To Be a Dad (Harlequin Superromance) (23 page)

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

T
ERESSA
HATED
HAVING
Dusty in the small cubicle with her while the doctor examined her. She felt so...exposed. It wasn’t that she didn’t want him close by, but out in the waiting room would have worked better for her. By the look on Dusty’s face, it was safe to assume he wasn’t enjoying himself, either.

The doctor stood and pulled the sheet over her. “All your symptoms—bleeding, cramps and swollen ankles—are not unusual for pregnant women, but I think it’s a good idea if we take an ultrasound and see what’s going on in there. Have you had one yet?”

“No. I have an appointment next week.” She pressed her legs together.

“Okay. We’ll do one as soon as we can get a technician in here. I’m also going to keep you in the hospital for a few days for observation.”

Teressa sat up. “I can’t. I have children and a job.”

The doctor pulled up a chair and sat beside the bed, his back to Dusty. He hadn’t wanted Dusty in the room, either, because technically, he wasn’t a relative. “How much do you want this baby?” he asked her.

She heard Dusty suck in a breath. She knew how he felt, as though someone had just punched him, because she felt the same way. “More than anything.”

The doctor nodded. “Good. The baby’s probably fine, but you need to stay here for at least two days until we run some tests. And be prepared when you do go home, you’re going to be spending more time in bed than you probably want to. Which reminds me...” He turned to face Dusty. “Having sex is not a good idea until after the baby is born.”

Dusty flushed as red as a cooked lobster. “I just want Teressa and the baby to be okay.”

“Of course you do.” He turned back to Teressa. “We’ll get you moved into a room, and then take you down to the lab to do an ultrasound. If you get cramps or start bleeding again, let the nurse know. I’ll see you when we get the results from the test.”

Teressa lay back on the bed and closed her eyes. She was almost too tired to even feel guilty. Without coming right out and saying it, the doctor had implied having sex had caused the bleeding.

Dusty came close to the edge of the bed and gently pushed her hair off her forehead. She probably looked like a disaster. “I’m so sorry, Teressa. I should never have touched you.”

“I had cramps off and on all week and didn’t go to the doctor’s. If it’s anyone’s fault, it’s mine.” She kept her eyes closed, the effort to open them beyond her.

“Can I get you anything?”

A nurse came into the cubicle with a wheelchair. “It looks like you get to be our guest for a few days, Mrs. Wilder. If that handsome husband of yours would like to push your chair, I’ll show you where we’re moving you to.”

Wearing a light blue V-neck sweater that hugged his chest and old, worn jeans, Dusty did look handsome. And she looked like a hag. Didn’t matter. All she wanted was to crawl into a bed and sleep. Maybe the doctor had a point about bed rest—for two days. After that, they’d see.

“Can you phone my parents?” she asked after they’d installed her in a room. Another woman, asleep, or pretending to be, was in the other bed. The nurse had pulled the curtain closed between the beds to give them the illusion of privacy.

Dusty pulled a chair over to her bedside and sat. “Sure.”

“Aren’t you going home?”

“And leave you alone? No. I want to be here for the ultrasound, too.”

“And then you can go home.”

“Why are you so anxious to get rid of me?”

“I’m not,” she whined. “I’m so tired I can’t think.” She was ashamed of how she was acting, but she couldn’t seem to help herself. She was exhausted, and something about Dusty had always made it easy for her to not have to pretend to be stronger or smarter or anything other than exactly what she was. Feeling as vulnerable as she did right now, she was afraid she’d do or say something she’d regret. Would it be so bad to let someone take care of her for a change?

“Right.” He got to his feet, his face grim. “I’ll call your parents, and I’ll wait in the family room down the hall.”

“You’ll need a list for the kids.” She started counting on her fingers. “What time they have their bath, what each one will or will not eat, what they have to take to—” Dusty covered her fingers with his hand.

“We’ll manage, Teressa. Stop worrying.”

“Easy for you to say.”

“You think any of this is easy for me?” He looked deep into her eyes. “Is it for you?”

She squirmed, dismayed that she hadn’t given him the benefit of the doubt. Dusty had changed a lot in the past few months, but especially the last month, and she needed to start acknowledging that to him and to herself.

If she lost this baby...well, she’d known all along the only reason he was with her was because she was pregnant. If there was no baby, the incentive for staying together was gone, right? At least, for Dusty it would be. All along she’d assured herself she could handle him leaving her, but she wasn’t certain that was true anymore. She did know he’d break Sarah and Brendon’s hearts if he left.

