UN-RELATED (UN-RELATED SERIES) (17 page)

“No, that’s not…” I sighed, “Tyler, I can’t go through with it…I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. I kind of figured that. I knew something was wrong. It’s okay, Abby. I love you, I’ll wait.”

He was so good to me and he’d been so patient. I felt terrible. “Tyler…”

“I’m just so glad you’re not breaking up with me. I can wait, I can, but I can’t lose you.” He reached out and grabbed my hand and smiled.

I couldn’t tell him. I tried, but I just couldn’t. I knew he deserved the truth, but every time I tried to get the words out, he would make another kind remark, or a sweet gesture. It never seemed like the right time, and as he was standing in the doorway, kissing me goodnight, I knew there’d never be a right time and I just had to say it.

“
Tyler…”

“I guess I better cancel the hotel room for tomorrow, huh?” he grinned, but I’m sure he was hoping that I had changed my mind and I’d tell him not to cancel.

“I’m sorry.” My phone vibrated again, and I wasn’t sure which was worse…telling Tyler I wanted to break up with him, or telling Kellan I hadn’t.

He looked down at the phone and rolled his eyes. “I guess you can tell him what he wants to hear. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Goodnight.”

“Before you yell at me, I called it off for tomorrow.”

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

“How did he take it?”

“He um, I think he kind of knew…”

“He knew you were breaking up with him?”

“I didn’t actually break up with him…yet.”

“What? Abby, we had a deal! If you expect me to…”

“I know, believe me, I know. I told you, I called off tomorrow night. I just couldn’t…tell him that I wanted to break up.”

“Do you want to break up with him? Abby, if you love him, then I won’t stand in your way. I just…I just want you to be happy. I want you to be with the right man…”

“I will be, as soon as you come home.”

He sighed, “How do you know for sure that I’m the one you want?”

“I’ve always known…well, for the last few years, anyway. You’re all I think about, you’re all I want. And don’t tell me it’s just a little girls’ crush.”

“I um, I can’t call you a little girl anymore. You’ve grown up, and trust me, I’ve noticed.”

“Then, what’s the problem?”

“The problem is…” he stopped and then said, “Hi Lorena, yeah I’m back…”

I tensed the second I heard that woman’s voice. All I could think about now was that his rent was probably due…and I started shaking.

“Abby, I have to go.”

“Kellan!”

“Don’t worry, my rent’s paid,” he said, reading my mind.

I sighed and said, “Okay. I love you. I’ll see you soon.”

“Bye.”

The next afternoon,
Tyler picked me up. “I cancelled the room, so you’re off the hook.”

When I didn’t say anything, he added, “I’ll bet Kellan was happy when you told him.”

“Tyler, this really wasn’t up to him. It was my choice, okay? I’m sorry.”

“I can live with that. But, would you do me a favor, please?” he asked.

“I guess so,” I said, still unsure how to tell him I wanted to break up.

“Would you keep our private life between us from now on? I know you tell Kellan everything, but…”

“That’s not entirely true. I didn’t plan on telling him anything about our plans, it just kind of came out,” I repeated.

“What were you fighting about?” he asked.

“I, we…oh, I don’t even remember,” I lied.

“Okay, but can we keep our private life just between us now? I’d really like to keep all my limbs intact.”

“Do you honestly think Kellan would hurt you?”

“If he thought I hurt you, or did something against your will, then hell yes, he’d rip me apart. I know you don’t believe this, but he loves you.”

“I know he loves me.”

“Just…not like you want him to?”

“Tyler, can we talk about something else?” I asked, still trying to come up with a way to break it off with Tyler without destroying him.

“Sure, what would you like to talk about?”

“I don’t know. You’re graduating in two months, are you excited?”

“I guess. I don’t really want to leave you. I wish you were graduating with me.”

“Yeah, me too. Then I can finally get out of here and be…”

“Be what?” he asked, with raised eyebrows.

“…be free of Nancy and Joe,” I lied.

We went to the mall and walked around, then out to dinner. But, I couldn’t ever find the right time or the right way to tell him. I tried, over and over again, but each time I either chickened out, or he interrupted me.

“I guess I should take you home, now. We have to go back to school tomorrow, so you’ll have to be up early. I’ll pick you up, okay?” he asked as he drove me back to my house.

“Um, yeah. That’s fine.”

He walked me inside and said, “Are your foster parents
ever
home?”

“They should be home soon, I think. I never try to guess. They both work weird shifts and they go to
Las Vegas a lot. I’ve learned not to question it.”

“But, you’re always alone…well, since Kellan left, anyway.”

“I was pretty much alone then, too, what with all his girlfriends.”

“Yeah, he was pretty popular, especially with the girls. I remember him when I was a freshman and he was a senior. I thought he had it all, and he did,” he looked at me, and added, “I guess he still does.”

“And now
you’re
a senior. I wish I was,” I sighed, knowing I still had over a year left before I could leave and be with Kellan. I ignored his comment, however, not wanting to get into it now that we were alone. I didn’t think Tyler would hurt me, but I promised Kellan I wouldn’t break up with him when we were alone.

“You only have one year left. You’ve made it this far, you can make it one more year. And then, we can go off to college together.”

“I thought you were going to go to one of the colleges here?”

“I am, until you can go to a university with me.”

“So, you’re staying here because of me?”

“Just for one year. Then, I thought we’d go to
Seattle Pacific University.”             

“Really? And, you just decided this?”

“I thought you’d want to go. It’ll be a long way from Nancy and Joe,” he grinned.

