This Time Around (Maybe) (14 page)

“I see,” I say, drawing out each word.

Ryan scrubs his hands over his face, probably wondering what exactly I’m seeing and what it means for him.

“You’ve been married to
me this whole time, and it didn’t stop you then, did it. You’re acting like we only just got married.”

I see the first flash of anger in his eyes. “Well
, you’re the one who left me that letter. What did it say in it again? Oh, that’s right,” he says, dramatically drawing out the syllables of the last three words, “‘Move on without me, because I’ll be doing the same.’ You can’t throw it in my face now, Tay. That’s really not fair. If you didn’t leave me that letter, you think I would have ever touched another woman?”

His question hangs heavily in the air between us.
The taste of regret is thick and bitter. Isis sticks her head in, frowning. “You okay, Taiya?” she asks, narrowing her pale blue eyes on Ryan.

“I’m fine,” I tell her, forcing a smile. The bar gets crowded and Ryan leaves to help out.

“What was that about?” she asks, downing the last of her water.

I swallow hard, watching him. “Nothing,” I say, not wanting to ruin her night with my problems. “Shall we get a drink?”

“A real drink?”

I laugh. “Yes, a real drink.”

“Okay, I’ll get us something,” she says, a little too cheerfully if you ask me. She walks straight up to Tag, almost pushing some other woman out of the way. Ryan’s words replay in my mind. Why did I leave that stupid letter? I was hurt, that’s why. I was devastated, and trying to save face. I told him in the letter to consider us separated, and to move on because I wasn’t his anymore. I wrote it just after I saw him with her, and left it for him, covered in my tears. I can put the blame on him all I want, but the truth is that I messed up too. I shouldn’t have left, shouldn’t have left that letter. I know there’s no point in looking back, wondering what if. How do we move forward though? The past isn’t always so easy to forget, because it’s moulded us into who we are today.

“Here you go,” Isis says, handing me a tequila shot. With no lime or salt. Great.

“Tequila? Are you sur−”

She cuts me off
, “Cheers!”

She swallows hers in one gulp, while I’m still staring at mine. Oh
, what the hell. I tilt my head back, letting the alcohol slide down my throat, and then slam the shot glass down on the table. I can feel Ryan’s eyes on me, but I don’t look up at him. I’m still raw from our conversation. Isis saves me by grabbing my hand and pulling me towards the dance floor. Or at least the bar’s version of one.

A few songs later, Ryan grabs me from behind and spins me around. “All the men are watching you,” he growls, his jaw ticking.

I glance around, and it’s true; a few men’s eyes are on me. The thing is, I’m a dancer. I live to dance. I don’t dance for other people. I dance for me. So I don’t really care who’s watching, I just enjoy myself, getting lost in the music and the rhythm.

“So what?” I say. Not like I’m interested or going home with any of them.

He apparently doesn’t like my answer. “I don’t like them seeing you like this.”

“Like what?” I ask.

He leans down and speaks into my ear. “You look so fucking sexy, dancing like this. You look so free. I don’t like them seeing you.”

I bite the inside of my cheek. “So what? You want me to sit in the corner and do nothing?” I’m having d
éjà vu right now. Ryan and I have had this fight before. I remember when I used to perform at high school concerts and he used to complain about the whole school seeing my ‘moves.’ He’s ridiculous. I tell him so. Isis pulls him to dance, and I laugh as he awkwardly tries to move away from her. She pulls him back and starts doing a half-grinding half-thrusting move, and he stares at me with a ‘please help me’ look. I grin, and walk back to the bar, leaving him to his own devices. I sit in front of Tag, who is watching Ryan and laughing.

“Threw him to the wolves, did you?” he asks, a humorous glint in his eyes.

I raise an eyebrow. “Are you calling my best friend a she wolf?”

He grins. “She’s beautiful…”

“But?”

“But… I’m not really looking for something right now. I haven’t even been with a woman in a few weeks, and I’m usually the one who…” He looks at me, realising who he’s talking to and clears his throat. “Well
, let’s just say I made Ryan look like a choir boy.”

“Nice,” I say dryly.

He winces. “I’m sorry, for what it’s worth he never even thought about getting serious with anyone after you left. It was you or no one.”

“By no one
, you mean endless bouts of meaningless sex?”

He pours me a juice and slides it over. “He was trying to forget you. It was his coping mechanism. I’m sure you did what you had to do to try and get over him, to try and move on with your life.”

I sip on the juice, not saying anything. “He’s a good man,” Tag says, not taking his eyes off me.

“I know,” I tell him.

“Don’t hurt him, Taiya,” Tag says softly, his baldhead cocked to the side.

“He’s the one who fucked up and hurt me,” I say, turning to watch him dance with Isis.

“I think he’s paid his price, haven’t you?” he says, before leaving to serve someone.

“Are you okay?” Reid asks. I turn to face him and smile.

“I’m fine. Where’s Summer?” I ask him, moving the subject away from me. He gives me a look that says he knows what I’m doing, but answers me anyway.

“She’s at her brother’s house.”
             

I’m about to reply when Ryan comes up behind me and wraps his arms around me.

“Let’s go home.”

“Now?” I ask, looking around for Isis.

“Yes, Reid is taking Isis home. She wants to stay a little longer.”

I stand up. “Okay.” I say bye to Isis, Tag and Reid. Ryan practically pulls me out of the bar.

“What’s the rush?” I ask.

“Need to be inside you.”

“Oh.”

“Yes, oh.”

He starts his bike and I hold on tight.

Chapter
Eighteen

Taiya

“I wasn’t with anyone while I was gone,” I blurt out. I run my fingers over his stomach, not looking at him. I feel him go rigid, and he puts his hand on mine, stopping my fidgeting.

