UN-RELATED (UN-RELATED SERIES) (19 page)

“No, Abby. You didn’t imagine it. I guess we can talk later. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

“Kellan?”             

“Trust me, Abby. I want you. It’s just…”

“It’s just, what?”

“I’ll see you tomorrow. I have a car reserved, so you can let the cab driver go once he drops you off, okay? Or, I can just come pick you up.”

“I’ll be there. I can’t wait to see you.”             

“Okay. Goodnight.”

I lied in bed wide awake most of the night. I was usually asleep the second my head hit the pillow, but now I was worried. Had I pressured Kellan into doing something he didn’t want? I thought back to our week together and knew I didn’t imagine it. He looked at me like
Tyler did. He just always turned away when I glanced back at him. I still didn’t understand why he finally agreed to my deal, but at the time, I was so relieved and happy, I didn’t think to question it. Why would he agree to sleep with me if he didn’t at least feel some romantic interest in me? “I’m not imagining it! I’m not!” I said out loud and sat up in bed, convinced that Kellan really did want me.

“I’m just checking on you. I thought you had a bad dream,” Joe said from the corner of my room.
             

I screamed, terrified. I had no idea he was in my room. “What are you doing in here?” I asked, my heart beating a mile a minute. I was wearing one of Kellan’s skimpy t-shirts again and realized I was on top of the blankets. I quickly pulled the old ratty comforter over me.

“I told you, I thought you had a nightmare. I was just checking on you.”

“You have to be asleep before you can have a nightmare. Please leave! I’m fine.”

“Yeah, okay. Goodnight, Abigail.”

I shivered at the thought of him watching me. I guess
Tyler was right, I needed to tell Kellan. I got out of bed and pulled the flannel pajamas out from my drawer and put them on in place of Kellan’s shirt. I got back into bed and held Kellan’s shirt close to me, wishing he was there.

“I miss you, Kellan. I love you.” I turned over and closed my eyes, willing myself to go to sleep.

His flight was right on time, and I told myself this time I was going to be mature and not throw myself into his arms, like usual. Yeah, well, that idea went out the window the second I saw him.

I squeezed him tight, refusing to let go.

“Abby, we’re blocking the gate,” he grinned down at me.

“I don’t care. You’re home and I’m not letting you go!”
Yeah, that was subtle.

He actually threw his carry-on bag over his shoulder and picked me up and carried me out of the line and set me down carefully next to baggage claim.

I refused to let go even though he had set me down. He smiled down at me and said, “How could you have possibly gotten even more beautiful in only seven weeks?”

“I grew up. You just weren’t here to notice.”

“Believe me, I’ve noticed.”

I smiled up at him and said, “It’s about time.”

He shook his head and before long we were in his rental car and he was driving toward my house.

“So, how is
Tyler?” he asked.

“He’s fine, I guess. I went to his graduation, and he had a date with him.”

“That’s good, right?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“What does that mean? Were you jealous?”

“No! I was happy for him, until I realized he doesn’t want her.”

“How do you know?”

“She’s um, well…she was all over him, continually hanging on him, but he didn’t seem at all interested in her,” I grinned and then looked up at Kellan. I started to laugh when I realized I still hadn’t let go of Kellan since the moment he landed.

He grinned and hugged me back. “Trust me, Abby, I’m interested. We still need to talk, though.”

“Okay, but something tells me I’m not going to like it.”

“Don’t worry, I’m not going back on my promise. If that’s what you still want?” he asked.

“Yes, I love you, Kellan. I’ve always loved you.”

“That’s not true. As I recall, we fought like cats and dogs for the first two years at the Filberts.”

“Yeah, but that’s because we were kids.”

“And you hated me!”

“No more than you hated me,” I laughed.

“I hated everyone back then, Abby. I didn’t trust anyone…I had no reason to.”

He pulled into my driveway and turned off the ignition. I started to get out but noticed he was staring straight ahead making no move to get out of the car.

“What’s wrong?”

“I told you, we need to talk. And, this is hard for me,” he said, while clenching the steering wheel with white knuckles.

“Okay, come inside and we’ll talk.”

“I’m not coming inside.”

“What?”

He turned to face me and said, “I can’t stay here for the summer, Abby. I won’t stay with
them
ever again. I wish you didn’t have to, but there’s not much I can do about that until you’re 18.”

