Three Thousand Miles (6 page)

“Alanna are you asleep?” I hear a low voice say.  I open my eyes and I see Katharine poking her head in through the door. I shift up into the bed and focus my eyes on her. When I do, I am reminded of her beauty. Her shoulder
length
,
strawberry
-
blonde hair is slicked back into a hig
h bun. She is dressed in black,
a button
-
up cashmere sweater and black skinny jeans. He
r
long legs look even longer than before as she towers with her six-inch heels on. She has a look of concern on her face. I hope that there is nothing wrong and I am glad to see her. She is one of my closest friends and I hated the time
that
we spent arguing over Michael. As I gaze at her, I cannot
understand why Michael did not
see how remarkable she is. And I am completely confounded by the fact that he would choose me over her. In comparison, I am short and dainty and I do not think
that I am
half as pretty as she is. There are so many guys that would love to be with Katharine and not me. I wish that Michael were one of them because if he were then there would not be any issues and Michael could be happy. I know that Katharine
did
,
and
possibly still does
,
have very strong feelings towards him. I would love it if Michael could see that she would be pe
rfect for him.

“Come on in” I say to Katharine in a sweet
,
glad voice. She smiles as she walks over to me. I gaze at her and she leans down and gives me a gentle hug. When she pulls back, she flings her bag down on the floor and takes a seat by the bedside.

“You look so much be
tter now, how are you feeling?” S
he says in a sympathetic voice.

“I am getting there,
I still have pain but when t
he pills kick in its not so bad. S
o tell me how have you been?” I say to Katharine
. S
he has now leaned back fully in the chair
,
crossed her legs and folded her arms. That is a sign that she has something on her mind and I wonder what is puzzling her.

“I have been ok Alanna
,
” her tone urges me even more in to thinking that not all might be good with her.

“Is there something you want to talk about?” I say and she considers her words before she speaks.

“I don’t want to burden you
,
” she says and looks to floor as she does.

“I am your friend and you could never be a burden
. T
alk to me and tell me what’s wrong?” I say and
I
move up further in the bed feeling a jab of pain as I do.

“It’s about Michael
,” M
y heart skips a beat as I hear that words.

“Is he ok?”

“Yes he is fine
,
” I am relieved to hear that and now I wonder what she really
has
to say about him.

“Alanna this is hard for me
. W
hat I have to say I don’t know if I can
.
” I begin to get slightly irritated and cannot hold back what I am about to say.

“Katharine I really wish you would just get to the point
!” S
he looks at me and
the
urgency in my tone assists her in speaking.

“I am with him again
,
” I do not answer her I just look at her confused
.

“Alanna, I
know that this has possibly come as a shock to you but I care about him a lot and I want to be with him
.
I hope
that
you
can
understand
?” M
y heart is racing I know that I have wished for this but now that it is a reality I don’t know exactly how I feel about this. What miffs me the most is Michael?  I do not see how this could be. How could he just change his mind like that? One minute he is asking me to go away with him and the next he is back together with my friend. He hasn’t even been here since I
have
w
a
ke
ned and
how does even know that I am ok? He saved my life and said he loved me but now he has moved on to Katharine. I expected him
,
at least
,
to call but he has not and I start to think that possibly he does not love me anymore. I am silent as I stare at Katharine
.
I do not want her to see how irritated this has
made me. Therefore, I smile at her.

“Katharine when did this happen?” S
he sighs and begins
.

“I
t was around the time he was brought in to hospital
.
”

“C
an you tell me more?”

“Yes, when I heard about what had happened I was so scared and I came immediately
. W
hen I did, I saw Adrian and Sophie talking in the hallway I knew
from their faces that things were serious and I was terrified that something bad would happen to you and Michael
.
I ran over to them and they told me that you were about to go into surgery
. T
hey said that there was nothing any of us could do we just had to wait
.
”

“K
atharine how did Adrian seem,” S
he sits up further in the chair and her face is more serious now.

“He looked terrible he was in such a state
,
I ha
d
never
seem
him like that before
,
and it worried me but it also put things into perspective
.
”

“W
hat was put into perspective?” I snap a little at Katharine but I smile quickly to redeem myself.

“For the first time in my life I felt like I was going to lose someone
that
I loved and it wasn’t just you
,
Alanna that I was upset about
. M
y heart felt like it was going to fall out
of
my body at the thought of losing Michael
.
”

“I see but how did you two get together again? After all
,
he did hurt you before
,
what changed?” She looks bewildered by my comments but at the same time, I know she will have answer for me.

“I went to his room after the surgery and
I
knew from the way I felt in his presence that there had to be more for us
. S
eeing him lay there helpless and scared I have never seen that side to him before and it captivated me
.
I can’t put into words how I feel about him
.
” I sigh and continue talking to her.

“Did he make the first move on you?”

