TTFN (27 page)

SnowAngel:

glendy called AGAIN, and i finally gave in and answered. wanna know what was so desperately important?

mad maddie:

do i?

SnowAngel:

apparently she felt unloved. apparently she'd saved me a seat at lunch today and i failed to notice.

mad maddie:

so?

SnowAngel:

exactly! i was like, “and this was so important that u had to call me 13 frickin times???”

mad maddie:

technically, 14

SnowAngel:

all i could think was, “great. everyone thinks i'm DEAD except for u, and ur the 1 person in the world
i don't wanna hang out with. LEAVE ME ALONE, U GROSS LEECHY PERSON!”

mad maddie:

ha

mad maddie:

what'd u tell her for real?

SnowAngel:

seriously, maddie, i cldn't take it anymore, so i was kinda mean. i said, “i'm sorry i didn't see u flagging me down. clearly i am a worthless human being. next time just don't bother, ok?”

mad maddie:

ooo, way to tell it like it is

mad maddie:

what did SHE say?

SnowAngel:

first there was dead silence, and then she said really coldly, “well, excuse me for trying to be nice. excuse me for thinking u actually wanted a friend. u pretend to be so sweet, but really ur just a bitch!”

mad maddie:

omg

mad maddie:

angela, that was so uncalled-for. SHE'S the bitch—u know that, right?

SnowAngel:

it made me cry, maddie, isn't that ridiculous? after she hung up on me, i just sat on my bed and bawled.

mad maddie:

oh, sweetie

mad maddie:

if i were there, i'd spray paint bad words on her locker for u. i'd take away all her Care Bears!

SnowAngel:

*sniffles*

mad maddie:

just think of it this way: maybe u've gotten rid of the glendinizer once and for all.

SnowAngel:

god, let's hope

SnowAngel:

i'm going to call zoe and tell her about this stupidness, and then i'm going to bed.

SnowAngel:

thanks for listening, mads. night!!!

zoegirl:

hey, are you home from school???? because it's
3:30 in california, if i finally got the time change right.

SnowAngel:

i'm home, yup. wassup?

zoegirl:

i want to ask your advice about something—but first you have to update me on the glendy situation. how was she when you saw her today???

SnowAngel:

*makes guttural frankenstein noise*

zoegirl:

not so good, huh?

SnowAngel:

actually, it was fine. u know the drill: wounded cold shoulder and poisonous glares. but at least i have her off my back, right?

zoegirl:

*absolutely*

zoegirl:

i'm still sorry that happened, tho

SnowAngel:

oh who cares. it's just like everything else in my life, a big pile of poo.

SnowAngel:

what's going on with u? what do u need my advice on?

zoegirl:

well, my mom and dad are going to this big law firm shindig on saturday night. it's called the prom, isn't that dorky?

SnowAngel:

your mom and dad r going to the prom?

zoegirl:

it's really just a fancy party, with a seated dinner and a live band. but it's black-tie, so everyone gets all dressed up. one of the partners at mom's firm decided to call it the prom as a joke.

SnowAngel:

oh those crazy grown-ups!

zoegirl:

but what this means is that i'll have the house to myself.

zoegirl:

eeek! i'm so excited!

SnowAngel:

aha. r u gonna invite doug over?

zoegirl:

i want to cook him a really nice dinner, wouldn't that be fun? and then … who knows where the evening will lead?

SnowAngel:

hold on now. ur not thinking … i mean, are you finally planning to …?

zoegirl:

no! you always ask that, and the answer is always no. the answer will *always* be no, okay?

zoegirl:

but there's a lot you can do leading up to that …

SnowAngel:

an empty house, a romantic dinner, a soft, inviting bed …

zoegirl:

so my question is, where should i go to get some sexy lingerie?

SnowAngel:

zoe! *jaw drops on floor*

zoegirl:

what? that's allowed, isn't it?

