Total Control (29 page)

He stood beside the bed, above me.
He ran his hand up my leg. I could tell he was pleased that I’d shaved like he wanted. He touched my breasts, softly, which surprised me. He pinched my nipples, but not too hard. I felt something, something good. I slowly turned my face to look at his. I found his eyes, and they were soft, like they used to be. My heart skipped a beat and I felt my body begin to relax.

“Tell me,” he said.
My body tensed immediately and my face jerked back to the ceiling.

“Fuck me, Lex,” I told him.

He crawled on top of me. “What do you want?”

“I want you to fuck me.” It sounded like a recording, not a real voice.

I didn’t want to look, but I had to see his eyes. I quickly glanced, and as I caught them, I saw the hatred. He slammed into me, forcing me to gasp. I was numb again. I felt nothing as my husband fucked me, in hopes of fulfilling his dream of having a family.

***

I gasped and shot straight up in bed. I was trying to catch my breath. I was crying uncontrollably.
What the fuck was that? Where did it come from?
It was a horrible nightmare. Only, it wasn’t.
Oh my god!
I jumped out of bed and ran down the hall to Laura’s office. I had only my panties and Ethan’s shirt on and I was screaming and crying, banging on Laura’s door. I knew she wasn’t there in the middle of the night, but since nothing else seemed to make sense, why would that?

The girls came
out of their rooms, concerned about the violent horror that awoke them. I was thrashing about, crying, kicking, and pounding on the door, screaming her name. A couple of the girls tried to get close to me, to console me, but I was wild with anger and confusion. I kicked and screamed at them to get the fuck away from me. My head was spinning. I thought I might be crazy. I didn’t know the lies from reality, love from hate, or living from dying. I grew exhausted and was soon so weak I could no longer fight. I slid down the door into a heap. I was in the fetal position when the men in the blue uniforms picked me up and carried me to a padded room.

I stared at the wall until Laura came rushing in about a half hour later. She demanded they take the white jacket off me and get us some chairs immediately. She sat across from me and started her tape recorder.

“Gia, what happened tonight?”

“He was my husband.” I was still staring at the same spot on the wall.

“Who?” Laura asked.

“I was his wife
,” I whispered.

“Are you talking about Lex, Gia?” Her voice was soft.

I nodded. “He was a stranger.”

“What was the stranger doing?”

“Fucking me.” I gasped.

“Where, Gia?”

“In my bed.” Tears began to fall.

“Who was in your bed?”

“My husband.” My face finally fell from the spot on the wall and into my hands.

“Gia, what happened tonight?”

“I remembered.” I sobbed.

“What did you remember?”

“When I died.”

“You
’re alive now.”

My face shot up and I glared at her. “Am I?” I screamed.

“Yes, Gia, you are,” she said calmly.

I tried to take a deep breath, but I was jerking from the crying. I tried to calm myself, but every time I let it enter my mind, I started to cry again. Laura was being very patient with me, handing me Kleenex and getting me a drink of water. I finally got it together enough to tell her.

“I had a nightmare.”

“Nightmares can be very disturbing,” she said.

“Only, it really happened.” I choked up a little, but regained control.

“That’s what we call a repressed memory, Gia. Why don’t you tell me about it?”

I looked down at my hands. I didn’t know if I could get through it. My head was pounding from all the crying, and I felt weak. While I watched my hands fidgeting, something on the front of me caught my attention. I took my chin to my chest and looked at the front of my shirt, Ethan’s shirt. I closed my eyes and took a big whiff.

“I noticed on the chart we kept that I was ovulating…” I told Laura the entire dream. I didn’t leave anything out, not the way I was feeling or what I was thinking. I was proud of myself. I cried, at times, but I got through it.

“Did you get pregnant that night, Gia?” Laura asked when I’d finished.

“No.” I shook my head and found the spot on the wall again.

“Why?”

“I took a morning after pill.”

“Where did you get it?”

“I’d bought it over the counter about a week before.”

“Why?”

“I couldn’t go through it again.”

“You’ve had a breakthrough tonight, Gia. You’ve been very brave and I’m very proud of you.” She smiled at me and it made me take a deep breath and smile. “I want you to get some sleep, and I want to try something new with you tomorrow. I’m sorry, Gia, but I’m going to have to take your phone and internet away for a little while longer.”

My heart dropped. “What? No. Why?”

“Gia, this is very important to your treatment. I know you wouldn’t want anything to interfere with your progress and lengthen your stay, right?”

“I have a very important visitor traveling a long distance to see me on Sunday.” I was crying again. She had to understand.

“Gia, let’s work really hard tomorrow and see where we’re at, okay?”

“Okay.” I nodded, knowing I really did need to do that.

“Gia, you’ve also been moved to a new room, just until we get through this.”

“What? Why?” I was
shocked, it was like I was being punished.

“You’re on suicide watch
,” she said carefully.

“Oh my god! You’re kidding me!” I was freaking out. I
was
being punished!

“Gia, it’s standard procedure. There’s nothing we can do about it. Hopefully
, it will only be for a couple of days.”

No! I’m not doing it! I’ll walk out of here. I’ll call Sean and have him come get me.
I wondered what he’d think of this ridiculousness! Then I heard him telling me, “Don’t quit, Gia. There will be times you’ll want to, but don’t do it.”
Damn it!

***

My new room had nothing! I felt like a prisoner in a cell with a metal toilet.
Fuck you, Lex! You did this to me, and I don’t forgive you!
I was pissed, but I was exhausted too, and I passed out.

