Twisted (7 page)

“Ah,” I said. “Now her interest in my car makes sense.”

Phoebe laughed again. “Knowing how spoiled she is, I wouldn’t be surprised if she got it. After seeing how Blake reacted to your car I think she almost changed her mind about a new one. Those two have had an on-again, off-again thing since the eighth grade,” Phoebe paused to roll her eyes. “It’s never been more off than it is right now. Blake absolutely hates the hair and make-up.”

I bit my lip nervously. “What do you think of him? Blake I mean?” I asked.

“I haven’t spent a lot of time with him but from what I
have
seen, I think he’s an arrogant ass,” Phoebe said without hesitation. “Hailey probably does too but I’m pretty sure it’s not his personality she’s interested in.”

“Henry seems really nice,” I ventured. I didn’t want to sound completely negative in my evaluation of everyone.

She nodded. “He is. He’s also completely not Olivia’s type. I never, ever thought those two would get together.” She must’ve seen the confusion on my face because she continued. “Olivia loves to take care of people but she also does her fair share of the damsel in distress bit. She’s usually into jocks, big tough guys to come to her rescue. Henry is on the tennis team,
not
the football team.” She laughed. “But apparently he came to her rescue one day and won her over. She locked her keys in her car at the beach. He happened to be there playing volleyball. He drove her home to get her extra set. They’ve hardly been apart for three minutes at a time since then.”

“What about you?” I asked. “Are you into jocks too?” I was curious, since Hailey and Olivia were.

She smirked. “All I have to say is that it’s a damn shame our school lost its funding and the hockey team had to be cut a few years ago. ’Cause
those
boys might’ve been worth wasting my time on.” She looked at me for a while. Then without any trace of a smirk she said, “I’d ask you the same question but I have a feeling I know exactly who you’re in to.” I must’ve looked alarmed because she gave me a reassuring smile. “Don’t worry. You’re not the only one who’s good at keeping a secret.”

***

I hadn’t denied it when Phoebe implied she thought I had feelings for Ben. But honestly, I wasn’t sure how I felt about him. Other than I hated how people treated him. My heart ached on a daily basis when I saw what he went through. I knew what it was like to lose someone. For him to be treated so cruelly because of it? It upset me. A lot. Maybe
because
I knew how it felt to lose someone, I had a hard time sitting back and ignoring it like everyone else.

It felt wrong to me. With each day that I had gotten to know Ben a little better, it bothered me more and more. How no one questioned it. How no one stood up for him. How everyone just accepted it and acted like it was okay.

It
wasn’t
okay. There was no way I was going to pretend it was. Because if I did sit back and accept it, I would be just as guilty as everyone else.

After Phoebe left I did something I had been debating for weeks. I’d hesitated because of the information I was afraid I would find. But more than that, I felt I would be invading his privacy in the same way as reading someone’s open diary. Even though it was all public record, I felt as if I were a morbid voyeur sneaking a peek into the deepest, darkest part of someone’s life. I knew these kinds of people. I had met them. They had sat across from me at the kitchen table drinking our coffee. Waiting for Mom to tell them something new and interesting about Dad and Trey and the day they died. They watched our reactions. Wanting to know how we were ‘really’ doing and not doing a good job of covering up that it wasn’t because of how much they cared…but because of the gossip that could later be shared. I hated those people. I had never wanted to become one.

I sat at my desk with Remy’s laptop in front of me. I pushed my way through my moral dilemma. Everyone at school knew, or
thought
they knew. Wouldn’t it only be fair for me to know as well? To know what I was facing as I defended myself for wanting to defend Ben? I asked myself...Did I want to see because I was curious? Or did I want to see because I wanted to understand?

I definitely wanted to understand.

I took a deep breath and typed in our town and her name.

I pulled up page after page. Most articles were linked to the local paper. It was front page news that first day and for many to follow. The coverage began with the disappearance of a fourteen year-old. Three days later she was found and it turned into a murder investigation. Followed by the arrest. Of Ben. There were details of the crime scene. All of the items found linked Ben to the murder. A statement from a student, “Allie Jenkins, a close friend of the victim” had been quoted as tearfully saying, “It wasn’t Ben. The flower they found with her was wrong. Ben never would have gotten the flower wrong.” Weeks later more evidence was compiled and Ben was released as his brother slid into place as the prime suspect. I continued to read about the investigation, the trial and the conviction.

