Uncle John's Great Big Bathroom Reader (21 page)

• Before reading the
X-Files
pilot script, she vowed never to do TV. But she was broke, and “couldn’t put it down.” Her audition was only the second time she’d ever been in front of a camera...and Duchovny toyed with her. “I already knew I had the part, so I played the scene in a kind of sarcastic way,” he says, “—much more sarcastic than it was written—and Gillian was just completely thrown by it....She was shocked that anybody would talk to her that way.”

• It turns out that was exactly the reaction Chris Carter was looking for. He wanted to hire her, but Anderson recalls that Fox protested. “They wanted somebody leggier, somebody with more breasts, somebody drop-dead gorgeous.” Carter hired her anyway.

INSIDE FACTS

The Truth Is Out There?

The pilot episode (“The X Files”) was supposedly based on a real incident. That claim hasn’t been made for any other episodes...but stories are often based on real events. For example:

• In “Young at Heart,” Barnett grows a “salamander-like” hand. Carter’s inspiration: a news story about a London researcher “who grew an extra limb on a salamander’s back.”

• The toxic fumes given off by characters in “The Erlenmeyer Flask” and “Host” episodes were inspired by the unexplained fumes that came from a woman patient in a Riverside, California, hospital in 1994, making doctors and nurses seriously ill.

• According to the
Fortean Times
, the episode called “Humbug” was inspired by “the real-life killing of a sideshow character called ‘Lobsterboy.’”

Close Encounters

Gillian Anderson barely held onto her job in the initial season. First she had trouble learning her lines and mastering the show’s scientific jargon. Then she had a hard time with the grueling schedule. About six months into the first season she got married...and came back from her honeymoon pregnant. She was sure she’d be fired. She told Duchovny first. “It looked like his knees buckled,” she says. “I think he said, ‘Oh, my God.’”

A few weeks later, she told Carter. His reaction? Depends on who you ask. According to on-the-set sources, “He went ballistic. He wanted to get rid of her.” But Carter says: “I never, ever considered replacing her.” In any case, she stayed. During pregnancy, her condition was covered up with loose-fitting lab coats. When her due date hit, she had an emergency C-section. Ten days later, she was back to work.

What’s In A Name?

Fox Mulder:
Fox was the name of a boyhood friend of Carter’s. Mulder is his mother’s maiden name.

Dana Scully:
Fans assumed she was named after UFOlogist Frank Scully. But Carter says the inspiration was L.A. Dodgers announcer Vin Scully.

Episode titles:
Carter intentionally keeps them mysterious. “If titles come in that I don’t think are up to our standard of vagueness or seriousness,” says Carter, “I ask the writer to change them.” One episode title—“Piper Maru”—sounds obscure...but it’s really just the name of Anderson’s daughter.

A few pearls of wisdom from
599 Things You Should Never Do,
edited by Ed Morrow.

“Never accept a drink from a urologist.”

—Erma Bombeck

“Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with something much bigger and heavier.”

—Anonymous

“Never insult seven men if you’re only carrying a six-shooter.”

—Harry Morgan

“Never judge a man by the opinion his wife has of him.”

—Bob Edwards

“Never eat Chinese food in Oklahoma.”

—Bryan Miller

“Never get caught in bed with a live man or a dead woman.”

—Larry Hagman

“Never hunt rabbit with dead dog.”

—Charlie Chan

“Never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.”

—Gore Vidal

“Never put off till tomorrow what you can get someone else to do today.”

—Douglas Ottati

“Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.”

—Mark Twain

“Never put off until tomorrow what can be avoided altogether.”

—Ann Landers

“Never keep up with the Joneses. Drag them down to your level. It’s cheaper.”

—Quentin Crisp

“Never take a job where the boss calls you ‘Babe.’”

—Brett Butler

“Never trust a man who has only one way to spell a word.”

—Dan Quayle, quoting Mark Twain

“Never expect to steal third base while keeping one foot on second.”

—American Proverb

Here’s another installment of BRI’s Top Ten of the Year list.

1964

(1) I Want To Hold Your Hand —
The Beatles

(2) She Loves You —
The Beatles

(3) Hello, Dolly —
Louis Armstrong

(4) Pretty Woman —
Roy Orbison

(5) I Get Around —
Beach Boys

(6) Louie, Louie —
The Kingsmen

(7) My Guy—
Mary Wells

(8) We’ll Sing in the Sunshine —
Gale Garnett

(9) Last Kiss —
J. Frank Wilson & The Cavaliers

(10) Where Did Our Love Go —
Diana Ross & the Supremes

1965

(1) (I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction —
The Rolling Stones

(2) I Can’t Help Myself (Sugar Pie, Honey Bunch) —
Four Tops

(3) Wooly Bully —
Sam The Sham & The Pharoahs

(4) You Were On My Mind —
We Five

(5) You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feelin’ —
The Righteous Brothers

