UNBREAKABLE (ABLE SERIES) (18 page)

“Fair enough. Now that I know what I’m up against, make sure Trish, my mom, and Tami don’t know anything about this,” I say resolutely. “Also, I’d like to have kids with Trish someday, and I know after the chemo I’d…I can’t produce viable…um sperm. I know there’s a way to do that.” It’s hard for me to ask this question because I want to be able to get her pregnant the natural way. I feel less of a man doing it the alternative way, but hell if I care. All I want is a complete future with her.

I finally get a smile from Dr. Poker face. “Of course, I can arrange that. You can bank your sperm, Jake. Everything is possible…let’s just get over one hurdle at a time. I’ll set everything up before you get your cocktail. Are we good here?” With a nod in agreement he leaves.

My dad and I stare at each other with a look that says
you-better-soldier-up-son and I-won’t-let-you-down-dad
. After our silent communication, it’s time to get down to the tough shit.

“Okay, Dad, knowing what we know, I want Trish to be set. Touch base with Dr. Poker face about the sperm bank, make sure Trish isn’t here when that happens. I…I don’t want to tell her about it just yet. Draw up the necessary paper work to make sure she’ll be okay if and when the shit hits the fan. She’ll fight you, but I want this done, Dad. I need it done,” I say while my voice cracks when I remember the invisible three month timer around my neck.

Without flinching, my dad gives me his silent answer that it’ll get done.

“Are you squared away, Son? I’ll do what you ask, but make sure you do what is expected of you. You fight…” he closes his eyes for a fraction of a second, and when he opens them, the fire of determination blazes through them. “…fight for her...fight for you. Clear your mind and focus on the prize. Can you do that?

I give him a nod because I can’t say anything thinking of the possibility of Trish losing me. I just got her….I just finally fucking got her. I shared her with Dylan even though she wasn’t mine to share. I waited for a year to finally make my move, even though I didn’t have to. Now…now that I finally have her, prepared to start a life with her, there’s a high chance of her losing me…and me losing her to death.

My dad walks toward me, grabs me by the back of my neck, tugs me hard, and stares me down, his eyes dare me to man up. “Sound off, Son. I need to hear it.” My dad’s strong, deep voice brings me back to the now.

“I’m good, Dad. I’ll fight for her,” I say with as much determination as I can pull while my fucking heart is breaking.

He raises his brow. “And you?” he asks, his lips tight, eyes glazed over, but fighting his hardest not to let a single tear fall.

“Fighting for her means fighting for me too, because she’s my life,” I answer without blinking an eye.

He grins at me and says, “Outstanding!”

“Dad, what about the threat? Have you heard from Uncle John yet?”

That question wipes the grin off his face. “No new threats, and the new guy is doing recon as we speak. As I said, clear head, Son. Your objective is to get better, understand? Everything is under control, Jake.”

With that, he leaves and I’m alone with my thoughts. How can we get past this? Her losing Dylan in a very violent way without witnessing it, thank God, broke her. What will it do to her when she sees me suffer? I have to tell myself over and over again that our love is unchangeable…steadfast….
UNBREAKABLE
.

Chapter 20

Trish

“Tricia, I want to thank you for taking care of my son. I want you to know, he loves you, so much. I know you guys are not legally married yet, but in our eyes, you already are. Please, don’t leave my son.” Patti covers her face with her hands and cries.

I hug her, offering comfort I’m not sure I have to give. “I promise, Patti; I’ll never leave him. I love your son more than I can ever say.” I wipe my own tears that are slowly trickling down my cheek.

“Please, call me, Mom. You’re our daughter, now,” She says kissing my cheek.

“Okay.”

As the elevator doors open, we’re greeted by Jake’s dad.

“Patti, are you ready to go? Jake wants to rest early for tomorrow’s surgery.” His commanding voice booms in the hallway.

“Well, I want to say goodbye to him before we go.”

“Alright, make it quick. Tricia, can I talk to you, please.” He looks at me, tilting his head at the sitting area in the hallway.

This one on one talk makes me nervous on so many levels. One, I don’t know what he’s going to say, and two, he just makes me nervous, period. I sit on the chair next to the door while he sits next to me, as he reaches for my hand and holds it with both of his.

