Torn (Torn Heart) (19 page)

“My art teacher told me today that he’s got a friend interested in me doing photography and painting for him.” I confess.
“In New York.”

“Wow, that’s amazing! Does Jackson know?”

“No, I’m afraid to tell him. What if he doesn’t like the idea? Or doesn’t want to move to New York?” She sits quietly. “Besides, I’m not one hundred percent certain I’m going.” I haven’t even told him I’ll be gone all summer.

“I’m sure he’ll be very understanding, Sky. He loves you so much.” She puts the book down on the table and sits on the couch. I plop down beside her.

We spend half the time watching reruns of Charmed and Supernatural. “So, is Jake excited?” I finally ask the question that’s been in the back of my mind since she told me.

“He’s scared. We both are, but he says whatever I want to do, he’ll be supportive.”

“You mean like, abortion?” I try to keep my tone neutral. I’m not one to judge another’s choices, especially when I have no experience in them.

She glances at me and shrugs. “I’d never do it, but yeah. I already told him that’s not happening. We just need to tell our parents now.”

I take her hand and squeeze reassuringly. “It’s gonna be okay.” I tell her, for the both of us.

She drops her head onto my shoulder and sighs. “Thanks, Sky. I’m scared, but another part of me is excited. I just have to get through the sick and emotional phase, and then all I hear is it gets better from there.”

“Can I borrow that book when you’re done?” I ask, changing the subject. She nods. It turns out our books tastes are quite similar. She reads all the same stuff I do, and vice versa. We share books each week, and a couple of times we met up at Starbucks and had a book discussion. “I think when I finish reading it; we should have a book discussion about it.”

“I agree. But pick somewhere besides Starbucks, please. My senses are insane and the smell of coffee beans makes me vomit.”

“Deal.”

When we’re called to the kitchen for dinner, I’ve got my phone set to camera, ready to take a picture. The food smells so good, my mouth waters.

Jackson comes up behind me and starts tickling my sides, making me shriek and try to get away from him. He knows I’m such an easy target. “I love making you squirm.” He says softly in my ear, when I’ve calmed down. My whole body ignites in flames. But of course I love when he does too. His hands are like magic to the touch.

“Not here, be good.” I tease.

He grits his teeth together, feistily.  “Then tonight you’re all mine.” He promises. I don’t argue. “Oh yeah, take your picture. I know you’re dying to show this to Randa.” I laugh, he knows me too well. Then he shakes his finger at me, “But you tell her not to post it on her damn page.”

“I’ll do my best.” I lift my phone and point it at him and click. “Okay, you two,” I point to Jake, “Get together in front of the table of yumminess.” They stand in behind the table with their arms out as if presenting it to me. “Great! I love this.”

Monica laughs, giving him a quick peck on the lips. “This does smell delectable.”

They grilled steaks, with mashed potatoes, green beans, rolls, chicken flavored rice and salad.

We take our seats and before we start dishing it out, Jake says, “Grace. We say grace.” Jackson and I glance at each other and follow along with his prayer.

“God, bless this food we’re about to eat. We may have made it, but it’s you that gave us this possibility. And please watch over our friends and family and guide us through this time of uncertainty. Amen.”

We start dishing the food onto our plates. Jackson says, “I didn’t know you were religious.”

“Ah, well I’m trying to be.” He sends a look to Monica, “Does she know?”

“Yes, I know.” I answer for Monica. “Congrats. And that was a very nice prayer.”

He smiles at me. “I’m scared as fuck about this whole thing. But I keep telling myself, everything happens for a reason.”

“He’s such a cliché.” Monica teases him, bumping his arm. “But I love you.” He kisses her sweetly. It makes me smile that they found each other, and are going through this together. Even if it is scary.

“Well I for one, think it’s
gonna work out. You two will get through it. But if you ever need help on anything, you can always call one of us.” Jackson points between us. “We’re here for you. I can’t imagine what you’re both going through. But like Skylar said, congrats.”

