Under Alaskan Skies (20 page)

“Stan, for example,” he said.

“Yes, Stan. Though he’s not originally from here.” But he fitted in there. She knew that. He was a good and decent man and he was an excellent craftsman. He’d make some woman a wonderful, thoughtful and kind husband. But not her. She was more convinced than ever she’d never marry. How could she when no one could match Matt? It wouldn’t be fair to the man to be second best. Stan should marry someone who adored him. He would, too, eventually, though he might have to do some searching.

After Matt left she’d make sure Stan was under no false illusions. She’d have to make it clear to him she had no interest in being more than a friend to him. She should have done it long ago, but now that she knew for sure what she wanted—she knew it wasn’t him. She could get depressed if she thought about what she wanted and what she couldn’t have, but this was Matt’s last day, so she was going to be upbeat and cheerful, no matter how hard it was.

“We should make the most of this day,” she said, then she blushed, remembering what he’d proposed doing today. “I mean, there’s only one thing on my calendar, and that’s the faculty-student high school basketball game.”

“That should be fun,” he said.

“How would you feel about playing?” she asked.

“What? I don’t think I fit into either category, faculty or student.”

“I don’t, either, but I’m playing. You see, the entire faculty is only six teachers, so they supplement with any other adult they can con into playing. I know
they’re short, so I thought maybe you wouldn’t mind. Even if you’ve never played before.”

“Who said I’ve never played basketball?” he said. “I was never a star, but I was on the junior varsity in high school.”

“You, the nerd, the dork, you played on the team?” she asked. “I would have thought you’d have been too busy working on your science fair project.”

“I confess my parents didn’t want me playing. They thought I should be working on something, anything but going to practices after school, but the coach asked me to join and I was so excited to be wanted, I said I would. He probably only asked me because I was tall, not because I had any talent. Anyway, I usually sat on the bench, but I liked the other guys, I enjoyed the camaraderie, and once I even made a three-pointer.”

“Really? Wait till the team hears this. I’m bringing a ringer. Maybe the faculty will win for once.”

“I don’t know what I’d wear.”

“I’ll check my dad’s closet. I’m sure he’s got a pair of shorts and some old rubber-soled shoes. Oh, one more thing. I promised to bake cookies for the bake sale before the game. Other than that, I’m all yours.” Again she blushed. Everything she said, every thought that ran through her mind had something to do with making love to Matt.

A smile caught at the corner of his mouth. In a flash he crossed the room and trapped her against the wall with his hands braced next to her shoulders.

“Say that again,” he said in a deep husky voice that made her knees weak.

She didn’t want to say it again. She wanted to take
back the words, but with his laser gaze on hers, pinning her to the wall as effectively as his arms were, she couldn’t.

“I’m all yours,” she breathed softly.

He was so close, so tantalizingly close to her she could feel the heat from his body, smell the coffee on his breath and the antiseptic on his hands. Maybe she was wrong to turn down his offer. Maybe they ought to run back up to the bedroom. Maybe this was her last chance to make love with a man she loved. Loved? How could she fall in love with a man in two days? It wasn’t possible. And yet if this wasn’t love, what was?

No, she was just trying to give herself an excuse for making love to Matt. She couldn’t, wouldn’t, shouldn’t do anything she’d regret later, any more than what she’d done already. But for the life of her, at that moment in time she couldn’t see what harm a kiss would do. Especially when he was nibbling so gently at her lips, tempting, coaxing her until she parted her lips and allowed his tongue to resume the dance they’d started only a short time ago.

She was conscious of the wall behind her, pressing into her back. She wasn’t conscious of much more than that other than his mouth on hers. Her tongue wrapped around his. She knew he’d never try to change her mind about returning to bed. He respected her too much. But he also desired her. She saw all that for a split second before she closed her eyes. It was her last coherent thought before he captured her mouth with his.

Desire flared in her belly, so strong and so earth-shaking she felt her knees give way. If he hadn’t
caught her around the waist, she would have sunk to the floor in a heap. But he did. He held her to him, crushing her breasts against his hard chest. Then he deepened the kiss until she felt it all the way to her toes.

