should introduce myself.” He gave me a heartfelt smile. “You know, explain my intentions. Ask for their blessings.”

A small smile tugged at my lips because I knew he meant it. He meant everything he said.

But visiting the cemetery was a big deal. A really big deal.

I inhaled a deep breath, considering the fact that Hayden sat beside me with his strong yet gentle hands on my cheeks.

Loving me.

Protecting me.

When he was with me, I could do anything. “Okay,” I whispered.

He rubbed his nose to mine. “Okay.”

HAYDEN

We pulled to a stop in the middle of the vast cemetery. I waited for Alex to say something, make a move, step out. Anything. But she just stared out the window at the endless rows of gravestones, adorned with flower-filled urns, spread as far as the eye could see. 

Maybe I’d pushed too hard. Maybe visiting the cemetery wasn’t at all what she had in mind for our trip. I reached over and linked our fingers, giving her hand a little squeeze.

With her eyes engrossed in what lay outside the window, s
he sighed. “Ready?”

“Only if you are.”

She didn’t respond, just pushed open the door. Before stepping out, she twisted toward me. “You know, you’re pretty swell.”

My chest tightened. Because me being there, was exactly what she needed.
And I really liked being needed.

We stepped out into the seventy-degree air, the swaying trees creating the only sounds for miles. I wondered if Alex had visited after the funeral because she maneuvered around the different sized stones like she’d taken the same path many times before.

The bell in the church tower rang eleven times. On its final chime, Alex stopped and looked down at a polished gray stone with her parents’ names engraved in the front.

My body stilled
. My eyes locked on the statue carved into the side and top of the stone. A kneeling white angel with its head and arms draped over the top crying in despair.

Talk about irony
.

Releasing my hand, Alex dropped to her knees. She reached out and touched the smooth stone, tracing the letters of her parents’ names with her fingertip.

“Do you want me to give you some time?”

She didn’t look up, just shook her head.

My heart ached as I watched her glide her finger along the grooves over and over again. It was as if she hadn’t believed they were gone until she saw their names etched in the stone.

I knew that feeling of denial. And I
saw
my mother die.

Alex didn’t speak. I assumed she was speaking to her parents in her head. Probably apologizing for what she felt was her hand in their deaths. I wished she realized her parents didn’t have to fly that day. Even if it had been her idea, it was their choice. And who’s to say it wouldn’t have happened the next time they boarded the plane? Or the time after that?

Death claimed you when it wanted you.

Alex reached over her shoulder, holding out her hand for me. I took hold of it and let her pull me beside her. She didn’t look up at me. She just stared at the stone. “This is Hayden.”

I grazed her knuckles with my thumb.

“He came along when I least expected him.” She paused. “But I’m pretty sure you guys had a little something to do with that.”

Her words sent a chill coursing through my body. How could she believe there was more to our first encounter than mere coincidence? How could she believe, after I’d spent so long not caring about anyone—not even myself—her parents would send me to her? How could she believe after everything I’d admitted about my past, her parents would see fit for me to love her? I was the last person they’d want their daughter with. How could she not see that?

“Dad, you’d really like him. He loves Pearl Jam just like you.”

No wonder she knew the songs. He must’ve played them around the house like my mother had.

“And Mom, you’d think he was so gorgeous.”

I couldn’t hide my smile.

“He’s got the most beautiful blue eyes I’ve ever seen. They’re like ice. And he’s got these eyelashes that go on for miles. Oh, and he’s a great kisser.”

I laughed, both in surprise and relief that she could joke at a time like that.

“But seriously, he loves me and treats me the way you’d want me to be treated. I just wish you would’ve had the chance to meet him.”

She paused for a long moment. I wasn’t sure if she needed a moment or was still talking to them privately. But I knew what I needed to do. “Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Montgomery.”

Alex peeked up, flashing me a melancholy smile.

“I hope you don’t mind me being here. But I wanted to thank you for sending me your beautiful angel when
I
needed her so much.”

She squeezed my hand in appreciation, but I wasn’t finished.

“I promise to take care of her for as long as she’ll have me. But between you and me, I don’t plan on ever letting her leave me.”

I knelt down and wrapped my arms around her, pulling her close. Her body melted into me, her arms slipping around my waist. The tears she’d been holding back finally released.

We didn’t move. We didn’t speak.

Time slipped by and soon the sun ducked behind the trees casting us in shade.

“Have you been to your mother’s grave?”

My stomach turned over. Of all the things she could’ve asked. “Yeah.”

“Do you go often?”

I shrugged. “Sometimes.”

Alex dried her cheeks with the back of her hand. “Does it make you feel better to be there?”

“A little.” Truthfully, anger and regret usually superseded it.

“Did you get your dimples from her?”

I smiled. “Yeah. Hers were even bigger than mine.”

Alex gave a silent laugh. “Can I meet her?”

“Absolutely.” I wanted nothing more than to introduce the two most important women in my life. Too bad only one would be doing the talking.

Alex said nothing on the ride to our next stop. She lay with her head in my lap, while I gently stroked her waves. The quiet hum slipping from her lips indicated she’d fallen asleep. And after the day she’d had, she deserved it.

My phone vibrated in my pocket. I slipped it out
carefully, managing not to wake her in the process.
Galveston
Sheriff’s Office
lit up the screen.