SnowAngel:

of course it's allowed! i'm just flabbergasted. who'd have thought that u, of all ppl, would be marching off to buy sexy lingerie? and for doug!!!

zoegirl:

where should i go? victoria's secret?

SnowAngel:

sure, that would work. what r u gonna get?

zoegirl:

that's what you need to tell me. what *should* i get?

SnowAngel:

hmmm *taps finger on chin*

SnowAngel:

is this something u plan to model for him, or will it just be the delightful surprise beneath your clothes?

zoegirl:

i'm not gonna model it for him! no, no, no. just something nice for when we … u know.

SnowAngel:

then i'd say it's time to go for the thong, zoe. god knows ur the only girl on the planet who doesn't own one.

zoegirl:

a thong? i am not a fan of thongs and you know it.

zoegirl:

anyway, don't u have to have a really good butt to wear a thong?

SnowAngel:

u DO have a really good butt. here's the criteria for a thong: firm butt (preferably tan), no dimples, no unruly hairs. do u meet the requirements?

zoegirl:

ew, angela. does anyone really have hair on her butt?

SnowAngel:

well, not sprouting from the cheeks or anything. i'm talking about from within the crevice.

zoegirl:

angela! sick!

SnowAngel:

so, good. u don't have butt hair—u can cross that off the list. now, for the firmness element. *cups hands in air as if squeezing* i don't think u have any problem there.

zoegirl:

oh my gosh, i am getting so nervous just talking about this.

zoegirl:

but okay, a thong. *maybe*. what about on top?

SnowAngel:

just get a good push-up bra with a little lace or ribbon on it. u'll be able to find one to match the thong, and if u can't, just ask one of the sales ladies to help u.

zoegirl:

no way, too embarrassing

zoegirl:

aye-yai-yai—i wish u were here to go with me!

SnowAngel:

yeah, me too *crumples into sad sack of a person*

zoegirl:

oh no, have i made u sad?

SnowAngel:

no sadder than i already was

SnowAngel:

i'll be with u in spirit. now go shop, u love-crazed fool!

SnowAngel:

hi, maddie. i am feeling very worthless.

mad maddie:

why?

SnowAngel:

cuz zoe txted earlier to ask for fashion advice, and it made me so aware of how pointless my life has become. she has doug, u have chive—and more than that, u both have each other. but what do i have? a big fat nothing. i don't even have glendy now that she's stopped talking to me!

mad maddie:

but glendy not talking to u—that's a good thing, remember?

mad maddie:

anyway, i don't “have” chive. not even close.

SnowAngel:

except ur gonna confess your love to him on saturday, zoe told me. and then he's gonna throw himself in your arms and ur gonna waltz off in a spasm of happiness.

SnowAngel:

i, probably, will be at home staring at my toenails.

mad maddie:

that's bullshit

mad maddie:

do u really think he's gonna throw himself in my arms?

SnowAngel:

so to commemorate my sadness, i've shaved off all my hair. i just wanted to let u know.

mad maddie:

WHAT? u've been trying so long to grow it out!

SnowAngel:

yeah, but what's the point? i don't have anyone to look good for, so i shaved it all off. i can be daring too, u know.

mad maddie:

skype me then. prove it.

SnowAngel:

um, my skype machine is broken

mad maddie:

yr “skype machine”? uh huh. is snapchat broken too?

SnowAngel:

ok, let me clarify. i *cld* have shaved it all off. i THOUGHT about shaving it all off.

mad maddie:

your hair is so pretty. don't shave it off.

SnowAngel:

i'm just so depressed. i have to do something.

SnowAngel:

my mom says i can go to atlanta over spring break, but that's not good enough. that's so far away!

mad maddie:

ur coming to atlanta over spring break? angela, that's awesome!

SnowAngel:

yeah … but i wanna be there now!

mad maddie:

when's your spring break?

SnowAngel:

march 21–25

mad maddie:

that seems like a long way off, but c'mon. this is very very very good news.

SnowAngel:

then why doesn't it feel like it?

mad maddie:

hold on, girl. u'll be here before u know it!