“They’re gone for the weekend, as usual. They won’t be back until Monday night. We have the house to ourselves…” I said and blushed.

He looked over at me and I felt the blush spread throughout my face and chest. “I know what you want, Abby, but I just can’t…”

“You said you hadn’t changed your mind…you promised.”

“You didn’t let me finish. Did you honestly think we were just going to jump into bed together? Do you think that I’d take advantage of you like that?”

“That’s exactly what I thought. How can you take advantage of me if I’m more than willing…?”

“Abby, look…I know you think you want…me, but…”

“Stop saying that. I don’t
think
anything. I
know
I want you. I tried everything I could think of when you were here over spring break to make you see that…make you notice me. I guess I wasn’t very good at it…”

“So, you were expecting me to sleep with you…here…tonight?”

“Yes,” I said honestly and slid over closer to him, wishing he’d stop talking and finally kiss me. I reached up and gently touched his face, “I love you, Kellan. Believe me, it’s real.”

He pulled back and said, “Sit up Abby, please. I can’t talk to you when you’re this close to me.”

“In case you haven’t figured it out, talking isn’t what I had in mind.” I blushed again, but I didn’t care. I was dying for him to touch me, kiss me.

“Stop!” He sighed and turned to face me. “Okay, I know what I promised you…and I’m going to keep my promise…”

I slid back over to him.

“NO! Stop and listen to me.” He closed his eyes for a moment, trying to focus on whatever it was he was trying to tell me.

“I’m listening,” I said, stung by his rejection.

“Abby,” he turned toward me, “You said that you’ve had these feelings for me for a long time, right?”
             

“Yes, for the last three or four years. I told you…”

“I know. So, the idea of…
us
, is something you’ve thought a lot about, right?”

“That’s all I think about.”

“Well, these feelings are new to me. I need a little time to catch up. I know that I promised you that we’d…sleep together,” he swallowed hard. “But, I just can’t jump into bed with you right now. I have a plan…but, you’re going to have to be willing.”

“What sort of plan?” I asked, worried now that I’d never have him.

“We’re going to take things slow.”

“Kellan, we’ve known each other for years…”

“Yeah, but up until last April, I still considered you my little sister.”

“I’m not…”

“
I know
you’re not my sister,
I know
we’re not related,
I know
you’ve grown up…and I know that I have…feelings for you. But I need time to adjust to this. You’ve had three years to come to terms with it. I’ve only had a few weeks. Let me get to know you, okay?”

“It’s not like we’re strangers, we’ve known each other for years.”

“I need some time, Abby.”

“How much time?” I asked suspiciously.

“I don’t know. I can’t answer that.”

“Kellan, are you just trying to get out of it? If you don’t want…”

He put his finger to my mouth and said, “Believe me, I don’t want to get out of anything.  I told you, I just need to get to know you…as a young woman. I know the little girl, and I’ve loved her for years. Let me get to know the young woman now, please?”

I nodded. “You’re not just trying to stall?”

“No, I just want to take it slow.”

“Okay. So, then what do we do now?” I asked, knowing what I wanted and thought we’d be doing at that moment.

“We…date,” he said and looked away.

“Date?”

“Yeah, it’s not an uncommon practice. In fact, that’s how most relationships start,” he said with a grin.

“So, you want to date…first?” I asked, as if this was a foreign idea.

He smiled, “Yeah, why is this so surprising?”

“I don’t know. I guess I just didn’t think you’d want to date me…” I said, knowing that was ridiculous.

“So, you thought that the only thing I’d want from you was sex?” he asked, irritated.

“No, that’s not it. Until spring break, I never thought you’d want me for anything…”

“Why?”             

“I don’t know, because I was a skinny, gangly, ugly kid.”

“So, you think the only reason I want you now is because the ugly duckling turned into a beautiful swan?”

“Isn’t it? I mean, I know you’ve always loved me…no matter what I looked like…but you never looked at me before like you looked at me that first night you came back home.”

“You’re right. I can’t take my eyes off of you. But, you’re wrong, too. I never thought of you as the ugly duckling, Abby. I just always thought of you as my kid sister. And, no matter how beautiful you are, I never would have pushed for anything more than what we’ve always been. I’m sure I would have wanted you, but I would have never made the first move…or any move.”

