Therapy Ever After (Therapy #1.5) (6 page)

I’M KISSING HER.
After waiting so long, I’m kissing her and she’s kissing me. My heart is racing and my temperature is rising, signaling me to do so much more than kiss her. My body is thriving with sensations I haven’t felt in a very long time. It’s been so damn long since I’ve had this woman in my arms, and it’s causing me to feel a desperation of sorts like she’s the only air here and without more I might suffocate. As the kiss deepens, the tension inside me grows. My hands begin to roam headily to places on her body I have never forgotten. A number of times I’ve dreamed about my hands being in these places again, but this isn’t a dream. This is really happening. She relaxes into me some and with that I almost give myself permission to take this all the way, but I make a mental note and tell myself I won’t let it go that far. Not yet.

Pulling back from the kiss a little, I whisper, “I love you so much.”

Her eyes flutter open and we’re eye to eye, our breathing erratic. The corners of her perfect mouth turn up and she smiles softly. “I love you so much, too.”

We sit here, foreheads touching and embracing for a moment while soaking up everything good about finally breathing our love into one another so freely after everything we’ve been through.

I finally break the silence and say, “How about we go out for dessert?”

She pulls back, confused. “Um, you want to go out?”

I laugh at her confusion. “I’m afraid if we don’t get off this sofa and occupy ourselves with something, I’m going to lose all control to be a patient gentleman. I don’t want to screw this up already. You asked me for slow, so I plan on respecting that one hundred percent.”

She leans back and crosses her arms over her chest and sticks out her bottom lip dramatically. “I wasn’t quite done kissing you, but as you wish, Mr. Collins. Going out for dessert it is, rather than sitting here and making out with your girlfriend.”

Girlfriend.

Fuck yes. She called herself my girlfriend, and that’s pretty much the best thing I’ve heard from her lips lately other than she loves me back.

I lean forward and take her hands in mine while arching a brow at her. “My girlfriend wants to take it slow. Kissing like that for very long doesn’t do much for slowing things down, especially for a man who hasn’t been intimate in a very long time. I’m only human, woman. Give a man a break here.”

She laughs and pushes my leg with her foot. “Fine, but you better learn how to restrain yourself enough for make-out sessions because I want those. Lots of those.”

This woman is gonna kill me with angst. I just know it.

LAST NIGHT WAS
more than I could’ve asked for. Thankfully, Jess heard me out about Victoria and she was understanding. I’m more than grateful about this second chance with her. I can’t mess it up. I have a session with Dr. Brenner today. I’m determined to continue working on myself because I know better than anyone how important it is to keep your cup full. A person can’t give something to another if they’re empty, with nothing to give. You can’t pour from an empty cup.

Sitting in Dr. Brenner’s waiting room, I’m hopeful about my future, more than ever before.

“Mr. Collins, Dr. Brenner will see you now,” the receptionist says.

I get up and make my way to his office. When I open the door and step in, he’s sitting behind his desk, typing on his laptop. He looks up from it and smiles.

“Good afternoon, Jace.”

“Afternoon, Dr. Brenner.”

He closes the laptop and gestures toward the chairs.

“Have a seat and tell me how things are going.”

I sit and turn my phone on silent before responding.

“Things are actually incredible,” I tell him.

He perks up. “Oh yeah? Tell me how so.”

“Well, you know last time I saw you we talked about me seeing Jessica again?”

He nods.

“We’re back together, officially dating. I’m happier than I’ve been in a long time. It feels good.”

He’s scribbling something down and then looks up at me. “That’s great. Are things going smoothly? Or are the two of you still working through things from the past?”

I sigh. “A little of both I guess. I mean . . .” I pause and readjust in my seat. “We’ve had a couple of hiccups, but last night we really made progress by talking things through.”

“What were these hiccups?” Dr. Brenner asks.

After explaining everything that happened regarding Victoria, I admit something to him.

“I’m scared I’m going to screw this up. I’m torn between wanting to be her protector and recognizing that I can’t always protect her. I know she’s strong enough to take care of herself.”