“My dear, Jake wants me to discuss with you his last will and testament….”

I cut his dad off by putting my hand up. I take deep calming breaths, closing my eyes, focusing only on Jake’s voice in my mind telling me to be strong…to stay strong for him. I play with my ring, while my heart centers on him, my brain zeroes in on the end game. Over and over again, I play it in my head. If he has faith in me that I can do it…then even if I stumble and fall, I’ll pick myself up, again and again.

“Tricia, focus on me. He warned me about you not wanting to talk about this, but you need to hear it. He wants everything in writing; if something were to happen to him, all his assets, will go to you. I want you to know, my wife and I agree with his decision. He loves you, and anyone he loves; we love, too. This is just precautionary, okay? You know how he is; he wants everything ironed out, so this shouldn’t come as a surprise to you,” He states lovingly, but firmly.

I don’t know what possessed me, but I tell him forcefully, “Mr. Oliver, I’m sorry, but you can tell him to shove his last will up his ass. If he’s asking me to be strong for him, please tell him what I want from him is to fight and not prepare anything for me. I don’t understand why he’s doing this.”

I must have surprised the hell out of Jack because he’s just staring at me with a hint of smile on his face. I guess my mini performance deserves an “outstanding” from him.

“Outstanding, my girl grew some balls. But, I can’t shove them up his ass because that’s what he wants done. I gave him my word that I’ll do it. You can do the shoving when he gets better.” He holds my hand between his strong ones. “Keep the fire, Trish. As long as there is still hope, you fight, you may fall, but you have to get up. It’s when you push yourself up that matters, not what caused the fall, remember that.”

I smile at him. “I…I don’t know what has come over me. I don’t like hearing him planning his death. It upsets me.”

“However, you keep that drive to fight, focus on it.” He winks at me as I do the same.

I pray I have more moments like that, I sure need it. He walks with me to Jake’s room, pulling his wife off Jake. I can’t blame her; I actually want to permanently attach myself to her son. As soon as we were by ourselves, he motions for me to sit next to him.

“Come on, baby; giddy up time…hop on.” Delight dances in his eyes, and I wonder what’s delightful about anything that’s happened today.

“Are you serious, right now?”

“When do I kid around when it comes to you? Come on, you’re wasting time.”

I hop on and sit on his knees which earns me a frown. I grab both his hands and lace our fingers together, which is a wrong move on my part, because he pulls me toward him which causes me to fall on top of him. He releases my hands, snakes his arms around me, and his legs go over both of mine, effectively trapping me.

“Relax, babe. We’re only going to talk about what happened today. You need to tell me what’s going on in that head of yours, and you better tell me the truth. We need to be open about everything, and I mean, everything. Don’t hide anything from me, tell me about your fears. I know you have a lot,” He says, as he kisses me gently on my lips.

“I’m scared, and upset among other things, but those two are the strongest feelings that come to mind.”

“Okay, hit me with it. Talk to me.” He kisses me again.

“First, I’m scared, because I don’t know what will happen to you. How will the chemo affect you? I don’t want to see you sick or in pain, and I don’t know if I can handle seeing you like that. I’m upset, because of what you told your dad. Please, babe, don’t talk as if you’re going to die, I can’t take it. That is one thing I will not talk about, and neither will you. You’ll survive this. You’re not going to leave me. You hear me, Jacob Matthew Oliver!”

He just stares at me for a while, trying to let the words sink into his brain. I’m sure he’s thinking of a rebuttal, especially about his last will he’s pulling on me.

I didn’t tell him, though, what I’m ultimately scared shitless about is him dying on me. I’ve already had one person leave me, and I know I won’t be able to survive it this time. As much as I loved Dylan, Jake is my life. He is my all…My.Everything.

“Love you, baby. Now, let’s get down to business. I know everything you’re overwhelmed right now, I am, too. But, now that we know what we’re dealing with, and the doctors explained everything to us, all we need to do is wait. I’ll do anything to get well for you…for US. As long as you stay next to me, I’m good. I know you’re thinking
what if Tami’s not my match
, but let’s just think of one thing at a time, alright? Let’s get these four rounds of cocktails out of the way, and we’ll go from there. About my last will, I’m not bending on that, babe. Everything I have will go to you; I don’t want you to question it, because you shouldn’t. I’m only doing it to protect you, that’s it. So please, don’t fight my dad on it, because he’ll do what I say anyway. By the way, I’ve been told once I start my chemo, to help me from getting sick, kissing on the lips should be avoided.”