(6) Downtown —
Petula Clark

(7) Help! —
The Beatles

(8) Can’t You Hear My Heartbeat? —
Herman’s Hermits

(9) Turn, Turn, Turn —
The Byrds

(10) My Girl —
The Temptations

1966

(1) The Ballad Of The Green Berets —
Sgt. Barry Sadler

(2) Cherish —
The Association

(3) (You’re My) Soul And Inspiration —
The Righteous Brothers

(4) Reach Out I’ll Be There —
The Four Tops

(5) Monday, Monday —
The Mamas & The Papas

(6) Last Train To Clarksville —
The Monkees

(7) California Dreamin’ —
The Mamas & The Papas

(8) You Can’t Hurry Love —
The Supremes

(9) Good Vibrations —
The Beach Boys

(10) These Boots Are Made For Walkin’ —
Nancy Sinatra

1967

(1) To Sir With Love —
Lulu

(2) The Letter —
The Box Tops

(3) I’m A Believer —
The Monkees

(4) Windy —
The Association

(5) Ode To Bille Joe —
Bobbie Gentry

(6) Light My Fire —
The Doors

(7) Somethin’ Stupid —
Nancy Sinatra and Frank Sinatra

(8) Happy Together —
The Turtles

(9) Groovin’ —
The Rascals

(10) Incense & Peppermints —
The Strawberry Alarm Clock

You’ve heard of all the products listed below. Here’s a look at how they were invented.

T
HE CLUB

In 1985, Jim Winner, Jr. bought a brand-new Cadillac with all the whistles and bells, including GM’s sophisticated new antitheft system. He added a car alarm to go with it, but it didn’t do any good—the car was stolen a short time later. Winner thought back to his Army days, when he used to secure his jeep by running a thick chain through the steering wheel and around the brake pedal to keep his friends from driving off with it. He decided to make a simpler, similar device—one that fastened only to the steering wheel—for civilian use. He tested 50 prototypes in bad neighborhoods before settling on a design for The Club.

WIRE COAT HANGERS

Albert Parkhouse worked for the Timberlake Wire and Novelty Co. at the turn of the century. The company had a lot of employees, but not enough hooks for everyone to hang their coats and hats on. One morning in 1903, Parkhouse became so frustrated looking for a hook that he grabbed a piece of wire, bent it in half and twisted the two ends together to make a hook, then shaped the rest of the wire so that he could hang his coat on it. Timberlake patented the idea and made a fortune; according to his relatives, Parkhouse did not.

THE ZAMBONI

Frank Zamboni owned an ice skating rink in Paramount, California in the early 1940s. He hated paying five men for the 1-1/2 hours it took to smooth out the ice every night, and after seven years of experimenting, he finally invented a machine that could do it in 15 minutes. Olympic skating star Sonja Henie practiced at Zamboni’s rink; she made the machines famous when she paid Zamboni $10,000 for two of them and brought them with her on her nationwide tour. By 1960, Zambonis were in use at the Winter Olympics.

Uncle John would like to take a few minutes to talk about some of the
other
famous “uncles” in American history.

U
NCLE SAM
,
a symbol of the United
States

Birth:
Sam Wilson owned a meat-packing plant in Troy, New York. When the War of 1812 broke out, the government contracted him to supply meat to troops stationed nearby. He started stamping crates for the army with a big “U.S.” But when a government inspector visited the plant and asked a worker what the initials meant, the worker shrugged and guessed it stood for his employer, “Uncle Sam.”

Everyone’s Uncle:
The nickname spread among the soldiers. Soon, all army supplies were said to come from “Uncle Sam.” Then a character called Uncle Sam began showing up in newspaper illustrations. The more popular he got, the more patriotic his outfit became. In 1868, Thomas Nast dressed Uncle Sam in a white beard and Stars-and-Stripes suit for a political cartoon. Nast borrowed the look from a famous circus clown named Dan Rice.

UNCLE TOM
,
title character of
Uncle Tom’s Cabin

Birth:
Harriet Beecher Stowe wanted the title character of her novel,
Uncle Tom’s Cabin
, to be “simple, easygoing and servile”...but also “noble, high-minded, and a devout Christian.” She found inspiration in conversations with her cook, a free woman who was married to a slave in Kentucky. As Stowe explained in an 1882 letter to the Indianapolis
Times
, the cook said her husband

was so faithful, his master trusted him to come alone and unwatched to Cincinnati to market his farm product. Now this, according to the laws of Ohio, gave the man his freedom,
de facto.
But she said her husband had given his word as a Christian, his master promising him his freedom. Whether he ever got it, I know not.

Everyone’s Uncle:
The book was published in 1852 and quickly became one of the best-selling novels of the 19th century. It played an important role in arousing anti-slavery passions that resulted in the Civil War. When Lincoln met Stowe, he greeted her by asking, “Is
this the little woman whose book made such a great war?” Over time, “Uncle Tom” became a derogatory term to African-Americans, referring to someone too servile, or who cooperated too closely with whites—not entirely fair, since Uncle Tom was ultimately flogged to death by slave owner Simon Legree after he refused to reveal the hiding place of two female slaves.

UNCLE REMUS
,
narrator of a popular series of folk tales

Birth:
Joel Chandler Harris grew up in the South after the Civil War listening to folk tales told by former slaves. As an adult, he began collecting them and publishing them. One of the most helpful people he talked to was an elderly gardener in Forsyth, Georgia, called Uncle Remus. Harris made him the narrator of his books.

Everyone’s Uncle:
In the enormously popular
Uncle Remus: His Songs and His Sayings
(published in the late 1800s), Uncle Remus, a former slave, entertains his employer’s young son by telling him traditional “Negro tales” (believed to have come from Africa) involving Brer Rabbit, Brer Fox, and Brer Wolf. Harris’ books preserved the tales in print form and introduced them to a worldwide audience. Disney’s animated
Song of the South
made Uncle Remus a part of modern American pop culture (Zip-a-dee-doo-dah!).