She heard someone moan. It could have been her. It could have been him. It could have been both of them.

After an eternity of out-and-out mind-numbing ecstasy, he pulled back. She felt lost and deserted. She grabbed on to his shoulders and buried her face in his shirt.

“I want you, Carrie,” he said in a low voice that made her tremble inside and out. “I’ve wanted you all my life. I just didn’t know it.”

She let out a shaky sigh. As if it mattered what he wanted. As long as he couldn’t have it, couldn’t have her without giving up the rest of his life, he was not going to have her and she was not going to have him. She didn’t say that. She just murmured something unintelligible and finally, finally, lifted her head and let her arms drop.

She supposed she ought to respond to his statement, but she had no idea what to say. She could tell him she’d wanted him all her life, too. But what was the point? She couldn’t have him. It was better to let it go. Which is what she did. She muttered something about getting ready, slipped out from under his arms and went upstairs.

Chapter Nine

She found a pair of her dad’s shorts for Matt to wear to the basketball game and a pair of beat-up high-top gym shoes and put them into a duffel bag. Then she collected her own outfit, as well. They drove to town without saying much. He appeared to be lost in his thoughts. She stared at the road ahead while his words echoed through her brain.

I’ve wanted you all my life, I just didn’t know it
. What could she say to that? That she felt the same way? What good would that do? It would just make it that much harder to say goodbye. She felt the tension between them but didn’t know how to break it. Was it because she’d left his declaration hanging there in the air? Was he sorry he’d said anything? What more was there to say? She dropped him off at Donny’s house. He said he’d meet her at the library and she nodded in agreement. She told him the game was at three o’clock.

It was a relief to get back to her routine. The calm, quiet atmosphere of the library was soothing to her frayed nerves. Once she’d opened the door to the library, put the returned books back on the shelves and
cataloged some new donations, she felt more like herself. Yes, it would be hard to adjust when Matt was gone, but she knew she could do it. Life would go on just as it always had. Plus, she’d have her work. She’d be back out flying. When Maggie came in, she was feeling almost cheerful, not the least bit jealous of her clothes or her hair or her way with men and asked her how she liked the mystery she’d checked out the last time.

Maggie said she liked it fine, then tilted her head and gave Carrie a swift look and asked Carrie a question of her own. “How did you like the ring? Oh, I see you’re wearing it. Yes, it suits you, I knew it would.”

Carrie held out her hand and looked at her ring. “It’s beautiful. Thanks for suggesting it.”

“I didn’t,” Maggie said. “I showed him everything I had and he picked it out. That man has good taste. But you know that. He also has some very strong ideas about what he likes, and he likes you.”

Carrie gave her a faint smile. “I like him, too,” she said quietly.

“Do you?” Maggie asked. “What are you going to do about it?”

“Nothing,” Carrie said. “There’s nothing I can do.”

“Oh, come on,” Maggie said. “What do you mean nothing? If I had a man around who bought me jewelry and came all the way up here to see me…”

“He didn’t come to see me,” Carrie protested. “He came to see Donny. That’s the only reason he’s here.”

“Maybe he came to see Donny, but he’s staying to see you,” Maggie said.

“No, no. He’s staying because he can’t get out,” Carrie said with a glance out the window. “I can’t fly in this kind of weather, but maybe tomorrow…at least that’s what I’m hoping.”

“Sure you are,” Maggie said. “The most attractive man that’s ever hit Mystic is stuck here with you at your house and you’re hoping he’ll leave tomorrow. Pardon me if I’m a little skeptical.”

“I’m serious. He has to get on with his life and so do I. This weather delay has me backed up with my deliveries. And Matt is supposed to report for his residency.”

“I know, he told me,” Maggie said. “I love a man who’s dedicated to something, don’t you? Something selfless, something altruistic, some way of serving mankind. Something beyond money and recognition. I tell you if he looked at me the way he looks at you. If he bought me a ring like the one he bought you, I’d think of something. I wouldn’t let him go.”

“What do you suggest, Maggie?” Carrie asked a little stiffly.

