Too Much To Bear: BBW Shifter Romance (Shifters of Spellholm Forest - The Bears) (16 page)

The fight left him, and he settled down to watch for the time he could end his misery.

The party had been just what she needed, however as the hour of her birthday drew near that same old loneliness settled on her. Putting it down to tiredness, she put a smile back on her face and went around to say thank you to her guests, and hopefully goodbye. These things could go on until the early hours, but she wanted her bed. Days of not sleeping properly had caught up with her, and she felt dead on her feet.

"Thank you Paris, and you Wes, the punch was a sure hit," Jenny said. "Especially with my dad."

She looked around at her dad who had crashed out on one of the chairs, snoring noisily. It turned out he had switched from the honey mead onto fruit juice, only finding out later that it was alcoholic punch. Her mom found it highly amusing, and festooned him with flowers, and a hat, which had fallen down over his eyes as he slept.

"Do you want a hand getting him to bed?" Wes asked, humour in his eyes. Jenny figured he must have seen a wide variety of drunks in his time, but not one so happy, or so loud when accompanying the dance music. "He really knows how to let his hair down doesn't he?"

"Yes, he does, and we can manage, you've done so much already."

Her mom had come over to add her thanks, and chimed in with an "I'm thinking of leaving him there with a cover over him. Means he'll get an early start in the morning."

"I don't think he'll be doing much in the way of work."

"I know. But he'll have a hell of a shock when the cockerel wakes at half four in the morning. Silly thing, first time I've ever seen him drunk."

"Really. Not even when you were younger?" asked Jenny.

Slightly swaying herself, her mom answered, "No, not that I can remember, always was a little too sensible."

Paris stifled a giggle. "Are you sure you don't want a hand to clear up?" she asked, looking pointedly at Jenny's mom.

"No. I'll put some coffee on. What we don't clear up now will wait until tomorrow."

"Goodnight," Paris said, leaning over and giving her a kiss. "And happy birthday."

"Thank you," Jenny said, feeling suddenly deflated. This was it, her coming of age was upon her, and now the celebrations were over she had nothing to do but wait and see how the change would take her.

The last of the guests were leaving when she managed to sit her mom down in the kitchen, she put some hot water to boil, and began to bring in the plates which had been neatly stacked outside.

"Leave it until the morning. I don’t trust myself to carry anything breakable," her mom said.

"I don’t like leaving it."

"Well you can't do it on your own, it’s your birthday. I'll help you," she said getting shakily to her feet.

"On second thoughts, we'll leave it," Jenny said, easing her mom back down. A sure way to get broken plates would be her tipsy mom trying to carry them in. She would get her mom settled and then come back down and clear up.

"Here we go." Jenny placed a steaming mug of coffee in front of her mom.

"Thank you, sweetheart. I hope the party wasn't too much for you."

"No. It was perfect. Thank you."

"We all wanted to cheer you up. You know if I see that Beck of your's I'll probably get one of your dad's shotguns and make him do his duty."

"I don't want him to do his duty. I want him to be here with me because he wants to be."

"I know." She patted Jenny's hand. "I guess I got lucky with your dad." She turned and looked out at her husband asleep in the chair. "Doesn't look very comfortable does he? Do you think you can help me get him upstairs?"

"Sure, mom. Let's get you both to bed where you belong."

Between them, and with lots of stopping and starting, and one precarious moment on the stairs where they all nearly landed in a heap at the bottom, they got Reg to bed. The only undressing either of her parents did was taking off their shoes. Jenny covered them lightly with a blanket, and left them to sleep off the party. Smiling to herself as they ended up in each other's arms even when drunk.

Next, she went to her bedroom, and took of her dress, and the heels she had worn, being very grateful to pull on an old pair of jeans and a shirt. Back downstairs, she grabbed a bin bag, and went outside into the courtyard.

"Want a hand?"

