Therapy Ever After (Therapy #1.5) (8 page)

He answers my plea, and one deft finger pushes inside me. I arch my back and push into his hand, meeting his need with my own. In and out, Jace moves his finger, and heat builds faster than I thought possible.

“I love you so much,” he whispers against my lips.

Sliding his finger out, he moves up and circles my clit, nearly sending me over the edge of no return.

“I want you, please. I don’t want to wait another minute,” I plead.

Not saying a word, he breaks our kiss and reaches over for the condom. I take it from him and rip it open. He moves to his side and I roll it on him. As soon as it’s on, he wastes no time and is on top of me, spreading my legs apart with his knee. Instead of leaning down and kissing me when he pushes inside me, he reaches down and guides himself in while watching our bodies reconnect for the first time since we lost our way from one another. Slowly, he pushes all the way in and then rests himself on top of me before continuing to make love to me. And that’s what he does. Jace makes love to me in every way he knows how. With each thrust in and out of my body, he loves me. With every whisper in my ear, he loves me. With every kiss he loves me.

Our skin is damp with sweat and with every movement our flesh slides against one another. It’s disorganized and intoxicating. We don’t move in languid motions. We move with eagerness and hunger. There are so many sensations all at once. It’s sensory overload, and when I come, I don’t stay silent. I moan and scream and I dig my nails into his back as my release rides the wave of the best sex of my life with the love of my life. When Jace finds his release, it’s just as intense. He doesn’t hold back either, and the sounds, groans, and words flood the room.

We lie side by side, trying to catch our breath. I turn my head in his direction to see that he’s already looking right at me. We both smile knowingly. It was perfect and we both recognize that without speaking a word. It was everything it should be and everything we hoped it would be. We’re back where we belong. Together.

AFTER GETTING CLEANED
up some, we both got back in bed under the blankets and snuggled up together. Everything about what we just did felt perfect in more ways than it being amazing sex. Jessica is my future, and loving her is going to be the one thing I get right from this day forward.

“What are you thinking?” she whispers with satiated and sleepy eyes.

I reach out and move a wisp of hair away from her face and tuck it behind her ear. “I’m thinking about how beautiful you are and how lucky I am.”

She gives me a soft smile. “We’re both lucky.”

I lean in and kiss her gently on the cheek and caress her face. “I’m never going to take you for granted ever again. You’re it for me, forever. I’m going to fight to keep you no matter what we come up against.”

She kisses me back. “You don’t have to fight for me, Jace.”

A moment of silence falls between us. I trace the slope of her nose with my finger, then the outline of her lips, and whisper, “I know I don’t have to. I want to. I need to.”

She shakes her head. “No, you don’t because a person doesn’t have to fight for what’s theirs to begin with. I’ve been yours from the minute you scooped me up off that dirty ground as a young and lost teenage girl. I never needed you to fight for me. I don’t ever need you to fight for me. I only want you to fight
with
me. If you can do that, I’ll always have what I need from you the most.”

My heart swells with admiration, love, and gratitude for this woman. She might have been the beaten and bullied one who needed to heal, but my god how she has healed me. Not knowing love hurts. I never knew love from anyone other than my sister until Jess, and that was a different kind of love. From my professional background, I know the damage that can be done by the opposite sex parent to a child. Just like the most influential person in a girl’s life is their father, the most influential bond in a boy’s life is the one with his mother. I was damaged in ways I never knew existed. Not that any of my life choices can truly be blamed on my mother. I’m a firm believer that we all have choices in life. We can either choose to allow our past to break us or build us. We can rage against the pull our past has on us or let it consume us. I allowed it to consume me many times, but now I choose to rage. I guess rather than fighting for Jess, I need to fight for me just like she needs to fight for her, and together we can fight for our future.

“I can do that,” I assure her.

“I know you can,” she encourages me.

I put my arm around her small frame and pull her in closer to me. Giving her butterfly kisses, my nose brushes the tip of hers and I say, “Never again will I take us for granted and never again will you fight alone. We’ve got this.”

