Until Alex (25 page)

He pulled in a deep breath. Seconds passed before he exhaled. “I won’t bring you into my shit.”

I threw my arms out at my sides. “I’m already
in
your shit.”

He blinked multiple times before realization flashed in his eyes.

Finally
.

I slid my arms around his waist, fully prepared for him to pull away. But he didn’t.
“I’m scared for you.” I stared up into his distant eyes. “I can see whatever you’re not saying isn’t easy.” His eyes reluctantly dropped to mine. “I don’t want you to deal with it alone. I don’t want it to eat away at you.”

He scoffed.

“Well, I’m here.” I rested my cheek against his chest, listening to his heart thumping faster than usual inside. “Just don’t push me away.”

He slipped his arms around me and held me closer. I melted into his chest, not realizing how tense I’d become. Or how much I craved his touch. I wanted nothing more than to make whatever plagued his mind disappear. I just didn’t know how.

“I know I suck at this.” His voice was low, tentative. “But you’ve got to know, you’re the only thing keeping me sane right now.” He pressed his lips to the top of my head, allowing them to linger. “Without you, I’d be completely lost.”

It was crazy how easily my anger disappeared when he admitted things like that.

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

HAYDEN

I dropped onto my sofa, burying my head in my hands. I saw the hurt in Alex’s eyes when I didn’t invite her over. I wished she understood how fucked up my head had been since letting her in. One minute I’m on cloud nine because she’s around and wants me. The next I’m angry at the world, shackled by the life I’d chosen.

My phone vibrated on the coffee table. I assumed it was Remy checking if I’d be at Baxter’s. But the screen read
Restricted
. I lifted it to my ear. “Hello?”

“Cooper wants to see you tonight,” a gruff voice informed me. “Alone. Back door of his restaurant at ten. Tell no one.”

A chill ran down my spine. A piercing sound rang in my ears. My pulse sped up. Cooper didn’t call you in to ask about your day. He summoned you when you screwed up. Then he dealt with you. And in his world,
dealt with
meant made you disappear.

Fuuuuck
.

Remy and I screwed up one too many times.

This was how it all ended. I
knew
I survived too many bad situations unscathed to make it out of this nightmare alive.

I gripped the sides of my head with shaking hands, thoughts zigzagging every which way. Had Cooper already called Remy? Was he going to do it when we were together? Maybe he’d make Remy kill me. Maybe that’s why Remy called.

I stood from the sofa on shaky legs, unable to sit still. I paced the length of the living room trying to calm my nerves. Trying not to pass out. Trying to wrap my head around what inevitably awaited me once I left my apartment.

I rushed to my front door. I needed to pick up Alex and get the hell out of town before Cooper even knew I disappeared. I’d take her up north. Maybe home to Austin. Or maybe somewhere no one knew us. 

I stopped with my hand on the door knob.

Then dropped my forehead
against the door.

What was I thinking?

I couldn’t bring Alex into it. It was my mess. My fucking mess. And as stupid as my decision had been to join Remy in Cooper’s organization, I chose it. And seriously, if I thought for one second Cooper wouldn’t find me, I was delusional. He’d find me. And when he did, he’d do worse than kill me.

* * *

By nine-thirty, I’d downed at least a quarter of a bottle of Jack. I normally had a high tolerance for alcohol, but I couldn’t walk a straight line to save my life.

To
save my life
.

I almost laughed at the irony, because there was no saving my life. Cooper
was
going to kill me.

I stepped out of my apartment in a black hooded sweatshirt and jeans. The sweatshirt itself seemed fitting. It’s what I wore to Victor’s grave. I threw the hood up over my head. It’d be my only protection from the fate awaiting me.

Before I took another step, Alex’s door flew open. She dug her hands into her hips. “Going somewhere?”

My eyes raked over her body, so unbelievably hot in her little blue
pajama shorts and matching top. I couldn’t stop myself. I stalked over, my lips crashing down on hers as I pushed her into her apartment and shoved the door shut. “Is your aunt home?” I asked against her lips.

She shook her head with a giggle as her lips moved with mine.