I lean forward, resting my elbows on my knees while clasping my hands.

“It’ll take some time. The important thing is that you acknowledge your weakness with her. You can’t find a solution unless you know the issue. As we’ve discussed many times, you’re inherently a protector, but you can’t smother her in the process. You can still be her protector without removing her option to have a say in things. Just like this most recent issue with Victoria. You thought by not telling Jessica you were protecting her rather than trusting her to understand.”

I nod. “Right. I know I need to man up and allow her to be the strong woman she is.”

“Have you considered couples therapy with Jessica?” he asks.

My brows draw together in surprise. “Couples therapy? No, I haven’t. We just started seeing each other again. I don’t know if that’s a step we’re ready for this early.”

He adjusts his glasses and stops writing for a moment. “I know you mentioned in previous sessions that she’s in therapy with her mother, so she may not want to do this, but maybe you could mention it to her. I think it would be beneficial to both of you. The past you share is long and marred with so much hurt. You want to make sure you fully work through all of it so it has less of a chance in making its way into your future together.”

He’s right and I know this. I can’t say for sure if Jess will be up for it or not. I guess the only way to know is to ask her.

MY ALARM IS
buzzing, and when my eyes flutter open, I yawn instinctively, stretching my arms out. For a brief moment, I’m just hazy from sleep, and then I remember.

The dream.

I slap the alarm off and roll over on to my stomach, burying my face in my pillow. I start to recall the dream detail by detail, and my stomach feels funny.

I run my hands down the gown, smoothing out the satin material as I look at my reflection in the mirror. Thoughts are rolling through my mind, and my nerves are split in half. Today is huge, and the anxiety is heavy. I take a deep, cleansing breath and try to relax my nerves. I’ve had to accept that true victory is in the battle because every day I feel depression and stress at my heels. It’s there, nipping at my determination and trying to chip away at my hope. Nevertheless, I won’t stop fighting because I’ve never had more reasons to fight than I do now.

“Jess, you almost ready?”

A smile stretches across my face as soon as I hear his voice. It’s the warm sun, and I’m a melting Popsicle.

“Almost. I just keep staring in this mirror and thinking about how I’m the only one graduating today who looks like a Texas-sized barn.” I turn to the side, hands on my hips, and look at my oddly shaped and large silhouette.

Jace closes the space between us and stands closely behind me. Slowly, he leans his head down and rests his chin on my right shoulder. His hands slide around my non-existent waist, and he cradles my stomach lovingly as he grins back at me in the mirror.

“If this is a barn, it’s the most beautiful, sexy, magnificent barn I’ve ever seen out of all fifty states.” He gently kisses me on the nape of my neck. Leaning my head back so that it rests against his chest, I close my eyes and exhale. “I love you. I love you so much.”

Kissing me one more time, he releases his hold on me and slowly spins me around to face him. He bends down and kisses my stomach. “Did you hear that, baby girl? You’re going to be beautiful, and I can’t wait to meet you.”

“You’re going to spoil her to pieces, I can already tell. She has you wrapped around her finger, and she hasn’t even been able to give you the eyes yet.” I laugh.

“You’re damn right I’m going to spoil her. I’m going to spoil her just like I do her momma.” He kisses me on the cheek and then slaps me playfully on the butt.

“Now get a move on, college grad, or we’re going to be late for your big day.”

I pull the pillow out from under my face and pull it over my head. This is insane. My mind has completely run off in left field in my dreams. Jace and I just got back together and I’m already dreaming about babies with him. Damn. I push the pillow aside and sit up in bed. I have to get ready for class. How am I going to focus today after a dream like that? After the intensity of things between us physically the other night, I know I’m not going to be able to keep things slow for long. I want him. I can’t lie. Having his hands on me and mine on him again like that was powerful beyond anything I anticipated. It always seems like Jace and I can go so long being apart, and as soon as we’re together again, bam. It’s magnetic.

I grab my journal from the nightstand, feeling inspired to jot down a quick poem.