They had taken what should have remained private and turned it into something very public. The sweet, innocent romance of two very young teens had been twisted and tainted and turned into something dark and sinister for the whole world to see…Only to find it should never have been touched at all.

Ben had been cleared of everything. Even though his brother insisted he was a part of it. There had not been one smidge of evidence to confirm it so he had been cleared. But not until he had been put through hell. And even though he was officially cleared, he was still condemned by far too many.

When I was done, nearly two hours later, I curled up on my bed and cried. I cried for Katie who lost her life and I cried for Ben who, in a very different way had lost his as well.

Mom and I are in the kitchen squashing peanut butter cookie dough flat on the baking sheet with the prongs of our forks. It’s a dreary day. There’s no rain but it’s cloudy with gusts of wind so strong I can hear Mom’s collection of wind chimes creating their own symphony out on the lawn. After today, the backyard will be full of fallen apples. The kitchen is full of the scent of the first batch of baking cookies. The doorbell rings and Mom sets her fork down. “Finish up, honey, I’ll go get that.”

I hear voices in the foyer and I hear Mom shriek. The fork falls from my hand and I almost topple my mug of hot cocoa.

I rush up behind Mom.

A man and a woman, both dressed in uniforms, have moved inside. The door has closed behind them.

“A fatal accident?” Mom shrieks again. “Oh God, is it Remy?” she moans.

My heart squeezes painfully in my chest. Remy is away at college. She left two months ago and won’t be home until Thanksgiving. I already miss her so much.

“No ma
'
am,” the woman says her eyes sad and sorry, her voice a forced calm. “A boat capsized, another fisherman witnessed it...”

I hear a few more words but they all run together. Mom doesn’t know I’m standing behind her. The officers don’t seem to notice me either as they say words I don’t want to hear. “Two bodies…pulled from the water…lifejackets weren’t buckled…carrying identification…Anthony and Trey Anderson.”

Mom screams again and collapses on the hard tile.

I edge away, back toward the kitchen. Remy’s new number is posted on the corkboard next to the phone. Mom lets me call her every Sunday night. I hear myself whimpering as I back away…into the kitchen…heading for the phone and the corkboard with Remy’s number.

Other than the burial, I don’t recall ever going to the cemetery. It was only a few months after Dad and Trey were gone that Mom lost it. She couldn’t live in the same house, be in the same town, see the same people. She needed to pack up and get away, as far away as she could. And that’s what we did. Physically, anyway. Emotionally, she was still bound right where she’d been the day we left.

Why hadn’t they fastened their lifejackets? Especially on a day when the wind was so fierce and the waves were so huge? They had packed up for the day. They were on their way to the shore when they had been hit by a wave strong enough to make the boat capsize. They had both been thrown overboard, their lifejackets popping off the moment they hit the water. That’s what the man in the other boat, the only witness, had reported. He had been a ways off in the distance. By the time he pulled his anchor, started his boat and motored over to where they’d gone in, the giant waves had dragged them under for good.

Why hadn’t they fastened their life jackets
? The question was asked over and over again. That was the question everyone asked…but it was also the one nobody had an answer to. It was one of those things that you would give anything to go back in time to change but you couldn’t. So instead, you just had to try to live with an unanswerable question.

I realized Mom must have taken care of the arrangements for headstones. Or maybe that was Remy as well. They were simple and elegant. Not gaudy and ostentatious like so many of the others. I stood there for a moment, wondering what I was supposed to be feeling. But I didn’t really feel anything. Dad and Trey weren’t here. My memories of them weren’t here. I whispered a few words anyway and turned, feeling incomplete, like something that I had hoped to find hadn’t appeared.

I wondered if Remy felt the same way I did. We’d never really talked about it. She was older but only a freshman in college when Trey and Dad were torn from our lives. And though she wasn’t living at home, I wasn’t the only one that lost a mother.

At least Remy and I had each other.

I walked with my head down, staring at the perfectly green grass. I knew I was walking under a flawlessly clear, cloudless blue sky. Trees with beautifully changing leaves swayed gently on the cemeteries edge. Life is so full of little ironies.

