Torn (Torn Heart) (23 page)

We all laugh and get out of the car, quick paced to find warmth. My fuzzy socks help to keep my feet from freezing inside my boots. I’m determined to enjoy the night with my best friends. It’s gonna be a great night of shopping.

Chapter 28

Skylar

I don’t have plans for New Years. And not because I’m a boring old shrew with no friends, but because I just wanted to stay home. Randa invited me to a party with Ian and one of his friends’ but I turned down the offer.

First off, I don’t drink and that’s the biggest New Year’s social activity involved. I don’t feel like being out with all the crazies who have no common sense to stay at the place they’re drinking.
Plus I’m just not in the social type mood. Jared’s with Hannah and Monica is sick, again. So tonight, it’s just me and Bailey-girl.

My mom shuffles into the living room, fixing her earrings. “Are you sure you don’t want me to stay home tonight? I hate leaving you alone.”

I look up from the TV, “You do it every night, what makes tonight any different?”

Her expression turns grim and I see she
’s missed my playful tone. I sigh and force a small smile. “I’m sorry, Sky. I just hate you’re spending the new year by yourself.”

My hand caresses Bailey’s soft fur as I glance up again. “I’m not
gonna be alone. I’ve got my couch potato friend here. We’ll be fine.” I feel her let out a sigh of content, her eyes closed with her face between her paws. “Go, have fun. Tell Brandon Happy New Year for me.”

She kisses me, “You’re the best. I won’t be too late.”

I wave to her, “Take your time, but be careful with all the crazies out there.”

Grabbing her purse and coat, she points to the door, “Keep this door locked. I love you.
Happy New Year, baby.”

I
shoo her out of the house, watching her get in her car and drive away. I shut and lock it. Bailey’s sprawled out in our spot. “Looks like it’s just me and you, tonight.” She gets off the couch and whines, so I grab my coat and let her out the back door. I leave it open while I put on a pot of coffee and pop some popcorn.

When she comes back in, I drop a puppy treat on the floor. She happily accepts it and takes i
t into the living room. I shut, lock the door and return with a bowl of popcorn, cup of warm delicious liquid and settle back on the couch with the remote. Pushing aside the loneliness I feel, I grab my kindle and attempt to finish the book I started. I purposely left my phone up stairs so there’s no obsessing over whether or not I should text a certain someone.

I take a sip and just as I’m getting to a really emotionally intense scene, a knock on the door startles me. I look at Bailey, but she’s more occupied with her squeaky toy
than the noise I’m certain I heard. “Aren’t you supposed to have super hearing powers or something?” I set my kindle aside and clamber off the couch, getting my coat on.

I pull open the door and even though the bitter chill follows inside, heat fills my cheeks as I stare at Jackson before me.

His hands shoved into his pockets, hair a mess of tangles, and eyes with bags underneath as if he hasn’t slept in days, stands on my porch looking more unkempt than I’ve ever seen him. “Hi.” He finally says; his voice weak and filled with guilt.

I force a smile. “Hey.”

“I was wondering if you’d like to take a walk with me.”

“You’re ready to talk?” He nods. I raise my eyes brows in disbelief, “It’s freezing outside.”

His gaze strays to my coat. “I can get you another jacket or a blanket.”

I shake my head, “I have another coat.” I open the door wider so he steps inside. I shut the door behind him.

Bailey jumps off the couch, greeting him with a lick. He bends down to pet her. “Hey, you got a puppy?” She licks him to death. “I love this breed. Shelties are good indoor dogs.”

A laugh slips out. “When’d you become a dog breed expert?”

He wrestles with her on the floor. My heart leaps with joy that he’s here right now. So while he’s occupied with Bailey, I run up stairs to grab my hats, gloves and extra jacket. I also get a big blanket from my closet to use, since more than likely we’ll head to the park.

Downstairs, I pack a small basket of fruits, crackers and chips. Jackson walks into the kitchen and sees my hands are full, so he grabs a few items from my grasp.

