Toygasms! (3 page)

   
You earn more appreciation and affection.
When you focus on her pleasure, you’ll get a lot more in return.

You
are a great lover. If that’s anything but total truth, toys will help—not hurt—your sexual confidence. Do any of these fears sound familiar?

I must not be good enough for her.

Toys are no replacement for you. They don’t kiss, whisper sweet nothings, exude pheromones or even take out the garbage. There’s no emotional connection. They complement sex, and your lover will usually compliment you. Think of toys as a sexual enhancement designed to bring pleasure to both of you. After all, the more ways you can give your lover orgasms, the more passionate your lover will be with you, and the more you’ll be turned on.

Will she still want me as a lover after we start using a toy?

Humans are built for sex; toys are designed for foreplay and fun, or extending the lovemaking after intercourse. So the answer is yes, she will still want you, and now, probably more.

I feel weird about bringing a gadget into bed. Is this normal?

Yes, the sensations and vibrations of another object in bed with you can be a bit unusual the first time, but this doesn’t mean there’s anything amiss. What could be amiss is that you didn’t discuss your desire to bring a toy into bed before the lovemaking began. A gentle conversation about the subject, perhaps eased with a glass of wine and the glow of candlelight can actually inspire the desire you were seeking.

Introducing the subject comes naturally to some, while it’s awkward for others. Yet, the rewards of acceptance far outweigh any risk you’ll take. Here are some suggestions to overcome your fears that have worked for others, and will make those first steps easier on you.

When a guy’s hot and turned on, he’ll go for almost anything, right? Can you think of a better time to bring up that cool little vibrator you discovered?

Start by whispering there’s something you found that you REALLY like—then bring out a small, non-phallic vibrator (even if it’s not your first choice). Virtually every guy loves watching a woman use a toy on herself, so why not start there? After a little while, you can try it on him—up and down his penis and all around his scrotum. You won’t hear any complaints.

Now that you’ve broken the ice, you can break out even more toys. If you enjoy penetration, start with something smaller than his penis—no guy wants to see a toy that’s bigger than him (at first). Give him a sense of control, engage in sexy talk about what you’d like—and find out what would turn him on. Chances are, he’ll act like a kid in a candy store.

If you have difficulty bringing up this subject, as most guys do, here are some suggestions to make it easier on you:

   
Explore this book with your lover.
This will save you the stress of finding the right words to educate her on the pleasures of toys. You’ll both find a wealth of common sense advice designed to ease fears and spark passion.

   
Be sensual.
Even without any toys, start exploring her in new and erotic ways. Let her feel special by touching her in new places. Use the magic of your hands and fingers. Try delicate strokes and back massages with sensual massage oils. Move the sexual and sensual part of your relationship into a new phase of exploration, so that graduating to sex toys will be part of the natural progression.

   
Use humor.
Yep, try bringing up the subject in a funny way. For instance, on your next grocery shopping list, write ‘milk, cereal, bread, Love Egg, juice. ’Voila, the topic is opened for discussion. Use your imagination—well-timed humor can instantly knock down barriers and lead to open, honest communication.

   
Have a look together.
Go online and see an array of
pictures and descriptions of the various toys your lover might like. Or visit a sex toy shop together. After the giggling stops, you may find the toy that’s right for both of you. Then be a sport—spring for the purchase and the treat will be all yours!

   
Don’t push it.
Start with something simple, non-phallic and non-vibrating, like a flavored lube or topical enhancement gel. After that, you can introduce a vibrating egg—small, effective, cute. Make sure she knows that if she says stop, you will stop.

   
Reinforce positively.
If she’s shy, just leave the vibrating egg with her. She may get curious and try it out on her own. Don’t forget to include the batteries! She may surprise you.

Sadie Sez:

Guys!
Don’t fight ‘em, join ‘em! Team up with vibrators and win every time!