“And even further from Kellan,” I said, somewhat irritated that he had planned my future without even consulting me. I immediately felt bad for my comment, because I still hadn’t been honest with him…and he deserved the truth.

“That’s not…well, I won’t lie, the thought did cross my mind, but I just figured that since you didn’t have…I mean, since you’re alone…that you would want to be with me. My grandmother lives in Washington, it’s beautiful.”

“I’m not alone,
Tyler. I know you mean well, but I don’t really want to go to Washington.”

“Oh, okay. I’m sorry. I guess I should have asked you first. It’s fine, we’ll stay here.
L.A. has a lot of great universities.”

“I’ll see you in the morning. Thanks for dinner…and everything,” I said, ready for him to leave, but dreading my up and coming phone call with Kellan. I had all day to tell him, and I blew it. I knew Kellan was going to be angry, but I couldn’t help it.

“I’m sorry, Abby. We can go to a university in Connecticut…if you want. I don’t think I can get into Yale, but they have other schools there. I don’t have a problem with Kellan anymore. I know he’s a part of your life, I get it. I know you…love him.”

“
Tyler, please understand…Kellan and I…we um, we’ve been through a lot together. My parents died, which is awful. But his mother left him…walked away. My parents loved me and it killed me when they died. But, how do you think he felt? She didn’t want him, and he doesn’t even know who his father is. You can’t ask me to leave him, too.”

“I’m not asking you to leave him. I’m sorry. I should’ve asked you first.”

“He’s um, he’s going to call…soon. It’s getting late.”

“Okay, but before I go, can I at least have a goodnight kiss, please?”

“Yeah, okay.”

He leaned down and started to kiss me and said, “You’re not going to tell Kellan about this, are you?” he smiled and closed the gap.

I let him kiss me, knowing Kellan would be calling soon. I closed my eyes and focused on Kellan’s up and coming call and once again got caught up in the kiss. I moaned softly, and pulled him to me, kissing him hard. I was kissing Kellan and looking forward to our summer together…I was kissing Kellan…I was so happy...I was kissing Kellan…but, I wasn’t kissing Kellan, it was Tyler and I had to stop.

I pulled away and turned bright red once again, embarrassed.

“Abby, you’re driving me crazy. All day you’ve been kind of distant, like you had to tell me something, but couldn’t. I’ve been a wreck ever since Kellan came home and even worse since he’s been gone. But, when you kiss me like that, I know you love me.”

Could I feel any worse? I faced the wall and wiped away a stray tear. I was right, he did know and I had just convinced him otherwise, and now it was going to be all the more difficult on him.

I knew it was time. It didn’t matter that we were alone, he had to know. I didn’t want him to see my tears, so I said, “I have to go to the bathroom. I um, I think we need to talk. Will you wait for me?” I said, trying to steady my voice.

“Yeah, sure.”

I nodded and walked down the hall. I dropped my keys and phone on my nightstand and headed into my bathroom to wash my face. I used the restroom, washed my hands and face and dried off. I looked into the mirror and knew I was about to break his heart…but I told the terrified girl in the mirror that it was the right thing to do.

I took a deep breath and walked out of the bathroom. “
Tyler…”

He was sitting on the edge of my bed holding my phone. When he looked up at me, his face was pale white. “You um…you got a text…”

I started shaking, wondering what Kellan had said in the text. From the look on Tyler’s face, it couldn’t be good.

I took a deep breath and asked, “Wh…what did he say?”

“I didn’t mean to read it. It was about to vibrate off your dresser, so I picked it up.”

“
Tyler, what did he say?” I asked. I knew it was bad, I could actually feel the pain emanating from him.

He swallowed hard, “Um, he said:

How did
Tyler take it? Are you ok? Please

tell me you didn’t tell him everything?

Call me when you get in. 

He didn’t say anything else. He dropped the phone on my bed and waited for me to say something...anything.

“
Tyler, I don’t know what to say.”

“How did I take
what
Abby? And what’s
everything
?”

“I tried to tell you. I’ve been trying to tell you. I just…I just couldn’t find the words. I didn’t want to hurt you,” I said, knowing that he was hurt even worse now.

“Tell me what?” he asked.

“I um, I think you know. I think you’ve known all along,” I said, glancing up at him as a tear slid down my cheek.

“I need to hear it from you,” he ordered.             

“
Tyler, please…”

“No, it has to be from you.” He picked up my phone and threw it across the room. “I guess he won’t be bothering us for the moment, will he?”

“Tyler, please. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt you.”

“You still haven’t said it!” He stood up and towered over me.

“What do you want me to say? You know I love him. I’ve never denied my feelings for him.”

“Say it, I need to hear it from you. I heard it from him, now you tell me to my face.”

I sighed and wiped away my tears. He was right, he deserved to hear it from me. “Tyler, I um, I’m breaking up with you…I’m so sorry. You deserve…”

“Stop! I heard you. It’s over, I get it.” He stood up and started to walk to the door.

“Are you okay?” I asked, knowing it was a stupid question, and much too soon.             

He stopped at my doorway and said, “Just tell me one thing, and please don’t lie.”

“Okay,” I said, dreading his question.

“Did you sleep with him?”

“No. I swear it. He’s never touched me.”

“But, he’s going to, isn’t he?”
             

“
Tyler…”

“That’s the ‘everything’ I’m not supposed to know about, isn’t it?” he asked. He turned back toward me and said, “I need to know, Abby.”

“Yes,” I whispered, knowing it was killing him.