Two hours later, Teressa envied Dusty as he paced the room while she was stuck in bed. The room was thick with anxiety, hers and Dusty’s, as they waited in her room for the doctor to arrive with the results of the ultrasound.

They both stiffened when the doctor strode into the room, several papers in his hands. Teressa searched his face, but she couldn’t pick up any clues from his neutral expression.

“How are you feeling now?” the doctor asked her as he dug in his breast pocket for his glasses.

A hundred percent worse. “Okay. No cramps.”

He nodded his approval. “Good. Well, I’ve got...news. Let me show you.”

He lined up the papers on the bedside tray. “Have a look at this one.” He pointed to the first printout of the ultrasound. “There’s your baby.”

Dusty’s hair brushed her cheek as he leaned forward with her to look at the image. “That’s our baby? It’s so small.”

“Not to worry. It will grow fast. Especially if Mom here stays off her feet. Now, look at this one. Do you see it?”

“Oh, my!” Teressa slapped a hand on her mouth. It couldn’t be.

“What? I don’t see anything.” Dusty sounded as if he were hyperventilating.

The doctor handed the paper to her. “I’ll let you do the honors, Mom.”

Teressa tried to swallow her tears as she kept her eyes on Dusty’s terrified expression. “We’re having twins.”

“Twins?” He looked from the doctor to her, a weird, strangled look on his face. In slow motion, his legs folded up and he crumpled to the floor.

“Oh, my God.” Teressa leaned over the side of the bed, trying to reach him. “Is he all right?”

“I’ll check. Stay where you are.” The doctor squatted down beside Dusty’s large body sprawled on the floor and felt his pulse. “I guess it’s true, the bigger they come, the harder they fall. You can stop crying. I don’t think he’s hurt.” He straightened Dusty’s leg out of an awkward angle. “Believe it or not, he’s not the first man I’ve had faint when they hear they’re having twins. I don’t suppose he’s felt nauseous lately.”

“Now that you mention, he has. Why? Is something wrong?”

The doctor stood. “I suspect your big, tough guy has couvade syndrome.”

For the second time in as many days, Teressa felt the earth shift beneath her feet. She’d always thought of Dusty as strong and healthy. He couldn’t be sick. “What is that?”

Dusty started to stir, and the doctor offered his hand to help him sit up. “Sympathetic pregnancy,” he said. “Hey, big guy, how are you feeling?”

“What happened?” Dusty’s eyes immediately sought hers.

The doctor clamped a hand on his shoulder. “You fainted. Can you stand up now?”

“Yeah. Thanks.” Dusty climbed to his feet, looking sheepish. “First time that’s happened.”

“I’m guessing it’s the first time you’ve had twins, too.”

“Twins.” Again he sought her gaze. She blinked back more tears. He’d said
twins
as if it was the most beautiful word in the world. “We’re having
two
babies, Teressa.”

She pulled the sheet up to her chin and fought the urge to melt under his proud gaze. Just wait until he had to get up in the middle of the night for not one, but two babies. If she carried the pregnancy to term, that is. Panic slid through her. Of course she’d go full-term. Like Dusty said, she was young and healthy.
Two
babies. Oh, my.

“Do you know the sex?” she croaked.

“You’ll know with the next ultrasound. I’ll notify your ob-gyn, and she can set it up. You still have to stay here for at least two days.” He started writing on her chart. “I’m recommending you stay off your feet for a good portion of each day. But I think it would be good for you to walk a half hour twice a day. Or break that down into fifteen minutes four times a day.”

He put the chart in the slot at the bottom of the bed. “I’ve requested a couple tests to be done today. Did you say you have children at home?”

Teressa let out a sigh before she could catch it. “Two. Sarah’s six and Brendon’s three.”

The doctor turned to Dusty. “I hope you’re ready to take on the lion’s share of the work around the house. And you.” He frowned at Teressa. “Get as much rest as possible while you’re here. I’ll see you in a couple days before we release you.”

After the doctor left, Dusty kept his back to her as he stood at the window and stared outside. It was light enough now to see the outline of the buildings on the hill below them. Her heat fluttered. He’d changed his mind. He’d finally come to his senses and was going to run, and he was trying to find the courage to tell her. She’d known all along he’d back out when the going got rough.
Two babies
. She started crying. She couldn’t do this.

“Hey.” Dusty turned and moved over to her when he saw her tears. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

“I can’t do it. I can’t have another two children. I just can’t,” she sobbed.