“Not exactly
, during his stay at the
hospital which was for about a week or so
?
I visite
d him daily and he, unlike you,
did not sleep a lot
. S
o there was a lot of time for us to talk about things and the feelings I had for him became stronger
.
I told him how I felt and to my surprise, he said he felt the same
way
. Alanna
,
I know that Michael also has feelings for you but I am willing to look past that because both Michael and I know that you are infatuated with Adrian
.” W
hat can I say back to her? She is now with Michael and there is nothing
that
I can do about it. She is right in what she is saying
: that
for me it will always be Adrian. However, I still feel very strongly about Michael and I am beginning to
worry why he has not come to visit me yet? I want him to be happy and if Katharine can make him happy then I will have to accept that although it is hard to take and I will need time to adjust. Again, I did wish for this but somehow I feel that my wish is not a miracle but instead a disaster and I am not one
-
hundred
-
per
-
cent happy about it. I need Michael more now than I did before
and
with Adrian away, he is the only part of him
that
I have left. The only part that proves that Adrian was not just a dream
, h
e was real and the way he felt about me was real. I will never go a day without thinking of him. My heart is aching from not seeing him and now that I do not have Michael in the way
that
I used to
,
my pain has only worsened. I feel that I am to suffer without them in my life. I need at least one before I can ever be happy. I slip out from underneath the covers and position myself on the edge of the bed. My foot hits the cold floor and I look to my friend. Her face is anxious but if I look long enough into her eyes, I can see that she is happy. I remember when she first saw Michael and I feel that she knew from that moment that she wanted him. She longed for Michael and followed him around like a lost puppy until he took notice. Her days were spent spying on him and wondering where he was. My mind rushes back to the first time
that
I saw him with her. Leaning against the lockers of Columbia his eyes were piercing and her smile was gorgeous they looked wonderful together and I was happy for them. Until things turned sour they were the “it” couple of the moment. Ever
y girl was jealous when they saw
her with Michael. Katharine masked in the glory of having someone like him. She felt she deserved to be with him and I could not have agreed more. They broke up and Katharine fell apart
,
to this day
,
I remember his words
,
“she was fine for a while but I don’t want to be with her”. I cannot imagine how he now feels about her. I worry that he is forcing himself to be with her so that he has someone to fall back on now that he knows
we
can never be together. As much as
my heart is aching for Adrian, i
t still races for Michael. The very mention of his name gives me goose bumps that I wish I could explain. But no matter how hard I try I can’t find the words all I know is that I can’t be without Adrian or Michael. I look at Katharine for what feels like the thousand
th
time .I realise that I have to be supportive of her and Michael. I cannot show my true feelings
because,
if I do
,
I will risk losing my friend. There is no way
that
I go through losing another person who I care
so much for. I consult with myself on what my approach to this situation will be. As I conclude, it is clear to see what I need to do. If I want Michael in my life then I need to be ok with him and Katharine. I
will focus on just being their
friend and be there if they need advice. It will hurt to see him with her however, he is not my boyfriend and he is not obliged to me. I need to realise that I cannot control him. What would give me the right to say
that
he could not be with someone who cares for him? I do not have any right to question what he
does. He has to be free to live
his life and I have to allow him that luxury.

“Katharine
,
” I say as I turn fully towards her.

“B
e with Michael he is an amazing guy he will always treat you right and promise me that you will look after him and be the best
that
you can be to him
.
” Katharine smiles and takes my hand she looks i
nto my huge brown eyes.

“I will Alanna
,
I love him
,
” I do not answer I simply take her in my arms and we hug for what seems like the first time ever.

I look at the plate of soup and a tasteless yogurt that I have been given once again. And I can’t help but feel annoyed with Dr James for the food that he has insisted
that
I eat. I put down the spoon and look over to the door. I can hear people talk out in the hallway but I have no idea of whose voice I am hearing. I sit up a little further and move my head back and forth but I still cannot s
ee anyone. I give up and rest
my head against the pillow. I see Katharine’s bag lying on the floor as I wait for her to come out of the bathroom. I notice that she has not had a single text from Michael in the two hours
that
she has been here. Sur
e
ly that cannot be a good sign. Or possibly it’s just what normal people do in relationships. I can only base my thoughts on the matter strictly from my own experiences and that was Adrian calling or emailing every hour of every day. Worrying about me and wondering whom I was talking to. Thinking back on it now I realise how obsessive he actually is. I understand now
,
w
h
ere Sophie was coming from
,
he was controlling and I did what he said. I felt that I needed to please him and that I should be loyal and respect the way he is. He had a terrible ordeal as a child and that mirrors his actions today. He wishes that he were normal in the way he is controlling. However, to me that is just
Adrian and if he weren’t that way then would I love him the way
that
I do? I desired the way he cared and the way he talked as if I were his for all eternity. I loved his cool presence and the silence in which he stayed whenever we were in
his
car. I always found that
a little
odd but again
it was just one of
those little things that define and make
him who he is. I would never change a single thing about him I love his temper and all of his flaws. Its sounds crazy but that is
the way that I
feel. I would
give everything I have just for
one text or email from him. I am plagued by the thought of never seeing him again.