Therapy Ever After (Therapy #1.5) (5 page)

I’M NERVOUS AS
hell watching the time while waiting for Jace to get here. I don’t know why I’m nervous. He’s the one who has explaining to do, yet I have these flip-flopping feelings in my stomach. It’s part excitement and part nerves. Knowing I’m about to see him, I still get these giddy feelings after all these years. It takes me back to my teen years when just the sight of him could bring me to my knees on the inside. I’ve held back since we reconnected because I’m scared.

I have so many fears. My past hasn’t been kind to me at all in many ways, but my love life in particular has been a disaster for the most part. I can’t help thinking there’s no way I’ll ever have a healthy relationship. Then I think of Kingsley and I know it’s possible. I allowed myself to let go with him. I didn’t try to be anything or anyone I wasn’t. When we were together I wasn’t afraid if he saw my flaws because I knew he’d want me with or without the broken and ugly parts. I never gave Jace the chance to do that. I thought I did. The truth of it is that I was always trying so hard to be the girl I thought he deserved instead of who I really was. I lied to him with more than my words on many occasions. I made choices for him, for us, without considering the fact that he deserved to have a say as well. We both made mistakes. I can’t keep holding his feet to the fire for our past without accepting the part I played in all the dark places our relationship fell into. I pray this thing with Victoria, whatever it is, isn’t a deal breaker, because I’m ready to give myself permission to love again.

When the doorbell chimes, my heart skips a beat. I look in the mirror on the wall and reach up to fix a few stray hairs. My hair is up in a big messy bun. I’m wearing skinny jeans and a Nirvana t-shirt. I didn’t dress up. This is me and that’s what I strive for these days, being myself and being comfortable with who I am. I take a deep breath and open the door. A big cheesy-ass grin finds its way to my face instantly when I see him. He’s standing there with Chinese take-out in one hand and a big Route 44 Sonic drink in the other.

He holds out the drink and says, “Vanilla Coke.”

That smile.

Those dimples.

Those eyes.

That face.

Damn it all to hell.

Jace is hot. He has this way of looking at me with a smile on his face that melts me, and no matter where we are, how much time has gone by or what we’re doing I’m transported back to high school . . . just a girl and a boy in love, carefree and clueless about life. He’s wearing a turquoise button-down shirt and black slacks. His sleeves are rolled up mid forearm. It’s the sexiest way to wear a button-down, of course.

I take the drink and step aside. “Thank you. Come on in.”

I close the door behind him and he makes his way into the kitchen. “I didn’t know what you’d want, so I pretty much got a little bit of everything. I hope you’re hungry,” he says.

I join him in the kitchen. He starts pulling the many containers out of the take-out bag and placing them on the small table. I take a big gulp of the Vanilla Coke and lean against the edge of the table. I’m holding the straw between two fingers with my left hand, drinking. His eyes cut over to mine and he grins.

“I knew I would initially be safe if I brought you that. Just stop sucking on that straw like that or we are going to have a difficult time having a serious discussion.”

I roll my eyes at him. “Stop it.”

He ignores me and asks, “Plates?” He’s pointing at the cabinets.

“Um, yeah. I’ll grab them.” I put my drink down on the table and go over to the cabinets where I have a pack of paper plates. I get two out and go plop them down on the table.

He frowns quizzically and then lets out a little laugh. “Paper?”

With my hands on my hips, I reply, “Yes, paper. I hate doing dishes.”

He puts his hands up and says, “Okay, okay. No big deal. I was just asking. I can do dishes, you know. But if you don’t mind eating off paper plates, that’s alright with me.”

“Good. Paper it is,” I reply.

He pulls out a chair for me and I give him a quick look that says I love how he’s always such a gentleman. He knows I’m not high maintenance, but I don’t think there’s a woman on the planet who doesn’t appreciate a little chivalry from time to time. He sits down across from me and we both break open the plastic wrappers on the sporks.

“There’s plenty of lo mein and crab rangoon. I think I remember you love those two things the most,” he says and pushes two large containers toward me.

The things he remembers about me always blows my mind. “I can’t believe you remember that.”

He’s spooning fried rice out onto his plate. “I didn’t forget much. I’d like to think I didn’t forget anything at all about you.”

The feeling in my stomach intensifies. We’re acting all casual, but the energy in the room is incredibly tense in a magnetic way. Between the yummy aroma of Chinese food and the abundant amount of angst, I might end up overloading my senses.

“I figure we should get this elephant in the room out of the way now instead of pretending it’s not there. I don’t want another minute to pass with you thinking there’s something shady going on with Victoria. Can I please explain? Will you hear me out?”

He’s staring at me intently, waiting for me to respond.

Before biting off a big piece of crab rangoon, I say, “Go ahead. I’m all ears.”

He lets out a big sigh before he says, “First off, I’m sorry. I’m sorry you found out the way you did. That’s my fault for not telling you immediately and I take full responsibility for it.”

He’s pushing food around on his plate and looks like he’s angry with himself. It’s not so much guilt as it seems like he’s genuinely upset with himself for the way this happened. He rests his elbows on the table and clasps his hands together. With his mouth in a hard pressed line, I can feel how pensive he is about telling me whatever it is he’s about to say.