“
Awwwww, I’m so glad you guys got together, finally.” Monica says with affection. “There’s no way I would’ve been able to talk to Amber like this.” I sit quietly, keeping my opinions about
her
to myself. “I’m just glad it didn’t take forever for you to dump her.”

“Yeah well, I
kinda screwed that up.” Jackson gently squeezes my thigh and gives me a toe-curling smile. “I’m making up for it, though.”

“Baby, let’s not talk about that one. Let’s just enjoy each other’s company and finish eating so my boy and I can throw down some Ghost Recon.”

We eat in comfortable silence. Every once in a while someone speaks and we all laugh or respond with a sarcastic comment or joke. But it’s a very nice dinner and it makes me thankful that these people are in my life.

Every now and again, I catch Jackson’s secret glances, and I wonder what he’s thinking every time our eyes meet. In them, I know I find the same love and desire that are held in my eyes. Talk about clichés.

When dinner is over, Monica and I volunteer to do the dishes, which the guys are grateful for, leaving us so they can play their silly games. Oh well, it keeps them happy and out of trouble. I’m all for it.

“So how far along are you?” I ask, her while we take turns washing and drying.

“I’m over six weeks. We’ve known for a few weeks now.” I noticed she didn’t eat a whole lot and I’m guessing because she’s not able to keep food down wholly yet. That must suck. “I swear, I better not be sick the whole pregnancy. I’ll flip.”

“I hear crackers help. Try it.”

“I do. It’s usually in the mornings I’m pretty sick.”

After our job is done, we go back to the game-room and watch TV. Monica reads, while I check for a good movie. When I look over at her, I see a tear sliding down her cheek. Her expression is heartbreaking in itself, so I look back to the TV.

“This book
is
really sad.” She says. “It’s not my preggo-state if that’s what you’re wondering.”

“Ha, I was. But okay. I can’t wait to read it.”

She looks up from the book, “My aunt suffered from PTSD and that’s what this book is about. It just hits home for me. But it’s so well-written.”

“I’m reading
The Summer I Turned Pretty
series on paperback. And listening to the audio of
The Infernal Devices.
Well, I was. I have to get back to them. But they’re amazing.”

“Read them all. But the last few books I read before this one were horror. I’m afraid if I read too many heart-wrenching books right now, it’ll coincide with my already scattered emotions. I have to alternate, to keep my sanity. This one is tipping the scale a bit.”

“I see, it is indeed.”

We talk more books and our favorite characters. We have the same tastes in book boys too. I love that we have this in common, to connect us. I love
Randa of course. But she’s more the girly type, which is great. She loves to go shopping and get her hair and makeup done and be all girly. She’s good at that stuff. Whereas I’m not a fashionista. I’m happy to lounge around in my comfy pants and tank tops, wearing my hair in a messy bun. That’s my idea of fashion. I hardly wear makeup, though once in a while is totally fine. But Randa can’t walk out of her house without lip gloss.

Still, I’m glad to have them both. And it’s a good thing to have friends with different interests, because when I want fashion advice, I can call on Ran. But when I
wanna ask about a book or anything related to it, I’ve got Monica. I’ve got the best of both worlds, so I can’t complain.

When it’s time to go, we hug our friends and plan for another night like this. But I suggest to them we play card games or something where we’re all involved. They liked my idea.
Of course, because it’s brilliant.

Jackson walks me to my porch. I almost ask him to come in, but then decide against it because I wanted to talk to my mom about New York.

I turn to him, reaching for my keys. “Hey, can I call you later? I’ve
gotta talk to my mom for a minute.”

For a minute, I see a flash of disappointment, but then it’s gone. And I wonder if it was my imagination. He reaches out to tuck some hair behind my ear, his fingers lingering on my face, bringing heat to my cheeks.
“Of course. Is everything okay?”

“Yes. You can come over later, if you want.” I lean into him, lifting up on my toes to reach for his mouth.

“
If
I want? Of course I want.” He kisses me deeply, his tongue stroking mine. “I love you.” We’re both breathless.

