TTYL (12 page)

SnowAngel:

so i didn't see u after 6th period and i have to know: was it weird seeing mr. h in class, after going to church with him and everything?

zoegirl:

it kind of was, actually. not bad-weird, just… weird, because i feel like i know him as so much more than a teacher, u know?

SnowAngel:

like how?

zoegirl:

going to church with him AT ALL, first of all. you don't usually go to church with one of your teachers, right?

zoegirl:

and then we just had such good conversations on
the way to and from alpharetta, where his church is. it was a long drive, so we got to talk A LOT. he's so interesting, angela, and he knows so much about spirituality. i know maddie makes fun of him, but i really admire him.

SnowAngel:

do u think HE thought it was weird today?

zoegirl:

i don't know. i may have been making it up. in fact, i probably was. but sometimes it seemed like he was giving me these looks, like he and i shared a secret.

zoegirl:

or not a *secret*, more like just the knowledge of the special time we had together.

zoegirl:

agh, that sounds corny.

SnowAngel:

huh

SnowAngel:

zo, don't get offended… but do u think he's hitting on u? just a little?

zoegirl:

PLEASE

zoegirl:

anyway, he told me that he doesn't believe in dating just for the sake of dating. he only wants to date someone if he thinks she might be a person he'd like to marry.

SnowAngel:

what if yr that person?

zoegirl:

i'm 15, angela.

SnowAngel:

so?

zoegirl:

although something happened that was sort of funny. when he dropped me off after church, he reached over to open my door for me, and it was a little awkward because his body was, like, right there. soooo close. and then he half-laughed and started to say something, but he stopped himself.

zoegirl:

i said, “what?” and he said, “i'll, ah, tell you when you're older.”

SnowAngel:

zoe!!!!!

zoegirl:

DON'T tell maddie.

SnowAngel:

i won't

SnowAngel:

but do u like him? as in, like him like him?

zoegirl:

he's my teacher, angela.

SnowAngel:

how old do u think he is, anyway?

zoegirl:

he's 24. he told me.

SnowAngel:

that's not that much older than u. that's only 9 years. my dad is 11 years older than my mom. *waggles eyebrows*

zoegirl:

well, it doesn't matter because he's my teacher. time to change the subject.

SnowAngel:

wow. u and mr. h.

zoegirl:

angela!

SnowAngel:

ok, ok. so u wanna hear something sad? chrissy got home from school today and said—to me—“my friend lena thinks ur cute, but not pretty.”

SnowAngel:

nice, huh? oh, and that chrissy, on the other hand, was pretty as well as cute. as in, prettier than me. BLAH!

zoegirl:

oh, angela. what does lena know, whoever she is?

SnowAngel:

i know, but still. “cute but not pretty”?

SnowAngel:

and then chrissy saw that she'd hurt my feelings, and she tried to apologize by telling me she loved me. the whole thing was pathetic.

zoegirl:

angela? this lena chick is in 7th grade. she knows NOTHING.

SnowAngel:

u know what the worst part was? how ashamed i felt, in this embarrassed, low-down way.

zoegirl:

no! stop! you have *nothing* to feel ashamed of! first of all, you're gorgeous—you know you're the prettiest of you, me, and maddie—and second of all, it doesn't matter what anybody says.

SnowAngel:

do you think chrissy's prettier than i am?

SnowAngel:

ugh, i can't believe i'm even asking this. *sticks head in toilet bowl out of pathetic-ness*

zoegirl:

chrissy's a kid, angela. she's got purple braces.

SnowAngel:

my mom thinks chrissy's prettier. i know cuz one time i said it out loud, like, “i know chrissy's prettier than me, but that's ok,” and mom didn't contradict me. she said we all have our special qualities.

zoegirl:

angela…

SnowAngel:

and to top everything off, rob is being a total penis-head. the only time i got to see him was before french, and he talked to matthew curtis the whole time, which pissed me off.

SnowAngel:

but then i started thinking that it was just as much my fault that we didn't talk, so i called after school to see if i cld go to his house and hang out, thinking maybe that would make everything fun again.

zoegirl:

and?

SnowAngel:

he had some friends over, so he said he'd call me back.

zoegirl:

and??

SnowAngel:

eventually he did. and we talked for a while, and i thought it was going well. *i* thought i was being interesting, even tho he wasn't really responding.

SnowAngel:

then i finished telling him about a dream i'd had and there was absolute silence.

zoegirl:

oh no

SnowAngel:

then, really abruptly, he goes, “well, i'll see u tomorrow, ok?” just out of the blue. it was seriously pretty rude.

zoegirl:

i agree—and strange too.

