Therapy Ever After (Therapy #1.5) (2 page)

“Thanks,” he tells me and then disappears down the hallway.

I put some water in the vase and then begin snipping the ends of the flowers. My mind inadvertently flashes back to long ago. Standing here in this apartment that night, Jace and I were over. I knew I still loved him, but I had to finally let him go.

“
You don’t love me anymore
,” he whispered. Tears were streaming down my face. I can almost feel the sensations now from back then.

I looked up into his eyes that night and said the words I knew deep down were true. “
Jace, I do love you. Nothing could ever change that, no matter what happens in our lives. But I can’t hold on to a love that will never work. Being in love with you is like a drug with me. It’s all wrong, regardless of how right it feels when we’re together.”

I stick the flowers down into the vase and try to ignore the sliver of fear that’s burrowed in the back of my mind. Because it’s true: no matter how hard we’ve ever tried to be good together, something always ruins it. The scariest part is how hard I love, especially where Jace is concerned. There’s something about a high school sweetheart, a first love. It’s a bond so deeply woven within you that the smallest of things can cause feelings to bubble to the surface, demanding to be felt with every fiber of your being. I don’t know if I’m willing to allow myself to be so vulnerable again.

“You ready?” His voice snaps me back to the present and I look up from the flowers to him.

“Um, yeah,” I say.

For a brief moment, our eyes meet and he’s smiling so big even his eyes are smiling. Looking into those familiar eyes, I feel a certain degree of comfort. The comfort outweighs the fear, so I push the apprehension I’m feeling away.

For now.

HE BROUGHT ME
to a cozy little Thai place. I’m shoveling Pad Thai in my mouth shamelessly when I catch him watching me. “What? I was hungrier than I realized and this is so good.”

He arches a brow and shakes his head. “Nothing’s wrong. This is far from wrong. I’m just looking at you and I can’t look away, even if you’re using zero table manners. I can’t believe I’m on a date with you. So I just keep staring to make sure it’s real.”

I swallow the mouthful of flavorful noodles and shrimp and smile. “Stop it,” I laugh.

“Stop what? Flirting with you?”

I wipe my mouth with a napkin and flick my eyes up toward his. “Is that what you’re doing?”

He leans in closer to me from across the small table and says, “Yes, that’s what I’m doing. Are you saying you don’t want me to flirt with you? Because if that’s what you’re asking, I can’t do that.”

Funny things happen in my stomach, and I try to think of something sarcastic to say but fail. “You’ve known me forever. You don’t have to flirt with me.”

He tilts his head to one side and looks at me intently for a moment and then says, “I don’t think you understand, Jess. This isn’t about our past. It isn’t about how long we’ve known each other. I’m here now, with you, because of the future.”

I frown, confused. “The future?”

“Yeah, the future. From right now until forever, I’m going to show you what you are to me. I’m not going to tell you. I’m going to show you, because I’ve wasted too much time doing all the wrong things where you’re concerned. The Jace Collins you knew is still there in a way, but I’m not that guy anymore who has no idea what you need because of his own insecurities.”

The conversation has quickly gone from light and flirty to deep and serious. His words penetrate me in a way that I’m not ready to respond to. This was just supposed to be a nice and casual dinner.

“Jace,” I whisper.

He reaches across the table and takes my hand in his. “No, you don’t have to say anything. And I’m not asking you for anything but to give me a chance. I just want a chance to show you. That’s all.”

I look down at our hands and then back to him. Before I can respond, he says, “Just say you will. That’s all I want. A chance.”

My mind is racing. My heart is singing. His lips curl up at the corners of his mouth, and we’re just sitting here looking at each other in the midst of a long and awkward pause when the waitress saves us from ourselves.

“Can I get the two of you anything else?” she asks.

We both snap out of our moment and reply in unison, “No thank you.”

“Okay, I’m just going to leave your check here and you can take care of it anytime you’re ready,” she tells us.

I exhale and pick up my iced tea and take a big gulp.

“I don’t want this to be awkward. I definitely don’t want you to feel uncomfortable. Is this all okay with you?” He motions back and forth between us with his hand and continues. “Us? If it’s not just tell me. I don’t want you to feel pressured.”

I take a deep breath and decide to give him the most honest answer I can. “I really don’t know. I’m enjoying spending time with you. I really am. It’s nice, but I know I’m not ready for anything serious and I won’t lie—our past matters. It just does. And it scares me.”

“That’s understandable and fair. I promise to take things slow, and if at any time you’re feeling uncomfortable about something, I want you to tell me. I think communication has to be a priority here. How does that sound?