“I love you, too. I’ll call or text you soon.” I give him one last sexy kiss before stepping away from him and watching him leave.

Chapter 22

Skylar

“Wow, Skylar. I’m so proud of you.” My mother says. I told her about New York and the opportunity and how I’m undecided. “This is a great thing for you. Is it what you really want?”

I shrug, hoping she can give me better advice than what she’s giving me. “You know I’ve always wanted to do something big with art. I just don’t know what to tell Jackson now.”

She looks at me seriously, “Do you see a future with him?”

“Really? Do you even have to ask?”

A laugh bubbles out of her throat. “I guess not. Well, then you’re
gonna have to talk to him about it. He deserves to know your plans. He
should
know of your plans.” I just worry he won’t wanna move to New York and that would kill me.

I remember my other topic of discussion. “Oh yeah, this weekend can I go away with Jackson to Dallas? We wanted to go to Six Flags together.”

She peers at me with curious eyes, “Are you sleeping with him?”

Um.
“I guess you deserve to know.” I take a deep breath. “Yes, but we’re using protection. Always.” Damn, I should’ve seen this coming.

“Honey, I’m not naïve to think you two wouldn’t get that far. And I’m so happy you’re dating and you’re happy. Believe me; it’s great to see you so cheerful.” She holds my hand between both of hers. I soak up her motherly affection, grateful for her understanding. “But, you still need to be careful. You’re eighteen now, so you’ve
gotta make your own choices and mistakes. Just be careful, okay?”

“I promise, mom.” I lay my head in her lap; she begins stroking my hair like she always did when I was a kid. I let my eyes drift shut and my grip tightens
aound her waist. “I love you.” My voice muffled.

“I love you so much
, baby.” Is the last thing I hear.

I must’ve fallen asleep, because the next thing I know, I wake up and I’m still on the couch. But my mother is not. I swipe at my mouth, finding drool on my hand. Gross! I hate when that happens.

I sit all the way up and check the time on the coffee table; 11:30. Crap! I need to text Jackson.

When I find my phone, I do.

Me: You still awake?

Jackson: Of course. How’s everything over there?

Me: Okay. Sorry, I fell asleep. I just woke up.
Wanna meet at the park?

Jackson: Only if you don’t fall asleep there, too. Ha
ha. Yes, I’ll be there.

Jackson’s already sitting in his usual spot when I get there. He’s lying on the merry-go-round staring up in the sky. I swear, it feels like we’re the only ones who love to spend hours at this place. But then again, that just makes it more special.

He lifts up on his elbows and waves when he sees me. I notice he brought a blanket this time. I like that. There’s a nip in the air and as soon as I think it, the chill bites at my skin that’s not covered up by my jacket.

“I wanna swing.” I walk past him and jump up on it, pulling the chains. I start going high and the chains, being as old as they are, make a creaking noise. Jackson watches me from his spot on the blanket. I look closely as I get higher and see something. “Did you bring food?”

He smiles slyly. “I was wondering if you’d notice.”

“You think of everything.” I smile back, wondering if he’s gonna share that delicious looking fruit bowl. “Save some for me.”

“You have to come down here and get it.” He challenges.

“Ugh, you suck.”

He snorts, “I’m not the one who sucks.” He shakes his head and chuckles, “Okay, yeah maybe I do and you know you love it. But, still, if you want some, come get some.”

The bowl is so tempting to fight for, yet I find myself more intrigued of fighting for Jackson and the way he’s looking at me. I suppose I can get him to feed me some fruit. That sounds hot.

Finally, I relent because I’m weak and need more of this amazing guy and his arms around me. As soon as I’m done chatting with myself, I jump off the swing midair, coming down on my knee. I jerk upright but wince when I stretch my leg out.

Jackson stifles a laugh. “Okay, I didn’t mean for you to hurt yourself in the process.”