SnowAngel:

i know! he didn't say, “listen, angela, i've gotta go,” or anything like that. he just went, “i'll c u tomorrow,” smack in the middle of the conversation.

zoegirl:

he's a jerk

SnowAngel:

except he's NOT, zoe!

SnowAngel:

maybe it's not healthy to like someone as much as
i like him, but i can't help it. when things are good b/w us, they're so so good. he's, like, my soul mate, i swear to god.

zoegirl:

i hate to point this out, but you've only been going out with him for a week and a half.

SnowAngel:

two weeks exactly. today is our anniversary.

zoegirl:

angela…

SnowAngel:

i know, i know. but i think i've secretly been liking him for a lot longer, and that makes it so much more real.

zoegirl:

are you sure he's worth it?

SnowAngel:

yes, i'm sure! i'm totally sure! except when he's being an asshole. *grinds teeth*

zoegirl:

i think you should let HIM come to YOU next time. make sure he knows that you're not just automatically available 24-7.

SnowAngel:

good point.

SnowAngel:

okay, i'm not gonna bother with him anymore until he shows a sign of wanting to be bothered.

zoegirl:

zoegirl:

anyway, we have maddie's bday party to focus on. i talked to delia in homeroom, and she's totally up for it. that means everyone we invited is coming except mary kate.

SnowAngel:

we still need to work out food deets, tho. i wish it was this weekend instead of next.

zoegirl:

angela? stop thinking about rob.

SnowAngel:

i'll try

mad maddie:

did u have a better day today, even tho mr. miklos picked on u in math?

SnowAngel:

i guess

SnowAngel:

things improved with rob, anyway.

mad maddie:

meaning?

SnowAngel:

meaning he apologized for getting off the phone with me so quickly yesterday.

mad maddie:

good

SnowAngel:

yeah. i acted all puzzled, like i didn't even know what he was talking about. then u know what i told him?

mad maddie:

what?

SnowAngel:

that i'd gone out and walked on the train tracks until midnight, just by myself.

mad maddie:

u went to the train tracks? by yrself?

SnowAngel:

hell no! r u crazy?

mad maddie:

shit, ur always going on about how freaky they r, how ur afraid a hobo is gonna come and molest u.

SnowAngel:

cuz one cld. u never know.

mad maddie:

so why'd u say that then? to rob?

SnowAngel:

cuz i liked the idea of it. cuz i liked the idea of him thinking that i went out and walked all night on the train tracks. it's a lot better than what i really did, which was lie on my bed and listen to Mumford & Sons and feel sorry for myself.

SnowAngel:

but u know what's strange?

mad maddie:

what?

SnowAngel:

it made me start wondering how much of other ppl r just images they made up. like maybe ppl lie about all kinds of things—how would we ever know?

mad maddie:

totally. like today in math, when carl balkin was sitting in the back guffawing with his buds about all the “action” he got with some freshman chick. i was like, “yeah, right, carl. not even a freshman wld get it on with u.”

SnowAngel:

so true

mad maddie:

and that necklace he was wearing, with all the little metal balls? tray fruitay.

SnowAngel:

god, i know

SnowAngel:

but u shouldn't use that expression.

mad maddie:

what expression?

SnowAngel:

“tray fruitay.” it's not nice.

mad maddie:

???

mad maddie:

jana said it this morning in homeroom, and it cracked me up.

SnowAngel:

yeah, but it's like making fun of someone for being gay.

mad maddie:

no it's not, cuz it's an insult u could only use on someone who's *not* gay.

mad maddie:

if someone was trying to look gay on purpose then it would be no big deal. but if someone looks like an idiot just cuz he is an idiot, then it's his fault and he should be mocked.

SnowAngel:

but ur mocking him by calling him gay, which is mean to ppl who r gay.

mad maddie:

oh, plz

SnowAngel:

u know i'm right

mad maddie:

don't u think it's the slightest bit funny? tray fruitay?

SnowAngel:

i think it's funny that U think it's funny, given that it's an expression that came from jana.

mad maddie:

ohhhhhhh. so it's wrong to use “gay” as an insult, but u can dismiss something just cuz a certain person said it? that's allowed, then?

SnowAngel:

excuse me?

mad maddie:

i think ur being hypocritical, that's all.

SnowAngel:

*steps a safe distance away* o-k-a-a-a-a-y…

mad maddie:

just drop it.

SnowAngel:

fine

mad maddie:

fine