“Where are the plastic bags, or do you not keep them anymore?” I point to the pantry and he comes back and throws everything inside the bag.

Bailey saunters in, jumping all over us.
“Hey, I’ll be back in a bit.” I pick her up, petting the top of her head and put her in the crate. “Be good and don’t howl.” But she starts whining as we leave the kitchen.

When we get outside, I lock the door carrying the blanket and my extra jacket. Jackson takes the lead, I follow.
As we stroll through the fields and past the houses, I can feel the tension lingering over us. My nose is cold but the rest of my body feels comfortable. I just wish this coldness inside my heart would subside.

Jackson stops abruptly, glancing around us. The streets are littered with cars from parties for the occasion. He turns toward me, “I hope you didn’t have plans tonight.”

I shake my head. “Nope, just reading.” Not that that is important now.

“You weren’t much of a drinker anyway.” He smirks, bumping my shoulder. A smile pulls at my lips.
“Come on.” He continues walking. And sure enough, we’re at our favorite place.

I stop at
the merry-go-round and spread the blanket out, laying the rest of my stuff down. I gasp in surprise when Jackson grabs me from behind, twisting me around to him and kisses me hard, but I soon melt into his touch, kissing him back. I’ve missed this, his touch, his kiss, him. He finally pulls back and puts distance between us. I open my eyes, “What was that for?” My voice comes out husky.

“I wanted to kiss you before we got to the serious stuff.” I don’t argue with that, because I know we have a lot to discuss.
And the kiss was a great way to start off an intense conversation.

We sit down on the blanket across from each other
in the center. “I should’ve told you about New York.” I start.

“When I was fifteen, I saw my mom
at the grocery store,” His voice takes on a haunting tone that shoots straight through my heart. I sit and listen. “She was at the checkout line, getting cozy with the man I’m assuming she left us for. I knew it was her the moment I saw her. I tried to look away; I tried to force my legs in the opposite direction, knowing no good could come out of this. But my feet had other ideas.” I take out an apple and chew it for distraction. “My anger started rising and before I knew it, I was right in front of her. She startled and then narrowed her eyes at me like I was interrupting her or something. But I saw a look of recognition in her eyes before she turned away. I asked her, “Is it really you, mom?” and she stared at me like I’d grown two heads right in front of her. Then she shook her head and said, “I don’t know you. And I don’t have a son. You’ve got me mistaken with someone else.” I said her name over and over again. I said my name and Jared’s name and asked if she remembered my dad, the man that she apparently loved until the day she walked out on him. I kept screaming and cursing at her and she was yelling at me to leave, calling me a psycho kid with a vendetta. I was finally removed from the store and I took off running. I ran so fast and so far, I ended up passing out in an alley. But I was numb and sick after that.” He laughs bitterly.

I nonchalantly wipe a tear from my eye at the thought of this woman forgetting her own son.

“After that, I just turned off all of my emotions to keep myself from feeling the pain I felt that day. How could a mother just abandon her own child? Two children? I know she recognized me, but it’s like I didn’t exist to her once she walked out.” He wipes his cheek and the tear that falls, doesn’t go unnoticed.  “You remember that night you asked me if the pain of losing a parent ever goes away?” I nod, not ready to speak yet. “The truth is the pain you feel from losing your dad and the pain I feel from being abandoned is different. Your dad was taken from you unexpectedly. My mom willingly left and never looked back.”

I shake my head and cross my legs. “Pain is pain, Jackson. It all hurts the same.”

“You don’t get it; it’s not the pain from her leaving that I still feel. That pain left the day at the store, but it’s the pain of going through it again. Of getting close to someone and feeling happiness and love, only to have them leave me because I’m not good enough.”