Jenny started, her hand flying up to her mouth in shock. There, looking rather dishevelled, but incredibly sexy stood Beck.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, unable to believe he had simply turned up.

"I came to wish you a happy birthday."

"A happy birthday," she repeated, trying to figure out if he was here for a fleeting visit, or if he meant to stay.

"Yeah, I didn't like to come to you when everyone was here. I've made a bit of a mess of things."

"A bit of a mess. You could call it that." She sounded bitter, but she couldn't get over how lightly he was talking about how he behaved, and how he seemed to care nothing for her happiness. "But it's a bit more than that."

"I know." Then his voice cracked, and his face crumpled in anguish. "I should have come back sooner; as soon as I left I knew it was wrong. I've been incredibly selfish."

She wrapped her arms around herself as though warding him off, he was wrong if he thought she would fall apart and forgive him. "You've been gone for days, Beck. If you knew it was wrong, why didn't you turn around and come back?"

"Because there was something I needed to do first."

"Something so important you had to do it before coming to see me and telling me things were OK?"

"Yes. Well I hope so. Now I'm not so sure." He put his hand in his pocket, and pulled out a small box.

Jenny's eyes darted to it, and then back up to his face. "What is it?" she asked quietly.

"Open it."

She took it from him, and carefully, as if it might explode in her hand and take him with it, she opened it. "What's this for?" She needed to know, to hear the words from his lips so she didn't jump to the wrong conclusion.

"It's for you, to wear for the rest of your life, Jenny." He took the ring from the box, and uncertainly bent down on one knee. "I am asking you, Jenny, to forgive me, and be my wife."

Jenny took a step back. "After everything you've done do you expect me to say yes?"

He stayed kneeling, but a look of surprise flitted across his face. "I...I thought it was what you wanted."

"It doesn't matter what I want. It matters what you want, because if you're doing this for any other reason than because you want to stay with me for the rest of our lives then you can forget it. I will not put myself through this, or our children. I am not willing to live with a man who thinks he can come and go as he pleases. I don't want to tie you down, or force you to work on the farm, not if that's not what you want to do."

He stood up, and placed his hands on her arms, which she still clutched to herself. She wanted to resist him, but even this small contact was enough to make her body feel more alive than it had since he had left. The anger brewing inside her was trying to turn to something else, and she fought it, because she could not betray herself.

"I want this more than anything. I can only say I'm sorry, I hated the idea of being penned in. It freaked me out. But now I realise this is what I want. I hope you can see that."

"How can I be sure these are not empty promises? Beck you let me down, you promised me forever and then ripped it away from me."

"I know, I'm an idiot, I always have been, but out of everyone I know, you are the one who can see me for what I want to be. Help me, Jenny; help me to do the right thing by you. Give me a chance, that's all I'm asking, one last chance."

She hesitated, feeling weak. The idea of simply giving into him so quickly felt wrong, but she was too tired to play games. Hard to get was useless when you were bonded. "One last chance."

His reaction showed his relief more than words. He pulled her to him, and held her tight to his chest. Slowly she pulled her arms out from between them and hugged him back, feeling safe and right in his embrace. She should be jumping in the air in excitement, but she still felt reserved around him. Could she really learn to trust him implicitly as she had before he betrayed her? Her love for him was there, but love without trust was nothing.

"I'll do whatever you want to show I'm sorry."

She pulled back from him. "No you won't. I don't want a puppet. I don't want that kind of power over you. Be yourself, Beck. Be the man I love, that's all I ask."

"I don't deserve you."

She thought he would kiss her then, drag her off to bed to make love to her, but he didn't. This Beck kept a reserved distance, if that was the way he had changed she wasn't going to like it. He might think it was too soon to be with her intimately again, but for Jenny it was all she yearned for, and now he was back that yearning was a lot stronger. As was another feeling deep inside her.

"Beck," she said, frightened.

"Jenny, what's the matter? Did you have too much to drink?"

"No. I think it's happening."

