TTYL (4 page)

SnowAngel:

maddie told me what happened in study hall. was jana really out to humiliate maddie, or is maddie just being dramatic?

zoegirl:

maddie? dramatic? hahahahaha

SnowAngel:

but did jana really say all that, like jana didn't even know maddie's name?

zoegirl:

yeah, only… i don't know. i think jana just wanted to straighten out the sub without technically correcting him.

SnowAngel:

oh

zoegirl:

don't tell maddie i said that, though. she gets so weird when it comes to jana and that crowd.

SnowAngel:

it's that whole stupid in-crowd thing. it's so not fair. the nice ppl—like US—should be the popular ones. then we'd have all the power, but we'd use it in
a good way. like if jana made some snide remark about someone's kmart clothes, we cld bitch-slap her till she apologized.

zoegirl:

oh definitely. me, the b*tch-slapper.

SnowAngel:

and the next time she slammed someone's reputation—remember when she “let it slip” about heidi larson's shoplifting charge?—we cld dig up some dirt on her and post it online. then she'd know what it felt like.

zoegirl:

i guess

zoegirl:

i've got a conference with mr. h tomorrow, and i'm supposed to make a list of possible essay topics. i want to make a good impression, so off i go. bye!

mad maddie:

did they say anything else?

SnowAngel:

who?

mad maddie:

jana and terri, when u were in the bathroom with them.

SnowAngel:

no, except jana did mention how excited she was to be in homeroom with madeleine kinnick. JK!!!!

mad maddie:

ur a laugh riot

SnowAngel:

i know

SnowAngel:

seriously, maddie, jana is SO not worth your time. stop letting it get to u!

mad maddie:

hey, babe. how was your meeting with mr. h?

zoegirl:

it was good. it was kind of cool, actually, because after we talked about my paper, we talked about other things. like religion and stuff.

mad maddie:

in other words he stared at your boobs and lectured u about the sins of the body?

zoegirl:

no!

zoegirl:

that's not at *all* what happened.

mad maddie:

when i had him for journalism last year, he was always having girls stay late for “conferences.” once he made jody fisher stay late and do the skirt-length test, like did her fingers reach farther than the bottom of it when she held her hands to her sides.

zoegirl:

i have a really hard time believing that.

zoegirl:

or if he did, he was probably just trying to watch out for her. like he didn't want her to get busted for breaking the dress code.

mad maddie:

she said he got a total stiffie while they were talking. she said it was hysterical.

zoegirl:

that's ridiculous. mr. h would never do that.

mad maddie:

what makes u so sure?

zoegirl:

because he's NICE. because he treats me like i'm a person instead of a kid. that's what was so great during our meeting—we were just two people having a discussion.

mad maddie:

what did the two of u “discuss”?

zoegirl:

NOT skirt lengths or anything like that. geez. we both said how we believe there's meaning to life, that everything's not random and pointless like some people think. mr. h talked about christianity a little—how he's sure God has a plan for him. he told me that everything that happens, happens for a reason. doesn't that give you the chills?

mad maddie:

yesterday at publix, a little kid rammed me with a grocery cart. was there a message there? cuz i think i missed it.

zoegirl:

he also said that sometimes you'll meet someone totally unexpected and it'll change your life in a
way you can't even imagine. now that really gave me the chills.

mad maddie:

zoe. do u even hear what ur saying?

zoegirl:

what?

mad maddie:

“it'll change your life in a way u can't even imagine”? he is hitting on u!!!

zoegirl:

shut up. just because you can't be serious, that doesn't mean no one else can.

zoegirl:

it was a good conversation. it felt… important.

mad maddie:

whatevs. i still say he's hitting on u!

mad maddie:

i'm listening to the Contemporary Christian station on Pandora in your honor. thought u should know.

zoegirl:

yeah right

mad maddie:

it's giving me warm JC fuzzines, baby!

SnowAngel:

aarrghhh!

zoegirl:

hello to you too.

SnowAngel:

aarrghhhhhhh!

zoegirl:

something bothering you?

SnowAngel:

chrissy dropped my face brush into the toilet!!!

zoegirl:

huh?

SnowAngel:

my hinoki polishing facial brush—IN THE TOILET!!! *stomps on picture of chrissy*

zoegirl:

you brush your face?

SnowAngel:

yr missing the point. my sister dropped my face brush into the toilet, which was, yes, currently in use. by HER. the toilet, not my face brush.

SnowAngel:

well, actually both

SnowAngel:

AND she's got strep, so her pee is all orange from antibiotics. *stomp stomp stomp*

zoegirl:

i take it you're not happy about this?

SnowAngel:

would u be? i use my face brush to wash my FACE. u know, instead of a washcloth. it lifts away dead cells while improving circulation.

zoegirl:

you don't say

SnowAngel:

AND I JUST THIS VERY SECOND USED IT!!!! AFTER SHE DROPPED IT IN THE FREAKIN TOILET!!!!!!!!

zoegirl:

ewww. why?