Dusty lifted up the blanket. “Move over.”

“What are you doing?”

“I’m getting in bed with you. Move it.”

She scooted over as far as she could. Dusty kicked off his work boots and climbed onto the bed and slid his arm around her shoulders. She laid her head on his chest, relaxing to the sound of his heartbeat.

“What were you thinking about at the window?” she asked. Might as well get it all out in front of them so she knew what she was dealing with.

“I was thinking of how life can change so quickly. No matter how hard you try, it can get away from you. At least we’ve got each other.”

“Do we?”

“I may be going out on a limb, but I assumed we’d continue living together at least for now.”

“I thought you were plotting ways to run away.”

He looked down at her. “You’re kidding, right?”

“There’s a small chance I could have a miscarriage.”

“That’s not going to happen, Tee. You’re going to be fine as long as you follow the doctor’s orders.”

If only it was that simple. How about if she also opened her heart and invited Dusty in? What if she took the chance, and he said no?

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

T
ERESSA
SETTLED
INTO
the passenger seat of the truck and stole another look at Dusty. Was it her imagination or did he get better looking every time she saw him? It must be true that absence makes the heart grow fonder, because she hadn’t seen him since Sunday night, when he’d brought the kids to visit her at the hospital. Yesterday afternoon he called and in a harried voice said he didn’t think he could make it to town and was that all right? She wanted to ask him what was so important he couldn’t visit, but bit her lip and told him she was fine. Then she careened between feeling desperately lonely and worrying what kind of trouble Dusty had gotten into now. Surely if Sarah and Brendon weren’t okay, someone would have phoned her.

Anita had dropped by for an hour in the afternoon and tried to assure her that everything was fine at home, and Pops had arrived around suppertime with Ada, who had brought her homemade chicken soup. The soup tasted almost as good as her own recipe.

“Everything okay at home?” she asked Dusty again.

Dusty sent her a sardonic look as he pulled out of the parking lot. “For the tenth time, everything’s fine. I got Sarah and Brendon off to school and day care this morning. Adam cooked supper last night and ended up staying to eat. That was nice. Cal and Anita dropped by the night before. I think I heard Tyler say something about cooking supper for us tonight. Don’t worry.” He grinned. “Adam said he’d supervise.”

“It sounds like Grand Central Station at our place.”

“I think it’s good for Sarah and Brendon to have lots of family around. I’ve been watching them get to know everyone better. I think Sarah’s over me. She’s crushing on Cal now, and I’ve gotta tell you, it’s a hoot watching him handle her.”

She sniffed. “Apparently, no one missed me. That’s good, I suppose.”

Dusty pulled into the parking lot beside them and put the truck in Neutral. Before she realized what he was doing, he cupped her face with both hands and kissed her long and hard. When he finally released her, he calmly put the truck in gear and pulled back into traffic. It took her several tries before she caught her breath.

“Before we get home I should warn you Sarah’s moved into your room because she missed you, but I don’t think she’s going to give up the room without a fight.” He threw her a smile. “How do you feel about sleeping with me? I love the idea of falling asleep with you beside me every night. Besides, we’ll need to keep the twins with us for the first few months, or so Ada says, and my room is the only one big enough for all four of us.”

Heat stirred deep in her belly. She had no problem sleeping with Dusty. If she just had herself to think about, they probably would have “slept” together eons ago. But she still worried that losing the twins was a possibility. If that happened, then what?

She’d had a lot of time to think in the past two days. She finally admitted Dusty fit into their lives perfectly. He loved Sarah and Brendon, and they loved him. The only thing that held her back from committing herself to Dusty was her hang-ups. She couldn’t even use the excuse that he was irresponsible, because he had changed so much in the past few months. But there was still something there, and not just with her, but with him, too.

He’d never said he loved her. Could he be holding back because
he
didn’t trust
her?
And for her part, could she honestly tell him marrying him was enough for her? That she wouldn’t regret giving up her dreams once and for all and be happy to live in Collina?

She forced herself to concentrate on what he was saying. Oh, yes, sleeping together. “You remember the doctor said no sex, right?”

“Yeah, about that. I called him. He’s mostly worried about penetration because...I don’t know. The floor of your vagina is thin? Does that sound right to you?”

“Possibly. What if I lose the babies?” she blurted out. Damn. She could have approached that topic in a more gentle way.

A vein pulsed in his jaw. “You won’t.”

“But what if I do? The twins are the reason we’re together. You’d be free to leave.”