I picked her up and her legs wrapped around my hips. I loved how light she felt in my arms. How we fit together. Always eager. Always in sync. But we didn’t have much time. I dropped down onto the sofa with Alex straddling my lap.

She pulled back, licking her lips with a little grin. “I could get used to hellos like this.”

But it wasn’t hello. It was a cruel, untimely goodbye.

“
Did you leave any liquor for anyone else? Your breath’s lethal.”

I shook my head.  No use denying it.

I stared into her eyes, trying to memorize every little fleck of mint green etched into them. My God, it was going to be hard to walk out that door. Hard to leave the best thing that ever came into my life. Hard to break her heart. “I’ve got to run out for a little while.” I tried for nonchalance, but my shaky, slightly slurred words were anything but.

“When will you be back?” Her brows bounced playfully. “Because that kiss is going to keep me awake all night if you don’t finish what you started.”

At a moment like that, I couldn’t believe I even had it in me to laugh. “I’ve created a monster.” And within seconds, I’d be abandoning her. Like everyone she trusted before me.

The thought sobered my drunk ass.

Alex’s fingers played with the hair at the back of my neck. I loved when she did that. I never told her that. I never told her a lot of things. Now it was too late.

“You were pretty upset this afternoon. You feel any better?”

I shook my head. Couldn’t she feel my entire body trembling?

“Anything I can do?” She nuzzled into my neck, kissing the sweet spot below my ear with tiny wet kisses that numbed my skin.

“I love you.” The words flew out before I could stop them.

Her lips froze. Nope. Every part of her body froze.

“I just thought you should know.”

Her head pulled back slowly. Her wide eyes stared into mine. I could practically hear her thoughts. Her fears. Her shock. She thought it was too soon.

It
was
. It was irrational to be in love with someone you hardly knew. It was something I would’ve given other guys shit for. But with Alex, it was the truth. As dysfunctional as we were, with the messed up circumstances drawing us together, we worked.

And forget about her patience. She’d been enduring my bullshit every step of the way, and here she sat knocking down the very walls I’d created to protect myself from feeling anything. She knew, even when I didn’t, it was exactly what I needed.
She
was exactly what I needed.

But given her silence, and the startled look on her face, I ruined the moment. Our last moment together.

Without warning, her lips tipped up in the corners. “You do?”

I could’ve made up some lame-ass excuse for my momentary bout of craziness, but why bother? “I knew it the second we met.”

Her eyes closed and her shoulders relaxed, as if savoring my words. I could almost see the stress in her face disappear before she let out the most adorable little sigh. “Thank you, Hayden.”

“Thank you?”

She leaned her forehead into mine and opened her eyes. “For making my prayers come true.”

Not the exact response I was hoping for, but one hell of a close second.

* * *

Reeking dumpsters lined the dark alley behind Cooper’s restaurant. I stood for a long moment staring at the lone metal door. I’d left my gun in my truck. What was the point? The second I whipped it out, Cooper’s guards would’ve used me for target practice.

With my heart lodged in the back of my throat, I stepped forward and tugged on the door. It didn’t budge. Maybe I still had time to get the hell out of dodge. I’d leave everything behind. If Cooper found me, he found me. But there was always the off chance that he wouldn’t bother looking. He’d just let me go.

But then what?

I’d be alone.

Always alone.

At least in the next few minutes, I’d pay retribution for the things I’d done and the things I’d seen and stayed quiet about.

Fuck it.

I pounded once on the door. A dull thud reverberated off the dumpsters. I stepped back as the door swung open. One of Cooper’s suit-clad guards gave me a nod and stepped aside so I could enter. I made my way through the short hallway. He lifted his chin toward a dark stairwell.

My white knuckles gripped the cold copper railing as I climbed the steps alone, stopping every few to slow my pounding heart. At least I attempted to.

I inevitably reached the closed door at the top. I pictured Alex’s smiling face after I told her I loved her. Okay, so maybe it took a while for the smile to appear, but when it did, it made everything else happening to me disappear.

I wanted to hold on to that image until Cooper put the bullet through my head. Hopefully he’d do it as soon as the door opened.