“She showed up at my office one day out of the blue. I hadn’t seen her since the day we signed the divorce papers so I was really thrown off guard. It was the end of the day. I was getting ready to head out when she popped in.”

I’m listening intently hoping he doesn’t say something that will hurt me.

“Of course I asked why she was there. She tried telling me she missed me and a bunch of other ridiculous shit. I stopped her before she continued to ramble and told her she had to leave. She argued. No surprise there. That’s when I told her I’d rather she never stop by my office again. I explained to her that I had fully moved on and was finally getting to a good place in my life.”

His brows furrow and he fidgets in his chair some.

“She laughed at me and that pissed me off. So I told her you and I were seeing each other again and that we had a date that night. This pissed her off, as you can imagine. She then started making her jabs about you and I felt the need to defend you. I told her you were in school and doing well. And before she stormed out I told her she might have played a part in keeping me away from you for a long time, but there was nothing going to keep from you anymore.”

He rests his forehead on his clasped hands and closes his eyes briefly before looking back to me. His stare penetrates any barriers I may have had up.

“I meant what I told her, Jess. And nothing else happened. She left angry. I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to ruin our date. When Victoria saw you, she jumped on an opportunity to try and hurt you. That’s what she does best. I’m sorry she did that. I don’t want you hurt. I only want to make you happy. I only want to give you the kind of love you want and need. I want to be the man who loves you in every way a person can be loved. That’s all I want. I know I agreed to take things slow, but you have to know my intentions are true. I won’t stop fighting for us. Not this time.”

THE AWKWARD SILENT
moment hangs heavy in the air between us. “That’s not as bad as I expected,” I tell him.

I hate Victoria. She’s a snake in bitches’ clothing. I should’ve known she was twisting things to sound like more than they were.

He exhales, relieved. “I still should’ve told you she came by. You had every right to be pissed at me.”

“I hate her. I’m pretty sure I’ll always hate her.” I’m pushing food aimlessly around on my plate.

“I know.” He sighs.

We’re now staring at each other, saying nothing. My heart is thumping so hard I feel like it’s audible throughout the entire kitchen. He reaches across the table with his hand and grabs mine. “You don’t have to worry about her. I promise. Okay?”

He’s rubbing my hand with his thumb in small, slow circles. His touch is warm and loving.

“Okay,” I whisper.

He lets my hand go and tells me, “Okay, let’s eat before this all gets cold, and if you’ll allow me to, I’ll hang out for a bit before heading home.”

I smile. I’m glad he wants to stay for a little while.

“That sounds good.”

After cleaning up from dinner, we find ourselves on my sofa. We haven’t really been alone like this since we unpacked things at his house. Even then it was really casual and turned into me being a sobbing mess. This is different. He’s sitting beside me and only our knees are touching. We’re both most likely unsure of how to act or react at this point. Even though we’ve known each other forever, this feels like the new beginning of a relationship. The awkward and exciting parts all over again. I switch through the channels and see that
Gilmore Girls
is on TV. I leave it there for a second.

“Luke just needs to man up,” Jace says.

My mouth drops open and I spin my head in his direction.

“You watch
Gilmore Girls
? No way.”

He starts laughing. “What? A guy can’t watch it? I’ve seen a few episodes. I admit it.”

“I can’t believe you watch it. It actually gets on my nerves. I have a love-hate relationship with this show.”

“Why?” he asks, seeming truly interested in my answer. I can’t believe we’re having this conversation. Hilarious.

“So many reasons, but mostly Lorelai. She drives me insane with her annoyingly childish banter. Not to mention the fact that Rory is the more mature of the two. Though, I can’t look away when I turn it on. I watch and watch like a deer in headlights. Luke should run instead of manning up. That’s my advice for him.”

“Man, you have deep convictions about this show, don’t you?” he says sarcastically.

“I’m a deep person. What do you expect?”

“Touche.”

He leans over so close I can feel his breath on my neck. “I like it when you talk Stars Hollow to me,” he whispers. Light and warm feathery breaths sweep across my neck. Even though he’s being funny, my body has not picked up on the fodder. It’s too busy getting goose bumps.

I turn my head in his direction. Our noses almost brush one another because our faces are so close. “You’re hysterical.” My tone isn’t funny and I’m trying to keep a straight face.

“You’re beautiful,” he replies with a devilish grin. When he smiles, his whole face smiles and then he gets this small crinkle on the bridge of his nose. It’s adorably sexy.

He leans forward just enough so the very tips of our noses touch. Our eyes begin having a conversation of their own. His tell me he wants to kiss me. Mine say, please. Without one word being spoken, we communicate so much. With one hand, he reaches up and caresses the right side of my face. I close my eyes briefly and inhale the scent of him. When I re-open them, he closes his and tilts his head to the side just so. He brushes his lips against mine ever so gently. The feel of his lips on mine ignites a spark from deep within me, one that has been dimmed for far too long. Butterflies swarm in my stomach and I part my lips. My hands reach up and cradle his perfect face and I kiss Jace Collins. I kiss the man I have loved for so long with a hunger and passion full of years of yearning. Our tongues are colliding, intertwining, and everything around us falls away. It’s just us, nothing less, nothing more. We aren’t our past. We aren’t our mistakes. We’re Jess and Jace, two flawed humans loving each other despite all the odds against us.