She slumped against him, a surge of power running through her body, and she could not control it. Her fingers gripped him, digging into his flesh while panic took root in her veins. So out of control, she would have fallen to the ground if he had not been there.

"It's OK, you can do this. Take a deep breath; keep an image of yourself in your head. Whatever happens remember who you are, and what you are. I'm here Jenny."

His voice became fainter, and her vision fuzzy. In her mind, she tried to hold herself together, but her world was flying apart. This was not going to be part of a gradual change, this was different, it felt as though she was one with every living thing in the world. She could feel the movement of the Earth, the sounds of the night all around her, deafening to her ears. Then for a split second there was nothing, she was nothing, only atoms floating on the air.

A sound like a hurricane swept her back together, the feeling speeding up rapidly until it felt as though she wanted to rip her skin off her body. Only she no longer had just skin, her body was different, covered in thick fur. On the ground lay her tattered clothes.

Staggering backwards, she tried to work out why the world looked so different, and why Beck was looking at her appalled. What was wrong with her? Why was she on all fours? Four paws, and a tail, it was true, she wasn't a bird, she was a fearsome predator, and she was hungry. Crouching ready to pounce at Beck as he reached out for her, she took a leap. Misjudging it wildly, instead she soared over his head. Stopping for a moment to look back, she watched him dragging his clothes off, and then he shimmered, an act she now understood completely.

The snow leopard instinct to outrun a stronger predator kicked in, and she found herself running. However, four legs take a bit of getting used to; instinct did not help much with this. She found herself stumbling, tripping over her own feet, and the tail, how the hell did you use that for balance. Soon the bear was with her, running alongside her as she made a complete fool of herself.

Slowly she got the hang of it, and her body became more fluid, the bear only just managing to keep up. She could hear his laboured breathing as she sprinted across the open meadow. The wind whistled past her, and she flew, as though she were a bird, over the ground, her long strides eating up the distance to the hedge in the other side.

She could have jumped it, leaped high into the air, but somewhere the words of wisdom her father had shared with her found their way into her brain. She had to turn back soon, the first time this happened it was important not to let yourself go, otherwise the euphoria of the moment took you and you never wanted to return to your human form.

This new world would always be a constant battle between her human and animal side.

Little by little, she slowed down, the bear catching up with her. She could hear the beat of his heart, the sharp swift intakes of breath, and something else, something more. Silvery strands seemed to join them, only visible at a certain angle, sometimes not visible at all. She looked up in wonder at the moon and stars, and realised this was what made the bond between them visible, it was incredible, unreal even. Inside, the human Jenny laughed, you call that unreal; you're a freaking snow leopard.

"Jenny." His voice was a sharp command, pulling her back to herself. He was human again. "It's time to change back. I'm going to talk you through it, do you understand?"

She went to him, sniffed his hand and then pushed her head into it, softly purring. Rubbing her body along his leg, feeling the pull of his presence holding her back from running away again. As her mind calmed, her contentment spread, and her body softened into him. Sleek and lithe, for the first time in her life, but through all that, she knew she had to return to her human form.

Jenny turned and slid back along his legs, feeling his hands stroking her soft fur. Then she sat down in front of him, waiting for him to instruct her, hoping she would be able to do this right. Did anyone ever turn into something else, a half human half animal hybrid? She couldn't think like that, people had been doing this for centuries, there was no reason at all that she would not be able to turn back to herself.

"OK pussycat, listen to me and do as I say and this will be easy." She guessed that wasn't what her feline expression said, because he leaned forward and patted her head, stroking her fur to soothe her. "It will all work out, just keep calm, don't get frustrated if it takes a couple of attempts to start the change."

She had no way to communicate to him that she understood other than nodding her head, hoping he would understand she was ready.

"Right, here we go. Can you fix an image of yourself in your mind?"

She nodded again, struggling to keep the image clear when her snow leopard brain wanted to follow a trail into the woods. Creasing her face up with tension, she tried to maintain it, but it slipped away.