***

“What do you think of Blake?” Hailey asked as she carefully coated her nail with the last layer of top coat. She didn’t look up. I could tell by her rigid form that she was waiting anxiously for my answer.

“I don’t think much of him.” It was an honest reply. I shuffled through the bottles in the little wicker basket. I was trying to find something other than black, plum, a blackish-plum. I should’ve brought my own. It was silly of me to think that Hailey would have a decent color on hand.

“Good,” she said with a haughty little sniff. “I called dibs on him a long time ago. That kind of thing never expires.”

Phoebe nudged me and opened up her purse. A half dozen bottles of nail polish rolled around inside. I poked around and found one that was much more suited to me than anything Hailey had. I smiled and pulled it out.

I turned back to Hailey. “Fine by me. You can have Blake. Forever and ever for all I care,” I said as I forced a smile.

“If only she could catch him,” Phoebe muttered as she stifled a giggle. “This Goth Girl thing is not helping you in the love department, is it?”

“No,” Hailey said with a pout. She leaned back against her dresser, spreading her hands out on the floor to wait for them to dry. “But it is making my parents crazy. Dad had his boss over for dinner last night. You should’ve seen the look on their faces when I came down the stairs. I found some lemon yellow hair extensions. Just the effect I was going for. It was priceless.” She laughed but then sighed. “I hope they give in soon. I didn’t think they’d hold out this long. It’s a lot harder than I thought it would be. Black is so tedious. I don’t want to look like I’m wearing the same clothes every day. I really have to strain my creativity.”

I glanced up at her open closet. Hangers were filled with a sea of black fabric. A mountain of black footwear was piled below. I wondered just how much her new wardrobe had cost. Her parents might’ve been better off putting the money towards the convertible she was so childishly holding out for.

“You are so spoiled,” Phoebe declared.

“I know,” Hailey sighed. Then she sighed again, louder.

“What?” Phoebe asked her suspiciously.

Hailey’s eyes drifted to the plastic bag of cotton candy. It was sitting next to the overflowing crystal candy bowl on her dresser.

Phoebe’s eyes swung from Hailey to the cotton candy and back to Hailey again. “And?” she asked testily.

“Will you tear me off a hunk?” Hailey asked hopefully.

Phoebe groaned. “You need help. Like, we need to find you a chapter of Sugar Addicts Anonymous.”

“
Please
?” Hailey whined.

Phoebe tossed her a dirty look.

“Please, please, pretty please? With heaps and gobs of sugar on top!” Hailey sang.

Phoebe closed her eyes and clenched her jaw.

“My nails are still wet. Yours aren’t,” she begged. “Olivia would do it for me if she was here.”

“Fine,” Phoebe growled as she got to her feet. “But I’m not getting it for you because Olivia would. I’m getting it so you’ll shut up!”  She pulled open the package and tore off a big chunk of blue fluff. Hailey opened her mouth like a baby bird and Phoebe tossed it inside. “I can’t believe I’m enabling,” she mumbled.

“Enable me with just one more chunk would you?” Hailey smiled at her sweetly. I giggled at the conflicted look on Phoebe’s face.

Phoebe tore off a larger chunk this time and shoved it into Hailey’s open mouth. She looked at me. “She’s sick. Isn’t she sick?”  

I just smiled and shrugged. 

Hailey smiled at her happily as the sugar melted over her tongue. “You come across so tough but everyone knows you’re really just a big pile of melted goo inside.”

“Really?” Phoebe asked a little too seriously. “Because I thought you said everyone thought I was the Ice Princess.”

“You’re an ice princess on the outside that has melted to goo on the
inside
,” Hailey said diplomatically.

Phoebe rolled her eyes and I finished up my last pinkie nail. I wasn’t in the mood for this today. I was regretting agreeing to come. Hailey was in her usual overly perky, silly mood. It did not pair well with my gloomy and just plain blah mood. I’d thought being with my friends would cheer me up but instead, I was starting to feel annoyed.

Hailey’s eyes started to sparkle as the sugar hit her brain. “Okay, back to business. If it’s agreed that Blake is mine, then who are you two interested in?” She leaned forward, waiting in anticipation.