“One of my favorite poets wrote something about taking things for granted. I have it written on a piece of paper and on my corkboard that I’m slowly turning into a vision board,” she says.

I arch a brow. That doesn’t sound like something she’d be into. “You have a vision board? Nice.”

She looks at me and rolls her eyes, half embarrassment, half sarcasm. “Yes, it was Mercedes’ idea. She read some book called
The Secret
and now she’s obsessed with willing the universe to work in her favor. I’m skeptical.”

I knew it. “Of course you are. It’s still good you’re giving it a try. Goals are good no matter how you set them.”

“Don’t shrink me, Mr. Collins,” she says and pushes against my chest.

I laugh. “Professional hazard, I apologize. So tell me this quote.”

“‘Remember, remember, this is now, and now. Live it, feel it, cling to it. I want to become acutely aware of all I’ve taken for granted.’” She quotes Plath with conviction.

“Wow, yes, all of that. I want to be acutely aware of what I’ve taken for granted because I never want to do it again. This is now and I want us to live it, Jess.”

She relaxes into me and puts her head on my chest. “I want to live it, too. Always. With you.”

I kiss her and whisper, “Always. With you.”

She leans back so we’re looking at each other. Her eyes dance with admiration and happiness. It’s a beautiful sight.

“Does that mean you’re going to ask me to marry you one day?”

My hearts wants to leap from my chest. “Yes, I’m going to ask you marry me one day.”

She kisses me once and tells me, “Good, because one day I’m going to say yes.”

YESTERDAY WAS PRICELESS,
unforgettable. I’m happy. For the first time in a long time I feel content in all areas of my life. It’s an unfamiliar feeling to be so fulfilled and confident. My mother and I have made a lot of progress in our unconventional relationship. She’s also paying my rent and bills while I go to school on the grant I received. I think she feels like she owes me. I’m just grateful for the opportunity to go to school and finally make something of myself and live with a purpose.

I’m cleaning up my room, and when I come across Kingsley’s notebook, my heart feels a small twinge of pain. I need to go visit his grave. Something in me needs a final moment with him for closure before I start this new chapter in my life. I want Jace and me to stay open and honest with each other about everything, so I need to talk to him before I go. Not that he would oppose me going, but I need to give him the courtesy of knowing I’m doing it before I go. I don’t have class today, so I text him about it now.

Me: Can you call me when you have a free minute, please?

He responds immediately.

Jace: I’m in between clients now. Just a sec.

My phone rings and I answer. “Hey, boyfriend.”

“Hey, girlfriend,” he says with a sing song voice.

“I need to ask . . . well, tell you something.” I fumble my words.

“What’s up, Jess? Everything okay?”

I take a deep breath and say, “I’m going to go visit Kingsley’s grave today. I just wanted to tell you beforehand. You’d be fine with that, wouldn’t you?”

A brief pause and then he replies, “Of course I’d be okay with that. Go. Do whatever you need to do. If you need me or want to talk about anything, I’m here and I’ll take you to dinner tonight. We can talk about it then if you want. And if not, that’s okay, too.”

“I love you,” I say, relieved.

“I love you, too. Be careful.”

“I will. See you tonight.”

We hang up and I instantly feel exhilarated in a way. I know that may seem odd because I’m going to visit a grave, but I know he’s up there looking down on me and he’s happy for me. He wouldn’t want me to be sad. I go to one of my drawers where I keep several of my older journals. I wrote a poem for Kingsley after he died and it’s time I take it to him. I find the journal it’s in and place it on my bed and then go get ready to leave.

When I pull up to the cemetery, calm falls over me. I’m surer of my life right now than I’ve ever been, and Kingsley is such an important part of who I am today. He always will be, but it’s time to set him completely free and let him go so I can hold on to the life I have with both hands. He was right.

Life is a series of chapters in a huge book we call life.

I’m just happy he was a part of mine, even if only for a few chapters.

The End

A lifetime later . . .