“You weren’t?” he asks, his voice husky.

“No.”

He clears his throat. “Why not?”

“What do you mean ‘why not’?”

“Say it
, Taiya,” he demands, cupping my face and lifting my chin up to look at him.

“Because I didn’t… I don’t want anyone else.”

He looks at me in such a way that I actually feel lightheaded. “I love you.”

“You damn well better.”

He smiles with his eyes. “I’m never letting you go again. You know that, right?”

“As long as you treat me how I deserve to be treated, I don’t think that’s going to be a problem,” I say, placing a kiss on his chin.

He rolls over so I’m under him and kisses me. “I’ll always treat you like a princess. Well, maybe not in the bedroom,” he adds. I pinch his ass, making him laugh. His phone rings, and as he gets up to answer it, I head to the bathroom to have a shower. When I come out, dressed for the day, Ryan is sitting on the edge of the bed in his boxer shorts staring down at his phone.

“What is it?” I ask, standing before him.

“Jack wants Reid and me to go and see him.”

“He found her?” I ask, running my palm down the back of his head.

“He didn’t say. He just said to go and see him,” he says, looking up at me.

“Cryptic much?” I say as
I move my fingers along the stubble across his jaw. “Are you going now?”

“Yes
. As soon as my wife kisses me, I’ll have a quick shower and go,” he says, nuzzling my tummy. I straddle his lap and give him a kiss he will be thinking about all day. My hands start to roam and he pulls back, his heavy lidded eyes staring into mine. “Those lips are magic.”

“I must have had a good teacher,” I say, wiggling my eyebrows.

“Damn straight,” he says, rubbing his hands down my thighs.

“Lots of practice on your end?
Hmmmm,” I tease, grinning at his slightly sheepish look at my dig at his experience.

“Are you ever going to let that go?” he asks,
his voice turning serious.

I bite my bottom lip. “I’ll try. I get jealous and that’s kind of hard to control.”

He grins at that. “Trust me, I know the feeling.”

“You’ve never had to share me with anyone
. How could you possibly know the feeling?”

He scowls. “Just the thought is bad enough.” I kiss him again, before he heads for a shower and I head back to my apartment.

*****

I walk into my apartment, grinning when I see Isis in the kitchen, looking like death. “What happened to you last night?” I ask her.

She jumps in the air, obviously not hearing me enter and grimaces. “I’d rather not talk about it.”

I laugh. “No really what happened?
” I walk and sit down on the chair, all ears.

“A lot of dancing, more drinks. A conversation with Tag,” she says, her face in her palm.

“I asked him if he wanted to go home with me,” she says, her eyes wide with horror and embarrassment.

“And?” I ask.

“And… he said no, because I was drunk,” she says, putting two painkillers in her mouth and swallowing them down with some iced water. “Reid took me home. Where I threw up. Twice.”

I look around the house, like I’m going to see evidence.

“In the bathroom,” she adds dryly.

“Well
, at least that’s something,” I say, trying to contain my laughter.

“Very funny! I’m going back to bed.”

“No work today?”

“No I called in sick,” she says, heading into her room.
I grab my handbag and head to my mum’s house. I usually help her clean her house, and do grocery shopping so she doesn’t have extra things to worry about during the week. She’s also been dying to know the latest about me and Ryan. She’s loved Ryan from day one and hated it when we separated. I call out bye to Isis and head out.

*****

That night, Ryan and I have dinner together at my favourite restaurant. Jack had given them the last known address of twenty-two-year-old Persephone Knox. With a name like that, Jack found her easily enough, located at an address about thirty minutes from here. Ryan and Reid are heading there tomorrow, first thing in the morning. I hope everything goes well for the two of them.

“Why are we stopping here?” I ask when Ryan stops off at the bar, on the way home.

“Need to pick something up from the office,” he says. “Come in for a second? I don’t want you sitting here alone.”

I nod and get out of the car. Ryan holds my hand as we enter, and leaves me at the bar with Tag
, while he heads out the back.

“Hello gorgeous,” Tag says, putting his elbows on the bar.

“Hey you. Heard last night was eventful,” I say, smiling widely.

He groans. “She’s beautiful, she is.” Is all he says about his rejection of
Isis. My mouth gapes open as I see a woman walk into Ryan’s office.

“Who the fuck was that?” I ask, standing up. I almost want to tie my hair up and take out my
earrings.

“Who?” Tag asks.

“Never mind,” I mumble, walking to the office and opening the door. I see Ryan at his desk, and the mystery woman standing in front of him. Ryan stands when he sees me, giving me an apologetic look.

“
Tay, come here beautiful,” he says, opening his arms to me. I walk over to him and he wraps me in his arms. “This is my wife,” he says to the pretty brunette. She narrows her eyes on me before turning and storming away.

“And don’t come into the office again please,” Ryan calls out, sighing drearily.

“Past conquest?” I gather.

“I don’t know what I was thinking. Fucking where I work! I’m sorry…”

“Don’t bother,” I say, an idea forming.

“Don’t get mad
, Tay,” he says, his grip on me tightening.

“There’s a new rule. Every time one of your
ex-girlfriends comes up to us and ruins my night, you have to go down on me for an hour,” I say.

Ryan’s smile turns devilish. “How’s that a punishment?”

“I don’t return the favour. In any way,” I say, inwardly grinning at the look on his face.

He scowls, brows drawing together. “Nothing at all?”

“Nothing,” I say, trying not to look smug and failing.

He scoffs
, “As if you can go without me inside you.”

That is the truth. “I think I’ll manage. It won’t be ev
ery night we run into your exes.” Or at least I hope.