SnowAngel:

*pulls hair from roots* cuz she didn't TELL me until just now! she thought i'd be mad!

zoegirl:

so basically you washed your face in chrissy's stinky orange pee?

SnowAngel:

u r not being helpful. *stomps on picture of zoe AND picture of chrissy*

zoegirl:

i'm sorry, but that's disgusting. surely chrissy washed it off.

SnowAngel:

she RINSED it. that's what she says, she RINSED it. like that makes me feel a hell of a lot better.

zoegirl:

back in christopher columbus's time, people used to brush their teeth with pee. did u know that?

SnowAngel:

*breathes deeply* i did not know that, zoe.

zoegirl:

although i think it was only people who were taking long sea voyages and ran out of toothpaste…

SnowAngel:

that's it. good-bye.

zoegirl:

wait! angela?

zoegirl:

angela!!!!

zoegirl:

fine. just don't expect me to kiss you tomorrow. air kisses, that's all you'll get!

zoegirl:

ANGELA!!!!!!

SnowAngel:

hellooo, maddie

mad maddie:

hellooo, angela

SnowAngel:

i saw jana whitaker after 6th period today. she was looking especially tacky in her sparkly emerald eyeshadow, and she was trash-talking julie matthews. i swear, she is ALWAYS putting down ppl who are supposedly her friends. have u noticed?

mad maddie:

what'd she say?

SnowAngel:

terri was like, “oh, julie, u look so cute. u cld be anna kendrick's secret twin, i'm not kidding.” and jana goes, “so true! u could totally be her twin—the chubby version!”

mad maddie:

ouch

SnowAngel:

julie turned bright red and tugged on her shirt, like to cover herself up, and jana goes, “just stick to your diet, you'll get there.” as if calling her chubby was ok since it was mixed in with this great show of support. but julie's not even fat, so there was no reason for jana to say all that in the first place.

mad maddie:

does jana have a reason for anything she says?

SnowAngel:

i swear, she's like an infection. she gloms on wherever she spots a weakness and makes it five thousand times worse.

mad maddie:

and yet everyone still worships her and secretly craves her approval. why is that?

SnowAngel:

i have NO idea. anyway, not everyone craves her approval. i certainly don't. and u don't, of course.

SnowAngel:

right?

mad maddie:

please. this morning ms. andrist lectured me about being tardy, and i could tell jana was laughing about it behind my back. i can always tell. it's like i have jana radar. so i gave her the evil eye and was like, “yeah? u want some of this, homegirl?”

SnowAngel:

good for u, homegirl. *flicks jana off the stage*

mad maddie:

what about u and rob? how's that going?

SnowAngel:

oh, pah. u know how i told u that today was the day i was gonna make my move? well, he sat next to me in french, and i acted totally blase. just, “hey, rob.” no real excitement in my voice or anything.

mad maddie:

why? at lunch u were like, “watch out, bubba. here i come.”

SnowAngel:

i know, so what's my deal? i need to help him along as much as possible, or else forget about him. i get so mad at myself when i act disinterested around guys i like.

mad maddie:

yes, it's a real trauma

SnowAngel:

it is!

SnowAngel:

oh, hold on. doug schmidt just sent me a txt—let me txt him back real quick.

SnowAngel:

ok, done

mad maddie:

doug still texts you? what did he want this time?

SnowAngel:

to know if i wanted to go bike riding. i told him i was sick, but i don't think he believed me.

mad maddie:

hmm, wonder why. maybe cuz u've rejected him once a week for the past two years?

SnowAngel:

well, he shld take the hint!

SnowAngel:

uh oh—now he wants to know if he should bring me some chicken soup. what shld i tell him?

mad maddie:

the truth. that he's simply not in your league and he should aim his sights lower.

SnowAngel:

maddie! *gazes at friend reproachfully* u make me sound awful.

mad maddie:

well think about how it sounds: oh no, a guy asked me out! how terrible! and now he wants to bring me get-well gifts!

SnowAngel:

stop it. i hate turning doug down again and again. but isn't it better to do that than to lead him on?

mad maddie:

are u sure yr NOT still leading him on?

SnowAngel:

there, i told doug VERY NICELY that i don't need any soup cuz i look too terrible to come to the door. r u happy?

mad maddie:

“very nicely?” uh huh. point proven.

SnowAngel:

oh god. AM i awful? am i shallow and self-centered cuz i don't wanna go out with doug?

mad maddie:

yes

SnowAngel:

maddie! now i'm all paranoid

SnowAngel:

i know. maybe i'll call doug later just to chat, so he'll know i'm not a jerk. but i'll chat about boring stuff so he knows i'm not interested THAT WAY. and then afterward i'll call rob and turn on the ol' charm, so that he'll know that i *am* interested that way.

mad maddie:

ur hopeless. it's official.