Phoebe scoffed. “As if I’d tell you, oh gossip queen of Beaumont High.”

Hailey smiled proudly. “Maybe I could help. You know, put in a good word. Come on Phoebe. Who is it?” Her eyes twinkled expectantly.

Phoebe shook her head and laughed. “I was kidding, there’s no one. I don’t have time for that stuff. I have competitions coming up. I need to add in some extra ice time.”

Hailey leaned back again. She crossed her arms while mindfully keeping her dark plum nails from smudging. “There’s always time for a love life. Come on, you’re a teen with raging hormones. Who are they raging for?”

Phoebe gave her a playful nudge. “No one. I swear.”

Hailey turned her speculative gaze my way.  She raised her eyebrows and waited.

“Uh-uh, don’t look at me. I just moved here,” I reminded her.

“But you’ve been in school for weeks. You’ve seen all there is to see. Someone must interest you.”

“Nope.”

Phoebe glanced at me, totally blank faced, giving nothing away.

Hailey gave us both a look of disgust. “You two are such disappointments. In fact, there must be something wrong with both of you. There’s a whole school full of guys. You know,” she added as a side note, “some of the juniors aren’t bad. I mean, now that we’re at the top we can’t expect to just sit back and take such a drastic cut in our options. Any juniors interest you?” she asked hopefully.

Phoebe and I both shook our heads and made faces at each other.

“Maybe some of us have more important things than boys to worry about,” Phoebe suggested.

“Not possible,” Hailey informed her with a scowl before turning to me. “I wish you were coming with us tonight,” she said. She sighed again to emphasize her continued disappointment in me. “There’s going to be a lot of people at the party. I mean a
lot
of people. It would be so easy to fix you up with someone. When I was talking to Blake last night he said Ty was asking about you. I bet the four of us could double date sometime.”

I clenched my jaw. The only thing I knew about Ty was that he was friends with Alec. Therefore, I knew I disliked him by default. Was that fair? Probably not but that’s just the way it was.

“Yeah, too bad about tonight,” I mumbled.

“Can’t you and Remy have a girls’ night out a different night?” Hailey asked. She was dangerously close to whining again. “This is going to be the first big party of the year. Think of all of the people you could meet. It won’t be the same without you. We were counting on having you come with us.
Everyone
is going to be there!”

I knew that wasn’t true. Ben wasn’t going to be there. But I knew that to her, Ben was a nobody so he didn’t count.

“I can’t cancel on Remy,” I said stubbornly.

Remy and I did have plans. They weren’t exactly for the kind of girls’ night I had let Hailey imagine. As soon as Remy woke up in a few hours we would make the five hour drive to see Mom. We’d stay in a hotel tonight and then spend the day with her tomorrow. Then we planned on leaving late in the afternoon so we’d be home around bedtime. It was going to be a quick trip. I was nervous and excited to be going. I hadn’t seen my mom for almost two months. I’d never been away from her for more than a few days before. I just wished we were visiting under better circumstances.

“You look so serious,” Phoebe noted.

“Me?” I asked as my head snapped up. “No, I was just thinking. You’re going to have a lot of fun tonight. I’ll go to the next party, I promise.”

Hailey’s bottom lip was sticking out. It was tinged in blue candy dye. “I want you at this one.”

“Sorry. But Olivia will be there, right?”

Phoebe nodded. “Yeah, she just didn’t come over this afternoon because she got Henry to help her clean out her grandma’s rain gutters,” she said with a snort. “Olivia always gets herself wrapped up in these projects for other people. Then too late she realizes she’s in way over her head. Like Olivia knows anything about cleaning out rain gutters.”

“Kind of like the time she volunteered to housesit for her neighbors when they went to Mexico for a week? She realized after the first night she was there that she was allergic to their cat.” Hailey laughed. “She stayed the whole week though. Came to school every day with her eyes almost swollen shut and holding a box of Kleenex like it was a life preserver.”

“Same old Olivia,” I muttered with a smile. In third grade she’d brought home the classroom hamster to take care of over the holidays. She’d had her mom buy just about one of everything in the produce department because she was so determined to take good care of the little guy.  It had inexplicably died the second day she had it. She cried the entire Christmas break.