I rub my knee and climb up. “Shut up and give me some damn fruit.” I sit on the blanket
across from him, it’s fuzzy and soft and nice under my butt.

He pats the space closer to him and I move automatically. “So, what did you talk to your mom about?”

He hands me a bunch of grapes. I pick them off one by one and eat. “I asked about this weekend. We’re good to go.” He gives me thumbs up. “Oh, yeah and she knows we’re sleeping together.”

He leans back.
“And?”

“And nothing.
I told her we are because I wasn’t gonna lie to her. She asked point blank. But she just asked that we be careful.”

“Always.”

“Yep. No matter what, we’ll always be careful.” He gives me a banana, after he peels it of course.

I look at it and then at him with a look that he doesn’t need explaining. “I didn’t peel it for you. I peeled it for me first.
But then decided to give it to you.”

“Clever.
” He hands me a soda and I open it. “Thanks. So, what do you think of this newfound info we got on Mon and Jake?”

I’m not sure why I asked that question. It made me sound like I’m gossiping. But I’m curious about his take on the situation. He looks up to the sky, glancing here and there. “I’m happy for them. I mean, it’s obviously a big change in their lives. But if they’re
gonna go through it together, then it’s really good for them.”

“Do you want kids?” I blurt without thinking. I clamp my mouth shut and look away.

He reaches over and brings my chin toward him so I have to look at him. “If you’re asking if I want kids in general, no.” I widen my eyes, uncertain what to say. “But if you’re asking if I want kids with
you,
then…definitely.” He grins, stuffing his face watching my reaction.

“You think about kids with me?” Not that I haven’t thought that far ahead. Well, I used to fantasize about us having kids and a big house with a white picket fence, but that’s way into the future.
Tell him your plans.

“Sky, I think about our future. I want to be the guy who makes all your dreams come true. And part of my dream is to give you a baby. Of course, that won’t happen now. But someday, when we’re ready, I
wanna have a family with you.” I swallow the lump in my throat.

“What do you think about New York?”

“The state?” I nod. “Eh, it’s okay. I don’t mind visiting there. But I think it’s too cold for my taste. I’d love to go to California, though.” Well, there goes that conversation. “Babe, are you okay?” I tilt my head but soon the mush of my banana falls into my lap. And I take notice of the big mess between my fingers. I shake my hand off, realizing I just destroyed a perfectly good piece of fruit. I frown. Jackson reaches for my hand and takes my fingers into his mouth, wiping clean of all banana goo. It was pretty erotic and I sit here staring at him, his mouth and my fingers. When it’s all gone, he licks his lips and makes a slurping sound. “All clean.”

I swallow hard, “Thanks.”

“So, what’s on your mind?” I sit, dazed. I have to get New York out of my head, before I ruin this perfectly perfect night.

I file away that conversation for another day. “I’m excited about our first ever road trip as adults.”

He scoots his body down, lying on his stomach. “Me too. It’ll be an adventure.” I take a drink of my soda. He asks, “Have you ever been kissed in the rain?”

I look at him in confusion, “I’ve never been kissed.
Except by you.” I add, a little embarrassed for some reason.

“I know, I just meant, would you like to be? Sorry I totally worded that wrong.” I nod. I love the rain kisses I’ve read about in my books. They’re so sensual and passionate. “Well, you’re in luck.” He looks up at the sky, and that’s
when a couple of raindrops fall. It’s been raining off and on these past few days. I guess it’s about to be on, now. “I wanna kiss you in a downpour.”

I whip my head in his direction, “So I can catch pneumonia?” I joke, seriously.

“No, so I can take care of you.” I roll my eyes. “Cliché, I know. But really, it’s hot. And by the way, we’d both get pneumonia, so I doubt I’d be well enough to take care of you. But it’d be worth it.”

“You’re so hot when you talk like that.” I say, inching closer to him.

He watches me, waiting for my next move. I reach his mouth and hold his face between my hands, staring into the depths of his irises. With the light illuminating his features, I can see flecks of gold. But I also catch need behind his gaze. He pulls me closer, under, so he’s on top of me. His hands wander down the side of my body, making me squirm in pleasure.