“I don’t know. What about puncturing a tire on your floatplane or putting a little sugar in the gas tank. He’d never know, and you’d have another few days together.”

Carrie’s mouth fell open in astonishment. “I can’t believe you’d suggest such a thing. I could never—”

“Just kidding,” Maggie said with a little laugh. “I know you could never, but you asked me what I suggested so I told you. Of course, maybe you want him to leave. Maybe you’re tired of him. Maybe you prefer
the solitary life of a single woman in the bush. But I don’t.”

Carrie didn’t know how to respond to that. The first answers that came to her mind were no, no and no. She’d had a taste of companionship and friendship and intimacy, and it only made her want more. All the more reason to end this affair as soon as possible.

Maggie browsed in the shelves for a while, then she left, saying she’d see Carrie at the basketball game, causing Carrie to wonder why she’d come in in the first place. She had the feeling her real purpose was to talk about Matt. How long would it be before it was all over town that Matt was leaving tomorrow and that Carrie wasn’t really interested in Matt after all. Carrie supposed that was better than having the whole town think she’d fallen in love with him and would be suffering from a broken heart when he left. Of all things Carrie wanted to avoid, pity was first on the list.

When Matt came to the library, it was empty except for Carrie. The few patrons who’d wandered in to peruse the books and get caught up on the latest gossip had gone home to lunch. Matt told her he’d said goodbye to the family, left some medicine, his phone number and instructions, presuming that he’d be leaving tomorrow.

She nodded. “I called the weather people in Anchorage and they’re predicting clear skies down here. I think it’s pretty safe to assume we can get out and I can take you to Juneau. Hopefully you can get a flight to San Francisco.”

He nodded soberly. “I’ll call the airline,” he said, but instead of picking up the phone on her desk he
sat on the edge of a small, scarred table that had been given to the library by one of the residents when he moved out of town.

“How was Donny today?” she asked.

“I see some improvement in his reflexes. That’s a good sign. The swelling must be going down. If he continues to improve, he can be moved out to a hospital in a few weeks. That would be the best thing.”

“I wish I could bring him down myself, but it would take so many stops for refueling, and it would be a long and tedious trip for somebody who’s flat on his back. A floatplane is ideal for what I do up here, landing on water everywhere I go, but it’s totally impractical to go any long distance. The floats slow the plane down because of the wind drag. If it were only me…but I can’t take Donny in my plane. Instead I’ll find him a real med-evac plane. Where’s the best place to take him?” Carrie asked.

“The best place is San Francisco where I know the neurosurgeon.”

“That might be expensive,” Carrie said with a frown. She knew the family had no health insurance and could never afford the kind of care Matt was talking about.

“Don’t worry about the money. If you can get him down there, I’ll figure out a way to pay for his care.”

“That would be wonderful,” she said. She was so touched she felt a tear spring to her eye. She bent her head and thumbed the pages of the book on her desk so he wouldn’t notice. But he did notice. He moved to her desk and tilted her chin with his thumb.

“It’s going to work out,” he said. “Don’t worry.”

“I know. I have confidence in you. I just… I’m just so touched that you’d go to all this trouble.”

“You’re the one who’s gone to all the trouble. You came and got me. You’re going to arrange for his transportation.”

“Yes, but he’s like one of the family. When somebody’s hurt or needs help, we all rally around.”

“Yes, I know. I’ve seen it.”

“But you never knew him before. You have no reason to go out of your way to help him. And yet you’re doing it.”

“Come on, Carrie. Any other doctor would do the same if he could.”

She nodded, but she didn’t believe it. How many other doctors had she tried before she got to the ship? Not that they weren’t concerned, they just couldn’t interrupt their schedules.

“About the game,” she said. “Are you still up for it?”

He said he was. They went back to her house for lunch, and Carrie made a batch of brownies for the potluck supper that would follow the game. They both carefully steered away from saying anything personal and were back at the school to suit up for the game before three.

Before the game started, Carrie was sitting on the home team bench in the bleachers next to Maggie. When Matt walked across the polished floor in his shorts, Carrie heard Maggie give a soft whistle of appreciation.