She immediately felt bereft when he pulled his hand away from hers. “You still don’t get it, do you? Maybe you’re right. Maybe we don’t belong together.”

“I have to think of the children,” she barely managed to say past the rock in her throat.

Dusty was silent for a few minutes. He might as well have been sitting in another vehicle rather than right beside her. She felt walls going up all around her.

“You’re not being reasonable when you think Sarah and Brendon have to rely entirely on you. There are a lot of people who love them, and if you’d let them get closer to the kids and spend more time with them, everyone’s life would be richer. Not everyone is like your mother. It’s possible to love Brendon and Sarah and not expect anything in return. If you decide you don’t want to marry me, I’ll accept your decision. But the twins are going to know what it’s like to be part of a big family. I won’t have it any other way. I’d hate to think Sarah and Brendon would miss out on all the fun.”

He still hadn’t said anything about loving her. Feeling bruised inside, Teressa shrank down into her winter coat and stuffed her cold hands in her pockets. Dusty didn’t understand. Aside from the help her mother had given, which always came at a price, she’d been solely responsible for Sarah and Brendon. And now he was telling her the way she was raising them was wrong. Was it possible he was right? That all she’d had to do all these years was ask for help?

Good thing she’d had a couple days of rest in the hospital because she was exhausted already, and she wasn’t even home yet.

When they finally pulled into the yard, she shoved aside her depressing thoughts. She’d expected pandemonium when she walked into the house, but it was eerily quiet. “Where are Sarah and Brendon?”

Dusty put her overnight bag on the floor. “I told you, school and day care.”

“Of course.” She felt out of sorts, like a visitor in her own home. She hung up her coat and slipped off her shoes. “The house looks okay.” The floor was a little crunchy under foot and there were dirty dishes stacked in the sink, but she supposed it looked like a house where busy people lived.

“Sarah swept the floor this morning. I think she missed a few places. And Brendon was supposed to put the dishes in the dishwasher, but he couldn’t find his sneakers, so we had to look for them instead.”

Nothing was done up to her standards and yet the house was still standing.

Dusty hung up his jacket and kicked off his boots, but went back and nudged them into the closet. He grimaced at her. “I’m learning. Want a cup of tea?”

“Sounds good.” She started leafing through the mail stacked on the counter. “What’s with the tent in the living room?”

Dusty laughed, and the house suddenly came to life. “That’s an experiment gone bad. First night, I thought the kids could use a little distraction, so we pretended we were camping. They kind of got overexcited. I’ll put it away as soon as you go to bed.”

“I’m not going to bed.” She’d been lying on her back for two days. Her muscles screamed for exercise.

“Yeah, you are. Doctor’s orders.” He came up behind her and scooped her into his arms. “I bought you a present.” He carried her into the bedroom and set her carefully on the edge of the bed.

“What?”

He handed her a bag from Victoria’s Secret.

“I really don’t think I’m in the mood—”

“Humor me. Need some help changing?” His eyes sparkled.

He was doing it again, making her fall in love with him. She wanted to. She wanted to give him her heart and say,
take care, it’s fractured
. “Give me a minute,” she said in a husky voice.

He hesitated, but finally left her alone.

She dumped the contents of the bag onto her lap and held up the beautiful nightgown Dusty had bought for her. It was dark green silk with an empire waistline, so she’d be able to wear it when her belly grew bigger. She pulled her clothes off and let the nightgown drift over her. It fell to just above her ankles and covered her modestly enough that she could wear it around Sarah and Brendon, but the way the folds of material clung to her full figure left no doubt she was a woman. Wearing it made her feel beautiful.

She sniffed back tears. Dusty had bought it for her, not for him. He knew she’d hate having to stay in bed and in his way, was trying to make her feel better about being confined. She lay back on the bed and closed her eyes.

Dusty was right. Sometimes she forgot to think about herself and what she wanted. For years she’d played the same old tired scenario in her head. She was young and successful and living in an exotic place far away from here. But she was no longer that young girl. She was a woman, and she wanted to be loved for exactly who she was, not the person she thought she should be. Is that what Dusty had been trying to tell her all along? He loved
her?
Warts and all.

She was a coward, afraid to reach out for what she wanted. What would it take to shake her out of the hole she’d dug herself into?

* * *

A
WEEK
LATER
, Teressa had half an hour to get a grip, pull herself out of her depression and think about the bride, Sylvie, who absolutely glowed today. She wanted to be the one getting married, but she still hadn’t found the courage to ask Dusty to marry her. She wanted what Sylvie had. To be in love and to be loved.

