Three Thousand Miles (7 page)

“That bathroom is huge, i
s
this a
luxury room?” Katharine says as she pours out of the bathroom door and seats herself down once again on the chair.

“I don’t know I am pretty sure this is just a standard room
.
”

“A
nyway how are feeling?” Katharine says changing the subject.

“Fine but I am starving and this food is awful,” I say squinting my face at the very thought of it. Katharine rises up and looks at the tray she takes the spoon and swirls the soup around in the bowl. She twists her face
at the very look of it.

“T
hat looks terrible do they actually expect you eat
that?” I laugh a little.

“I guess so Dr James insisted he choose my meals for me
.
”

“Why?” S
he says looking confused.

“He said that I am not up to eating big meals or something all I know is that I am starved
.
”

“T
hat’s awful I feel so bad
.
”

“D
on’t be
,
” I say smiling
at her as I push the tray
to one side.

“Alanna
,
what’s going on with you and Adrian?” Katharine says and I am apprehensive to what she is saying.

“What do you mean?”

“Alanna
,
why isn’t he here?” I look down at my hands and they begin to sweat. I do not like the thought of Adrian not being here but I hate to talk it about even more.

“I have no idea
,
”

“C
o
me on Alanna, what’s going on?” S
he says as she pushes this matter further.

“I really don’t know
,
the last time
that
I spoke to him everything was fine and he was on his way to college to meet me
.
I am just as shocked about this as you are
.” S
he sighs and looks to me.

“I don’t know what his problem is
.
”

“Y
ou said you saw him at that day I was brought in
,
didn’t he talk to you about anything?”

“Not really
,
I could clearly see that he was distraught about everything
.
”

“B
ut didn’t you talk to him and try to comfort him
?
”

“Alanna
,
I don’t think he is my biggest fan and even if I did try to soothe him do you really think that he would let me?” I push my hair back from my face and exhale. I thro
w
my head back and look to the ceiling.

“You are right
,
he wouldn’t have let you
,
he is too private for that and he doesn’t really know you. Katharine
,
has Michael heard from him?” I say and my hearts skips beats until Katharine answers.

“I don’t think so
.
”

“Y
ou have to be sure
.
”

“H
e talks to his father a lot on the phone and I hear him ask about Adrian but there is nothing to tell
.
I don’t think that anyone has seen him or heard from him
.
”

“T
his can’t be! Why is he acting like this?” I say almost shouting at Katharine as if she somehow has all the answers.

“I don’t know
Alanna
,
I got the feeling that he blames himself for what happened
.
” I shift nervously
.

“T
hat’s ridiculous it’s not his fault
.
”

“I know that
,
but I am just saying that from the way Adrian was acting he did blame himself
.
”

“T
hat’s why I have to talk to him
.
I have to make him see that none of what happened could ever be his fault
. H
e needs to understand that I am going to be ok
,
he doesn’t have to worry about me anymore
.” I
have to fight back a tear as his glowing eyes enter my mind.

“He needs to pick up the phone and stop sulking
.
” Katharine says in an urgent voice.

“How can I make him answer me there is no way for me to do that?”

“We will have to figure this out you can’t
go on like this you and Adrian
are
meant for one another
.
”

“A
gain
, what can we do
?”

“What if I called him?”

“Do you really think he would answer?”

“It’s worth a shot and he doesn’t have my number so he might think its business and answer
.
”

“I don’t know but if you feel you want to then
,
yes
,
try it
.
” Katharine reaches into her bag and takes out her phone
. S
he flick
s
through the numbers but does not dial.

“I don’t have his number
.
”

“G
et it from here
,
” I say as I hand over the white
B
lackberry that he sent me. Katharine flicks through my phone until she comes across Adrian’s number
. S
he quickly types it into her phone and looks to me before she hits send.

“Are you sure
that
you want me to do this?”

“Yes
,
why wouldn’t I?”

“Haven’t you stopped to think
about,
if he does
answer,
what he might say?”  I realise that I have not. He could say anything from
,
he does not love me anymore
,
to that he has found someone else. Now that Katharine has planted doubt, my mind is working overtime. Even with all the negative thoughts, I have, I still want to her to call him. I need to know that he is ok and that possibly he is thinking of me. I take a deep breath and
I
say.