“So, you really don’t want…me?” I said, and looked down.

He lifted my chin and looked into my eyes and said, “I’ve never wanted anyone more, because not only do I see how beautiful you are on the outside, I know how beautiful you are on the inside. I was mesmerized when I saw you at the restaurant that night. You’re perfect Abby, and I fought it so hard because I know you deserve better.”

“There is no one better, Kellan. There never will be,” I said with tears in my eyes.

“Well, if you still want to go through with this…”

“I’m going to hold you to your promise,” I said emphatically.

“Okay then, Abby, would you like to go out with me tonight?”

I smiled up at him and said, “I thought you’d never ask. What time should I be ready?”
             

“I’ll be here at 6:30.”

“What should I wear?”

“We’re going to that new Italian restaurant we talked about last time I was here.”

“Okay, I’ll be ready. But, where are you going?”

“I um, I rented an apartment for the summer. It’s just a few blocks over.”

I sighed, “I really wanted you to stay here.”

“I know, but from this moment on, we’re dating…and we’re taking things slow. I’ll pick you up and I’ll bring you home.”

I sighed, “You’re going to stretch this out all summer, aren’t you?”

He walked me to my door and looked at me, scanning me from head to toe and said, “Believe me, I don’t want to wait any more than you do.”

“Then, why are we?” I asked again, knowing I was going to get a lecture. I was wrong.

“Because, I can’t screw this up, you’re too important to me.”

I reached up and hugged him, “I’ll be ready at 6:30.” I pulled back and looked at him, “And, Kellan…you can’t screw it up, because I couldn’t possibly love you any more than I do now.”

“Don’t be so sure, I’ve screwed up every relationship I’ve ever been in.”

“No, you haven’t. I’m still here.” I touched his cheek softly before he got back into his car and I watched him drive away.

True to his word, he was at my door at 6:30 on the dot.

“Hi,” I smiled when I opened the door.

“Abby, what are you wearing? Are you crazy…do you know how many men…?”

“Kellan!” I interrupted. “I thought this was a date?”

“It is but…”

“So, would you normally yell at your date about what she was wearing?”

“No, sorry.”

“Good, so then, we’re going to start over. I’m going to close the door and you’re going to knock and when I open the door…”

“I get it, I’ll try to remember it’s a date.”

I smiled at him and closed the door. He knocked and when I opened the door again, I smiled and said, “Hi.”

“You look incredible,” he grinned, trying to make up for yelling at me.

“Thank you.” I grabbed my bag and closed the door behind me. 

The Italian restaurant was beautiful and the food was exceptional. The waitress was a little too friendly, but Kellan never took his eyes off of me.

He was fidgeting a lot, and not acting quite like himself. I stared at him and finally said, “Kellan, you act like you don’t know me. You can’t be nervous, it’s just me.”

He looked me in the eye and said, “I know it’s you, that’s why I’m nervous.”

“How can I possibly be making you nervous?”

“Actually, I’m not nervous…I’m terrified.”

“Of what?” I asked, confused.

“Abby, aren’t you worried about…us? What happens if this doesn’t work? What happens to us?”

“What do you mean?”

“If this goes any further, and we fail…as a couple, then what happens? I can’t lose you. You and I, we’re all we have,” he said, looking as terrified as he said he was.

“Then, I guess failing isn’t an option.”

“You’re the only person I’ve ever been able to count on, Abby. You’re the only person who loves me for me. We’ve been there for each other for over seven years now. That’s the longest relationship I’ve ever had with anyone.”

I thought about what he said and reached out and took his hand. “Kellan, our relationship has already changed.”

“It’s not too late though…we haven’t messed it up with sex…yet.”

“Is that what you think’s going to happen? We’re going to sleep together and then what, hate each other?”

“It’s not crazy, Abby. It happens…all the time. I’m not sure I’m willing to risk losing you by sleeping with you. I don’t want to hurt you,” he said honestly.

“The only way you can hurt me, is if you stop loving me. I know you haven’t said you’re in love with me, but I do know you love me.”

“Of course I love you.”

“And I love you. Kellan, it’s already too late to go back…can’t you see that?”