I pick up the check and hand it to him. “That sounds good as long as you’re paying.” I try and lighten things up and he laughs.

“Of course I’m paying. You know better than to think I’d ever let you pay.”

We’re back at my apartment, in the hallway outside my door. I’m not inviting him in, but I think he probably already knows that. He leans in and kisses me on my cheek chastely.

“I had a great time,” he whispers.

“Me too.”

He pulls a small piece of paper out of his pocket and then asks, “You have a pen or something in your purse I can borrow?”

I nod, having no idea what he’s doing, and dig in my purse for a pen. “Here,” I say and hand it to him.

He begins writing on the piece of paper and then folds it up and hands it to me. “Goodnight, Jess.”

Grasping the small square of paper in my hand, I tell him goodnight and he walks away. I lean back against my door and unfold the paper. It’s the receipt from dinner tonight. I flip it over and see what he wrote.

You can put this receipt with the first one I gave you all those years ago because I still see you and I never want to stop.–Jace

“YES, IT’S GOOD,
but it’s also somewhat weird. I mean, come on. It’s Jace. I never thought in a million years we’d be going on dates at this point in our lives with the past we have. He keeps saying the past doesn’t matter, but there’s just no way it doesn’t matter. It does,” I tell Mercedes as she sets a large latte down in front of me.

We met at the coffee shop close to campus this morning to talk and she’s all excited about my date with Jace.

“That’s fine. The past can matter, but isn’t the future what matters most here? You’re overanalyzing this too much,” she tells me and begins pouring a ton of sugar in her latte.

I wrinkle up my nose at her. “I see you’re having coffee with your sugar.”

She takes a sip. “Mmm, so good and sweet, just like me.”

We both laugh and then I sigh. “I don’t know if dating Jace is the best thing for me right now. What if shit goes bad? We always end up fucking things up. What makes this time any different?”

“What if? You could what-if yourself about everything in life if you wanted to. So what if things go bad? Then you know it won’t work and you move on. You’re not going to fall apart if that’s what you’re worried about. Give yourself and all of the hardwork you’ve done some credit.”

She takes another drink of her latte and continues. “There’s not a single guy out there that’s a guarantee. You will never be in a relationship that doesn’t have the danger of failing. One day you’re going to have to take that chance and what better guy to take that chance on than you’re first love?”

The reality and truth of her words sink in and I know she’s right. I can’t live in a relationship bubble all of my life because of the past.

“You’re right. Dammit, you’re always right.”

“Of course I am. Glad you’re finally realizing that,” she retorts.

“Ha ha, you’re so funny. Anyway, he texted me and wants to go out again tomorrow night. If I do this I think we need to take it really slow, but I get the feeling no matter what he says, he isn’t wanting to take it slow.”

I lean back in my chair and sip my latte, and Mercedes says, “If he really wants this to work, he’ll do it on your terms.”

I start to reply when a ghost from my past walks in the coffee shop. My mouth falls open and I nearly spill my drink.

“Oh my god,” I whisper, leaning in toward the table.

Mercedes snaps her head around and then back to me. “What? What is it?”

“Shh. Be quiet and don’t turn around. Fucking Victoria just walked in here. Jace’s ex-wife, the devil herself.”

“YOU HAVE GOT
to be fucking kidding me,” Mercedes whispers through gritted teeth.

My eyes keep going back and forth between the tabletop and the back of Victoria’s still well-maintained, perfect little head. God, I never realized hate could be so deeply rooted in a person until Victoria came into my life long ago. Seeing her now after all this time, my hatred for her is still as fresh as a newly painted wall.

“Do you want to leave?” Mercedes asks.

I shake my head. “No, I’m not letting that crazy bitch run me out of anywhere.”

Just as I say that, Victoria gets her drink and turns in the direction of our table. Instead of looking away, I look directly at her. I’m not going to shy away from her like a wounded puppy. When she locks eyes with me, her expression immediately stiffens and her gate shortens.

She then bluntly walks right up to our table and says, “Well, what a surprise this is. Jessica Alexander, what brings you to this neck of the woods? Long time no see.”

Her voice is chipper and makes me want to stab something. Mercedes angles her head up toward Victoria with raised brows, and then I reply, “Longer would’ve been better.”

She lets out a small laugh and says, “My, how some things never change. Still quite the bitch, I see.”

I roll my eyes. “Still quite the psycho, I see. And I’m in this area because I’m a student at the university not that it’s any of your business.”