Three Thousand Miles (5 page)

“Not yet but I am sure he will get in touch soon
,
” my mom shakes her head a little at my words. It is clear to see that she does not want me to be talking to her about this.

“Alanna you promised that if he didn’t contact you then you would forget him
.
I don’t want to see you obsessed with this guy
!” S
he says and her word
s
are icy and her face is too infuriated.

“Mom it’s not a case of me just forgetting him you don’t understand him and I am not obsessed,
” I protest, as
I feel very uneasy around my mom
.
I could never have imagined that she would act like this. After all she was very supportive when I first told her about Adrian so I do not fully understand why she is acting the way she is.

“Alanna
,
you are
seem
different now and
I feel that he has changed you. Y
ou aren’t into the same things as you used to be and I never hear of you going out anywhere
,
anymore and I am staring to think that he is possibly the reason for that
.” My mom’s voice is firm as she moves
closer to me.

“No
,
it’s not that he is the reason
that
I don’t go out as much as I used
to. I
t’s because I don’t find the mindless chatter about boob jobs and face lifts and
who has the best car interesting
.” M
y voice is loud and I feel instant guilt for raising my voice to my mom.

“You used to care Alanna,
” she responds
and her voice is quiet and her face looks sad. I hate my attitude and I hate this situation. If only Adrian were here then I know that everything would be ok. I would have none of this worry and none of the guilt. I wish that my life could be drama
-
free but I know that it will never be.

“I am sorry mom but I want you to know how I feel about Adrian,” I say as I slowly climb into the bed. I sit myself up high and rest the pillow under my head
.
I turn to look at my mom and I fight back a tear as I look at her beautiful face.

“Sweetie I know
that
you wouldn’t be acting this way if he wasn’t special to you
. S
o please
,
I want you to tell me about him if you feel you still want to?” I smile and I am grateful
that
my mom has given me this opportunity to explain to her who Adrian really is.

“Adrian
has
had a very traumatic child hood, he was hooked on drugs at the age of ten and he
has
never had a family to look after him
.” I
notice that my mom looks very surprised but she does not say a word. I
continue to talk before she has
the courage to speak.

“H
is father left him when he was two an
d his mother never got over it. S
he drank and took drugs to numb the pain she had about Adrian’s father leaving
.” I see that my mom
has something to say
and I fear what she has to say
. Will she feel for Adrian or will she despise him?

“Alanna
,
I had no idea that his life was as bad as that
. H
ow did he make the millions he has today? And where is his mother now?”

“H
is m
other is here in
New York
. H
e has not seen her since he was twelve, when h
e was fourteen
Mr Jenkins
adopted him. H
e showed him how to deal in business and help him to establish his own company
.
Adrian owes everything to him
.” M
y words feel like distant memories
,
It was not so long ago that Adrian was telling me all this
. Yet it seems as if
a lifetime has passed between then and now. I worry that I will forget him the longer
that
we are apart. 

“I don’t know what to say
,
I feel sorry for the guy
.
Alanna
,
he must have some kind of issues about this?” I shift nervously around and I can see that my mom has picked up on it.

“
Alanna
,
is th
ere something more that you would like
to tell me about him?” she says, as she looks deep into my eyes.

“No
,
I just
want you to understand how I
feel about everything
. T
he parties and the high society crowd do not interest me anymore
.
I have realised that
life is more important and
I can’t be drawn into that lifestyle anymore
. N
ot when I know how hard life is for other people
.
”

“Alanna you have always cared too much about other people
but
that’s just who you are
h
owever
,
I don’t want you to miss out on life because you feel guilty
.
” I sigh and I know that my mom is right in what she is saying. I know that I am not a bad person and going to a glamorous party will not make me a villain
. H
owever that does not stop the aches of guilt
that
I have on how selfish these parties and people can be. While they sip on their champagne
,
and talk about their trips to Paris
,
somewhere out there an innocent child is going through what Adrian has. That feeling takes over my body, I begin to despise the people around me and th
eir
selfish ways
,
and
all
I feel like doing is rushing out and helping those who are in need.

“I am not missing out on life
,
but the priorities in my life have changed
.
I am not the same girl
that
I used to be
.
”

“I can see that Alanna
and
I
am
very proud of you for caring so much about others
. B
ut I still feel
that
you need to concentrate on you and especially now
.” M
y mom takes my hand and I can see that she does have my best interests in mind so I look her and
I
say
.

