TTFN (23 page)

SnowAngel:

zoe, why do ppl wear nude-colored hose? i am asking this as a serious question.

zoegirl:

um, because they think they look good?

SnowAngel:

but they don't. they never do.

SnowAngel:

glendy wore nude-colored hose today, with open-toed white leather sandals, no less. in january!!!

zoegirl:

ooo, that's bad

SnowAngel:

this morning she was all worked up about a bit of blueberry in her teeth that a guy she likes may or may not have seen, and i was like, “girl, u have bigger things to worry about.”

zoegirl:

like nude-colored hose?

SnowAngel:

exactly

zoegirl:

poor thing

SnowAngel:

poor thing my foot!

SnowAngel:

she invited me to spend the night tomorrow night, can u believe it? i politely declined, and she goes, “oh, would tonight be better? cuz we can do it tonight, no problem.” i told her i couldn't do that either, cuz mom wants me to get my room put together so that it doesn't look like i'm living in
a refugee camp. so glendy goes, “well, i'll come help u. i know! i know! we can get matching comforters!”

zoegirl:

she did not

SnowAngel:

she DID, zoe. and i've seen her comforter—it's this crappy polyester deal with dolphins all over it.

zoegirl:

so is she going to come help you decorate?

SnowAngel:

r u kidding? glendy may have this illusion that we're friends, but we're not. i already have my friends, thank u very much.

SnowAngel:

*droops* they're just not with me.

zoegirl:

oh, angela. i wish i were there to help you decorate.

SnowAngel:

i don't wanna decorate. i don't even care about decorating.

zoegirl:

what did you say to glendy?

SnowAngel:

i said, “thanks so much for offering, but how boring that would be for u.” and she said, “no, i want to, really!” and i said, “that is SO sweet, but i'm not roping anyone in to do my work.” i just kept smiling and not backing down no matter what she said.

zoegirl:

ack. it kind of makes me feel sorry for her.

SnowAngel:

don't u DARE feel sorry for her. she's snively.

SnowAngel:

after she finally got it thru her skull that i wasn't gonna invite her over, she got all pouty and said, “i thought southern girls were supposed to be nice.” i looked at her like, “what drug r u on?” and she quickly said, “just kidding.”

zoegirl:

hey now, southern girls ARE nice

SnowAngel:

the point was, she needed to frickin take the hint

SnowAngel:

that pouty crap might work with mr. boss, but not with me. *wipes her hands of the annoying glendy*

zoegirl:

you crack me up

SnowAngel:

so have u smoothed things out with maddie yet?

zoegirl:

i don't know. kind of? she's just acting like everything's normal, only everything *isn't* normal, so it feels depressing and wrong.

SnowAngel:

believe me, i know all about depressing and wrong.

SnowAngel:

in fact, i'm gonna go stick my head in the toaster oven. bye!

mad maddie:

oh, martin luther king junior, i thank u for this day of rest. for without u, i would be in SPANISH right now instead of the lovely java joe's, sipping my delicious chai.

SnowAngel:

jealous. me want chai!

mad maddie:

here, i'll pour some thru the computer. gurgle, slurple, gack.

SnowAngel:

mmm, thanx. only now my keyboard's all sticky.

SnowAngel:

so zoe says ur being all fakey around her. r u?

mad maddie:

what?

mad maddie:

no, i'm not being fakey. how annoying that she would say that.

SnowAngel:

she says ur acting normal, but that things AREN'T normal.

mad maddie:

if things aren't normal, it's cuz of her. she thinks i'm too wild, but the reality is, she's too much of a wimp. she's like a timid little mouse. she's afraid to live in the real world.

SnowAngel:

ohhhh, i see

SnowAngel:

and it's your job to make her realize this?

mad maddie:

i never said that

mad maddie:

only … yeah! ur brilliant, angela. maybe it is!

SnowAngel:

maybe it is what? now i'm confused.

SnowAngel:

maddie?

SnowAngel:

come back! explain!!!

mad maddie:

hey, zo. wazzup?

zoegirl:

nothing much. you?

mad maddie:

nothin. i thought of u today in english, tho.

zoegirl:

why?

mad maddie:

cuz of something the little baptist girl said.

zoegirl:

what little baptist girl?

mad maddie:

she was talking really loudly to her friend with the mole, and out of her mouth came, “no way! shut the hell up!” it was very unexpected.

zoegirl:

are you talking about alicia arnold? you shouldn't call her the “little baptist girl.”

mad maddie:

true, she's more of a big baptist girl, isn't she? anyway, the whole class heard and she turned bright red. and then she said, “it's your fault, mr. phelps. i picked it up from u, and now it's stuck in my brain!”

zoegirl:

mr. phelps says “shut the hell up”?

mad maddie:

in a jokey way. like, he'll look at us at the beginning of class and say, “all right, all right, shut the hell up. who's finished chapter 12 of ‘Things Fall Apart'?” but now he says he'll quit on account of corrupting the big baptist girl.

zoegirl:

huh. weird.

zoegirl:

but why in the world did that make u think of me?