Teressa moved to stand behind her friend and look at her reflection in the mirror. “Your gown is perfect. You look fantastic. Just like we planned when we were kids. Remember?”

Sylvie had surprised them all when she’d insisted on a traditional wedding. She was the artist, after all. Teressa had expected almost anything except traditional. But Sylvie had made the right choice. Her long, white gown laced up the back, showcasing her slender back and shoulders. Blond curls spilled out irreverently from beneath the traditional bridal veil.

Teressa’s lip trembled as a wave of nostalgia rose inside her. They’d planned their weddings together when they were twelve years old. Not many years after that Sylvie moved to Toronto to study art, and it had taken her far too many years to find her way home. But she was finally getting her wedding. Unlike Teressa, who had pushed away the only man who could possibly love her, because she was so demanding. Just like her mother.

Sylvie laughed a beautiful golden sound. “I’d forgotten about us making those plans,” she said.

A few months ago, Teressa hadn’t thought it possible her friend could be as happy as she was today. She’d been so lost, but she’d finally put it all together, and Teressa thought of Adam as Sylvie’s reward for being true to herself. If there was a lesson in there for herself, she failed to see it.

“Listen.” Teressa smiled at Sylvie in the mirror. “If you have any second thoughts about Adam, let me know. I still think he picked the wrong woman.”

If it hadn’t been so apparent that Sylvie was the center of Adam’s world, Teressa wouldn’t have dared joke. But Sylvie and Adam were made for each other. Any fool could see that after being around them for five minutes.

What did people see when they looked at her and Dusty? An ocean of trouble? Not that there was any
her and Dusty
. They merely cohabited a home, being overly polite and solicitous to each other. If Dusty asked her in that gentle tone he’d adopted lately if she wanted one more cup of tea, she was going to scream.

She forced her mind back to Sylvie and her wedding. In a few minutes, Pops would arrive with the car to pick up the bride and the bridesmaid and take them to the church, where Dusty was waiting right now as Adam’s best man. “I’m so happy for you, Sylvie. You deserve to be happy.”

Tears welled in her eyes again, and she swung away and pretended to be fascinated with the bouquet of flowers sitting on the coffee table in Sylvie and Adam’s living room. She
had
to stop crying.

“Are you okay, Teressa?”

“Of course.” She wiped an errant tear away with her fingertip before turning around. “I’m a little weepy,” she confessed. “Hormones, you know?”

Sylvie looked at Teressa’s waist, which the exquisite blue velvet dress Sylvie had ordered made for her, emphasized. It was the last design Teressa would have chosen, it was too short, too tight, but when she’d put it on, she’d felt...beautiful. Womanly. The top showed a bit more cleavage than she felt comfortable with, but no one was going to be looking at her, anyway.

“You’re allowed to feel weepy. Stay away from the punch, though. I think Tyler had plans to spike it.”

“I’m going to start teaching Tyler how to cook,” Teressa said.

“Are you?”

Although Sylvie owned a third of the café, Teressa often forgot to discuss her plans with her partners. “Unless you or Adam have a problem with that,” she conceded. It was Sylvie’s wedding day after all. “He’s going nowhere, and needs a trade. Plus, now that Adam and you are getting married, Adam will probably want more time off to go with you when you have to travel for art exhibits.”

“I think it’s a good idea to train Tyler. You’re right, he needs something to make him employable.” Sylvie picked up a pearl earring and put it on. “But Adam and I aren’t planning on traveling a lot.”

“But you could if you wanted to.”

“Yes, but we won’t. We love it here.”

But Sylvie could leave anytime she wanted. She could go to Paris, London, Rome. Anywhere. “Why?” Teressa asked.

“Why what?” Sylvie slipped on the second earring. They both looked at her reflection in the mirror.

“Why would you stay here when you can go anywhere you want?”

Sylvie looked thoughtful for a minute. “It’s interesting to visit different countries and cities, but for me, what matters most is the people. I feel loved here. Like I matter. You can lose yourself in a big city if you don’t have anyone else.”

Teressa frowned. “I guess that makes sense.” A corner of her mouth quirked up. “I saw Oliver on my way here. He looked yummy.” Oliver was Sylvie’s agent and once-upon-a-time lover. Refined, sophisticated and handsome in a cultured way, he was the complete opposite of Adam, who looked like a brawler. But the longer you knew Adam, the less you noticed his rough edges, and Teressa didn’t know a kinder person.