I look up, flabbergasted at what he’s insinuating. “Is that what you think? That I’m just
gonna leave you when something better comes along?” He doesn’t say anything. I set my fruit down, getting up on my knees, I move between his legs so we’re only inches apart. I look him right in the eyes, seriously and say, “I’m not your mother. And I’m definitely not Amber. I’m the same girl I’ve always been. The girl you’ve always trusted, but you have to still trust that I’m not going to change. Until you can trust me with your whole heart, there’s always gonna be a wall of doubts and mistrust between us. I know your mom hurt you and I know it’s hard to trust anyone after that. But I swear, I’ll show you every day how amazing you are and how much I love you.”

He places his hands on my thighs in a stroking fashion. “While I was trying to stay away from you, I was being a coward; pretty much what my mother was. You didn’t do anything wrong, I overreacted. I’m so fucking sorry for putting you through stress and pain. It wasn’t fair to you. The holidays are the worst for me
, but that’s not an excuse. So,” He reaches into the pocket of his coat, pulling something out. “Since I wasn’t there for your birthday and for Christmas, I got you something.”

He hands me a framed photograph of me and my father. I was eight and I’d caught my first fish ever. His smile was so wide with pride. My breath catches in my throat. “I told you I’d remind you of all the wonderful times you had with him. Remember that day?” I nod, tears falling down my cheeks. I look up, trying to smile through my
overwhelming emotions. “I was so proud of you for not giving up even when those stupid fish kept getting away. You were so brave and determined. But your dad, he was filled with pride and joy. You were his tough girl. It’s one of my favorite things about you. Your passion and determination, it’s sexy as hell.”

I wipe my eyes, holding the picture with the frame that says, “Daddy’s Little Girl”.

“Oh, I have something else.” He pulls out a small box and my eyes widen. He nods for me to open it. “Go on.”

I remove the lid and take out a charm bracelet with several charms already attached.
“Oh Jackson.” There’s a charm of a fishing pole, paint set, heart and New York skyline. “It’s beautiful.”

He takes it from my shaking hold, “Let’s put it on you.” He clasps it over my wrist; the cool metal hitting my skin.

“Thank you.” I touch it, admiring them. “I didn’t get you anything.”

He pulls me close, reaching out to touch my cheek, wiping the remains of my tears. “I don’t need anything. I just want you. I’m sorry for being an asshole. But I
wanna prove to you that you’re all I need in life. And I wanna be yours. I wanna be the reason you smile, the reason you laugh, the reason you love. Even the reason you breathe. As selfish as that sounds. I wanna be everything for you. I wanna be enough.”

“You
are
enough, believe that.”  I lift his hand up to my lips and kiss each finger, my gaze still fixed on his.

“I found a lot of old pictures of my mom. I burned them all.” He shakes his head and looks at me with sad eyes.
“Heartless, huh?”

I’m not sure what to say, so I just hold his hand in hopes my warmth seeps into his skin, comforting him. “She’s missing out on her children’s lives and it was her choice. She’s the heartless one.”

His response is a gentle squeeze of my hand and it’s enough reassurance that he feels my love. He scoots back and pulls me between his legs with my back pressed against his chest, my head resting on his shoulders. His arms wrap around me like a blanket, shielding me from the cold.

He’s quiet for a few minutes before he asks, “So what do we do now?”

“About what?”

“Our futures?
Us?”

I pull his arms tighter around me. “I just
wanna focus on right now and leave the future for later.”

He kisses the back of my head.
“Sounds good to me. But if you decide to go to New York, I’m coming with you.”

I pause for a minute and wait for the “just kidding” but it never comes. I turn my body so I can see his face and he’s smiling.
“Really? You would go to New York with me?”

He kisses my cheek. “I’d go anywhere with you, Sky.
Anywhere. You’re my future. I just need to get over my insecurities and trust my heart.”

I turn all the way around and kiss him, knocking us both back. We’re still kissing, deeply. “I love you.” I say when I’ve come up for air.
“Just one more thing.” I say regretfully. “I’m going to Europe with my mom after graduation. But it’s been planned since I started high school, as a graduation present. My dad was supposed to come too.”