mad maddie:

cuz i started wondering, have U ever said “shut the hell up”? if alicia arnold can, then surely u can too. i give u permission.

zoegirl:

haha

mad maddie:

no, seriously. i think it would be good for you. ur so afraid of screwing up, but it IS ok to break a rule or two every once in a while. maybe if u did, u wouldn't be such a chickenshit.

zoegirl:

i'm a chickensh*t?

mad maddie:

um, yeah. just think about the whole angela/doug mess: if u weren't so wimpy, u would have told her in the first place. u said it yourself.

zoegirl:

u can't use that as an example. it's over and done with.

mad maddie:

but ur still a chickenshit—that's my point.

zoegirl:

i am not. stop saying that.

mad maddie:

then prove me wrong. pick anyone—anyone u want, as long as it's not me or angela—and tell them to shut the hell up. i dare u.

zoegirl:

that's the stupidest thing i've ever heard.

mad maddie:

why, cuz ur scared?

zoegirl:

no, because it's *stupid*

mad maddie:

that proves it—ur a chickenshit!

mad maddie:

hey, a. i totally called zoe on her bullshit! it was hilarious.

SnowAngel:

it was? what'd u do?

mad maddie:

i dared her to tell someone to shut the hell up. can u imagine those words ever coming out of zoe's mouth?

mad maddie:

i was like, “see! u criticize me for being willing to take risks, but isn't that better than being the perpetual good girl, locked in your land of repression?”

SnowAngel:

whatever, mads. u sound a little wacko to me.

mad maddie:

nah, i'm just gloating. u should have heard how defensive she got—hahahahaha!

SnowAngel:

u shouldn't gloat about your friends. u should love them. and when they're feeling defensive, or left out, or just lonely, then u should do whatever u can to make them feel better. u should only want what's best for them!

mad maddie:

huh?

mad maddie:

well, this IS what's best for her—to realize she's flawed just like the rest of us.

mad maddie:

and now, off for a celebratory glass of nestle quik. l8rs!

zoegirl:

ok, mads, i did it. are you happy?

mad maddie:

u did what?

mad maddie:

no u didn't. ur lying.

zoegirl:

i'm not. i told chase dickinson to shut the hell up!

mad maddie:

bullshit!

zoegirl:

he was talking to kurt manheim in french about all kinds of disgusting stuff, that's what started it. he was all, “my rep's getting pathetic because i haven't had sex in over a month,” and “that's why i need a girlfriend, someone older who can teach me stuff. someone who'll give me head.”

mad maddie:

he said all this in french?

zoegirl:

not *in* french, as in parlez-vous francais. but right there in the middle of class, yeah. he sits behind me.

mad maddie:

he's such a scuz. no way ANY girl would have sex with him.

zoegirl:

so kurt said, “dude, you're crazy,” as in, “people can hear you,” but chase was all, “chill, nobody's listening.” kurt said, “what about her?” meaning me. chase laughed and said, “zoe? she doesn't even know what ‘giving head' means.” then he poked me in the back and goes, “do you, zoe? do you know what ‘giving head' means?”

mad maddie:

what a dick

zoegirl:

so i turned around and looked him dead in the eye and said, “shut the hell up, chase.”

zoegirl:

i really really did it!!!!!

mad maddie:

whoa! nice work, zo!

zoegirl:

i know!!!

mad maddie:

altho it's kinda pathetic that u see this as a big deal. any other girl would say that to him as a matter of course.

zoegirl:

i took your dare, simple as that. don't go downplaying it now.

mad maddie:

no, it's great. really.

zoegirl:

doug said so too. he was very proud of me.

mad maddie:

how r things going with ol' dougie?

zoegirl:

just fine, thanks very much. we went out for coffee after school, although actually we had mexican hot chocolate. have u ever tried?

mad maddie:

too cinnamony for me. in a bad way.

zoegirl:

i thought it was delicious. and doug and i had an awesome conversation, which was even better.

zoegirl:

i *really* like him maddie.

mad maddie:

didn't u already *really* like him?

zoegirl:

but now i like him even more. the physical stuff is still … a little tricky, but everything else is perfect. plus it's such a relief to like someone normal again, someone i'm allowed to like.

mad maddie:

as opposed to mr. h?

zoegirl:

as opposed to mr. h.

zoegirl:

i saw mr. h with cameron bryant today. it freaked me out. he was leaning close and smiling at her like he used to smile at me.

mad maddie:

u know what i heard from some senior? that every year mr. h has a “special” female student that he pays a lot of attention to.

mad maddie:

oops, i wasn't gonna tell you that—but now i did.

zoegirl:

oh

mad maddie:

sick, huh?

zoegirl:

yeah. sick.

mad maddie:

so u should be doubly glad u've got doug, that's all i'm saying.

zoegirl:

right, i am

mad maddie:

and that doug isn't pervy like mr. h

mad maddie:

or chase dickinson

zoegirl:

you know what else chase said? that he used to have this girl he “hung” with who gave him head for over an hour. is that possible?

mad maddie:

now that's just silly. blow jobs should not last over 30 minutes.

zoegirl:

ewww!

mad maddie:

ah, zoe, u still have a ways to go!