Prison Ramen: Recipes and Stories from Behind Bars

BOOK: Prison Ramen: Recipes and Stories from Behind Bars
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Prison Ramen
Recipes
and
Stories
from
Behind Bars
Clifton Collins Jr.
and
Gustavo “Goose” Alvarez
With a Foreword by
Samuel L. Jackson

Workman Publishing • New York

I dedicate this book to my parents.forgive me for being a thief of your dreams, but thank you for showing me what unconditional love really means.
—G.A.

To my grandparents, Pedro Gonzalez Gonzalez and Leandra Aguirre Gonzalez. Without their love and understanding, who knows where I’d be today. And to Josh Huttenberger 5/25/1996–11/1/2014.
—C.C.

Acknowledgments

From Gustavo “Goose” Alvarez:

Clifton Collins Jr., I’m eternally grateful to have you in my life; you are a true friend.

Special thanks to my loving sister, Sandra Luna, for supporting me during my lowest points, giving me hope at those times when I felt hopeless, and, of course, keeping the flame lit for this project in ways too numerous to list.

To Kenia, with faith all things are possible. Love you always.

To Pastor Phil Serrano and Dave Mojaro, behind bars. During the darkest hours of my life, a word of encouragement from you would brighten my day, giving me steady hope.

Thank you to my lovely children for their patience and love while they watched their dad involve himself in a project that probably didn’t make a lot of sense to them at the time.

To any youngster on the brink of detention: Heed my lessons. I dedicate this book to you also, with great love and respect.

From Clifton Collins Jr.:

To my sister Veronica, for being that moral compass in times when I could not find my way.

To Pat Barrett, for showing me the value of a big bro and mentor at such a young age.

To my boy Goose, who pitched this idea in the visitation yard with the smell of burnt prison dorms still fresh in the air.

Special thanks to my long-trusted friend and lawyer, David Krintzman, for always believing in me and having a solution to seemingly never-ending obstacles. Danielle Josephs, whose presence and hard work would always get us through the day. Tim Cadiente, for his creative support throughout the years and passion for our project that kept us going in times when we thought we couldn’t. The Agency Groups’ Marc Gerald, for taking a chance on this way out-of-the-box project. Molly Derse, for her kind, caring ways. And, of course, that beast of a house Workman Publishing, with Mary Ellen O’Neill, a passionate talent, collaborator, and godsend; and Selina Meere, with her publicity wisdom. And a giant thanks to all my friends for contributing to this book. I love you guys!

Contents

Foreword by Samuel L. Jackson

Introduction

About the Recipes

1

Accessory to Ramen

Nuts to Butts

Butt-Naked Ramen Soup

Dear John

Hot Chili Corn Chip Pie

Wet Behind the Ears

PB&J Ramen

State Issue

State Issue Soup

Close Call

Ramen Tamale

System of Identification

Ramen Burger

Instant Karma

Ramen Instant Karma

The Killer Green Thumb

Sweet Crunchy Salad

Breaking Bread

Trejo’s Machete Ramen

Send Me a Mail-Out!

Orange Porkies

Lock It Up

Onion Tortilla Ramen Soup

Regulated Duel

Spam’en Soup

Hard Rock, Hard Time

Slash’s Jaywalking Ramen

Killing Food

Avary’s Jailhouse Hole Burrito

Don’t Forget the Birdbath

Keep It Fresh Ramen

Supercop

Sloppy Ramen Joe

Blanket Call

Ramen is the new Ramen

Prison Stethoscope

Frankie’s Soup in the Hole

Error Breeds Sense

Egg Ramen Salad Sandwich

The Beat of My Own Drum

Fibrillation Salad

2

Solitary Dining

Everyday Hustle

Ramen Beef & Broccoli

Along for the Ride

Long Sentence Soup

Prison Ink

Chicken Honey Ramen

Final Timeout

Ramen Chowder

Pimp to Wimp

Ramen, Red Potato & Tuna Toss

Saltpeter

Soldier’s Salute Ramen

No Stars Behind Bars

Wet Ramen Burrito

The Art of Carrying a Weapon

Ramen Spaghetti

Escaping, Forever

Caldo de Pollo (Chicken Soup)

The Apprentice

Ramen for a Newcomer

Brother Against Brother

Ramen Beef Bowl

Pranking to Pass the Time

Baked Chicken Ramen

Prison Boots

Dirty Ramen

No Warning Shots

Ramen Torta

Black and Brown Get Down!

Spicy Ramen Rice Casserole

Eyewitness to Mayhem

Ramen Goulash

Romeo {from
All Saints Day
} Addresses the Court

Romeo’s “Ramen con Pescado”

No Hershey Squirts Here

Ramen Pot Roast

Preparing for Battle at the Conjugal Visit

Ramen-Agra

An Eye for an Onion

Ramen Chinga Soup

Rotten Pig

3

Gen Pop

The Wheels on the Bus

Cheesy Meat Tacos

Looks Can Be Deceiving

Hit Man Burritos

Charlie

Ramen Bean Dip

Uncontrollable Temper

Spicy Shrimp Spread

Maybe Tomorrow, Maybe Not

Chicken Ramen Tostadas

Movie Night

Jailhouse Popcorn

The Cellmate Challenge

Rascal’s Ramen Pastrami

Express Mail

Ramen Trail Mix

Road Dog

Ramen Chips

Lifelines

Shawshank Spread

20/20 Hindsight

Carne Asada Nachos

Lifesaving Coffee

The Belushi

Prison Cold

The Tea Setup

A Bond Between “Enemies”

Big Kev’s Tuna Spread

Only the Strong Survive

Oatmeal Shakedown

The Great Spread Controversy

Koinonia Ramen

Run of Fives

Trejo’s Ramen Quesadilla

Cell Locker Cooker

Chocolate Chip Pancakes

All Blood Runs Red

Ramen & Bean Jambalaya

In the Circle

Cadillac Coffee

Repeating the Lesson

P B & Plátano Sandwich Spread

Not-So-Happy Holidays

Peanut Brittle

Get Faded

Killer Pruno

Hangover Cure

Plato de Pescado

Fire and Spirit

Pastor Phil’s Sweet Burritos

Wasted Days, Wasted Nights

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