Chapter 20

Ethan

When I got off the phone with Gia, I felt like a new man. It was everything
I needed to hear, and more. I chuckled to myself as I remembered her saying, “I think I might be a nymphomaniac now.” She was too sweet. I’d wanted to send her flowers, and now that she could have outside contact, I called and had them sent, with a cheesy little note.

I was already packed for my weekend trip to see her. I couldn’t wait. I’d booked a Friday night flight from the city, and
I was returning on the red-eye Sunday night. I walked over to Trey’s to make sure he was all set to work this weekend. While he and I were talking, Dana pulled up like a bat outta hell. She jumped out of her car and slammed the door.

“You’re not going to believe this!” She was shaking a piece of paper. “That bitch went through with it! Gia’s got thirty days to get out of her apartment, and they’ve replaced her at the firm!”

My mind started racing. “Fuck!” I grabbed the paper and scanned it quickly. I was seeing red. I couldn’t believe Bridget held that kind of control over her husband. What had she told him?

“But get this,” Dana started. “She’s not going to press charges against me or take any legal action against The Lock for the assault and battery she suffered while she was here.”

“For fuck’s sake!” Trey said. “Is this what women turn into after they sleep with you, man?”

“It’s not funny
, Trey!” Dana started to cry.

Trey hugged her. “I know it’s not funny, but we’ll all help Gia when she gets back, and it’ll all work out. I’m sure of it. There’s nothing we can do about it.” He kissed the top of her head. She nodded.

“Trey’s right. Gia wasn’t too keen on seeing Bridget anymore, anyway. I think she’ll mainly be hurt by Mr. Evans. Losing the job is going to be tough.” I was sick that this was my fault. I wished I could go back and…no, there was nothing I could’ve done differently. We’ll deal with it. “Dana, when I get back from California, let’s get together and look at some apartments. We could have some set up for her to look at when she gets back.”

“That’s a good idea, Ethan. Let’s plan on it.” She felt a little better.

***

When I stepped off the plane in California, Sean was right there waiting for me. I was hoping he
wasn’t a ‘hottie’ like Dana said, but yeah, he was what she’d said. I had to get off that jealousy thing. It was getting old. Gia had plenty of opportunity to hook up with him if she’d wanted to, and she didn’t.

We shook hands and headed to his car. I asked him if he’d heard from Gia, and he said he hadn’t. I told him I hadn’t either, not even a response to a text message.
When she hadn’t responded by eleven p.m., which we knew was lights out, we were both surprised.

When we got up on Saturday morning, Sean offered to
take me on the same drive he’d taken Gia on. I thought that’d be really cool, to see the same stuff she’d seen a couple of weeks earlier.

“If you let me buy breakfast,” I told him.

“Deal.” We hopped in his ‘Vette and took off.

We were just finishing breakfast when Sean’s phone rang. He gave me a nervous look and answered it. He had to step out into the lobby in order to hear, and I was waiting anxiously.

“It’s Gia,” he said when he came back to get me. “Let’s go.”

I panicked
. We hopped in the car and he started talking.

“Gia’s been on suicide watch. That’s why she hasn’t been able to communicate.” I gasped. My heart sank. “It doesn’t mean she tried anything, Ethan. In fact, she didn’
t try to hurt herself at all. She had a breakthrough. She’s recalled some repressed memories.”

“You mean, she’s remembered some shit that’s so bad, she’d blocked it out completely?” I was shaking. I wanted to hold her and protect her.

“Exactly. Apparently, the memories involve Lex, big surprise.” I nodded. He must’ve felt the same way about Lex as I had. “The best way to get past these things is to have both parties sit down together to work it out, forgive each other, basically. Anyway, surprise, Lex wouldn’t come, even though Laura told him it would be very beneficial to Gia and her recovery. Fucking asshole!” I was trying to take it all in. It was hard.

“
Since Lex wouldn’t come, Laura suggested to Gia that they still have the Family Session, but with supportive family and loved ones instead of the one who hurt her. Gia agreed to it, and it’s you and I, bud.” I was nervous and excited, anxious and scared. I didn’t know what to expect. I was so emotionally vested in Gia, I didn’t want to break down. I had to be strong for her.

When we walked in, Laura was waiting for us. She introduced herself to me and then got right to it.

“This is a little different,” she said as we followed her. “Most patients have their parents or siblings or spouses at family sessions, especially when they involve such personal, traumatic experiences such as Gia’s. But you were the two names she listed on her HIPPA form, and the two she wanted here, so I’m gonna go with it. Just support her, no matter what you hear. She needs love and understanding.” She paused at the door and looked at us. We nodded.

We went in and sat down. I was shaking, my mouth was dry, and I was feeling sick. I didn’t want to let Gia down. I didn’t know what was coming. The door opened, and there she was, my sweet Gia.
She gave us a weak smile, but her eyes were sad. I immediately teared up, and proved that I obviously wasn’t a strong shoulder to lean on. Sean was closest to her, so he hugged her first. I was waiting right next to them and she peeked over his shoulder and winked at me. It made me feel stronger. I dried my eyes and took her in my arms. She let out a sigh of relief and I felt her body relax in my arms. She needed me! I felt even stronger. She put her face against my chest and took a deep breath. Slowly, she looked up at my face. Our eyes locked and we both slowly smiled. She gave me a quick kiss on the lips and I thought I was ready for anything.

Gia sat in the middle chair and put her hands in her lap. She looked straight forward at Laura and nodded.

Laura explained to us that Gia had a nightmare on Thursday night, which was actually a repressed memory from a night during her marriage with Lex. She said a lot of times, patients do this when they finally find something worth fighting for, and finally realize they deserve it. Laura turned to me.