He leans in again to kiss me. At the rate we’re going, we won’t be able to finish our “talk” since every ten seconds he kisses me. This is the first time I’ve heard I won’t be able to kiss him after they start his chemo.

“Who told you I’m not able to kiss you?” I mumble, followed by a frown.

He starts laughing. “You can kiss me, but not on the mouth…you can kiss me down there if you want,” He says, looking downward while wiggling his brows.

“Jake! We’re having a serious talk here!” I exclaim, getting extremely frustrated.

“Okay, alright. I’m just trying to make you laugh, but if you want to kiss my dick, it’s okay too.”

I roll my eyes at him as I place my cheek on his chest. “Nah, I’ll pass. Can you just hold me?”

“That’s okay too. Love you.”

Now more than ever, hearing him say those words to me brings me to tears. He’s getting choked up because of the state I’m in, and I’m crying because I’m afraid of losing him. So, we let our tears wash away our fears, only for them to come back, again. The words we want to say to each other, we say in each tear that falls on our faces. How I wish this were all a dream, and tomorrow, life would be back to normal. However, the reality is…
this is my reality
.

Jake

“I think we’ve cried enough today. How about you rest? Your surgery is scheduled first thing tomorrow morning,” She says, trying to change the subject.

“Before I forget, open that drawer, please.” I point to the bedside table where a surprise is waiting for her.

“Why do you have two bags of Kisses in here? Who got them for you?” She asks; I can just imagine what she’s thinking, right now.

“Tami got them for me. So, since I won’t be able to kiss you on your lips, starting tomorrow, every time I want to kiss you, I’ll hand you one so you can eat it. I know how much you love and enjoy eating your sweets, so when I see you eat it; it’s as if you’re kissing me back.”

“Ah, I see; I’ll be as big as a whale when this whole thing is over. You might not want to be with me anymore.”

“I’ll still love you just the same. Remember, I’ll lose all my hair, so I’ll be bald. Will you love me then, sweetheart?” I anxiously wait for her answer.

Me losing my hair is just one of the side effects of chemo that she knows of. The other side effects, which I’m thankful she doesn’t know, includes sores on my tongue, inside my mouth, my saliva will be so thick I’ll need to suction it out, fever, fatigue, internal bleeding, lung infection, bruising, swelling, I can go on and on. I try not to dwell on it, not because I’m afraid, but because I’m afraid for her, or how she’ll react.

“Bald, fat, cranky, you name it, I will always love you. Just stay alive for me…for us, please. I won’t survive being alone, Jake. I can’t.” Her pleading voice wounds me deeply, knowing that I can’t control anything frustrates me.

“Trish, listen, this is the last time I want to talk about this, okay? I’ll do everything in my power to survive this, but it’s not up to me, baby. I wish it were, because then, this battle would be won. I’ll fight tooth and nail so we can have our forever. In the meantime, let’s try to live life as we would if I weren’t sick. Just try for me.”

Seeing her cry, unable to speak because of me, there’s no words to describe what I feel. All she’s done today is cry. I’m not upset that she is, but I’m disheartened that at every turn there’s more things for her to cry about.

“I hate I’m doing this to you; you don’t know what it does to me. Every time I see you cry, it kills me, Trish; it really does. I knew this would be too much for you, so if you want, when Tami comes to drop off some stuff, you can go home with her. You can have a break from me and from all of this.”

I wrap my arms around her, embracing her tight, getting my fill to last me the night.

“Please, I’m sorry. I promise, I won’t be sad anymore. I don’t need a break from you. I want to be where you are. I’ll do whatever you tell me, anything.” When she pleads like this, it makes it so much harder.

I shoot a text to Tami asking what time she’ll be here. It pains me to send her home because I want to spend every second with her, but my wants are less important than what she needs, right now. I’ll sacrifice myself every single time, doing what’s best for her.