My pulse hammered harder than anything I’d ever experienced as I knocked on the door. Immediately, it swung open, causing me to jump back a step. Another guard nodded, stepping aside to let me into the office.

When I spotted Cooper behind his big mahogany desk holding a phone to his ear and not a loaded weapon to my head, I exhaled a slow unsteady breath.

Cooper, in his late forties with dark hair and a hint of gray around the ears, wore a tailored dark suit. Not at all what you’d expect of one of the biggest bookies on the coast.

When he noticed me standing there, he lifted his chin. The small gesture put me at ease. It wasn’t the look of a man about to finish me off. 

Maybe he was too smart to kill me in one of his establishments. Maybe as long as I stood inside, in a building with people eating dinner downstairs, I remained safe.

It’s when I left the building, I needed to be scared shitless.

Cooper switched off his phone and motioned for his guard to leave the room. “Give us a minute.” When the door closed, Cooper pointed to the chair across from him. “Sit.”

I dropped down into the stiff leather. If I didn’t stop trembling, I’d never be able to stand back up.

“Scary situation Friday night.”

Not wanting him to notice my shaking hands, I grasped onto the wooden arms of the chair and nodded.

He leaned back in his high-backed chair and crossed his arms across his chest. “Did Remy tell you it was taken care of?”

“I haven’t really talked to him about it.”

Cooper arched a brow. “Oh? I thought you boys were tight?”

“I hear he’s been partying pretty hard.” I swallowed. “I’m guessing it scared the hell out of him. You know. His hand in it and all.”

Cooper nodded, then leaned forward, steepling his fingers in front of him. He hesitated for a long moment, his narrowed eyes assessing me. “I need to ask you something. And I need to be sure it’s in absolute confidence.”

“Of course.”

“Have you noticed anything strange going on when I send you
two out?”

My forehead creased. 

“I mean with Remy. Like him taking off alone with no explanation. Or him making deals with the deadbeats.”

My eyes jumped away, my mind working to recall what I’d seen. On a good night, Remy was fucked in the head. It’d be impossible to guess why he did anything he did. But I’d heard him trying to make a deal at the house, before the gun jammed into my head. I just thought he was pleading for his life.

“I’ll take that as a yes.”

My eyes flew back to Cooper. “I swear. I have no clue what he’s been up to. I don’t ask and he doesn’t tell me.” I tunneled my fingers through my hair, hoping Cooper didn’t mistake my nervousness for guilt. “Is it bad?”

Cooper nodded once.

“Fucking Remy,” I mumbled. “As stupid as he can be, he’s saved my ass more than once. And now he killed to protect me. You gotta know I owe him my life.”

Cooper leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms again. A long moment passed between us where his eyes never left mine. He considered his words carefully. A man like him always did. “Would it help to know while Remy may have killed that man to protect you, he killed his friend because he was trying to cover his own ass?”

My brows furrowed. “The guy had a gun to Remy’s head.”

“I know. But Remy knew him. Knew he was gonna rat him out.”

Huh?

“Remy went there with the sole purpose of killing him.”

My head retracted. “I don’t understand. The guy came to the door with the gun already drawn.”

“He’d already ratted Remy out. So he knew he’d retaliate.”

I dropped my head back, wondering what else I didn’t know.

“It seems Remy’s been embezzling money from me for a while now. Every time you two collect, it’s short.”

What the fuck
, Remy?

“Of course he always has excuses. Usually trying to convince me that getting something from these guys is better than nothing. But it wasn’t adding up.”

I closed my eyes, pushing my palms into them.

“I’ve known him since he was a kid, since you were both kids. So before taking matters into my own hands, I needed to determine your involvement. It’s obvious he’s working alone.”

I nodded, thankful for his trust.

“With that being said, we’re not finished.”

ALEX

Hayden and I sat beside one another in the crowded dining hall. To an outsider, things between us looked fine. But since telling me he loved me two days ago, Hayden hadn’t been the same.

I didn’t expect roses and chocolates, but he’d been distant. Disappearing without explanation. Quieter than usual. And all displays of affection had ceased to exist.