He sighed and looked down at his folded hands, “Yeah, I guess I can…” he said, sadly.

“What are you so afraid of?”

“Losing you.”

I shook my head, “You can’t lose me, Kellan. You can’t. You’re the one holding all the cards, you have the power. You always have.” I remembered Tyler’s words, and knew he’d been right.

“So, you’re saying I’m the only one who can screw it up?”

“No, I’m saying, I’m yours…for as long as you want me.”

He swallowed hard and said, “I don’t deserve you.”

“We belong together, and if you’d stop worrying so much, you’d realize that.” I got up and scooted in on his side of the booth.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m sitting next to you, if that’s okay?”

He smiled and said, “Yeah, that’s okay.” He put his arm around my shoulder and I was content to lean against him, thrilled to be just where I wanted to be…in his arms.

We had a nice dinner, and shared a scoop of Spumoni ice cream before leaving the restaurant. 

“I guess I should take you home,” he smiled.

“I don’t want to go home…unless you’re coming with me,” I smiled.

“Abby, work with me here; I told you, I need some time.”

“Why does it seem like our roles are reversed?” I asked him.
             

“I guess they are…but I know what I stand to lose if we don’t do this right.”

“I’m sure you’ve done it enough to know how to do it right,” I sighed and looked away, jealous of every woman he’s ever been with.

“That’s not what I meant,” he said, shaking his head.

“So um, how many…never mind,” I said, when I realized I was too embarrassed to ask him how many women he’d been with.

“How many, what?”

“Nothing,” I said, chickening out.

“Oh no, you started to ask me something, so ask.”

I glanced up at him and said, “It’s really none of my business, I’m sorry I said anything.”

“A lot,” he said softly, looking down at me with guilt in his baby blue eyes.

“A lot of what?” I asked.

“You wanted to know how many women I’ve slept with, right?”

I blushed, “Yes.”

“You have your answer.”

“I guess I kind of figured that. Girls have always been crazy about you.” I was suddenly worried that I wouldn’t be enough for him. He must have sensed my dismay…

“Abby,” he said and stopped me before we got into the car, “it was just sex, nothing more.”

“That seems like a lot to me,” I said, refusing to look him in the eye.

“I mean, I didn’t…love any of them. Look, sex is great, it is, but if you’re with someone just for that release, then that’s all there is. There’s a physical connection…maybe, but no emotional one. That’s why we need to wait. Do you understand?”

I shook my head no. I already had an emotional connection with Kellan, and I was dying for the physical one.

“Just trust me, it’ll be better if we wait…get to know each other a little better.”
             

“I don’t know why you keep saying we need to get to know each other, we’ve known each other most of our lives.”

He lifted my face up to his and said, “Not like this. I know you think you know me, but I’m not…I mean, I’m not that guy you grew up with. Not anymore.”

“That’s exactly who you are. You’re still the same guy who stood up for me, time and time again to Nancy and Joe. You’re still the same guy who was always there for me…no matter what. You scared off bullies for me, you were always there, no questions asked. What worries me is that you’re still that gorgeous guy that every other girl wants…” I said honestly.

“I think you’re forgetting that I’m here with you. I came back…for you. There is no one else.”

“And, I keep thinking you’re only here with me because I forced you to be,” I looked up at him, realizing for the first time, it was true.

“Is that what you really believe?”

“I forced the issue. You, yourself, called it blackmail.”

“Yeah, well, you were pretty persuasive.”

“Please tell me there’s more to you being here than just to keep me from sleeping with
Tyler?”

“Abby, believe me, if that were the only reason, I would have just put a stop to it. I wouldn’t have had to promise you anything. And, I wouldn’t have even had to be here to stop him.”

“What does that mean?”

“I mean, there was no way I was going to let
Tyler anywhere near you, and it had nothing to do with the deal we made.”

“How could you have stopped him…us?” I asked.

“He’s 18…it’s illegal for him to touch you. I would have sent Ted Jellison over to his house for a visit.”

“Who’s he?”

“He’s a high school friend who owes me a huge favor. A friend who’s now a cop.”

“You would have sent a police officer over to what, threaten him?”

“Yes, as a matter of fact, I already had it set up.”

“I don’t understand, if you weren’t going to allow it, then why did you agree to…?” I asked, confused.