“Yes
,
I have thought about it
,
and all the possibilities
,
but I still want you to call him
,
I know
that
I would regret it if I told you not to
.
” Katharine does not answer instead she hits the call the button. The phone begins to ring and I can feel my heart race as we wait for Adrian to pick up. My chest is thumping even harder the longer I wait for him to answer.
I look to Katharine and I notice
that she is just as nervous as I am. Katharine’s face has lost its entire colour and her eyes are blinking rapidly.  Her breathing is heavy as she holds the phone to her ear. I notice the movements of her face as I look down to floor.

“Hello”, she finally says and I realise that Adrian has answered. My heart is now pounding and I feel that if it beats any faster it will jump out of my chest. I immediately focus my attention
on
Katharine.

“Adrian it is Katharine, please don’t hang up
!” S
he says her voice sounding urgent.  Katharine walks over and sits next to me on the bed. She puts the speakerphone on and begins to talk to Adrian.

“Adrian, I need to talk to you
,”
her voice now sounds weaker than before.

“Go ahead
,
” Adrian says
and my heart feels as if
it has sank into a deep ocean at the sound of his muscular voice.

“Where are you Adrian?”

“That is
not important, how is Alanna?” H
e sa
ys in his deep London accent. “S
he is fine and recovering well, she needs you
.” M
y nerves are shot and I cannot bear listening to his voice
.
I want to scream out to him, how much
that
I love him but I hold back and take in his words.

“I am glad
that
she is ok but
,
you are wrong
,
she doesn’t need me in her life
.
”

“S
he does need you
,
she loves you and you love her to
o,
don’t deny it
.
”

“I know how she feels, but Katharine she is better off without me I only bring risk to her and I wo
n’t allow that to happen again.”
Katharine stares at me, as I stare back I see that her face is mystified she must find this hard to understand. If this was Katharine in my situation, I know that I would be a lot sharper with Adrian. 

“You are making no sense
,
” I hear Adrian sigh
.

“Katharine, I am bad for Alanna and the sooner everyone sees that the better
.” “No
, you are what she
needs,
you cannot abandon her like this
.” S
he says now sounding sharper.

“She will get over this and she will see that
her
life is better and safer without me
.
” I feel the urge again to scream out to him but
,
yet again, I resist.

“If you believe that then you are crazy, she will never get over you
,
she loves you too much to even try.”

“Yes
,
I know
that
she loves me, I thank god every day that I met her, and she showed me
how to care and how to you love.
I will never get over her but I know that if I care for her then I have to let her go
.” H
e says in a desperate but sad voice. I am, scared by what he is saying. I felt that this was all just a brief thing and that he would come round in time. Hearing his words now seems too real and my worst fears about losing him are now realised. I try my hardest to fight back the tears that fill my eyes however, I am unsuccessful and they start to pour freely from eyes. Katharine looks to me and her face is sympathetic, she quickly reaches into her bag and pulls out a white tissue that is, designed with little daisies in the corner. She hands me the tissue and I nod to her in appreciation. I wipe away as much of my salty tears as I can. Katharine looks very annoyed now and I can see the frustration in her eyes.

“
Adrian, you are fooling no-one.
I know that you are still in love with Alanna, its time you got over yourself and came back
.
” Katharine
’s
expressions have also changed and I can tell that she is mad at Adrian. He
r
lips are white and her face is the same, her forehead is crinkled and stressed and the look she has in her
eyes is the same one she usually saves for her outbursts towards her brother Leo.

“Katharine, you think you know everything but you know nothing,” Adrian says and his voice now sounds frustrated. I remember the tone he uses when he is angry an
d this is
it.

“Perhaps you should tell me? If I don’t know anything then fill me in, I am all ears,” she says very sarcastically.

“I don’
t have time, now leave me alone.
” Adrian says back just as sarcastically.

“Don’t hang up, we are not done here
,
” she says and the desperation in her voice is deafening.

“What do you want me to say?” He snaps
and now he is very annoyed.  My mind flashes back to that day when he threw me over his shoulder. The way he pulled me after him was very surprising and the look
that
he had in his eyes was not something I had seen before. He frightened me that day and I saw another side to him. Although I was extremely angry with him for the way he had acted, I still had this unconditional love for him that I could never shake off. His words now have me just as annoyed and angry as I was that day, the love on the other hand is there even more so than it was before.

“Just tell the truth, you love her,” Katharine says.

“I do love her but I am n
ot going to be with her, I cannot
have her and I definitely don’t deserve Alanna’s love.”