“I will focus on myself
but I can’t give up on Adrian
.” S
he rolls her eyes slightly and fidgets with
her
skirt. I feel that she has more to say an
d I want everything to be out,
so I am going to quiz her on how she really feels.

“You look as if
you have something more to say,” I say looking her directly in the eye as I sit up further in the bed. My mom mov
es back from me a little.

“H
ave you ever considered Michael as an option?” I am shocked at her words and I feel
that
I want
to know on how she feels about Michael
.

“What about Michael?” I have an idea of
what she will say
, but I ask anyway as I want it to be clear
.

“He clearly cares for you and I feel that he would be a better choice for you
.
I don’t feel that would take
the
control as much as Adrian and possibly you would have a better life with Michael
.
” I
listen to her speak and I cannot
process what she says
.
W
hy would she think that I would be better off with Michael? I do not understand why she would want me to choose him over Adrian has she listened to anything
that
I have said?

“Why would you want me to be with him?”

“Because he loves you and he saved your life
. S
ur
e
ly you can see that now you are bonded with him
and
trust me you will not get over a thing like that. Every day you live
,
every time you breathe
,
you will owe all that to him and I could never imagine Adrian living up to that
.
” I hold my head in my hands
,
is what she saying true? Will I treat Adrian differently after what Michael has done? I lean back and
I
push my hair from my face with my hands
.
I exhale and
I
try to respond.

“You are right
that
I do owe everything to him and I feel very strongly towards him and maybe he would be the sensible choice
. However,
I do not love him the way I do Adrian. I have thought of all the possibilities and if I were with Michael, things would be different
. B
ut I would not have that great love
,
I would just be settling for him and he deserves so much more than that
.” M
y mom reaches out and takes my hand
.

“S
weetie I just want you to be happy and if Adrian makes you happy then who am I to stand in your way
. However,
Alanna you have to promise me that you will take better care of yourself
. A
fter what has happened you should put you
r
priorities in order and make the most of life
.
” I smile and I slowly shift over to her. I wrap my arms around her and hold her as tight as I can. I breathe in her Chanel no5 perfume and think back to a simpler time. It was the night of my senior prom and Sophie and I were getting ready in my mom’s oversized
bedroom. We sat at the massive antique white dressing table. My mom’s jewels and pearls lay before us as we styled our hair until it was the most perfect
that
it could be. Our glamorous ball gowns lay on the bed set out with every
accessory possible. My dress was a
Vera Wang that my mom had specially bought me. It was a soft baby pink and was very fitted and faltering. The tight bodice showed of my tiny waist and the back flowed until it reached the floor. The white
,
stitched
-
in
,
pearls and diamonds were a special touch that my mom added. She had wanted the dress to be as special as it could be and that is exactly what it was. It was my dream dress and it twinkled in the light. I felt unique as I danced away at my prom. With Sophie also in a custom designed gown.
Her
’
s
was lilac, it fitted her like a glove it flowed down her back, and she looked stunning. I remember that night vividly and I still hear the musi
c that played. I think of my life and how
I thought that night,
it
was complete. I did not have a boyfriend but I felt that I did not need one. If someone had told me then how things would pan out
then
I would have laughed in there face and told them
.
“That wasn’t
me
,
I am not the type to be defined
by a guy.”
When the night ended and
when
Sophie was named prom queen and I saw how happy that had made her. I felt that nothing would ever matter as much as this. Most of the girls were jealous and thought Sophie did not deserve to win. Inside I felt
that there could be no one else
who deserved it as much as she did. I hated the comments that the rude girls made and I despised the fact that they would insult Sophie in the way they did. I knew they were cruel but that night jealously took over. I arrived home to find that my mom had waited up for me. She sat in the living room with her favourite book and sipped away at a hot chocolate. I walked in and her eyes light up
. W
e talked for ages about everything that had happened at prom
. S
he was a little surprised that Sophie was crowned prom queen however; she felt that Sophie needed that in her life and was glad
that
it made her so happy. We sat by the fire and talked for hours
and
there was a distinctive smell of her favourite perfume
, which
filled the air
,
as I lay closer to my mom
.
I will always remember that night and remember the aroma of Chanel no5.