Our hands, mouths and tongues are deliciously tangled in each other; exploring, sucking, caressing until we’re panting. I groan deep in my throat when his hand slips inside my pants exploring my region.

“I love that sound.” Jackson kisses my belly and I gasp loudly as his finger dips inside me. My head falls back and my eyes drift shut; concentrating on the pleasure he’s giving me. Oh my God.

I bite my lip hard to keep a scream from erupting.
“Holy crap!” His mouth travels up my shirt to my breast and takes in a nipple, flicking it with his tongue. “Jackson-“

I’m actually writhing at this point, and wonder if we should finish this at my house. Or his, may be more appropriate.

My hand slips in his pants and rubs against the skin at his groin. He moans. “Fuck, I want inside you right now.” I smile against him, tracing my tongue down over his chest and stomach. “Sky,”

“Your house.”
I agree.

He shakes his head, “I’ve got a blanket to cover us.” And then he thinks about it and sighs.
“But no condom. Damn, I guess I don’t think of
everything.
”

I straddle his hips and rub against him while he holds my buttocks. “It’s okay; we’ll finish this at your house. We’ll have more privacy.” I kiss him hard, “And we won’t risk getting sick.”

“Sounds like a dream.” His voice is husky and sexy as hell. “Let’s go.” We grab the blanket and throw the remains of our snack away. As we start walking, the rain pours down on us. He glances at me, “Huh,” He says to himself. I just keep walking, until I’m wrenched back and against his body, he kisses me so hard, my lips, swollen. He pulls away. “Now you’ve been kissed in the rain.” He starts walking again with a satisfied grin on his face. I’m left watching him in surprise or shock or something I can’t quite put my finger on. But damn, he’s sexy all wet. I finally snap out of my momentary stupor and follow him. My body’s screaming and I can’t get there fast enough.

                                          ****

Well, I was supposed to go to Dallas this weekend with Jackson. We should’ve been there by now. Instead I’m laid out in bed with a stomach virus and I’m miserable. I told Jackson that our trip would be cancelled and I cried like a baby. But he understood and said there’s a reason we weren’t meant to go. Still, what a load of crap.

I grab my phone and make a call. “This book is so freaking sad, Monica.” Tears are pouring down my cheeks and I feel like death.

Monica chuckles on the other end. “I told you. You can imagine what I was like with more wacked out emotions. Poor Jake didn’t know what to do or how to help me.”

I lay the book on my chest and close my eyes. “I feel like I’m dying.” I exaggerate, though it’s close to the truth. “I mean between the book and my need to run to the toilet.” Tears prick my eyes. “I’m
gonna get some sleep.”

“Okay, hope you feel better, Hun.
And let me know when you finish it.” She says before hanging up.

Sometime later when I’m awake, the door opens. Jackson pops in with a bowl of something I can’t see. “I brought you some soup.” Oh, soup it is. I doubt I’d be able to keep it down. But it’s the thought that counts, right?

He sits down on my bed, but far away. I laugh
at his caution. “How’re you feeling?”

I hug my pillow for comfort as I gaze at him, miserably. “You mean besides ruining our weekend?
Pretty lousy.”

“
It’s fine, shit happens. We’ll get other chances to go. And maybe then, I’ll take you someplace better.” Like New York? I want to ask, but bite my tongue. “But really, I mean physically.”

“I’m still very weak and in need of a trashcan next to my bed. This sucks. I haven’t been sick in years.”

“You’ll get over this crap. Just get some rest, babe.” He lifts off the bed and barely kisses my forehead. But it’s enough to feel his warmth and comfort.”

“Jackson?”

He stops just outside my door and waits.

I hesitate a minute. “Thank you for being so understanding.”

He smiles warmly grabbing the door handle, “I’d do anything for you, Sky.” He shuts my door. And part of me knows this. But the other part wonders if it’ll
always
be true.