He took a deep breath and said, “Because when I saw Tyler standing there at the airport holding you, I wanted to kill him. But, not because he was holding my little sister, but because…I knew then, that
I
wanted to be the one holding you. I promised you…because I wanted to, because I want you.”

I stared up at him in disbelief. I knew he had feelings for me, but I honestly never thought that they were that strong, or that he’d ever admit to them.

I was stunned silent. I reached up and hugged him and said, “There’s no one stopping you from holding me now…except you,” I whispered in his ear.

“Yeah, as if I have any more right to touch you than
Tyler did. At least Tyler’s only two years older than you…I’m almost five years older. I should have Ted arrest me for just thinking about…”

“Trust me, I won’t press charges,” I laughed, which only made him sigh in response, feeling guilty once again.

“Come on, I need to get you home.”

“I don’t want to go home and be alone. It’s your first night back…stay with me, please.”

“Abby, please try not to rush this, okay?”

“I just want to be with you. I’m not asking for anything else. Nancy and Joe won’t be home until at least Sunday night. We can watch a movie or something, and you can sleep on the couch.”

“Why don’t we
go
to a movie, instead? I think that would be safer,” he smiled.

“Yeah, but not as much fun,” I smiled back.

“And how would you know that?” he asked with raised eyebrows.

“I’m counting on you to teach me. When you’re ready,” I added, letting him know I was willing to wait, even though I didn’t want to.

“You have two choices, you can either go to a movie with me or I’m taking you home, and I’m not going inside. This is our first date, Abby, remember?”

I took a deep breath and knew I was getting nowhere fast. I looked up into those mesmerizing eyes and said, “A movie sounds wonderful.”

He put his arm around my waist and led me the rest of the way to the car.

We stood outside the theater having a disagreement over which movie to see.

“Kellan, I’ve outgrown Disney movies.”

“Maybe so, but you’re not quite 17 yet, so we’re not seeing an R-rated movie.”

I rolled my eyes and said, “You know what? As long as we’re together, I don’t care what we see. I give; we’ll see whatever you want.”

He sighed and said, “Stay here, I’ll buy the tickets.”

He walked to the counter and I turned around and ran into some friends from school.

“Abby, how’s it goin?” Jess Cahill asked me.

“It’s great, thanks. How are you guys doing?”

Kellan walked up behind me just then. “Are you ready?”

I turned around and smiled at him. Pam Franklin stepped up and whispered in my ear, “No wonder you’re great! Wow! I didn’t know you liked older guys.”

I turned toward her and said, “Pam, this is Kellan. Kellan, this is Pam, Jess, Callie and Kevin. They’re friends from school.”

“Hi.”

“So, is he why you broke up with
Tyler?” Kevin asked.

“No, wait, isn’t he your brother?” Callie asked with a smirk.

I looked up at Kellan and grinned, knowing he was probably feeling guilty again. I turned back and said, “No, he’s not my brother, and no, he’s not the reason I broke up with Tyler. Well, not really, anyway.”

“So, are you two dating, then?” Callie asked snidely. I never thought she liked me, and her attitude certainly proved my suspicions.

I looked up at Kellan, but didn’t say anything. I was waiting for him to answer her.

“Yes, we are. Is that alright with you?” Kellan asked, obviously irritated with her snide manner.

She thought she had me, she wanted to embarrass me, but Kellan was there, standing up for me once again.

Callie shrugged her shoulders and looked away.

“It was nice meeting you. Come on Abby, the movies’ about to start.”

He put his arms around my waist and led me into the theatre.

“I thought you didn’t want to take me to see this one?”

“I guess if we’re going to date,
among other things,
then we should be able to watch an R-rated movie together.”

We sat towards the back and I noticed my friends filed in and sat down a few rows in front of us. I think Kellan noticed Callie kept glancing back at us, trying to see if he really was my date. The third time she glanced back, Kellan smiled at me and put his arm around me. He pulled me to him and whispered in my ear, “I don’t think that girl likes you very much.”

“She doesn’t.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know. I think she liked Tyler…and I don’t think she believes I could be dating someone like you.”

“What does that mean?”

I reached up and touched his face, “I told you, you’re perfect…a fact I’m sure she couldn’t over-look.”